14 Months Off - Would Love Some Replies

[[ne...]]

Still very symptomatic and wondering if I this is a sign that I've done all the healing I will do? Can more come after being off this amount of time? Feeling very discouraged with physical symptoms and the inability to handle any stress without becoming completely flared. Thank you. 

[[ma...]]

I am in the same situation as you i think . 13 1/2 months off and still the the same . ( Feel worse i think .) But a member here adviced me to think back if anything have improved . And if so it was a good sign . I am sure you will heal a lot more

[[Br...]]

@[ne...] - Many of us are still symptomatic in the second year after our last dose.  I don't believe it means you've done all your healing at all!  It just takes longer for some of us to heal. This was true for me and I know how discouraging it can feel.  Remember, this varies so much from one individual to another, there's a wide spectrum.   @[ma...] brings up such important advice; how have your symptoms changed over the past 14 months?  It's one reason it can be so helpful to keep a simple journal of your symptom - not to dwell on them in depth to the point you give them all of your focus, just to note them and set the journal aside after you jot them down each week for example.  It's a way to see progress you may not realize you've made.

Another thing I found really helpful was seeing that many members posted they experienced significant healing in the second half of their second year.  I know it's really hard not to be done with this but you're on the path and you will get there.

 

[[ne...]]

Thank you both so much! 

I would say the intensity has died down even though they're still very prominent. A year ago they were stopping me from activities and my daily duties while now I can function better even though they're still clawing at me 24/7. 

It really helps to hear from others in this so know how much I appreciate the replies and rooting you on @[ma...]. 

[[...]]

4 hours ago, [[n...] said:

Still very symptomatic and wondering if I this is a sign that I've done all the healing I will do? Can more come after being off this amount of time? Feeling very discouraged with physical symptoms and the inability to handle any stress without becoming completely flared. Thank you. 

Absolutely not done healing. Don't worry about it. You'll see.

[[ne...]]

Really appreciate that @[...] XOXO 

[[Ne...]]

I have talked to many people were in various stages of healing. For most (including myself), symptoms seem to cycle for no apparent reason. What you dealt with early in acute, may or may not revisit you later. But, rest assured it is "all" healing. I healed just before the two and a half year mark. But like the last month and a half I had a surge. Everything seemingly ramped up like 1,000 percent. Then I healed overnight on Sept. 1st 2017, and have been great ever since.

      That being said, most heal where symptoms just drop off one at a time, until all your symptoms will be gone! I have seen many people heal, even what they call long haulers, which I myself consider to be three years or so.  Sometimes symptoms for people fall off, and it is a couple of days before they even notice it. I guess when something is not bothering you as much, you tend to pay attention to other things more.

     The last day of August 2017, I went to bed as bad as I had ever been (which was really bad). And literally woke up healed, a rare case indeed, but I was glad for it!  Everybody heals in time, is what I have been seeing. Hang in there, and never give up! 

Personally, I have noticed that people that go over the three year mark. "Usually" have something they are doing unknowingly doing (either by diet or environmentally) where they are consuming a substance that is an antagonist to their Gaba receptors healing quicker. In other words, people that smoke, certain supplements, cigarettes or weed, or use CBD, or alcohol. Or a host of other things that can hinder one from healing, that can keep their receptors down-regulated, and not allow them to heal. as soon.

    

[[dj...]]

4 hours ago, [[B...] said:

@[ne...] - Many of us are still symptomatic in the second year after our last dose.  I don't believe it means you've done all your healing at all!  It just takes longer for some of us to heal. This was true for me and I know how discouraging it can feel.  Remember, this varies so much from one individual to another, there's a wide spectrum.   @[ma...] brings up such important advice; how have your symptoms changed over the past 14 months?  It's one reason it can be so helpful to keep a simple journal of your symptom - not to dwell on them in depth to the point you give them all of your focus, just to note them and set the journal aside after you jot them down each week for example.  It's a way to see progress you may not realize you've made.

Another thing I found really helpful was seeing that many members posted they experienced significant healing in the second half of their second year.  I know it's really hard not to be done with this but you're on the path and you will get there.

I really hope this 18-24 month window turns out to be true.  I’ve noticed the same thing reading these boards.  I’m a little over 16 months off and haven’t gotten anywhere.  That’s a fact too, not recency bias or distorted recollection. 

[[wi...]]

@[Br...]its impossible not to dwell on symptoms when the dwelling itself is an ocd looping symptom. 
 

 

Edited February 12 by [wi...]

[[ne...]]

I so appreciate the replies @[Ne...], @[wi...] and @[dj...]  

