Approaching 3 months

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So I took Ativan (1mg) for 2 weeks for a panic attack or anxiety attack that lasted an entire day, unfortunately. I’ve never had that happen to me so I ofc went to the hospital for help only to end up worse. This happened on November 24, 2023.
 

Anyways, I’ve been doing better in some ways more than others. I’m not in any physical pain thankfully. It’s more mental. I feel super down and think about this whole situation every second of everyday. I have no joy and when I do it’s very short lived. I feel this soul crushing hopelessness and sadness. I see children playing around in my neighborhood and it breaks my heart because I wish I felt as happy and healthy as they do as they’re not going through this thankfully.
 

Can’t believe I’m in this situation. Where every second of the day is filled with thinking about benzo withdrawal and filled with dread. 
 

4 months ago I was happy and going to the gym daily. Carefree and just living my life so happily. Not feeling scared, worried, dread, depressed, hopeless etc. I was happy and loved life. I enjoyed days and now they seem bleak. Like a challenge to get through only to feel the same or barely any different the next day over & over & over. Minutes feel like hours. Hours feel like days. Days feel like months. 
 

I do my best to remain hopeful but it’s hard. Earlier today I saw a white butterfly and ladybug and they both are supposed to symbolize good luck and positivity. To some the ladybug represents good fortune and positive change is coming your way.

 

The white butterfly flew by me hours ago in my backyard and a few minutes ago did almost half a lap around my body then left again. It is believed to be a harbinger of overcoming the obstacles one is currently facing in life. 
 

I hope it’s true for both. That’d be nice. I also got to take a photo of the ladybug on my hand.

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@[Ad...]

What a lovely picture!  Thank you for sharing it.  

I am so sorry for all that you are suffering.  I do believe that everyday we get through is one day closer to healing, whether that comes in the form of outside help or just time. 

The ability to notice and appreciate these small miracles, butterflies and ladybugs, I think means that improvement is happening.  I couldn't even "see" those things during the beginning of my withdrawal.  Now I am seeking them out to find small moments of joy.  

I think healing is happening for us, it's just really small right now.

Blessings🌷

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9 hours ago, [[A...] said:

So I took Ativan (1mg) for 2 weeks for a panic attack or anxiety attack that lasted an entire day, unfortunately. I’ve never had that happen to me so I ofc went to the hospital for help only to end up worse. This happened on November 24, 2023.
 

Anyways, I’ve been doing better in some ways more than others. I’m not in any physical pain thankfully. It’s more mental. I feel super down and think about this whole situation every second of everyday. I have no joy and when I do it’s very short lived. I feel this soul crushing hopelessness and sadness. I see children playing around in my neighborhood and it breaks my heart because I wish I felt as happy and healthy as they do as they’re not going through this thankfully.
 

Can’t believe I’m in this situation. Where every second of the day is filled with thinking about benzo withdrawal and filled with dread. 
 

4 months ago I was happy and going to the gym daily. Carefree and just living my life so happily. Not feeling scared, worried, dread, depressed, hopeless etc. I was happy and loved life. I enjoyed days and now they seem bleak. Like a challenge to get through only to feel the same or barely any different the next day over & over & over. Minutes feel like hours. Hours feel like days. Days feel like months. 
 

I do my best to remain hopeful but it’s hard. Earlier today I saw a white butterfly and ladybug and they both are supposed to symbolize good luck and positivity. To some the ladybug represents good fortune and positive change is coming your way.

The white butterfly flew by me hours ago in my backyard and a few minutes ago did almost half a lap around my body then left again. It is believed to be a harbinger of overcoming the obstacles one is currently facing in life. 
 

I hope it’s true for both. That’d be nice. I also got to take a photo of the ladybug on my hand.

Whai a nice picture, @[Ad...]! Thanks for the good the ladybird brings) You don't seem too depressed to me, just fixed and scared of the situation we're in. You notice things and find hope about them. It's great! It's a step out, really. I don't think your bad reaction to benzo will last long. Sure your mind is climbing out of the hole.I think those who see beauty and hope have it inside themselves. Good merry luck to you! Everything is going to be ok!)