Mental Symptoms Morphed to Physical?

[[So...]]

Hi guys 💗  healing wishes to you all.  I just came to ask a question.  I have had my injury for a little over a year now and have been CT off benzos 7 months now. 

 

The first 9 months of this my symptoms were almost all mental and it was hell on earth.  Really really bad.  I don't need to describe it, I'm sure you all understand.  I really had no physical symptoms tho, which was strange to me.  

 

Now, they are almost ALL physical.  It's insane but I am able to handle this with a clear mind finally thank God, I still have my moments but the second to second mental torture is over.  It is still hard to live though as I am dealing with a bunch of crap, spine tingling, rls, whole body aching, inner pressure, burning, heart palps, etc.  Didn't have any of these really until the mental started to improve. 

 

Has this happened to anyone else?  It almost feels like a separate injury and that's what scares me.  I've also been tapering ADs slowly bcuz I had/have akathisia and wanted to be off everything to have the best shot at getting rid of that.  OH yeah, and that flipped too.  When my aka flares it's all physical now as in restless limbs and spine knawing instead of the agitation and restless energy (thank GOD).  anyways, I have the ADs down to very low doses now, 2.05mg Mirtazapine and 3.4mg Celexa sooo maybe that has something to do with it?  

 

Anyone else had this shift from physical to mental?  Also, is it normal for the whole body to aches like this?  I don't see that symptom too often.  Thank you!!

[[Ju...]]

Yes, I'm at close to 5 years off (with many setbacks). My symptoms are now mainly physical. Leg throbbing, foot pain and burning, muscle weakness, insomnia, appetite changes, blurred vision changes, etc.

 

I get some half physical/half mental stuff too, like on and off irritability and anxiety, as well. Not prominent mental issues like the beginning, but more physically enhanced mood changes (depending on discomfort levels).

The sleep issue is probably mainly physical too, not reason behind it, no stress causing it, just happening.

[[...]]

1 hour ago, [[S...] said:

Hi guys 💗  healing wishes to you all.  I just came to ask a question.  I have had my injury for a little over a year now and have been CT off benzos 7 months now. 

The first 9 months of this my symptoms were almost all mental and it was hell on earth.  Really really bad.  I don't need to describe it, I'm sure you all understand.  I really had no physical symptoms tho, which was strange to me.  

Now, they are almost ALL physical.  It's insane but I am able to handle this with a clear mind finally thank God, I still have my moments but the second to second mental torture is over.  It is still hard to live though as I am dealing with a bunch of crap, spine tingling, rls, whole body aching, inner pressure, burning, heart palps, etc.  Didn't have any of these really until the mental started to improve. 

Has this happened to anyone else?  It almost feels like a separate injury and that's what scares me.  I've also been tapering ADs slowly bcuz I had/have akathisia and wanted to be off everything to have the best shot at getting rid of that.  OH yeah, and that flipped too.  When my aka flares it's all physical now as in restless limbs and spine knawing instead of the agitation and restless energy (thank GOD).  anyways, I have the ADs down to very low doses now, 2.05mg Mirtazapine and 3.4mg Celexa sooo maybe that has something to do with it?  

Anyone else had this shift from physical to mental?  Also, is it normal for the whole body to aches like this?  I don't see that symptom too often.  Thank you!!

@[So...], hi) I think a change is always welcome during the recovery. It's a good sign in itself) And it's quite normal for the body to ache like this. I'm about 11 months off and can say the pain and other things in the body are still here. Every now and then everything gets almost unbearable but it's much easier to deal with when most of my mental symptoms are over, hope, for good) So i didn't literally experience the shift. I had them both from the beginning but physical symptoms now are completely different from the initial ones.

Wish you a full recovery from all my heart!)

[[...]]

@[So...] not sure if this helps but from what I've seen on the Surviving ADs forum, AD withdrawal has a different development, with sxs mostly becoming more intense many months later, whereas benzo wd seems to be worse at the beginning or acute phase. So perhaps as you're getting off ADs as well (if I understood correctly) this explains why you're getting the physical sxs only now? 

