If we have abused Benzo in the past .

[[ma...]]

If we in periods abused Benzo , will the recovery be much worse ? And even almost ct 14 months ago. 

[[ma...]]

Yesterday i had a so terrible bad day . Today i am so scared it will be the same . Almost hold my breath .

[[Re...]]

@[ma...] I am certain that it makes no significant difference. I truly am. I know people who did and got better (and healed actually). 

I know you are doing a bloody hard job, margiflower. If you don't do anything else, only breathe through the day, each day, you will be okay! 

Edited February 25 by [Re...]

[[ma...]]

Yes@reubenRalph . I went worse after 9 months, and the latest weeks have been undescribeable , especially the last days and yesterday topped it . 
How are you now ?

[[Re...]]

It is so thoughtful of you for asking, thank you so much!

I am going at the speed my body dictates. Just trying to get through each day with some level /any of normal activity I can manage. The walks in nature really have a positive effect on me. My biggest problem is people, and my own mind, I can't handle those... 

Margiflower I really think you haven't done anything unusual. This is just all so unpredictable and crazy, really. Please don't push yourself too hard. Try not to worry too much about your recovery, because you already do everything that is possible. 

And you did a lot today already, asked me how I was, amongst your own suffering and hardships. 99.99% of people in the world would not do that. But you did!! 

You have done the most difficult thing for 14 months already and you are a true hero in our eyes!

[[dj...]]

There are hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people out there, who have abused the hell out of benzos, and didn’t pay the piper like we have.  It really doesn’t matter.  There are just some people who get screwed by benzos.  

In my case, the longer I took them, the worse my withdrawal injury became.  I took benzos for 22 years and actually got off them a few times in the early years for like a month or so.  It wasn’t horrific, but something was definitely wrong and I was led to believe I was depressed or my original anxiety had returned, neither of which were true, so I went back on them.  Fast forward 18-19 years, when I tried to get off benzos, it was pure hell.  

[[Ma...]]

No. No, no, no. Please don’t look back-at anything in the past as that is done, it’s over-and throw an absolutely unnecessary guilt trip on yourself. Please don’t think that you have done anything wrong or if you had or hadn’t done A, B or C things would be different.

 You did your best with the information you had at the time. No ill-intentions, no self harm no nothing. Nobody could have predicted how this would have turned out. Most, even those who drank alcohol while on benzos, took some extra here and there, just No.

Nobody gave you any information of these hideous pills just as you weren’t given a play by play script on how to live your life. Your only sin was living!

We’ve all been thrown a major curve ball so please adopt the attitude of the here and now, an, Okay, this is what I am dealing with today; an attitude of stoicism as Jen Swan discusses so well which goes something like:

Today might not be that day, but 1 day I will be okay.

As I try to do myself and have posted to others as I think on a fundamental level it is imperative: Be kind to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Try to smile here and there, and give yourself grace above all ❤️‍🩹!

Edited February 25 by [Ma...]

[[ma...]]

Grace above all . What a sentence ❤️
When you said that , i went aware that , that is very abcent . And SO important that is . With all we have gone through and going through ,  grace is the opposit of what we daily feel . I must think about that .

[[ma...]]

@[Re...] you also give complements to me and advice  even when you struggle yourself . Many here do that i think .But thank you . You are a hero too .

[[ma...]]

@[Re...] do you think i am in a harder state than "normal" wirhdrawel ?

[[Re...]]

@[ma...]I don't know, wish I could answer this question for myself, too... It is a very hard question. 

For each and every person, our own suffering is the most difficult. It is impossible to compare. And not really worth it... 

 

 

[[...]]

I  was on a high dose of Diazapan.  Over 2 years later still struggling.  Only had mental symptoms no indows x

[[Bu...]]

To Everyone here,  I just wanted to say how much I appreciate this conversation.  The tone is so kind and compassionate.  I know this process is so painful and often we are not at our best, but sometimes, it brings out the best in all of us. ❤

[[de...]]

@[ma...]  So sorry you are having a rough couple of days.  Hopefully things will settle down for you soon.  Please keep reaching out!  There are so many lovely people here who have been right where you are!!!! 

One day you will be the one helping others.