Suffering, small reductions causing big upsurge in symptoms- Looking for advice

[[Ze...]]

For the past year and a half or so I have been trying to taper off of benzodiazepines. My situation is a bit complex, involving misdiagnoses and multiple previous psychiatric drug tapers including severely disabling tapers from both Lamictal and Cymbalta. As it stands, I am taking 6mg of Valium twice daily, and .273mg of Klonopin once daily (my previous doctor felt it would be wise for me to start Klonopin to get off the Valium- this was after I attempted to a rapid taper off of Valium, believing his advice that I'd be able to get off quickly "whenever I was ready"... not sure how I believed that was a good idea, but I digress.) 

After having to reinstate the Valium at my previous dose, my strategy for the last year has been to taper the Klonopin first, and then start tapering the Valium. I was taking rescue doses of Klonopin pretty regularly of 2mg, and we I began my taper started with an initial cut to to .7mg and then about a month later I cut to .5- at the advice of a new doctor. I held at .5 for awhile while some acute withdrawal symptoms slowly began to stabilize, and then began a water titration of the K using ODT tabs. Since September, I've only been able to reduce the Klonopin dosage by 10 percent, and have been experiencing a pretty decent level of daily agony from the withdrawal since then, with brief windows of lifted mood here and there. 

After having been holding at .285 for may weeks, I started micro tapering again on December 11th. On the 26th I became pretty ill, and also had a brand change of my generic due to having to switch pharmacies in order to continue getting the ODT tabs. 

Between 12-18 and todays date I've been able to reduce from .285 to .273, however that rate of taper has really pushed me to the edge of what I can function with, and has severely impacted my mood and mental functioning. 

It's just really feeling like I've hit a wall- If I do nothing I suffer, and if I taper the suffering gets worse. I'm finding it hard to believe it is so hard to move forward right now, and I desperately want to get off of these drugs so that my brain can begin to finally heal. 

I'm beginning to consider that it may just be really hard getting from .273 to whatever dose I'm going to jump from the K at, and I just have to go for it. Sitting around in pain waiting for things to moderately improve feels so frustrating. 

If anyone has any reflections on this situation based on their own experience, I'd love to hear them. Various things I've considered are 

1. Hold the Klonopin indefinitely and begin tapering the Valium

2. Switch fully over to Valium, hold for as long as it takes and begin tapering

3. Switch fully over to Klonopin, hold for as long as it takes and begin tapering. 

4. Continue in the face of intense sxs with the current plan

 

I feel fairly certain I'm in tolerance withdrawal, and often feel much worse after I dose. I could be wrong about that, but it feels like its the case to me. I appreciate any feedback/support/advice. Thank you!

 

Edited February 9 by [Ze...]

[[Bu...]]

1 hour ago, [[Z...] said:

After having been holding at .285 for may weeks, I started micro tapering again on December 11th. On the 26th I became pretty ill, and also had a brand change of my generic due to having to switch pharmacies in order to continue getting the ODT tabs. 

Between 12-18 and todays date I've been able to reduce from .285 to .273, however that rate of taper has really pushed me to the edge of what I can function with, and has severely impacted my mood and mental functioning. 

Hey @[Ze...],

This seems like a lot for your body/brain to deal with.  If it were me, I would probably just hold everything for a while and see if things stabilize.  I know you want to get off all of this, but holding might really be the best option to minimize problems moving forward.  Per the Ashton manual, many people find it help full to make a slow transition from Klonopin to Valium, and finish tapering from the Valium.  Since your are already on both, this might be a good option for you after you stabilize for a bit.  

I really don't think switching fully to Klonopin would be very helpful, but everyone is different.  I also don't think switching which med your currently tapering would be the best option, as this would be one more change you would have to adjust to.

Hope this makes sense and helps somewhat.

[[Ze...]]

I’ve been holding for a little over a month now, and while I feel more stable mentally, my phsyical symptoms including muscle cramps and physical weakness continue to get worse over time. I’m also feeling quite cognitively impaired throughout the day, feeling very foggy and drugged out. I’m beginning to wonder if this is as stable as I’m likely to get. Continuing to hold is feeling really frustrating. I had initially planned to hold for three months and see my results, but the worsening of some symptoms while holding is concerning me. Does anyone have any experience with feeling worse holding before feeling some healing happen? I’m ready to accept that it may be this rough until I’m off and to continue my taper… possibly making a small cut (1 percent) of the and seeing how I handle it before making any larger moves. 
 

I’ve had someone suggest I see a doctor regarding the physical symptoms but I really think this is a result of the medications. Also the last time I mentioned how difficult it was to my psychiatrist she suggested detox- which I am not willing to try, and then was ok with me holding for 3 months. 
 

Any thoughts about continuing to Hold versus gritting my teeth and moving forward are welcome. Thanks everyone.

 

Z

[[wi...]]

8 hours ago, [[Z...] said:

Does anyone have any experience with feeling worse holding before feeling some healing happen? I’m ready to accept that it may be this rough until I’m off and to continue my taper… possibly making a small cut (1 percent) of the and seeing how I handle it before making any larger moves. 

I did long holds because everyone told me to and looking back I regret it.

it never made me more “stable” and caused me great mental and physical distress. I like your idea of continuing to cut but in super small consistent percentages.

trust yourself!! ❤️