Or maybe it's just how these injuries heal, first sxs appear in one area, then another. I just try to think that as long as things keep evolving it means something is healing inside.

[[Wi...]]

Hi! Good to hear from you. Glad it’s a bit better.
For me it’s all physical but I never really had the mental other than a bit of DR that comes with my physical symptoms. My inner aka (or whatever but I think on it’s aka spectrum) is like this weird pressure in my body pulsing from the back of my head and neck down shooting like electricity. On top of that there are vibrations. I have a slew of new head symptoms that came on just like 2 months ago and they made me bedridden because being up flares me up as it makes the pressure and head sensations so much worse. I also have all sorts of pain coming and going. I am unfortunately the worst I have been so many months out from my setback. I did have a better period in Nov and Dec when I thought I was finally healing but nooope. It was just a sick joke. I hope I am still healing even thought there are so many physical issues. 

I have the aches too - for me it’s like I wake up and feel off and almost immediately everything just hurts but it’s some kind of nerve pain, I cannot really say it’s muscles or bones or what. It’s like this gnawing toothache in my body. Sometimes it’s some kind of burning. I have to stay in bed with this. 

Edited February 21 by [Wi...]

[[Ha...]]

9 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Hi guys 💗  healing wishes to you all.  I just came to ask a question.  I have had my injury for a little over a year now and have been CT off benzos 7 months now. 

The first 9 months of this my symptoms were almost all mental and it was hell on earth.  Really really bad.  I don't need to describe it, I'm sure you all understand.  I really had no physical symptoms tho, which was strange to me.  

Now, they are almost ALL physical.  It's insane but I am able to handle this with a clear mind finally thank God, I still have my moments but the second to second mental torture is over.  It is still hard to live though as I am dealing with a bunch of crap, spine tingling, rls, whole body aching, inner pressure, burning, heart palps, etc.  Didn't have any of these really until the mental started to improve. 

Has this happened to anyone else?  It almost feels like a separate injury and that's what scares me.  I've also been tapering ADs slowly bcuz I had/have akathisia and wanted to be off everything to have the best shot at getting rid of that.  OH yeah, and that flipped too.  When my aka flares it's all physical now as in restless limbs and spine knawing instead of the agitation and restless energy (thank GOD).  anyways, I have the ADs down to very low doses now, 2.05mg Mirtazapine and 3.4mg Celexa sooo maybe that has something to do with it?  

Anyone else had this shift from physical to mental?  Also, is it normal for the whole body to aches like this?  I don't see that symptom too often.  Thank you!!

 

[[WU...]]

I only have so called "anxiety" because of the physical symptoms, it is a bit of a vicious circle. The two states are so interconnected it is difficult to separate. All of this is down to a CNS gone rogue until the brain gets a grip and calms the whole thing down. But I do believe the "mental" state has the upper hand and the body then follows on, so it makes sense that "mental" heals first.

[[Wi...]]

4 hours ago, [[W...] said:

I only have so called "anxiety" because of the physical symptoms, it is a bit of a vicious circle. The two states are so interconnected it is difficult to separate. All of this is down to a CNS gone rogue until the brain gets a grip and calms the whole thing down. But I do believe the "mental" state has the upper hand and the body then follows on, so it makes sense that "mental" heals first.

I am the same. I only have anxiety and depression because of my physical issues. 

[[So...]]

Aww @[Ju...]I'm sorry you've had so many setbacks and have been struggling so long.. I've heard that even once you heal you're super fragile for awhile and have to avoid all triggers, which is hard in today's world.  

 

Yes I still get anxiety and depression from the symptoms but it's not the chemical kind I was getting for no reason before.  I still get agitated and desperate sometimes but I just need rest then bcuz that's my aka flaring.  Thanks for responding im sure you'll feel better soon!

[[So...]]

@[...] I definitely did welcome the change but now it's just getting redundant and I'm getting exhausted again bcuz of this unrelenting pain and discomfort.  Oh well, I'm just gonna keep trying to mark time and hope it's a sign of healing like you said 👍  I actually do think in the Ashton manual she says that the physical stuff can last longer, idk why I just now remembered that.  

