Ear Ringing and Voice Conversations---losing hope

[[Fi...]]

Greetings,

 

I    was protracted for over 4 years.  I    decided I    thought I    my underlining mental illness was the problem so went back to inpatient care.  It was a disaster, and ended up having to consult with Patricia Halligan to work with my inpatient doctor to get me stable.  Her recommendation was Gabapentin, and I     requested after the Gabapentin was not enough to try valium which stabilized me.  I    have been doing much better...however, when I    was inpatient I    tried Lamictal.  I    started hallucinating from it.  Visual and auditory...with severe tinnitus.  It was so scary.

 

Now...every so often, I    will hear voice conversations in my mind that are not voluntary or invited when I    wake up from not sleeping well...I     have many healthcare professionals on my team, including a clinical pharmacologist.  He thinks this is a symptom that when I    am tired (I    was awake inpatient for 4 days after Lexapro dose, it was really scary) it triggers the same pathway and neurotransmitters the Lamictal did.  I    am just scared, has anyone incurred anything like this?  I    have NEVER had anything like this before...I    fear I    am going insane.  It is okay if this is not benzo related but I    was hoping this was like the ear worm thing?  I    have read tapering down too fast can cause auditory hallucinations, this is the first week I    have my scale and have consistently dosed accurately.  I    am just so afraid.

Best,

Fiercely

Edited March 3 by [Fi...]
typo

[[Re...]]

4 hours ago, [[F...] said:

Greetings,

I    was protracted for over 4 years.  I    decided I    thought I    my underlining mental illness was the problem so went back to inpatient care.  It was a disaster, and ended up having to consult with Patricia Halligan to work with my inpatient doctor to get me stable.  Her recommendation was Gabapentin, and I     requested after the Gabapentin was not enough to try valium which stabilized me.  I    have been doing much better...however, when I    was inpatient I    tried Lamictal.  I    started hallucinating from it.  Visual and auditory...with severe tinnitus.  It was so scary.

Now...every so often, I    will hear voice conversations in my mind that are not voluntary or invited when I    wake up from not sleeping well...I     have many healthcare professionals on my team, including a clinical pharmacologist.  He thinks this is a symptom that when I    am tired (I    was awake inpatient for 4 days after Lexapro dose, it was really scary) it triggers the same pathway and neurotransmitters the Lamictal did.  I    am just scared, has anyone incurred anything like this?  I    have NEVER had anything like this before...I    fear I    am going insane.  It is okay if this is not benzo related but I    was hoping this was like the ear worm thing?  I    have read tapering down too fast can cause auditory hallucinations, this is the first week I    have my scale and have consistently dosed accurately.  I    am just so afraid.

Best,

Fiercely

What are you still taking? What are you tapering? Why did you stop the benzo in the first place? As someone who no longer consults or trusts doctors, I do not take what they say into consideration unless it is someone like Dr. Mark Horowitz. But we as patients are tasked with filling in the blanks of what our providers don't know globally. Average doctors, sometimes especially the addiction medicine kind, have no solid evidence for any of their explanations about these drugs and they cannot explain the mechanisms of action. At a certain point, this is not withdrawal any longer. It is an underlying injury that is healing. So yes, it is possible you triggered that by taking more drugs. Also, these new chemical compounds carry side effects of their own too so you likely will not have a straightforward answer as to what is what. I had terrible hallucinations trying a drug during benzo withdrawal so I understand how scary hallucinations are. I did not know not to try drugs during benzo withdrawal and of course, all doctors have to offer is more drugs and further misdiagnoses to satisfy insurance if they even take it. What happened to you is happening to so many people and it makes me furious. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Edited March 3 by [Re...]

[[zu...]]

What are the conversations like in  your head?

It is worth entertaining the idea that the voice conversations are not insanity.  We have a much longer history as humans of certain people hearing voices as messenger than we do of medicating and segregating people who are experiencing these things.

But I suppose that depends on what the voices are telling you.

I just stumbled across the Hearing Voices Network: https://www.hearingvoicesusa.org/

I think taking a curious approach to the voices rather than a fear-based approach may help a little bit. 
But I am not a doctor or psychologist, I'm just in the same boat.

[[Fi...]]

