Withdrawal Must be Here

[[wi...]]

I can laugh sometimes but it’s still somewhat awkward feeling when I do.

[[Kh...]]

Wow - this withdrawal thing is awful.  What's funny is I don't have any of the typical rebound anxiety, etc...Just depression and ramping tinnitus that is a true evilness.  Hoping the it will at least get a little less intense soon.  I chose to drop to .25mg V from .5mg as a precaution.  Surely it is the same as jumping - it cant actually have any affect? Gosh i'm suffering.   Feel for everyone out there going thru the same thing.  

[[Kh...]]

Update:  the withdrawal symptoms just seem to be accelerating.  Almost 2 weeks off.  Heavy head, head pressure, ear pressure, feel like fluid in one ear.  Is it real or just a sensation?  I can feel something sloshing around a bit.  Spike in Tinnitus.    I will see my Ent this week.  But I have already been thru antibiotics for sinus infection back in September and it was a fluoroquinolone so I was in an acute for two weeks.  Who knew these antibiotics were not compatible with Xanax? Ppl here did, but I hadn’t joined yet.  Dr in Thailand certainly didn’t.   Felt like I was going to die.  Then I had sinus surgery to clear out infected material from sinuses.  Now it seems that wasn’t necessary cuz I was sick from benzos.  That said, I had sinus issues for years.  So maybe it will help in long run.  
 

Just miserable day after day, waking up worse off then the prior day.  When will some relief come?  My goodness this is pure hell.  

Edited February 26 by [Kh...]

[[WU...]]

"Heavy head, head pressure, ear pressure, feel like fluid in one ear....just miserable day after day, waking up worse off the the prior day.  When will some relief come?  My goodness this is pure hell."

 

Sorry it is bad for you too. Unfortunately I'm going through the same and I am a week away from 12 months. I also have sinus issues for years but it may be connected to diazepam use?  People say these symptoms fade gradually but mine seem to be ramping up even more. There doesn't seem to be anything we can do since this is not psychological but a physical brain repair. I don't know why it has to hurt so much though. Unbelievable and not like any "normal" pain. Today feels the worst it has ever been.

[[Kh...]]

1 minute ago, [[W...] said:

"Heavy head, head pressure, ear pressure, feel like fluid in one ear....just miserable day after day, waking up worse off the the prior day.  When will some relief come?  My goodness this is pure hell."

Sorry it is bad for you too. Unfortunately I'm going through the same and I am a week away from 12 months. I also have sinus issues for years but it may be connected to diazepam use?  People say these symptoms fade gradually but mine seem to be ramping up even more. There doesn't seem to be anything we can do since this is not psychological but a physical brain repair. I don't know why it has to hurt so much though. Unbelievable and not like any "normal" pain. Today feels the worst it has ever been.

Twelve months off?  Wow.  I have a hard time imagining this extending that long.  My heart goes out to you. Heal soon. 🙏

Edited February 26 by [Kh...]

[[Mu...]]

Hang in there kid.

I passed enough diarrhea to launch the Queen Mary.

After 3 months I celebrated my first solid stool by having a cheeseburger. 

Music60 

[[WU...]]

"Twelve months off?  Wow"

Sorry didn't mean to alarm you. I went CT off 5mg diazepam. They say this amount of time is not unusual and most heal before 18 months to 2 years. Hopefully you will heal quicker than this!

[[Kh...]]

3 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

"Twelve months off?  Wow"

Sorry didn't mean to alarm you. I went CT off 5mg diazepam. They say this amount of time is not unusual and most heal before 18 months to 2 years. Hopefully you will heal quicker than this!

If it’s like this for another year gosh don’t know how to cope.   Hiding out at home, can’t meet friends, etc.  just suffering day in and day out.  How can this drug do so much damage?  I look back and I was definitely abusing.  But this damage is insane.  Of course we wonder if it’s permanent..

[[Kh...]]

I am sure my ent may want to do a myringotomy to alleviate pressure as we have exhausted all other avenues.  But I have see lots of folks here say the drugs are causing the issues and it’s best not to do a bunch of other procedures that may or may not be necessary.  Wonder ?

[[WU...]]

"Hiding out at home, can’t meet friends, etc.  just suffering day in and day out.  How can this drug do so much damage?  I look back and I was definitely abusing."

Yep, that's me, at home for 12 months getting groceries delivered. 

I wasn't abusing the drug, the drug was abusing me! I took it as prescribed " take as needed" which probably did more damage than taking regularly due to kindling!

Just looked up myringotomy, doesn't sound much fun. These drugs are known for producing these exact symptoms we are experiencing so personally I wouldn't go in for any sort of procedure, just go gentle for now. 

Edited February 26 by [WU...]

[[Kh...]]

2 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

"Hiding out at home, can’t meet friends, etc.  just suffering day in and day out.  How can this drug do so much damage?  I look back and I was definitely abusing."

Yep, that's me, at home for 12 months getting groceries delivered. 

I wasn't abusing the drug, the drug was abusing me! I took it as prescribed " take as needed" which probably did more damage than taking regularly due to kindling!

What do you tell family and friends? Not sure I can bear the truth.  A couple very close friends know, but don’t understand…

[[WU...]]

"What do you tell family and friends?"

