Is there a point at which we’ve done too much damage?

[[Ki...]]

I am almost 2 years off at this point after severe kindling, repeated withdrawal and cold turkeys of SSRI and then abrupt discontinuation of Valium which I was put on during acute. I am still getting worse, every wave is more intense and lasts longer, windows stopped at the year mark but they were getting less ‘good’ as time progressed. I am constantly told to wait this out and that over time people improve but this hasn’t happened once, and I don’t mean oh this is going on for longer than I first thought so I’m getting frustrated, or I can’t “see” the improvement because I’m in withdrawal - I am literally still regressing every damn day, physically and mentally and it’s so noticeable. The chemical fear and depression is at a level I didn’t think would ever be possible. I’m so intolerant to any physical exertion I am pretty much bed bound which I wasn’t a year out. How is this healing? I am getting further and further away. The mental symptoms are the worst but the physical stuff isn’t far behind. I literally do everything by the book. I rest, avoid stress, stay hydrated, eat healthy, go on a walk if I’m able to. 2 years and I am still so ill. Surely there must be a point at which you’ve done too much damage for the body to repair? My withdrawal started from just 5 weeks use 9 years ago, when I stopped I was still in withdrawal (which I didn’t know was the case) 8 months later, and kindled heavily upon reinstating at a higher dose, it took several years for that kindling to calm down on the drug as was told I needed to stay on it and it was hell. How can I expect to go back to normal if I was so sensitive and was in withdrawal that long off after such short use. I tried coming off in 2020 and reinstated immediately but took another 2 years for that to calm down before attempting again. Now I have a total of 8 years of additional damage on top to reverse. Am I going to be okay? I feel too damaged to ever be anywhere near normal😭

I’m sorry I just need hope.

[[Ma...]]

I’m sending you HOPE! Have you read Benzo Lies here? Please search for it.

Do you have a therapist/psychologist that you can speak with to help you? It took me forever and I fired many until I found 1 who is perfect for me and she really helps.

I too have been kindled, kindled then kindled again and am going into month 17 for the 2nd time. Over 4 years but I still have hope. Look you just have to go all the way into this and go all the way through this. You need to wake up and say, This is what I am dealing with today, just today. And if that means sleeping, then sleep. If that means a walk then, YAY walk!

Try to normalize the abnormal and please be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself. Your body is working behind the scenes healing ❤️‍🩹. Believe that!

[[Wi...]]

1 hour ago, [[K...] said:

I am almost 2 years off at this point after severe kindling, repeated withdrawal and cold turkeys of SSRI and then abrupt discontinuation of Valium which I was put on during acute. I am still getting worse, every wave is more intense and lasts longer, windows stopped at the year mark but they were getting less ‘good’ as time progressed. I am constantly told to wait this out and that over time people improve but this hasn’t happened once, and I don’t mean oh this is going on for longer than I first thought so I’m getting frustrated, or I can’t “see” the improvement because I’m in withdrawal - I am literally still regressing every damn day, physically and mentally and it’s so noticeable. The chemical fear and depression is at a level I didn’t think would ever be possible. I’m so intolerant to any physical exertion I am pretty much bed bound which I wasn’t a year out. How is this healing? I am getting further and further away. The mental symptoms are the worst but the physical stuff isn’t far behind. I literally do everything by the book. I rest, avoid stress, stay hydrated, eat healthy, go on a walk if I’m able to. 2 years and I am still so ill. Surely there must be a point at which you’ve done too much damage for the body to repair? My withdrawal started from just 5 weeks use 9 years ago, when I stopped I was still in withdrawal (which I didn’t know was the case) 8 months later, and kindled heavily upon reinstating at a higher dose, it took several years for that kindling to calm down on the drug as was told I needed to stay on it and it was hell. How can I expect to go back to normal if I was so sensitive and was in withdrawal that long off after such short use. I tried coming off in 2020 and reinstated immediately but took another 2 years for that to calm down before attempting again. Now I have a total of 8 years of additional damage on top to reverse. Am I going to be okay? I feel too damaged to ever be anywhere near normal😭

I’m sorry I just need hope.

Same but for me it was setbacks from other meds that did me in. I am still getting worse too. The last 2 months have been just from hell. I have no idea why I detoriarated and why to such a level. Just going to follow this thread for some hope too. 

[[Ki...]]

4 hours ago, [[M...] said:

I’m sending you HOPE! Have you read Benzo Lies here? Please search for it.

Do you have a therapist/psychologist that you can speak with to help you? It took me forever and I fired many until I found 1 who is perfect for me and she really helps.

I too have been kindled, kindled then kindled again and am going into month 17 for the 2nd time. Over 4 years but I still have hope. Look you just have to go all the way into this and go all the way through this. You need to wake up and say, This is what I am dealing with today, just today. And if that means sleeping, then sleep. If that means a walk then, YAY walk!

Try to normalize the abnormal and please be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself. Your body is working behind the scenes healing ❤️‍🩹. Believe that!

Thank you! I don’t at the moment although I think I will be getting support from someone who deals with withdrawal cases soon so I hope that can help. It’s just so demoralising and sometimes impossible to keep battling through for so long when you can’t see an end to the suffering. I wish I could exercise like I used to before but even a simple set of push ups destroys me and revs everything up. I try and rest as much as possible but when you’ve been doing that for 2 years you get to a point where you’re like how much longer can I just waste every day doing nothing before I heal. Another year? Another 2 years? I can’t bare the thought of that😞

Thank you for your kind words though it means a lot! I hope you get better soon too!

[[Ma...]]

Have you tried leg lifts in bed? Bending your knees to your chest in 30 reps? I fake myself out and think, well, at least I’ll have a flat stomach when this is over!

I know it’s an absolute nightmare and unbearable most days but do what you can. I also do ‘smile therapy’. I force a smile while in bed zoning out. When walking to the store. And it kind of works in some weird way! 

I really hope you like the therapist you found. If you don’t click keep looking. Mine has become a lifeline for me when I too think, ANOTHER year, 2 <??> and catastrophize I hear her words and implement what she’s taught me.

Please remember, not matter what, each day you must be your own best friend and be kind to yourself.

[[So...]]

I know it sounds insane, but ive actually heard of many many people rapidly getting better around year three.  It might sound like I'm just dangling a carrot, but I can't tell you how many times I've heard of people being violently ill and then it starts to get better rapidly around then!  Stay strong 💪