[[Ho...]]

Hi @[ne...] I feel your pain! I'm at 17 months off. I'm starting to have more not-too-awful days. This is kind of new because I never really could recognize a window/wave pattern. But I recognize this! It's better. But not good enough, for sure.

The issues I still have are a tendency to have toxic naps (although that is lightening,) an allover 'icky' feeling that ends quickly in a sudden sweat, from head to toe. I also feel a bit anxious and down. But not as bad as before. 

In some ways it feels worse, because although I feel better, my life has been so decimated after all these years of fighting the benzo battle (18 + months before I could get off it, and another 17 after jumping) that I no longer have things I love to do. I kept trying to do them during the battle and could never sustain anything. Everything bothered me. Often things do still bother me, and the things I loved to do like read, decorate, paint and go out with friends don't do it for me anymore. Hopefully they will again someday!

I have to assume I'm not fully healed yet, since I can't enjoy things. Not yet. This is kind of a weird stage, because I don't have anything horrific that I need help with, but every day is sort of monotonous. If I'm busy doing things, which doesn't happen very often, I'm better off but still can't enjoy.

So maybe you can get a little encouragement from all my discouraging words! I'm still healing, even though I don't feel absolutely awful anymore. So you must still be healing too!

Warmly,

HCHC

[Guest [...]]

7 hours ago, [[w...] said:

@[Br...]its impossible not to dwell on symptoms when the dwelling itself is an ocd looping symptom. 
 

Hi @[wi...]

I know it can be frustrating to hear generalised advice about not dwelling… clearly there are those members like yourself who feel completely trapped within a OCD type loop until a window opens up and the viscous loop falls away momentarily to give you a brief look at your future only to return again. Please try not to feel as though we are dismissing the severity to which your specific group experience such a horrid symptom. I hate to see members triggered into those emotions of frustration, feeling as though your symptom severity is being dismissed by those of us that may not have experienced it at its worst. I know how that frustration only makes you feel worse because of the way the emotion hits your nervous system and potentially only intensifies your symptoms or experience of your symptoms. 

At the risk of sounding as though I’m dismissing the severity of nervouswrecks symptoms (which I’m not), I do get the sense (by the original post) that nervouswreck isn’t experiencing the same intensity of OCD loop as yourself and a number of others. 

I think it’s important for us when we read a post to sometimes remember that replies to any OP are often only directed at the OP, based on the original post… how we (rightly or wrongly) interpret the severity of the current experience of the OP. 

When we’re in the depths… on reading another’s post replies, it can sometimes sound as though any advise is directed towards all members, but it’s not. @[Br...] would have been replying to @[ne...] alone, based on how she perceived the words and energy behind the original post, which seemed to be mostly about the physical symptoms and inability to handle stress, rather than being stuck in that intensely viscous OCD looping thought type cycle that I know you experience yourself. 

I read the OP exactly the same way as @[Br...], and would’ve offered the same advise as my feeling (right or wrong) was that @[ne...] isn’t experiencing the same intense viscous thought cycle as yourself. 

Please don’t feel that we are ever dismissing the severity of your own personal experience based on how we reply to another members post. Our replies really are targeted towards the OP alone, and based on how we interpret their experience through their own words and energy. 

I know your symptoms are very extreme, and it hurts to see you or anyone else frustrated by posts which aren’t directed at them… those experiencing such intense mental emotional OCD loops which never seem to allow the opportunity for release and just breathe. 

Much love and support, @[wi...] 🫂❤️

 

[[Br...]]

21 hours ago, [[w...] said:

@[Br...]its impossible not to dwell on symptoms when the dwelling itself is an ocd looping symptom. 
 

@[wi...], I understand. I'm sorry it appeared I was minimizing the torment of OCD looping. Please know I was responding directly to the OP and not making a blanket suggestion.   I would never have advised anyone going through OCD looping to not dwell on their symptoms. It would be insensitive and invalidating.

[[wi...]]

@[Br...]

I know BD. I’m just so sensitive and frustrated because I CANT stop them by distracting or even ignoring them. It just has to pass and while it’s active, it’s beyond hell.

Thanks for clarifying. ❤️

[[Pi...]]

At 18 months and 1 week things improved dramatically.   
 

I hope it lasts but accept that things could change overnight.  I still can’t handle stress though and am not as sharp cognitively.  
 

I just don’t trust myself to continue being ok so I don’t commit to anything.  I think when I get to 24 months I will be ok.  I am constantly monitoring myself and my behavior.

[[Bo...]]

Congrats on 14 mo friend!!!