12 week update benzo free

[[Sw...]]

My message is one of hope to everyone reading this, and an effort to document my progress as I know I can forget that I am making progress at all.. I struggled with benzos for five years in total. I want to keep it nice and simple so I will just update my current symptoms. If you want to know ALL the symptoms I had in my taper and jump you can look at my profile history. It's all there. I can't believe how much of a different, depressed, moody, irrational person this drug made me and I am so thankful to be free from the prison of slavery. 

Current Symptoms:

-Tinnitus. This is my worst symptom because it is so annoying. It's really not "loud" as I know some people have LOUD ringing they can't even hear themselves talking. It WAS that loud for a cycle of weeks, on and off, in the beginning back from probably July to October 2023. It is however constantly changing from a cicada sound which no white noise can cover up, to a pure tone ring, to a sssss, to a loud intermittent beep like a bird chirping straight into my ear. Some days it's less obvious other days it morphs into something brand new! Mostly on the right side too, as far as intensity. Anyways I had tinnitus before that got better when I went off benzos so hoping with all my heart that the same results will be repeated. Also, my wisdom teeth are crowding in my jaw and causing pain and inflammation and I am thinking its contributing to worse tinnitus. 

-Sleep. Sleeping through the night and falling asleep are still difficult. Even if I am exhausted it's hard to relax and fall asleep. I usually end up laying down and then all the worst and most terrible and painful thoughts come to mind and torture me. I had a few weeks where i'd sleep well for a few nights then couldn't sleep until 2 am the next few nights. I go to bed between 8:30 and 10:00 pm. I will wake up at least 4 times a night. Be half awake half asleep. My jaw and temple can be so stiff too as I am at times wincing while I try and focus on sleeping. I do think now though a lot of that is the wisdom teeth and probably the klonopin relaxed my jaw. 

-Can feel depressed easily.  I have been noticing that I can feel depressed easily or anxious easily depending on the thoughts that come to my head. Even just a change of rooms can do this. I feel very sensitive to an unstable mood. Sometimes driving then getting to my destination and getting out of the car takes me from happy to sad. Also I will feel exhausted when this happens. I'll feel energized and ready for my day then if a thought enters my head or I change rooms I am all of a sudden exhausted. 

-Anxiety. I have probably very mild anxiety at this point. I could say even it's probably my fear of my tinnitus that fires up this anxiety. Some days I'll have it worse in the morning, or when I am home alone, or even most recently I had a relapse of not being able to get out of my car to go into a store because I was stunned with too many emotions. That happened a lot more in my taper and really was a flare up last week of something that has for the most part dissipated.  The anxiety is usually somatic and I feel it in my heart and stomach when it happens. It can send me to the bathroom. I'd say it happens very minimally relative to my taper. 

-Shutting down/freezing/can't talk about how I feel/don't feel safe. This happens with big conflicts like marital stuff mostly. I used to just scream and get mad and act foolish. Now that I am drug free I shut down and get quiet. I think it's actually a step in the right direction, but of course not healthy to not be able to communicate. It's just a total system overload. 

-Air Hunger. I had this BAD in the beginning, also I am 5 months pregnant, so I can feel really short of breath and truly don't know if its air hunger or just pregnancy but this has nonetheless improved immensely to being a non issue. 

-Visual Snow- I already had this it's just A LOT worse like having psychedelic hallucinations at times. I remember it too got better before my last excursion with benzos. It doesn't really bother me. 

I can't really think of much more honestly that is truly bothering me. I get tired easily, but I am pregnant. I can have good days and bad days but mostly things have been improving, and it's true I will get waves of symptoms I thought were done, but then they settle down and go away again. I would like to hear about how you're doing so feel free to talk with me. I have had a REALLY hard journey and because this is my second time doing this I am better at handling it but I know how hard this is and I am here to offer hope to anyone who needs it. There is so much negativity here. I think a lot of people here need serious psychological support that they aren't receiving and you need to use good judgement and discernment before adopting fear. Please pray that my tinnitus will get better and for my family if you do that sort of thing. If you need prayer let me know. 

Kindly, SS

[[Sw...]]

I'd add one more which is memory and attention span. They are affected by the withdrawal and my ability to focus is strongly impacted. Just the last thing really to mention. 

[[Re...]]

@[Sw...] Like you, I am thankful that these pills no longer hold me hostage. To do this once is remarkable, but twice, and have a baby on top of it? You are in the ranks of the elite ladies on this site whose success stories will inspire others for years to come. I wish you all the best as your healing progresses.

[[PE...]]

Gongrats to your time and pregnancy @[Sw...] 

I'm like you 4 months free and also have this very annoying high tone tinnitus. Never in my life had it before my accute. I manage to forget about it most of the time now. But when i read about it like now it comes back.

You do good just keep on  keeping on

 

[[Sw...]]

@[Re...] thank you so much! I wish I felt like an elite.. I feel disappointed I fell into this benzo trap twice but I have the rest of my life to do better now and I am thankful for that. Hoping you are doing well on your journey!

[[Sw...]]

@[ne...] thank you for the kind words. I am looking forward to the day when my tinnitus settles down. .I have had it for 6 years now and it has been really manageable before but these benzos just really made it a lot worse. Also found out recently I have impacted wisdom teeth with cavities so I am sure that's also worsening the tinnitus. Time will heal everything! Glad you can ignore your T. That's the best. When I had ignorable T it rarely bothered me at all. I'd say mine is ignorable 50% of the time when I am busy.