I only have one grown up child and I told him exactly what happened.  He lives overseas so cannot do much, not that anyone can do anything really. Its just a real bugger as I cannot travel and I wouldn't feel up to him visiting either.

As for friends unfortunately my closest all passed away within the last 5 years. The other one I told couldn't get off the phone fast enough, clearly thought I had gone bonkers so I haven't heard from him since !  So I am left with just the neighbours and one of them had a father who went through the same thing so she understands. The other neighbours don't get it at all and think I am having a nervous breakdown. Oh well.

You could tell your friends and family you have suffered a bad reaction to prescription meds? I dunno really, some get it and others don't.  This is when you find out who your real friends are !

[[Kh...]]

Don’t know if I have what it takes to endure this… but my wife 😓

Edited February 26 by [Kh...]

[[wi...]]

I’m twisted up inside from the frustration. I just want to cry and I can’t even do that. 
so much loss and grief from this.

 

[[Kh...]]

 When will we start to feel better?  The million dollar question.

[[Kh...]]

52 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

"Hiding out at home, can’t meet friends, etc.  just suffering day in and day out.  How can this drug do so much damage?  I look back and I was definitely abusing."

Yep, that's me, at home for 12 months getting groceries delivered. 

I wasn't abusing the drug, the drug was abusing me! I took it as prescribed " take as needed" which probably did more damage than taking regularly due to kindling!

Just looked up myringotomy, doesn't sound much fun. These drugs are known for producing these exact symptoms we are experiencing so personally I wouldn't go in for any sort of procedure, just go gentle for now. 

Ear tubes are a common procedure for kids.  Not so much for adults, but if there is fluid in the ear, it can help.  Drs dont like to perforate a good ear drum so its a catch 22.   It sure seems like I have fluid in my right ear.  Had infection back in July and still bothering me.  ugh.

[[...]]

16 minutes ago, [[K...] said:

 When will we start to feel better?  The million dollar question.

@[Kh...], it really depends. No logic at all. It's a common idea on my local forum that the worst time is the first 3 months+- and then you're supposed to somehow improve. My personal experience is different and i have a buddy who got much better in her 2d month. It's true. She can't understand what is all the fuss about. I also have a couple of buddies who are still suffering at the mark of 11 months. I got better in my 9th month. But this "better" doesn't mean i'm healthy. But i do enjoy my life, really), although the pain is here, not everyday and yet.

At least, you can allow yourself to be ill for some time and not to worry about it much. It's normal in our condition and it will pass. You're going to be ok but nobody knows for sure when... I'd like to know it myself)

Keep going and believe in the positive result. It helps!)😅

[[WU...]]

@[Kh...] Would you believe a feeling of having a lump in the ear is a symptom of anxiety! This is from Anxiety Central. Here's a link so you can check out the full list. https://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-disorders/symptoms/#anxiety-symptoms-list

• Feel like there is something stuck in your ear, that your ear canal it plugged or blocked, that there is a pebble in your ear that you can't get out

Same with sinuses, basically everything we are feeling is our nervous system gone haywire which is basically what anxiety is, a horrible tightness in our bodies. It is all in the etymology of the word. 

 

[[Kh...]]

[[Kh...]]

4 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

@[Kh...] Would you believe a feeling of having a lump in the ear is a symptom of anxiety! This is from Anxiety Central. Here's a link so you can check out the full list. https://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-disorders/symptoms/#anxiety-symptoms-list

• Feel like there is something stuck in your ear, that your ear canal it plugged or blocked, that there is a pebble in your ear that you can't get out

Same with sinuses, basically everything we are feeling is our nervous system gone haywire which is basically what anxiety is, a horrible tightness in our bodies. It is all in the etymology of the word. 

Yes I have seen this.  Wil do some tests and try to determine if there really is fluid or now.  A tympanometry will show, but last one did not indicate fluid, but I can fell it moving around in there.  Maybe it is CNS related.  I will make clear to ENT I am in benzo withdrawal.  Wonder how she will react.

[[WU...]]

Thinking it will never end is another one of the symptoms!

[[PE...]]

[[Kh...]]

4 minutes ago, [[n...] said:

This is what scares me with this forum. A large part of people doesn't seem to improve the first two years and even get worse after a year mark. I was in crazy withdrawal the whole last year totally non functioning, like a baby needing 24/7 care. If I get in that state again after 5 months out I'm not sure I can take it. 

I hope you will be one of those who get off quick @[Kh...].

thanks... hope same...no way it could get worse

[[WU...]]

@[ne...]"I was in crazy withdrawal the whole last year"

Was this the period of your taper, one year ?  This is just my opinion but withdrawal starts as soon as you first did a cut, so add that taper year to 5 months and you are 17 months out.  Does this sound reasonable? 

You did it better than me as I went CT 

[[Kh...]]

2 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

@[ne...]"I was in crazy withdrawal the whole last year"

Was this the period of your taper, one year ?  This is just my opinion but withdrawal starts as soon as you first did a cut, so add that taper year to 5 months and you are 17 months out.  Does this sound reasonable? 

You did it better than me as I went CT 

it seems like many CT folks got better faster.  My taper wasnt that bad but certainly felt like in withdrawal since tolerance back in September.  SO I am theoretically going on 6 months ish