I feel like a rubbish mum

[[bu...]]

Hi all

Today, my son is off school sick, but he is not really sick. I think he was faking, That's fine; I love him with me, but he 4 and busy, busy, busy and doesn't let me breathe. I feel agitated constantly by him and i cant play with him enough as i need to do my own thing to help myself. I get a bit snappy at him then feel so guilty. I just dont want to feel angry all the time, its hard to hide it and im scared he will be affected emotionally in the future. I tell him i love him all day long and kiss and hug him, i just hope thats enough. Im crying right now as i just want to be fun for him, not pacing around or doing breathing to cope.

[[PE...]]

I get it can get hard having a kid or kids during wd. Don't get anxiety for not being enough, easy to say for me that only got me to think of.

You cuddle him seems like you are a good mom. And when he is older and all this is over mabey you can tell him what you went thru.

[[bu...]]

thanks, i have written him letter for when he is older so he can see i adored him every day : )

[[Pa...]]

I can't imagine the guilt you're feeling, I felt it because I couldn't be all I could be for my pets, it must hurt so much to not be able to fully be there for your son, I'm so sorry.

One thing you need to understand, the guilt you're feeling is being manufactured and strengthened by the drug, this is what it does.  It gives us intrusive thoughts that hammer us day in and day out.  These thoughts tell us how bad we are, how many mistakes we've made and how we'll never recover.  Don't listen to these lies, you're doing all you can do for your son and that's enough.  

This thread is all about the lies the drug tells us, I'm sure you'll find the lie you're feeling among the hundreds you see there.  You're a good parent, don't let these thoughts tell you otherwise. 

Benzo lies that have been busted

[[bu...]]

bless you pamster xxx

[[Wi...]]

6 hours ago, [[b...] said:

Hi all

Today, my son is off school sick, but he is not really sick. I think he was faking, That's fine; I love him with me, but he 4 and busy, busy, busy and doesn't let me breathe. I feel agitated constantly by him and i cant play with him enough as i need to do my own thing to help myself. I get a bit snappy at him then feel so guilty. I just dont want to feel angry all the time, its hard to hide it and im scared he will be affected emotionally in the future. I tell him i love him all day long and kiss and hug him, i just hope thats enough. Im crying right now as i just want to be fun for him, not pacing around or doing breathing to cope.

I have 9-month-old so I get that and understand. Some days my mum has to take over and look after my girl. Some days I can cope and some days it’s like I do what I can but get frustrated a lot when she cries or won’t fall asleep or spits her food out or just wants me by her side all the time. I often cry in front of her when I get frustrated or scared or just depressed. Some days I can move about but most of the time I lie flat in her play pen and she just keeps climbing on me. Due to massive head pressure and occipital headaches that flare when I am active and that began a month ago I am unable to go out with her and that kills me. Some days I cannot do anything at all. I hope I will get functional before she can remember anything. 

Edited February 27 by [Wi...]

[[Ho...]]

I think that's the wonder of little ones; they are resilient and their natural inclination is just to love mom. There's such a lot of guilt involved in parenting; you never feel like you're doing it perfectly anyway! 

I watch my grandkids. It's far from parenting, because it's only once or twice a week, but I've done it all through, even when I was acute. It was incredibly hard so I have a tiny idea of what it's like for you. My grandkids aren't easy. One is special needs and requires a lot of hands-on with feeding tubes etc. He can't move at all, or speak, so when he's unwell he just moans for hours and some days there's nothing I can do to comfort him.

The other one is autistic, which for him means he doesn't communicate with words, plus whatever I do, I have to do in the same steps, or it can drive him crazy. He only eats square food, and will only drink water from a certain water bottle!

So when I was feeling just awful, I did the minimum. I let the autistic child play at will and didn't try to engage. Just tried to give him a big smile and a little positive eye contact when I could. The needier one I just sat near and stroked him when he was miserable, while I watched TV to disengage. It's gotten much better though.

I'd say just do the best you can. Give them the love you can when you can. You have to push yourself but you can't push yourself too much, or you'll get overwhelmed. Any moment you feel good enough, take their face in your hands, smile and kiss them. Hug them. And pray!!

You'll get better and be a better mom for all of this suffering, 

HCHC

[[ns...]]

Yes I agree with all of you, children are resilient. They sense our fear,  pain and serm to know when we dont feel our best but can also take advantage of those moments for attention. If ever I was on the phone or preparing dinner,  talking to a friend etc, those little ones would always find a way to get my attention away from whatever it was I was doing. They have a nack for this lol, they demand our attention no matter if they really need you at that moment or not. My grandchildren figured me out long ago and I'm guilty of spoiling them! They're parents got mad at me because they demanded the same of them and told them even, Grammy let's me do it, Grammy gives it to me, or Grammy is always has time for me, putting the guilt on they're parents!

So love then but don't overdo it, they are watching!

Ns