 

My shift wasn't immediate but it was fast enough for me to notice, probably over 5 months things slowly shifted.  It was really weird, I was always kinda confused why I had no physical issues before and it made me wonder if I was just insane lol. 

 

Things get unbearable for me too sometimes but we just have to grit our teeth and get thru, it's such a weird disgusting illness to have tho.. it makes my body just feel so gross.

 

Hopefully we both have a big improvement soon 😊

[[So...]]

@[...] yeah I'm not really sure!  Unfortunetly i have never really had the luxury of knowing where my symptoms come from lol, after an unfortunate month long stay in the psych ward a year ago my meds were so mixed up I really had no clue where the akathisia or any of it came from so I decided to just microtaper the rest of the way off to make sure it'll go away eventually.  If I wouldn't have had them already messed with tho I wouldn't have touched them most likely.  That's why I always include I've been tapering ADs too, my symptoms may be more severe bcuz of that.  

[[So...]]

@[Wi...] good to hear from you too!  I had to take a break from being online for awhile lol.  I remember you saying all your symptoms are physical, I'm sorry about that, the physical is hard to deal with in its own way and leaves you feeling like a sick 90 year old 😢 

 

It could be on the akathisia septum but ive always said rather than arguing what is or isn't, they're happening and they suck no matter what they're called 🤷‍♀️

 

I've had a few times too where I felt like I finally got rid of all of this only to be hit with it again after a week or so.  Ugh.  It's just the nature of nerve stuff I suppose.

 

Omg no you describe it perfect, the toothache in the body and gnawing!  It's so horrible, it literally feels like I got hit my a truck and when people ask where it is to try and help I'm like it's EVERYWHERE.  my whole body HURTS so bad.  And burns.  It's awful.  I'm not bed bound but I don't really leave the house at all unless I'm having a good day and can not exercise which I use to love doing, I'm so out of shape, just skinny and no muscle tone now and I'm only 26.. oh well!

 

[[So...]]

@[WU...] ahh yes I should have clarified I do have mental troubles BCUZ of the physical but it's not like a chemical mental torture like before.  I had OCD sooo bad and was stuck in fight or flight 24/7 for almost a year not able to relax at all.  So I'm SO happy thats improving, maybe it's like 50% better but to me it's so great.  I do get really depressed though from my situation, but again it's situational now and not just like a chemical dysphoria, although I still do get that way too from time to time just not 24/7.

 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this too 😔 

[[dj...]]

I’m 16 months off.  Early on, I would have said my stuff was like 50/50 mental/physical.  Now it’s about 90/10 physical to mental.  Most of my anxiety now stems from the physical stuff.  I still have few emotions but I’m not getting crazy swings of rage, OCD, chemical anxiety and depression like I was early on.  
 

Also, to the person saying DPDR is mental.  In my experience, I really don’t think it’s psychological at all in this.  I don’t really get DP but I get the DR side of it really badly.  Today was one of my really bad muscle tension and head pressure days, and the DR gets a lot worse on those days.  It also gets a lot worse on my heavy fatigue days.  I’m clearly not actively disassociating due to trauma or whatever.  

[[Ju...]]

4 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Aww @[Ju...]I'm sorry you've had so many setbacks and have been struggling so long.. I've heard that even once you heal you're super fragile for awhile and have to avoid all triggers, which is hard in today's world.  

Yes I still get anxiety and depression from the symptoms but it's not the chemical kind I was getting for no reason before.  I still get agitated and desperate sometimes but I just need rest then bcuz that's my aka flaring.  Thanks for responding im sure you'll feel better soon!

Same here, I don't get the chemical feeling kind anymore, just the regular ones. I hear you on the agitated and desperate flaring stuff, I haven't gotten very good at controlling mine yet. Instead of relaxing, I usually get all bent out of shape and make myself worse. The best thing to do is go for a long walk, but lately I've had so much foot pain that hasn't been possible.

