ready to go to the er

[[ji...]]

i know going to the hospital is not really going to help, i'll probably wind up on the psych ward.   but even though i updosed , this speeding heart rate has me feeling like im going to have a seizure.   i really do not want to go, i just cant get my system to slow down.   feeling so horrible.  and very terrified i wont get stable even if they put me back up on klonopin.  i cant beleive this after feeling wonderful for so long now

[[de...]]

Hey there!  Sorry you are struggling.   I read a post from earlier today and you mentioned alcohol.  The wine was probably helping you "stabilize" more or less.   It is a liquid form of a benzo, so basically while drinking you are still not able to completely heal from benzos.   I had a very similar thing happen.     A lot of people say you should not drink for two years AFTER you think you are completely healed.   

As for the hospital, I am sure you know, they will not be able to do anything for you.  Try to ride this out as best you can.   

[[ji...]]

@[de...]   yes...   i have a  bag packed for the hospital, but i know, they tell me i need to go back up on the klonopin.   i am still trying to ride this out.   i get so terrified with the pounding heart and pulse.  im 55 and so afraid i'll have a heart attack.  thank you.  it really makes a difference having this group.  no one else understands.  my idiot of a husband only has one answer and that is to take a whole pill.   thanks for your help.  i really appreciate it~~~jill

[[Br...]]

@[ji...] - I'm so sorry you're going through this.  It brings back a lot of intense memories for me of when I was in the thick of withdrawal and suffering with symptoms like yours.  It's brutal and terrifying - the symptoms make us fear the worst and all of this is magnified a thousand times because the fear center of the brain is on high alert and sending disaster signals over every stimulus that comes up.  

When I was in a state like you these things helped me:

Making an extra strong cup of chamomile tea using 2 bags (some people don't tolerate chamomile well and others do - I found it mildly soothing)

A very warm bath with Epsom salts and fragrant essential oil (I liked lavender); lighting a candle in the bathroom and turning off the light; playing calming music on my cell phone

Deep, slow breathing exercises like this: Breathe in to count of 4; Hold for 7 counts; Exhale for count of 8; repeat

          Or box breathing: Breath in for 4 counts; hold for 4 counts; exhale for 4 counts; hold for 4 counts; repeat

Repeating "I will not feel this way forever. I am safe. I am healing. I am okay"

I found the Headspace app was really helpful too.  I've also heard good things about the Calm app.

You will get through this.  Sometimes it's one hour at a time.  But you are healing.

 

 

 

[[...]]

 

Hi Jilly Bean 

I am in the thick of it myself right now, every day not knowing how I’m gonna make it to the next. Still have a long way to go. 
I have been following you on this site because we both have been on this med for so long. You have come so far and you are close to the finish line. you have been my inspiration.

All things will pass, nothing lasts forever. I know how tough you are because how far you’ve come.

feel better soon, better days are coming!

 

 

[[ji...]]

@[...] thank you so much. your words are so kind that im crying. you seriosly have helped me tonight and i am grateful. i hope i can do the same for you someday. thank you geno~~jill

[[wi...]]

@[...]and @[ji...] 🫂 you’re both heroes to me.❤️‍🩹

[[Ju...]]

I haven't commented on anybody's posts in months, but every time I see "I'm going to the er", I feel the need to chime in. I'll remind you of the reality there:

Generally most hospitals have security guards, and even metal detectors when you arrive. They look at you like a criminal, try to say they're there to protect, and there's a whole lot of drug addicts and injured people and sick people in the waiting room. Generally the wait time is several hours long, so you sit there suffering around all the other people, who generally stare at you.

Next, they will put a million stickers and bracelets on your arm, ask questions about your medical history and take your vitals, ask a bunch of questions about what you're allergic to, usually take some blood and make you pee in a cup. They will change you into scrubs, and they will take your belongings bag and search through it, and place everything in a locked area. You will not have access to your phone, nor will you have access to your belongings anymore.