Thank you.  The conversations are typically of voices that people I know, they only last a few minutes at best…it has occurred on four separate occasions now.  Once the first second dose of Lamictal after an Ativan injection, second the next night after that I held my ears and hummed until I fell asleep.  Another time not too long ago when I dropped my benzo dose, and just this morning after regulating my dose with a scale.

My clinical pharmacologist does not think it’s me losing it, he’s convinced it’s side effects from the neuro damage and or medications currently taking.  I am Currently taking Gabapentin 300mg tid and Valium 10.5mg per day.  The Valium was reinstated out of desperation after a blow out from Lexapro and Lamictal.  I was 4.5 years off clonazepam at that time.  I have no idea what is illness from medication and neuro damage and what actually is genetic illness.  It does not even matter to me anymore I just manage it.  I just fear for the auditory stuff to get worse.  I actually thought it might be sort of an angelic experience being that the conversation I heard was from the two most Godly people I know, then a whisper saying Who am I?  And I study the Bible a lot to I could have been dreaming as well—-that is a possibility.  But I remember my ear ringing and that is what happened inpatient with the Lamictal.

Discussing with my clinical pharmacologist again, he was saying that it is really nothing to worry about right now.  If it were a consistent occurrence than yes.  But he is not the least bit concerned.  I guess living it is more scary than anything for us.

I am sorry others have had this happen…I’m afraid to listen to what the conversation is…another possibility it could have been the people I rent from who live upstairs…

or…I do have PTSD from the inpatient treatment and an abusive ex.  It’s actually complex PTSD the diagnosis so I really just want to feel better and function.  I was able to go to church today so that was good.

 

 

Edited March 3 by [Fi...]
Typo

[[ea...]]

In the first year after my disastrous cold turkey, I hallucinated with all five senses. I’m a psych nurse (lol, a psych nurse on benzos!) so I knew hallucinations were possible but they were scary as all get out.

i understand your dilemma: what’s causing what. But the answer shouldn’t change your decision to get off benzos.

Over the years, what has seemed to help for me and others is learning how to relax your mind. Mindfulness can be very helpful. Mindful meditations, in other words. Learning how to relax without drugs is key. You can easily get instructions on how to do this here or some other site.

Dont give up, please. This will get better.

[[Fi...]]

Thank you for your response.  It was the first week I    used a scale to dose the 0.5mg of my 10.5mg daily dosing.  I    think there was a period of my brain trying to balance.  It was only once and has not returned since weighing the proper dose.  I    am going to drop 3% of my current dose this week.  I    pray I    will be okay.  This poison makes me so fatigued...it just has to go, I    want my life back.

[[ns...]]

Hi fiercelady, glad you're here.

I wonder if these auditory sounds are due to stress. I have very severe tinnitus, I can hear everything! I'm like a super human walking with bionic ears lol.

I can hear things no one else can hear unless I point it out and they really have to listen hard to hear it. It's painful to be sure unless I allow myself exposure to sound without my earplugs. 

We also, when we need comfort can imagine hearing a calming friendly voice, and I too read my Bible and hearing the voice of God or an angelic voice isn't supposed to be a comforting sound. As God's voice is like a loud rushing sound that only Ezekiel or Daniel or John describes best. But hearing his voice in our hearts however, well, that's to be private but comforting of course.

I think you should not focus too much on this. It sounds like you've been under a tremendous amount of stress and the medications youve mentioned mess with the gaba in your brain and can cause symptoms of discomfort. 

I too was on Gabapentin, I had nerve damage and pain. It served its purpose and i tapered off if it.

Not getting enough rest is definitely a factor for anyone. We all suffer from lack of sleep and it affects all of us differently. So given the medications, stress, lack of sleep, I don't think your any different from anyone else. your tired, you've been through a lot and I think in time you'll be doing great! Try not to focus on this audible thing, change your focus, as you Said you read. Keep your hands and mind busy ok. You're going to be ok!

Take care 

Ns

 

 

[[So...]]

Hi I just wanted to comment and say I get those too!  Not as much anymore but it mainly happens at night.  Sounds like people talking and having conversations or sometimes it's like a YouTube video that's not playing... super scary stuff but these drugs can do all kinda weird things.  I was even hallucinating crickets for awhile right after my CT. Just wanted you to know you're not on your own!