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[[Th...]]

Hello everyone,

My name is Jay, and I’m from Newfoundland, on Canada’s east coast.

My benzo journey began in 2020 during a rush of panic attacks while in detox and then rehab for alcoholism. Something I had not experienced in my life until I was in those rooms.

Of course, I thought I was having a heart attack, so a quick fix was gladly accepted. 

After I got out, I very promptly asked my doctor for a prescription for Ativan 0.5mg, which was filled without question. My attitude at the time was, “for emergency purposes only.”

Eventually it became, anything remotely resembling an emergency, I would pop one. Then two. Then four. Then six.

Then I’d stop for a week. Because it was a good week. On it went in that kind of pattern.

In November of 2023, I woke up from my lunch time work nap and experienced my first brain zap. I didn’t know what in the hell just happened, but it was jarring to say the least. So, I popped two, and got back to work. But they kept happening throughout the day. And eventually, through Christmas. Increasing in intensity along with “chest-zaps,” or palpitations that were off the charts.

Pins and needles in my hands and feet, tightness in the throat, and a constant head pressure that made my eyes water like I was crying my eyes out.

My doctor had no answer except that it was definitely nothing to do with Ativan. But he did say it sounded seizure-related, and prescribed me carbamazepine, an anti-convulsant. 

Knowing what I know now, and living alone, I’m glad I have those in my back pocket.

My EKG, EEG, and bloodwork results at the hospital appeared normal, and I was kind of looked at like, “Why the hell are you even here?”

So after all that, and armed with no answers, I decided to look into it myself. This was the first week of January 2024. By now, I had stopped the Ativan completely, because I had a gut feeling that may have something to do with it. Also because I realized that I was zipping through a bottle of 60 tablets, a little too fast for my liking.

I googled brain-zaps, because that was the best way I could describe my initial sensations, and the first thing that popped up was benzodiazepine withdrawal symptoms, and it floored me.

Down the information rabbit-hole I went, becoming more and more convinced of what I was going through was because of this seemingly insignificant dose of a drug I’ve been taking for the last four years to combat my alcoholism-related panic attacks.

In my quest to cure one problem, I created another substantially more insufferable one. In my ignorance, I didn’t put all the pieces of the addiction-puzzle together.

Until I found this place and a few other online resources to help me understand what was going on. Now I’m aware of the severity, and I’m also aware that the healing has begun.

This is the beginning of my second month, not having taken the drug. The withdrawal symptoms of which, I would not wish on anyone.

I’m now on a holistic approach to recovery. In another topic, I would like to share with you all, a few recipes I’ve found in the last 10 days that have dramatically decreased my withdrawal symptoms.

We’re all different of course, but if my finding's can help any one of you have a better day, then I’m happy to help.

Good luck on your journey, everyone. Thank you for taking the time.

 

 

Edited March 3 by [Th...]

[[Pa...]]

I'm grateful you connected the dots @[Th...], so many of us have had to do the same thing because our doctors have no idea.  That wasn't my story though, when I quit cold turkey, it wasn't hard to figure out what had happened.

It amazes me doctors will prescribe benzodiazepines to someone recovering from alcoholism, those little pills hit the same receptors in the brain and when I took that first pill, it was like my first drink and I was off to the races after 8 years of sobriety. 

I know you're suffering but I see so many positives about where you are now, I have no doubt you'll come through this and be stronger for it. 

[[Th...]]

22 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

I'm grateful you connected the dots @[Th...], so many of us have had to do the same thing because our doctors have no idea.  That wasn't my story though, when I quit cold turkey, it wasn't hard to figure out what had happened.

It amazes me doctors will prescribe benzodiazepines to someone recovering from alcoholism, those little pills hit the same receptors in the brain and when I took that first pill, it was like my first drink and I was off to the races after 8 years of sobriety. 

I know you're suffering but I see so many positives about where you are now, I have no doubt you'll come through this and be stronger for it. 

Thank you, Pamster.

I think that's what got me too. That first pill was instant relief, and I was kind of like, "Oh I can get used to this!"

While I haven't had a drink in 4 years, and I never will again, I realize now I inadvertently swapped one addiction for another. What I'm kicking myself about now is, I never even thought to research and ask questions about benzodiazepines. I just recognized the instant relief it provided and that was good enough.

"As long as my heart stays in my chest, I'm good," I thought. Hindsight is certainly real.

I must say, I've had more help here in one day than in the last two months pleading with doctors that I'm not right. I can't thank you all enough for that.

[[Ta...]]

Hey Jay! I appreciate the honest way you presented your story. We have all been thru the horror of having no one (doctors) listen to us or believe us. I am so glad that you are finding your way to healing and wholeness. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Eileen

[[Th...]]

14 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

Hey Jay! I appreciate the honest way you presented your story. We have all been thru the horror of having no one (doctors) listen to us or believe us. I am so glad that you are finding your way to healing and wholeness. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Eileen

Eileen,

Thank you very much. Indeed, it is a bizarre coincidence that the doctors we've all spoken with seem to willingly ignore this particular issue. Which is dire, to say the least. Perhaps an awareness exists, but it doesn't seem to be taken seriously.

I know there is still an Everest to climb, but I've taken the first few steps, and it feels good. There's no looking back now.

If you are also on that journey, then I wish you the best. One foot in front of the other, and one step at a time.

- Jay