Words of encouragement needed

[[Pe...]]

I have been on 4 mg Klonopin daily for two decades, and other benzos two decades before that. I'm trying to get off them yet the process doesn't seem to be moving much. Since November I have reduced to 3.5 mg daily and it's been a miserable journey. I don't want to do this anymore but I have no choice. Some days I have bad thoughts (I'm sure you can figure out what I'm referring to). I am scared to move forward because the withdrawals have been horrible. I could really use some words of encouragement at this point, people who've gone through this dosage and made it, or just letting me know it's worth it and I can do it. I can't imagine living like this for the next 2-3 years. I'd appreciate some support as I have no friends or family and I feel lost and helpless. Thanks.

[[Nu...]]

Hi Penelope. I'm sorry this has been so miserable for you. Most of us can relate. It's a long, difficult, tiresome journey filled with difficulties in many areas. There is hope, though. And you'll make it through. Don't be in a rush. Take your time. Find a doc that will go at your speed.

Brighter days are ahead. Keep the faith and keep your head up. You'll get there!

[[Re...]]

Hi Penelope, I hear you. Have you thought about joining one of Angela Peacock's tapering support groups? That might be helpful. I wish you all the best as you continue to decrease.

[[Pe...]]

I *so* appreciate your comments! I'll be re-reading them often. I do have a Dr. that's not rushing me, however when I told him that I didn't want to do this anymore and wanted to stay at 4 mg forever and would risk dementia, he told me he might have no other choice than to have me go through an aggressive taper (which scared me even more than I already am). Getting a new doctor is not an option because of my HMO. No, I haven't heard of Angela Peacock's tapering support groups. Would you please tell me more?

Edited February 16 by [Pe...]

[[Re...]]

If he is suggesting an aggressive taper then he is rushing you. He is saying this for liability but if you are telling him you don't want to do this, he is also reacting to you. The less information the better, just get the script and taper at your speed. Either that OR present The Maudsley Deprescribing Guidelines to your doctor. Watch Dr. Josef Witt-Doerring's new interview with Mark Horowitz about this. You might want to have Angela write a letter on your behalf or speak with your doctor to advocate for you. He may or may not listen but it is worth a shot as she does this all the time. Her website is: https://www.apeacockconsulting.com/

[[Li...]]

@[Pe...] Here’s a link to a thread where you can learn more about The Maudsley Deprescribing Guidelines: Antidepressants, Benzodiazepines, Gabapentinoids and Z-drugs:

https://benzobuddies.org/topic/275301-now-available-maudsley-deprescribing-guidelines/

 

[[kn...]]

I was taking almost the same amount of Klonopin you were plus a daily dose of Ativan before my Dr. told me that I needed to start tapering.  I'd been taking that combo for 30 years.  He hasn't really done me any favors along the way:  too large of cuts in the prescriptions; too short of time.  However one thing he did do that helped me out was to cross my scripts of K and A over to an equal amount of diazepam.  It's taken 2.5 years, but I'm down to 4 mg daily.  The pills are large, easy to chop up and have a long half life.  You'll certainly get a variety of opinions here about diazepam.  It has it's own miserable side effects, buy it's gotten me quite a ways.  Your provider may go for that.  When you get to lower doses, you're probably going to need some help with an oral liquid substance.  That will enable you to reduce your tapers to much smaller amounts making it more tolerable.  If you haven't heard of it yet, take a look at the Ashton Manual.  You can find it free online.  And finally, I hate to say it, but you're going to have to come to grips with the fact that this whole thing is a long process.  I've been at it for over two years and still am nowhere near done.  There is lots of support available though.  Right on this website is a wealth of it.

[[...]]

@[kn...]hi , new person here 

You mentioned taper through switching to diazepam, I know it's individual thing but how is it different than other benzos . I'm taking ativan nightly for insomnia , was supposed to be temporary but things got derailed for me and don't think the med suits my body , at the same time my suspicions that I developed oversensitivity because of few fast med switched , so trying to figure out if this method will work for me . Have few important factors working against me , so afraid to jump to new meds . And you did it with klonopin , are you still taking ativan?

 

[[kn...]]

I no longer take either K or A.  When I started, I had been taking Klonopin at 4mg and Ativan at 1mg for 30 years.  My psychiatrist suggested the diazepam crossover.  Diazepam pills are larger, have a longer half life and are easier to chop up for dry tapering.  You'll find a lot of pros and cons here concerning diazepam.  It's not for everyone.  One of the big side effects I've noticed is chronic fatigue.  It's taken 2.5 years, but I've I'm finally down to 4mg.  I'm currently waiting for the successor to my psych who moved on.  I've been ok''d for liquid Rx and will (hopefully) use it to microcode to the end.  I've had to up to updose recently (2 to 4) and I know I won't be able to finish by continuing to dry taper.

