Clonazepam for 8 Years - 30 Year Old Starting Taper Soon

[[Cl...]]

Hi everyone, 

My journey with clonazepam is probably not very strange to you all, but I'll give you the background anyway (in case is helps with suggestions). This may be a long one... 

In college (21 years old, 2016 Summer), I started randomly having depersonalization for the first time in my life after I had mono. This caused depression as well. No history of mental health issues prior even though the rest of my immediate family had anxiety/depression issues. I went months without telling anyone about these issues because I couldn't even put into words what was happening to me. The depersonalization was driving me insane. Eventually I sought help from my parents (November 2016) who took me to a couple of doctors. One tried Wellbutrin (bad reaction) and another tried Prozac (bad reaction). Eventually a doctor prescribed me both 15 mg of Lexapro and 1 mg of...clonazepam. I was 22 in 2017. Over the next couple of months I got off the Lexapro (hated the dreams and feeling), but I stayed on the clonazepam (of course...).

I didn't know anything about the drug, I was just prescribed it by a locally respected doctor. I just wish I had googled it, but I was in such a bad place and my parents Ok'd it. Both my sibling and mother were taking it for long periods of time. I was still the age where I thought they knew everything....

With the clonazepam in my system daily, I slowly started to work my way back in 2017. I got in the best shape of my life after being pretty chubby most of my life. Just weightlifting 6-7 days a week while also swimming laps. I started a weird diet where I didn't eat inflammatory foods. I got my tonsils out because we had thought the original mono was still causing issues. In Summer of 2017 I started drinking again and having a social life. Things roughly got back to normal and I went back to college in the Fall of 2017. Clonazepam even became a running joke in my friend group that I was prescribed a hangover cure (it was...). I graduated college in 2018 and got a great job in a field I love. 

This was a great period in my life. I had a great social life and really nailed my mid 20s.  I really did not have many mental health issues at all during this period in my life. All the while taking my 1 mg of clonazepam every day. 

Then in the summer of 2022 I decided I wanted to get off of it. I'm pretty sure it wasn't doing anything positive at that point and I knew I was dependent at that point. I would wake up every morning with interdose withdrawal. So I decided to just get off of it at this point (as if it would be that easy).

I went from 1 mg to .75 mg in one day and nothing happened, so I was in the clear right? Wrong...all of a sudden month later the depersonalization started coming back. But only in waves. I honestly didn't even realize this had anything to do with the clonazepam taper at first because my first wave happened a month later. However, I caught on eventually. Then I knew I had to stabilize before cutting even more. I was very angry at this as well. At this point I had done some research and seen how bad benzo withdrawal can be. I couldn't believe a doctor just prescribed me this for years without saying anything. 

In January of 2023 the akathisia started. I would go to sleep and wake up 2 hours later like my body and brain were wide awake. It was crazy. This lasted about a month. In March 2023 I tried a new taper. I would over the course of 7 weeks add another day of the week where I took only .625 mg instead of the .75 mg. By May of 2023 I went down to .625 mg fully. While this was a better taper, I had another wave of withdrawal in July 2023. This time is was depersonalization, akathisia, and now depression. I hadn't felt depression in 6 years and this freaked me out. So I immediately stopped drinking, which I did heavily on weekends with my friends and was a big part of my social life. I became obsessed with the hold I believe this drug had on me. 

Then in the summer of 2023 I had a full blown meltdown when I was on vacation. This had to do with a bunch of other factors (quarter life crisis stuff), but the withdrawal made it much worse in my mind. It had taken away my entire social life and now I was having massive depressive/anxiety attacks (again, connected to quarter life crisis-y stuff). I couldn't handle my mental state and I increased my dosage from .625 mg back up to .875 mg.

The plan  in the Fall of 2023 was now to stabilize and try tapering again in January 2024. I saw a new psychiatrist who detested benzos and wanted to help me get off of them. However, I wanted some level of protection during my taper, so I asked about an SSRI. She gave me a 25 mg Zoloft prescription. I took one pill and it destroyed me. Just insane gastrointestinal issues and gave me crazy anxiety. It totally broke me and sent me down a path where I had to go back and live with my parents for almost a month. This was the worst month of my life. I had insane anxiety and racing thoughts. I couldn't shower without my phone because I needed to scroll social media to keep my mind diverted. One day it got to a boiling point where I just gave up and decided to use clonazepam to help me. I went up from .75 mg daily to 1.375 mg daily. Obviously it had an immediate effect. The physical anxiety symptoms lessened. I was able to go back into life a bit. I needed to get my life back. My social life was gone. My girlfriend was traumatized by all of this. I figured maybe I just needed to be on benzos for awhile. By December of 2023, I was doing CBT and now 300 mgs of gabapentin to help with anxiety. Then I found mindfulness meditation, which totally changed the game for me in a positive way. Slowly I started to get my life back. I started drinking a bit with my friends and girlfriend. I figured I would start another taper in 2025...