Any medications that you normally take, they will no longer give to you most likely. It will be up to the triage nurses and the doctor on call, who usually sees you for a couple seconds, and then goes and attends to someone else. You will get left waiting in the waiting room for a few hours most likely, wondering where your meds are. They'll ask you what your anxiety level is and what your depression level is, and you'll say it's a 10, and they'll probably write down a four or five instead. They'll notate your appearance, and whether or not you look like you're in distress, usually that's a no.

If you get admitted on involuntary commitment, they'll tell you that you can't leave. You'll be forced to go to treatment teams each morning, meet your social worker everyday, talk to a psychiatrist for a couple seconds, who's most likely going to write benzodiazepine use disorder in your records, or substance abuse, or something along those lines. Usually they will treat you with disrespect after they diagnose you with that, and tell you that you need to learn new coping skills. They will inform you of Deep breathing, and triggers, and AA groups and na groups.

After a couple days, they might ask you your anxiety levels again and your depression levels. They will suggest antidepressants and mood stabilizers, and give you the standard protocol of Benadryl or some other type of allergy medicine, and try to act like it's going to solve the world. This is my experience at least.

Generally after being there for a couple days, you'll realize it's a mistake and you shouldn't have gone, and they'll discharge you home, to follow up with your outpatient provider. You'll wonder why you didn't just go to the outpatient provider in the first place, and now if you don't, they'll say that you're not following doctors instructions, and possibly say that you're not following your new medication compliance. You'll say but I don't want medications, and they'll say you have antisocial personality disorder or some other type of DSM-5 condition for not complying.

Most likely you'll find some torn up napkins or notes that some other psychiatric patients wrote you while you were in there, with their phone numbers and the want to tell you their stories about how horrible the psychiatric system is or the drugs they were doing. Sometimes they want to meet up outside of the hospital, and it's usually a bad idea.

Generally there's nothing they can do for you to make you feel better, so it's just a wasted visit. Usually you lose sleep, sometimes end up sick from germs, have a bunch of needle marks in your arm from all the blood draws, most likely have a high bill from insurance or co-pays or no insurance whatsoever, which could ruin your credit as well. As the other people on benzo buddies said, it's a good idea to avoid the hospital during benzo withdrawal. This is not always the case, but for the majority of us, seems to be the normal.

I'm not anti-doctor, and I still have to follow benzo buddy rules like everybody else, but I just wanted to remind you of the reality before you go. The discomfort that you're feeling right now, won't last long, it'll go away most likely.

[[Ca...]]

1 hour ago, [[J...] said:

I haven't commented on anybody's posts in months, but every time I see "I'm going to the er", I feel the need to chime in. I'll remind you of the reality there:

Generally most hospitals have security guards, and even metal detectors when you arrive. They look at you like a criminal, try to say they're there to protect, and there's a whole lot of drug addicts and injured people and sick people in the waiting room. Generally the wait time is several hours long, so you sit there suffering around all the other people, who generally stare at you.

Next, they will put a million stickers and bracelets on your arm, ask questions about your medical history and take your vitals, ask a bunch of questions about what you're allergic to, usually take some blood and make you pee in a cup. They will change you into scrubs, and they will take your belongings bag and search through it, and place everything in a locked area. You will not have access to your phone, nor will you have access to your belongings anymore.

Any medications that you normally take, they will no longer give to you most likely. It will be up to the triage nurses and the doctor on call, who usually sees you for a couple seconds, and then goes and attends to someone else. You will get left waiting in the waiting room for a few hours most likely, wondering where your meds are. They'll ask you what your anxiety level is and what your depression level is, and you'll say it's a 10, and they'll probably write down a four or five instead. They'll notate your appearance, and whether or not you look like you're in distress, usually that's a no.

If you get admitted on involuntary commitment, they'll tell you that you can't leave. You'll be forced to go to treatment teams each morning, meet your social worker everyday, talk to a psychiatrist for a couple seconds, who's most likely going to write benzodiazepine use disorder in your records, or substance abuse, or something along those lines. Usually they will treat you with disrespect after they diagnose you with that, and tell you that you need to learn new coping skills. They will inform you of Deep breathing, and triggers, and AA groups and na groups.

