Petrified I'm gonna have to CT again

[[Ve...]]

So, back in September 2023, I had the nightmare of going ct from k due to moving to another state and had no way of getting my refills from my previous state. I went through withdrawals for 3 wks which were hell. I know I can't compare to so many on here that been dealing with it for yrs and I don't know how they can be so strong. But I was able to get my refills and I reinstated to .5 mgs. I was previously taking 2 mgs for 17yrs. I had enough pills that I stretched out long enough to get insurance in this State and a psychiatrist, unfortunately I have already seen 2 doctor's that refused to give me k. I have 1 months of k left and I know I'm gonna end up going ct again. I don't know how I'm gonna live life if I can't function at all. I have PTSD from just that little time I experienced the withdrawals. I'm constantly crying and having back to back panic attacks, just knowing to what's coming soon. I'm so scared, I need to function for my son. He's gonna need surgery next month and I don't know how I'm gonna do this. I have no support system and feel alone. They have my medical records with my history , but these doctors don't care. I initially wanted off benzos because I always thought what if a future Dr doesn't want to give me for whatever reason. But going through those withdrawals and reading  everybody's experience made me think that if this is what quality of life is then I would prefer to stay on them. But to my surprise it seems I'm gonna end up without them. Again, I'm scared to death and that's all I can think about everyday. Everyone is like don't think of the future, how can I not if I was the one that had that horrible experience.

Edited February 24 by [Ve...]

[[Si...]]

Hi, if you're feeling okay and functional on the smaller dose you're taking now that's a good sign.  Maybe you can think about taking something else if you're going to be forced off them.  You could try lots of gabaergic herbs to replace it.  Also maybe your doctors would prescribe something else.

[[Ma...]]

Go to the ER with a copy of the Ashton Manuel. Explain the ct and your desire to taper over multi months then ask for a psych referral for outpatient and a refill-lie, I mean it, LIE about how many pills you have left. They’ll not want you to have a seizure and will be concerned about liability (hopefully).

Also go to the Benzo Information Coalition website and look up providers in your state.

[[Ma...]]

Tell them the reason you are in the ER is for tachycardia and rolling panic attacks.

[[je...]]

Can you find a nurse practitioner to prescribe for you? If you tell them it's for deprescribing purposes to taper you off?

[[Ri...]]

21 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

Can you find a nurse practitioner to prescribe for you? If you tell them it's for deprescribing purposes to taper you off?

Yep, a female NP (not to be sexist buy let’s face it, then tend to be more passionate). Bring in the Ashton Method book or copies of it to educate them on your purpose. If anything it should buy you time as this is the true purpose or goal to get off them in a safe manner.

[[Ve...]]

The first psychiatrist was a female and had the nerve to tell me that the k were giving me anxiety and straight up no for k. She also said some stupid stuff about street drugs, which I don't do. Like comparing me to an addict.  It took me a month to see this Dr because I had to do 2 intakes and 1 therapy session. I was so livid crying, so I changed over to another clinic. It took me two therapy sessions in order to see the Psychiatrist. I explained to him prior to coming to NY I had refills in FL and I was stretching my meds due to no doc or insurance. He first said I need to call the pharmacy to make sure you were given them then I'll call them in over here. I explained to him I used to see the Dr every 3 months and get 3 refills. He then tells me no it's only once a month. I was like no, in Florida it works like that. He said not here. Fine, I said. He specifically said I can't stop the medication because I've been on it for17 yrs. He asked me how many pills I had, I said 4. He never filled the script so I get in contact with him and he tells me that he's not gonna prescribe it because the last script I got was 3 months ago. Again I explain I had my refills which I was breaking in pieces to stretch them out until I get to see a dr. I think there's a language barrier because he's not comprehending. I tell him I'm going through withdrawals and scared that I'm going have a seizure. He has the audacity to tell me that I'm not having withdrawals and that those meds don't give seizures. And lastly says I don't prescribe benzodiazepines. I said what kind of Dr are you and hung up. I went in person that same day to see the director and give a complaint. So now they want me to get an ekg, bloodwork and a physical in order to get meds and there's a possibility that the next Dr might not even prescribe them. Finding a Dr a making an appointment is ridiculous because of the influx of people waiting to be seen. 

[[Ma...]]

He’s gaslighting you and many doctors do that, unfortunately.

Also, prescribing controlled substances is LEGAL to do so for 3 months at a time. That doctor is an idiot.

It might not be a bad idea to get bloodwork done etc and in doing so hopefully you’ll find an understanding doctor. I can’t believe what they’re putting you through.

You could always go to the ER and request a referral and refill as I mentioned above. And I think that might be a really good idea if you’re running out of medication.

You have to be your own advocate and do the work 1 way or the other. You have a lot of support here!

Edited February 25 by [Ma...]