The last 3 weeks have been weird. I could not tell if it were anxiety or depression. But, my arms get really cold and something just feels off in my brain. My doctor has upped my gabapentin to 900 mg daily, which I don't think did much. For some reason my brain is telling me I need to get off clonazepam NOW. 

So, now I'm going to start a new taper. I have all the information that I didn't have during my first taper. I have a specialist who helps people taper off of benzos in my corner. Our plan right now is to taper down off of clonazepam directly (no switch to Valium for fear of destabilization). So use of a compounding pharmacy that will specially make pills monthly. I would reduce 1.375 mg to 0 mg over the course of roughly 13 months. I would go down .1 mg per month. 

My question to the group is, what would you do differently if starting your taper today? What meds helped you? What supplements helped you? What foods helped or hurt you? I'm open to anything to make this the final 13 months of my life that I am under the thumb of this pill. 

If you made it through the whole thing, thanks for reading. And thank you for any advice you may choose to give. 

 

 

 

[[Pa...]]

Hello @[Cl...], welcome to BenzoBuddies,

Thank you for sharing your story with us, it helps us help you when we know the full picture.  I'm glad you've found a doctor to help you taper and it sounds like its going to be slow enough to provide you some quality of life, I hope so.

Supplements and medications are tricky, what helps one seems to harm another so we basically have to experiment on ourselves to find what works.  You might want to join the Alternative Therapies Group to see what they have to say about supplements and hopefully others will drop by with medications they've found helpful.  A good rule of thumb is to start low and go slow but many feel that our bodies know how to repair the damage done by these drugs and want to leave well enough alone.  

We're glad you found us and I hope you'll let us support you as you continue on your journey.

@[Pa...]

[[je...]]

Hi @[Cl...]

I can see you are trying your best and it seems as if you have given this a lot of thought. But since you are asking for opinions, I want to share with you my experience as someone who has tapered from a similar dose and also long term use. 

 

5 hours ago, [[C...] said:

I would reduce 1.375 mg to 0 mg over the course of roughly 13 months. I would go down .1 mg per month. 

 

5 hours ago, [[C...] said:

My question to the group is, what would you do differently if starting your taper today?

I would taper much slower and stop worrying about an end date. I am 14 months off Clonazepam. Whenever somebody puts a deadline on their taper I automatically feel alarmed and sorry for them. When you're driven by a date rather than by managing your symptoms, tapering becomes emotionally and mentally draining because you are setting yourself up for failure in my opinion.

I had a very rough start at the beginning of my taper. When I stabilised and started a proper taper like you are about to embark on, I was at 1mg Clonazepam. It took me roughly around 20 months to taper 1mg at an average rate of 7.5% every two weeks. Generally we recommend people taper no more than 5-10% every two weeks based on their symptoms. Some people can do more than this, some people have to do way less. It all depends on how tough your symptoms are. 

If you are doing 0.1mg per month you are doing a linear taper which means your percentages keep increasing every time you cut. I seriously suggest you do some research on the difference between linear and percentage tapering, because the lower you go, the more likely this type of reduction is going to hurt. And then people don't understand why they struggle because they've tolerated the cut before, but they don't understand the implications of linear tapering.  

I was functional throughout my taper. For the majority of the time I was stable, I hit some walls, but I still remained functional. It was no picnic in the park, it was tough. Looking back, my thought processes were always to "just get off and get on with my life". But it doesn't work like that. I have been on this journey for three stupid years already. I am only now feeling like I'm starting to make progress in feeling a bit better. I have lost three years of my life where I didn't participate just observed and only did the bare minimum. Maybe if I had tapered much slower with much fewer symptoms I would've been able to enjoy more of my life and not wasted three years on Struggle Street. 

Anyway, you asked, I answered.

[[Cl...]]

32 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

Hi @[Cl...]

I can see you are trying your best and it seems as if you have given this a lot of thought. But since you are asking for opinions, I want to share with you my experience as someone who has tapered from a similar dose and also long term use. 

I would taper much slower and stop worrying about an end date. I am 14 months off Clonazepam. Whenever somebody puts a deadline on their taper I automatically feel alarmed and sorry for them. When you're driven by a date rather than by managing your symptoms, tapering becomes emotionally and mentally draining because you are setting yourself up for failure in my opinion.

I had a very rough start at the beginning of my taper. When I stabilised and started a proper taper like you are about to embark on, I was at 1mg Clonazepam. It took me roughly around 20 months to taper 1mg at an average rate of 7.5% every two weeks. Generally we recommend people taper no more than 5-10% every two weeks based on their symptoms. Some people can do more than this, some people have to do way less. It all depends on how tough your symptoms are. 