After a couple days, they might ask you your anxiety levels again and your depression levels. They will suggest antidepressants and mood stabilizers, and give you the standard protocol of Benadryl or some other type of allergy medicine, and try to act like it's going to solve the world. This is my experience at least.

Generally after being there for a couple days, you'll realize it's a mistake and you shouldn't have gone, and they'll discharge you home, to follow up with your outpatient provider. You'll wonder why you didn't just go to the outpatient provider in the first place, and now if you don't, they'll say that you're not following doctors instructions, and possibly say that you're not following your new medication compliance. You'll say but I don't want medications, and they'll say you have antisocial personality disorder or some other type of DSM-5 condition for not complying.

Most likely you'll find some torn up napkins or notes that some other psychiatric patients wrote you while you were in there, with their phone numbers and the want to tell you their stories about how horrible the psychiatric system is or the drugs they were doing. Sometimes they want to meet up outside of the hospital, and it's usually a bad idea.

Generally there's nothing they can do for you to make you feel better, so it's just a wasted visit. Usually you lose sleep, sometimes end up sick from germs, have a bunch of needle marks in your arm from all the blood draws, most likely have a high bill from insurance or co-pays or no insurance whatsoever, which could ruin your credit as well. As the other people on benzo buddies said, it's a good idea to avoid the hospital during benzo withdrawal. This is not always the case, but for the majority of us, seems to be the normal.

I'm not anti-doctor, and I still have to follow benzo buddy rules like everybody else, but I just wanted to remind you of the reality before you go. The discomfort that you're feeling right now, won't last long, it'll go away most likely.

Nah, that's not the way it goes or did with me. I've been in lockdown 4 times and they always gotta defer to your doctor what you're supposed to get. I still hated it but at least I felt secure that both my doc and my psychiatrist were in the loop. 

[[...]]

10 hours ago, [[j...] said:

@[de...]   yes...   i have a  bag packed for the hospital, but i know, they tell me i need to go back up on the klonopin.   i am still trying to ride this out.   i get so terrified with the pounding heart and pulse.  im 55 and so afraid i'll have a heart attack.  thank you.  it really makes a difference having this group.  no one else understands.  my idiot of a husband only has one answer and that is to take a whole pill.   thanks for your help.  i really appreciate it~~~jill

Did you consider a calcium channel blocker for a while. They can make the racing heart symptom not so intense.

[[ji...]]

@[...]  yes,i have been thinking of that but i am so afraid to put any other med in my system that i keep just trying to wait for this to pass.   it seems that when my system is so over stimulated even the most harmless chemical causes some sort of reaction.   to make things worse, i havnt spoke with my doctor in a couple of years.  im using pills i stockpiled to do my taper.  thank you so much for your reply.~~jill

[[ji...]]

@[Ju...]  yes, i am also too familiar with the added stress going to the er causes me and the fact that never have they actually helped in any way.  sometimes i feel so paralized with these symptoms, that i guess im just really looking for a safe place to be.   its a lose lose situation at the moment.  i have to keep reminding myself of what @[...] said.  that this will pass ~~  thank you ~jill

[[...]]

My palpitation episodes didn't subside until a couple months after the klon was totally out of me. 

Then later I got bad headaches and blood pressure spikes( without palps.) I tried the calcium channel blocker verapamil. I notice that when I rev up or have panic, it's more tolerable and controllable.

So I don't know if it will help while still on klon. But it does help me stay a bit lower. If that makes sense.

 

[[ji...]]

@[...]  thank you..  i will stay open to the idea of a blocker for the racing heart and pulse.  congratulations on finishing your taper. its pretty amazing.  i read your signature.  it seems you had a really rough taper and were also on as long as me.   wishing you continued healing every day. i hope i can get to the finish line like you. ~~jill

[[ji...]]

@[...]   also way to go with being able to work through this.  i had to stop working 4 years ago.  my job wasnt one to brag about but i really did love being a waitress. i worked in one of the busiest diners in new jersey and absolutly loved all my customers.  they really became friends and i miss them dearly

[[ji...]]