And yes the triggers have been really hard for me too. Since it's been almost 5 years, I kept going back to getting stoned with weed to feel better temporarily, only to keep prolonging it. I probably would have been healed around 4 years at the most, but now I'm at 5 years almost. I look at it like well I needed a break, maybe I wouldn't have made it through without the break. But now I'm not taking any meds and I'm not getting stoned anymore, so I'm going to make this the last long stint until I'm 100%. And then I can look at this in the past. I hope you heal soon too, take care.

[[Wi...]]

6 hours ago, [[S...] said:

@[Wi...] good to hear from you too!  I had to take a break from being online for awhile lol.  I remember you saying all your symptoms are physical, I'm sorry about that, the physical is hard to deal with in its own way and leaves you feeling like a sick 90 year old 😢 

It could be on the akathisia septum but ive always said rather than arguing what is or isn't, they're happening and they suck no matter what they're called 🤷‍♀️

I've had a few times too where I felt like I finally got rid of all of this only to be hit with it again after a week or so.  Ugh.  It's just the nature of nerve stuff I suppose.

Omg no you describe it perfect, the toothache in the body and gnawing!  It's so horrible, it literally feels like I got hit my a truck and when people ask where it is to try and help I'm like it's EVERYWHERE.  my whole body HURTS so bad.  And burns.  It's awful.  I'm not bed bound but I don't really leave the house at all unless I'm having a good day and can not exercise which I use to love doing, I'm so out of shape, just skinny and no muscle tone now and I'm only 26.. oh well!

Yeah I guess I should stop obsessing about the name of this, it’s just shitty symptoms 😅

I have some windows too from specific symptoms. Yesterday afternoon and evening head symptoms lifted and I felt so much better. They are back now, yay. 
 

Yeah, exactly, burning toxic gnawing toothache, everything just hurts and it disappears as quickly as it comes.

 

I used to be able to go out but now I just can’t because of the head stuff. When it hits which is almost all the time to some extent I feel like I am going to have a seizure so I just can’t push through. Yuck! I often walked up to 16k steps per day before this wave… Now I don’t even reach 1k. The last walk I had was almost a month ago, then I tried to go for one last week and it wasn’t good at all, I made it to 15 minutes and had to recover in bed for an hour. I am worried I will put on weight but still that’s the least of my concerns. 

Edited February 22 by [Wi...]

[[Wi...]]

2 hours ago, [[d...] said:

I’m 16 months off.  Early on, I would have said my stuff was like 50/50 mental/physical.  Now it’s about 90/10 physical to mental.  Most of my anxiety now stems from the physical stuff.  I still have few emotions but I’m not getting crazy swings of rage, OCD, chemical anxiety and depression like I was early on.  
 

Also, to the person saying DPDR is mental.  In my experience, I really don’t think it’s psychological at all in this.  I don’t really get DP but I get the DR side of it really badly.  Today was one of my really bad muscle tension and head pressure days, and the DR gets a lot worse on those days.  It also gets a lot worse on my heavy fatigue days.  I’m clearly not actively disassociating due to trauma or whatever.  

Oh, I can so relate to your posts. I am the same in that I get DR but no DP. But it hits when I have bad physical symptoms especially the head ones. 

[[...]]

8 hours ago, [[S...] said:

@[...] yeah I'm not really sure!  Unfortunetly i have never really had the luxury of knowing where my symptoms come from lol, after an unfortunate month long stay in the psych ward a year ago my meds were so mixed up I really had no clue where the akathisia or any of it came from so I decided to just microtaper the rest of the way off to make sure it'll go away eventually.  If I wouldn't have had them already messed with tho I wouldn't have touched them most likely.  That's why I always include I've been tapering ADs too, my symptoms may be more severe bcuz of that.  

@[So...], thank you) Yes, just grit our teeth and get through the painful illogical torture to see the heaven of normal life. I think it's the only way and we're somehow doing it sometimes half-concious by the pain and tension...