If you are doing 0.1mg per month you are doing a linear taper which means your percentages keep increasing every time you cut. I seriously suggest you do some research on the difference between linear and percentage tapering, because the lower you go, the more likely this type of reduction is going to hurt. And then people don't understand why they struggle because they've tolerated the cut before, but they don't understand the implications of linear tapering.  

I was functional throughout my taper. For the majority of the time I was stable, I hit some walls, but I still remained functional. It was no picnic in the park, it was tough. Looking back, my thought processes were always to "just get off and get on with my life". But it doesn't work like that. I have been on this journey for three stupid years already. I am only now feeling like I'm starting to make progress in feeling a bit better. I have lost three years of my life where I didn't participate just observed and only did the bare minimum. Maybe if I had tapered much slower with much fewer symptoms I would've been able to enjoy more of my life and not wasted three years on Struggle Street. 

Anyway, you asked, I answered.

Got it. This makes a lot of sense. I understand your points. I need to stay functional during this process as I have a pretty demanding job, so I don't want to rush it if I don't have to. Are you saying a 20 month taper for 1 mg was too short and you would go back and do longer?

Also, would you have done anything different with the initial cuts? Going down from 1.375 to 1 mg in roughly 2 months (assuming 7.5% decrease every two weeks) seems like a lot? But, also I'm not sure...?

[[Cl...]]

55 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

Hi @[Cl...]

I can see you are trying your best and it seems as if you have given this a lot of thought. But since you are asking for opinions, I want to share with you my experience as someone who has tapered from a similar dose and also long term use. 

I would taper much slower and stop worrying about an end date. I am 14 months off Clonazepam. Whenever somebody puts a deadline on their taper I automatically feel alarmed and sorry for them. When you're driven by a date rather than by managing your symptoms, tapering becomes emotionally and mentally draining because you are setting yourself up for failure in my opinion.

I had a very rough start at the beginning of my taper. When I stabilised and started a proper taper like you are about to embark on, I was at 1mg Clonazepam. It took me roughly around 20 months to taper 1mg at an average rate of 7.5% every two weeks. Generally we recommend people taper no more than 5-10% every two weeks based on their symptoms. Some people can do more than this, some people have to do way less. It all depends on how tough your symptoms are. 

If you are doing 0.1mg per month you are doing a linear taper which means your percentages keep increasing every time you cut. I seriously suggest you do some research on the difference between linear and percentage tapering, because the lower you go, the more likely this type of reduction is going to hurt. And then people don't understand why they struggle because they've tolerated the cut before, but they don't understand the implications of linear tapering.  

I was functional throughout my taper. For the majority of the time I was stable, I hit some walls, but I still remained functional. It was no picnic in the park, it was tough. Looking back, my thought processes were always to "just get off and get on with my life". But it doesn't work like that. I have been on this journey for three stupid years already. I am only now feeling like I'm starting to make progress in feeling a bit better. I have lost three years of my life where I didn't participate just observed and only did the bare minimum. Maybe if I had tapered much slower with much fewer symptoms I would've been able to enjoy more of my life and not wasted three years on Struggle Street. 

Anyway, you asked, I answered.

Also worth noting during my first dumb taper attempt, I was drinking quite a bit on weekends. Maybe I can taper better if I don't do that?

And to my point about functionality, I never stopped working during the dumb taper. So I assume this much better taper wouldn't be as bad? 

[[je...]]

18 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

Are you saying a 20 month taper for 1 mg was too short and you would go back and do longer?

I am saying I was functional but it was tough. I worked, I took care of my family but I had no life. I know of people who taper at less than 5% and have very little to no symptoms. My family never cared about how long it took me to get off. The only thing they care about is me being well, me being present and about me being happy. I have not been well and I have not been happy in three years. If I took it slower, who knows maybe I would not have felt so bad and enjoyed some of my life with my family. At minimum I should've given it a go, and at least try a very slow taper to see if I had very few symptoms. If I still had the same intensity of symptoms then I could've sped up because then it didn't matter either way. But I never tried. I just wanted off so badly and in the process I lost so much precious time and it was very tough on my family. 

26 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

Also, would you have done anything different with the initial cuts? Going down from 1.375 to 1 mg in roughly 2 months (assuming 7.5% decrease every two weeks) seems like a lot? But, also I'm not sure...?