@[Br...]   yes... all the suggestions you made are the things i do daily.  ive havnt had symtoms for so long that ive really been practicing so much self care. basically living like my home is a wellness center.  and life has been calm and good,   this wave that was so unexpected has me paralized.  a quick shower is all i can manage right now.  looking forward to my candle lit salt baths again.   thank you brighterday~jill

[[Ma...]]

Do you have a GP or psychiatrist you can contact? A beta blocker would probably help.

I ‘ve been exactly where you are-or so I believe. They’ll probably just take your vitals and maybe a chest/heart CT then refer you to psych. The ER is only for “stabilizing”. And can take hours and hours. And sometimes they’re not very nice. Sometimes they will treat you like a drug addict.

If it will calm your anxiety go for it, but it might just cause more anxiety and frustration.

And the alcohol. Many, many, MANY will have a glass or so to calm the w/d symptoms. It just takes a little longer to heal. That is all. Unless you’re drinking like 1,3 bottles of wine.

Please try a guided meditation as Brighter suggested, a bath, tea. But do what is best for you 💕

[[ji...]]

@[Ma...]  thank you mary. yes, the glass of wine at night wasnt to calm symptoms.  i havnt had any symptoms for so long.  it was more just something to treat myself for getting through my taper so well i guess.  i was enjoying my family, my life and the glass of wine in the evening.   thats why i really can figure out what sent me back to how i felt 2 years ago.  even waking up in the mornings again with that "morning terror".  where i have to immediatly get up and move to settle the shaking down,   i guess maybe a wave can come on out of nowhere even at the last 0.1 mg..  i should still be grateful for how smooth things have gone so far and to realize maybe some more healing is whats taking place in my benzo damaged brain.    thank you for your kindness~jill

Edited February 10 by [ji...]

[[kn...]]

Many great solutions and words of wisdom here.  Please go back and read what "Just in Time" had to say.  I worked for ten years in hospitals as a mental health consultant and ombudsman with patients being admitted to ER and in the locked ward.  ER is all and sometimes more than he alluded to.  The locked ward can be a mad house even in this day and age.  A lot of what I did was working to connect patients to their own Dr.'s and trying to get medication regimens straightened out.  It worked out well some times, but more than not, the regular docs wouldn't see their patients in the inpatient ward and deferred to the psychiatrists already on staff.  Meds were often changed, rearranged and messed with to the extent that they were never right.  And getting out of there is something else.  In our state in the US, that required a hearing and out patient "probation"  that can be humiliating and unneeded.  Follow the advice given by your followers here and think twice before getting in the car. 

[[ji...]]

thank you @[kn...].   i have gone before for this and the psych ward was where they put me.  im going to ride this wave out and hope for life to get back to what it was only a week ago.   i do realize that going to the er will be traumatizing for me.  there really is nowhere to turn.  the only way for us to heal is to go right through this hell   ~~  blessings~jill

[[Ma...]]

I believe that can be the absolute worst feeling: there’s no where to turn, nobody to help me. I read a quote that something to the effect of:

‘There’s nothing more devastating than watching your entire life fall apart and all you can do is watch.’

However, we do have BB and those who came before us in Success Stories. Keep going!

[[ji...]]

@[Ma...]  yes.   another quote that gives me some hope~~  "all great changes are preceded by chaos"   and if this isnt chaos , i dont know what is

[[...]]

2 hours ago, [[j...] said:

@[...]   also way to go with being able to work through this.  i had to stop working 4 years ago.  my job wasnt one to brag about but i really did love being a waitress. i worked in one of the busiest diners in new jersey and absolutly loved all my customers.  they really became friends and i miss them dearly

I'm not working.  I knew this was going to be super hard.  I saved up my money just to get off klon.

[[ji...]]

@[...]  wow...  good for you, very smart thinking.  so many people loose everything while tapering.  wishing you all the best in recovery from this~jill

[[...]]

What happens to people who lose everything before they heal?