[[...]]

@[kn...] 

I heard about diazepam was not for everyone,  did you use it for A taper and K too ?

I take A for insomnia since July 2023 and 1-1 ,5  mg currently  but doing poorly right now,lots of symptoms throughout the body, insomnia, big weight loss ,but doc thinks it's not all A , it's also original anxiety that wasn't stabilized ( tried few SSRI’s and remeron)initial problems that I started treatment for ,so he's not allowing A taper until  anxiety is under control , now is all mixed up 

It looks like you never have to increase A dose for 30 yrs?

Edited February 16 by [...]

[[kn...]]

My dose of both K and A were increased early on but that's been decades ago.    I've been using diazepam for the duration of my taper; never anything else.  It's definitely not for everyone, and you'll certainly get a variety of opinions here.  I do take an SSRI (Venlafaxine) but it doesn't seem to do any harm and helps the anxiety and OCD, that has plagued me since childhood, very well.  I'm down to 4mg of diazepam, having started at 60.  No more K and A, but a ways to go with the diazepam.  After all this, I doubt if I'll ever attempt any more tapers of anything.  In light of my age (72) and the number of years that I was stable on K and A, I probably should never have started in the first place.  A recent article that was linked to a post here bears that out.  

[[Pa...]]

[[Pa...]]

16 hours ago, [[P...] said:

I have been on 4 mg Klonopin daily for two decades, and other benzos two decades before that. I'm trying to get off them yet the process doesn't seem to be moving much. Since November I have reduced to 3.5 mg daily and it's been a miserable journey. I don't want to do this anymore but I have no choice. Some days I have bad thoughts (I'm sure you can figure out what I'm referring to). I am scared to move forward because the withdrawals have been horrible. I could really use some words of encouragement at this point, people who've gone through this dosage and made it, or just letting me know it's worth it and I can do it. I can't imagine living like this for the next 2-3 years. I'd appreciate some support as I have no friends or family and I feel lost and helpless. Thanks.

You mention you don't have friends or family, I thought I'd share with you that that's not necessarily a bad thing.  I had both and the doubt and disbelief they showed me was hurtful and frustrating.  No amount of communication or showing them the various publications convinced them of my pain and fear.  In fact, their doubt only made me feel worse so I quit trying finally knowing that no one gets this unless they've lived it. 

I'm so grateful I found BenzoBuddies when I did because I could relax and finally get the validation I needed.  I can't blame them for not understanding when even our doctors don't validate us.  

I know you're discouraged, you're on a high dose with an uncertain future but I hope you can keep going because at the end, when recovery happens, its amazing and I hope to read your success story. 

[[Ri...]]

15 hours ago, [[P...] said:

I have been on 4 mg Klonopin daily for two decades, and other benzos two decades before that. I'm trying to get off them yet the process doesn't seem to be moving much. Since November I have reduced to 3.5 mg daily and it's been a miserable journey. I don't want to do this anymore but I have no choice. Some days I have bad thoughts (I'm sure you can figure out what I'm referring to). I am scared to move forward because the withdrawals have been horrible. I could really use some words of encouragement at this point, people who've gone through this dosage and made it, or just letting me know it's worth it and I can do it. I can't imagine living like this for the next 2-3 years. I'd appreciate some support as I have no friends or family and I feel lost and helpless. Thanks.

I found through trial and error, for me is to go for a long walk everyday and go slower with your taper. Go out when you don’t want to to see life is happening, and many of those people you see are also going through something, perhaps a benzo withdrawal as well. Shift your thinking is half the battle, imo. I too have bad times. That’s when I go out and walk.

[[Pe...]]

Thank you everyone! I don't know how to respond to individual messages, so I will try and cover your comments here. Thank you for the links. I will definitely check them out. I appreciate all the help and info. Yes, I feel he is rushing me even though he told me in a text message that I could move at my own pace. He seemed upset that I'm experiencing bad withdrawal symptoms and taking so long. He has the power to reduce my script at any time which will force me into an aggressive taper. He also mentioned putting me in a detox facility and I won't go because I've heard so many horror stories. At my age, I feel that it would cause me serious health consequences if this were to happen. I asked him about the Ashton Manual and diazepam and he wasn't aware of it and isn't willing to read it to prescribe it to taper. I have not taken Ativan for over 20 years. I have treatment-resistant depression and have tried at least 15 different meds and none worked. I want to try Ketamine but can't while I'm on Klonopin. I also have tried to educate family about what I'm going through and they have abandoned me and estranged themselves. There is no contact anymore. I am all alone. I would love to go out and walk yet I have severe agoraphobia and rarely even go to the grocery store. I've lost weight, sleep, energy, and all motivation. I wish I would have never mentioned it to my Dr. and just did the taper on my own schedule. I've learned my lesson. Thanks for all your help!!