I suggest start out slow and follow your symptoms. At 1.375mg you can taper at a higher percentage, so I think 7.5% every two weeks should be okay. Generally at higher doses you can get away with bigger cuts. But when you get to around 0.75mg you need to re-adjust in my opinion. But every person reacts differently to cuts, so I don't know how you will react. You will likely be functional on 7.5%/14 cuts but you will likely also experience withdrawal symptoms. I don't know how intense those symptoms will be at this rate. It might be easy for you or it might be tough. You need to decide whether the intensity of those symptoms are worth it for you. That is the entire purpose of my post to you. For me, in hindsight it was not worth it. I spent most of my weekends and time off on the couch because I was miserable. I felt physically sick all the time. All my energy went into work, chores and what was absolutely necessary. Anything other than that, I did not do, I just stayed on the couch - for three years. But somewhere between 5- 7.5% every two weeks (calculated on each new dose) is probably a good place to start, as we all have to start somewhere to see how we react to cuts.

22 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

Also worth noting during my first dumb taper attempt, I was drinking quite a bit on weekends. Maybe I can taper better if I don't do that?

We definitely don't recommend alcohol during tapering. It acts on the same receptors as benzo's. You'll see people here call it liquid benzo's. It can really mess up your taper. 

 

23 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

And to my point about functionality, I never stopped working during the dumb taper. So I assume this much better taper wouldn't be as bad?

Hopefully if you taper slow enough then you'll have low intensity symptoms, but nothing is ever guaranteed in withdrawal.

I'm not trying to be negative or discourage you. I just wish for you a lot more enjoyment and participation in life than I have had during my taper. It's not always possible to control it, but we sometimes get so impatient that we ourselves make it impossible.

[[Cl...]]

15 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

I am saying I was functional but it was tough. I worked, I took care of my family but I had no life. I know of people who taper at less than 5% and have very little to no symptoms. My family never cared about how long it took me to get off. The only thing they care about is me being well, me being present and about me being happy. I have not been well and I have not been happy in three years. If I took it slower, who knows maybe I would not have felt so bad and enjoyed some of my life with my family. At minimum I should've given it a go, and at least try a very slow taper to see if I had very few symptoms. If I still had the same intensity of symptoms then I could've sped up because then it didn't matter either way. But I never tried. I just wanted off so badly and in the process I lost so much precious time and it was very tough on my family. 

I suggest start out slow and follow your symptoms. At 1.375mg you can taper at a higher percentage, so I think 7.5% every two weeks should be okay. Generally at higher doses you can get away with bigger cuts. But when you get to around 0.75mg you need to re-adjust in my opinion. But every person reacts differently to cuts, so I don't know how you will react. You will likely be functional on 7.5%/14 cuts but you will likely also experience withdrawal symptoms. I don't know how intense those symptoms will be at this rate. It might be easy for you or it might be tough. You need to decide whether the intensity of those symptoms are worth it for you. That is the entire purpose of my post to you. For me, in hindsight it was not worth it. I spent most of my weekends and time off on the couch because I was miserable. I felt physically sick all the time. All my energy went into work, chores and what was absolutely necessary. Anything other than that, I did not do, I just stayed on the couch - for three years. But somewhere between 5- 7.5% every two weeks (calculated on each new dose) is probably a good place to start, as we all have to start somewhere to see how we react to cuts.

We definitely don't recommend alcohol during tapering. It acts on the same receptors as benzo's. You'll see people here call it liquid benzo's. It can really mess up your taper. 

Hopefully if you taper slow enough then you'll have low intensity symptoms, but nothing is ever guaranteed in withdrawal.

I'm not trying to be negative or discourage you. I just wish for you a lot more enjoyment and participation in life than I have had during my taper. It's not always possible to control it, but we sometimes get so impatient that we ourselves make it impossible.

This is really awesome insight. I think I may just start slow at 5% for 3-4 months. If I have 0 withdrawal, I'd probably kick it up to 7.5%. 

Now before I do any of this, I should probably find an anti anxiety medication that works well for me. 

[[je...]]

2 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

This is really awesome insight. I think I may just start slow at 5% for 3-4 months. If I have 0 withdrawal, I'd probably kick it up to 7.5%. 

I'm glad it's helpful. I think going through withdrawal with minimal symptoms or low intensity must be awesome. Of course we cannot guarantee it, but gosh, at least you can try and see if this is a possibility for you. Just imagine cruising through all of this instead of white knuckling it because for some odd reason we just want to get off right now. 

[[Cl...]]

5 hours ago, [[j...] said:

I'm glad it's helpful. I think going through withdrawal with minimal symptoms or low intensity must be awesome. Of course we cannot guarantee it, but gosh, at least you can try and see if this is a possibility for you. Just imagine cruising through all of this instead of white knuckling it because for some odd reason we just want to get off right now. 

Well, I will say the reason I really want to get off of it is because I believe it is causing anxiety and depression at this point. 

It's also possible I've become so obsessed with it (and the feeling of helplessness of staring down a years long process) that I've thought myself into this funk. It think I really should just get on something like Buspar prior to anything else.