By the way,  i'm tapering mirtazapine too so understand you even more) You're far ahead of me in it though, and i'm just happy to know it's -/+ok with you. I'm still a bit scared of a possible effect🥴 I started tapering 2 months ago and 've cut the original dosage in more than a half by now. Maybe too fast, idk, but i do want to be off it and allow my brain to enjoy its oun activity. I think i can perceive the reduction+- but don't know for sure what is what either.

Hope with all my heart you, me and everyone here are going to be happy and healthy again and as soon as possible!)🌤️

 

Edited February 22 by [...]

[[sh...]]

Hi all, I am so sorry you have to endure this torture too!

For me too the physical issues are the worst. Hard to find the right words… bee stings, cold and hot burning, electrical, pulling, squeezing, yes sort of toothache in my arms.. huff how can someone not having to get through this understand!?

My heart goes out to everyone who is in the thick of this and I deeply wish that we will see an end to this pain soon 🙏🍀🍀🍀

[[...]]

1 hour ago, [[s...] said:

...yes sort of toothache in my arms.. huff how can someone not having to get through this understand!?

🙏🍀🍀🍀

@[sh...], yes. I think i can guess what you mean. I have sort of headache in my arms, legs, stomach. How can it all be?!

Thank you for the wishing! It really helps. The more people wish well the sooner we get better)

 

[[sh...]]

[[So...]]

@[Ju...] I was never great at controlling my agitation, it will always be hands down the worst symptom for me so thank God it's happening less and less, mine was so bad I couldn't do anything but lay down in the dark and resist the urge to bang my head into the wall.  So terrible, I swear I'll have PTSD from it.  

Mmm yes I understand how hard it is to not search for momentary relief even at the cost of making it drag on longer, I was taking gabapentin PRN for awhile and then had to stop bcuz it was rebounding badly and not worth it.  

 

I'm sure you will heal now that you identified the triggers and are staying away from them, thanks and I'm rooting for you! 

[[So...]]

@[dj...] oh so you're kinda the same as me then!  Its funny bcuz i use to say if i could just get rid of the mental stuff I could do this and tolerate physical crap, well that happened and I was KINDA right it's a bit better but I learned physical pain and mainly discomfort can be very crippling as well. 

 

I'm actually the same, I only have DR, I've actually had it for almost 8 years now bcuz of HPPD (got on benzos for this as well) not to scare anyone that injury is completely different but also if it makes anyone feel better the best recipe for dealing with DR is literally ignoring it and now I'm at a place it barely ever bothers me, just have to wear sunglasses when I go outside to dim down the senses.

[[So...]]

@[Wi...] yeah for sure, i pnly say that bcuz i went down a rabbit hole for months wondering if i had aka since i didnt pace or if i did have it bcus i have every other symptom so now i jsut call it that but screw the correct term it doesn't change anything.. this aka seems different than the typical AP aka anyways which usually clears upon quitting the drug.  

 

I'm happy you have had some windows, even if they've been short!  At least this process gives some of us that at the very least lol.  I also think I came very close to having seizures after my CT, at least from what my mom with epilepsy described, I got Deja vu really bad and was seeing geometry when I closed my eyes and felt like my head was getting small and large again, almost undulating.  It was insane.  If you're not feeling like super neurological weirdo soup though I would say you're probably clear of having one, you also would get extremely confused beforehand.

 

Hopefully we will both be able to exercise again soon, I'll never take it for granted again that's for sure!!

[[So...]]

@[...] I also had very large cuts at first when I was unknowing and then again when i was out of my mind in acute making crazy decisions.  I personally have to do a microtaper bcuz tapering large amounts mirt triggers severe aka for me, this may not be the case for you tho.. I always say just listen to your body even if that means going fast, some people have no problem getting off .. I've really had no problem with the Celexa, we are just all different.  The mirt is really really bad for me tho, I may be wrong but I think I will heal more when I'm off that too in 5 months, I have had a ton of adverse reactions to it tho since I got put on it a year ago.  

 

And yes I'm POSITIVE we will all make it out of this, even those years out, it's a process but I believe the OGs who say they've never seen anyone not get better after being off for awhile!