4 years, 7 months of insight/progress

[[Ju...]]

Hey guys,

It's been a long time, months since logging in. I went through another long hellish phase, partially caused by my own ignorance. I realized what harms and what doesn't, which situations to stay away from, and which ones to disregard from the benzo community.

Also, pretty much every single post from the past that I've ever put on this website, makes zero sense. Now that it's been over 4 and 1/2 years, I'm realizing the majority of people's posts make zero sense. That's okay though, that's what the website is for, for support.

With that being said, I'm closer than ever to being healed. It's so close that I can sense it, feels like my body is getting out the remaining past feelings that were built up inside, trying to level out. I'm almost certain that everything we're going through, is built up anxiety and stress and pain and hardships and sensory stimulations, along with a little bit of neurological injury as well. I'm almost certain that it's our central nervous system thrown out of whack, trying to set back to it's biological normal. You know, like nature or birth.

There's a lot of hype on this website, a ton of misinformation on drugs and medications as well. I don't think that any Pharmaceuticals or any worse than alcohol, and I don't think weed is any better than either of those either. I don't think grocery store food with preservatives, or sugar in your diet is any better than any illegal recreational substances either. I'm seeing this from a birth perspective now, why do you think pregnant mothers are required to be so healthy and eat so clean? I'm almost certain we need to do the same at the moment, treat ourselves like pregnant women almost. I think it's biology trying to reset itself, although I could be wrong.

I know the moderators might get upset with this, but I'm going to give you my experience on marijuana as well. I live in downtown Seattle washington, and I tested every weed strain possible. I did this for about 2 years, every indica, every sativa, every hybrid, every cart, live resins, live rosins, every concentrate, every edible, every kind of flower, every kind of kief, every kind of bubble hash, you name it. You know what I realized? Yeah it can help temporarily, but it does the same thing in the long run as pills.

I kept putting myself through a loop with marijuana, feeling better temporarily, but feeling bad in the morning. Going for weeks on end without a break, wake and bake to sleep. All day long, no break whatsoever. And at the end of these few weeks, I would feel miserable at the end again. And then I would give it a few more weeks to heal, wondering why it's taking so long when I didn't used to get weed withdrawal. Come to find out, it's not weed withdrawal, it was my central nervous system going through loops of trying to recover again.

I kept setting myself back, thinking I was just temporarily feeling like crap. But I wasn't feeling like crap, it was much more than that. My central nervous system kept trying to recover and it was a never-ending loop. Don't believe all the fear mongering and stories about how it's going to throw you into accute, although it could potentially do that too depending on your level of healing. But don't believe the hype about it being a magic cure either, I tested this time and time again, pushed it to the max, didn't even have to work during this trial and error.

I also tested my limits with sugar, and I tested my limits with breads. Same thing, it keeps putting you through loops. Unless you're putting all real food in your body, you're going to screw yourself. I know I'm sounding like a know it all right now, but it's true. Even if it's not giving you benzo symptoms, it's putting negative stuff in your body. Not everyone can afford all organic, but at least put all real food in your body. I mean real chicken, real tomatoes, real lettuce, real everything. Nothing out of a box, nothing preserved, nothing with artificial ingredients, nothing that says all natural. Organic or not, not a huge deal. But real food or not, absolutely a huge deal.

Regarding stress and exercise, neither are going to actually throw you back. What they will do though, is make you feel miserable for a couple days. It can throw off your sleep cycle, which can throw you back. Each time I threw off my sleep cycle, I definitely had reverse progress. In other words, one can lead to the other. Keep doing damage to your injury, keep setting yourself back. Move forward with all natural real foods and no stress, most likely you'll heal much quicker. It's like a Band-Aid on a wound.

With all that being said, I went from homeless to Waterfront living within a few years, fixed all my credit, expunged a lot of criminal records, got all new clothing and furniture and stuff. Things are definitely improving, but I have a long ways to go as well. I think I'll be healed from the benzo withdrawal soon, but I still have a lot of mental stuff to work on. This isn't just all benzo withdrawal for people, I'd say half of it is also mental health.

Regarding the mental health stuff, I say disregard doctors and don't listen to therapy people either. Yes they have some good advice, but I think you need to figure things out for yourself more than anything. This is more a personal battle, more a personal recovery, understanding yourself and what you really want, figuring out what you missed, figure out what you want to do to move forward. Don't let recovery AA groups or mental therapy or doctors give you their two cents, or you'll be doing their perspective instead of your own.

I'm trying to move forward with our old grandparents perspective and advice, clean diet and good sleep. Try to live as good as you can, don't fall into all this new political turmoil going on or any of the new medical system and Big Pharma BS. Of course they've done studies, of course there's some science behind it, but look how the Native Americans lived for 14,000 years. Look how quick modern government destroyed us within a couple hundred years. Enough said.

If you can pull yourself through this, think logically with our grandparents mindset and Native American diets and outlook on life, and you can forget about all the turmoil and political stuff going on, and try to stay natural from this point on, you'll be just fine in life. Doesn't matter what kind of area you live in, country, city, west, east, you'll be just fine. That's my perspective on this whole benzo withdrawal thing so far. Take care.