My mother just broke my heart

[[Wi...]]

 

I am so shaken. I feel horrible, I am in the worst wave ever, not able to take care of my child, losing all hope because my symptoms have become so severe and my mum, who has to look after my baby, today started blaming me for not wanting to get better because I refuse to take anything!!! I told her a thousand times I have paradoxical reactions even to supplements. She said that I should take some meds because I cannot be like this. She doesn’t understand iatrogenic damage at all, she used to be a nurse, my father is a doctor. She says she believes me that meds harmed me so how she can still try to push me down the very same road that has made me so ill. I feel they don’t really believe me, my father always tries to tell me I have Lyme disease and not iatrogenic issues and that I should take antibiotics. Antibiotics, namely Cipro, got me into this mess. I had one issue before Cipro - GERD. That was it. And now? Full blown neurological dysfunction. Maybe I wouldn’t even be that bad if it was just the Cipro but I was given a psych med cocktail because they all tried to convince me I had depression and anxiety and that’s why I had symptoms. I had paradoxical reactions and then wd. And from then on I started reacting to regular meds and they are blind to see that my severe exacerbation began within 4 days of starting a hormonal med and then the same thing happened with an antibiotic. 

I am so scared they are going to push me to go to a psych ward because they did that once. I am so shaken now that I would love to kick my mum out of my house and never let her or my father in again but I just cannot look after my baby by myself… I am hanging on by a thread and now to emotionally deal with that too. Nice. 

 

Edited February 1 by [Wi...]

[[de...]]

@[Wi...]  I am so sorry you are going through this.   When our family does not understand, and then blames us for what is happening it can be so heartbreaking.     I have had similar experiences with family members.     As heartbreaking as this is for us, it is good to remember how frustrated our family members are because they just want to see us get better, and they are unable to "fix" this.  

From reading your history it looks as if you have long periods of feeling better and then begin to have severe withdrawal symptoms.  This is typical of the healing process.    Also, it seems as if you have a bad wave that begins in February each year.   Is that correct?

[[Wi...]]

1 minute ago, [[d...] said:

@[Wi...]  I am so sorry you are going through this.   When our family does not understand, and then blames us for what is happening it can be so heartbreaking.     I have had similar experiences with family members.     As heartbreaking as this is for us, it is good to remember how frustrated our family members are because they just want to see us get better, and they are unable to "fix" this.  

From reading your history it looks as if you have long periods of feeling better and then begin to have severe withdrawal symptoms.  This is typical of the healing process.    Also, it seems as if you have a bad wave that begins in February each year.   Is that correct?

I know they want us to get better but dealing with that in addition to the whole ordeal is too much. Sorry we all go through that. At least I am sure my husband will never try talking me into meds. 

Last year I was getting worse from antibiotic in November week by week and in February-March it seemed to have been the worst of it back then. This year I don’t know if I’m anything brought it on but it started around New Year’s but I had been getting worse since July with a random windowish period in Nov and Dec. 

[[WU...]]

If your parents are both in the medical profession they will probably only listen and respect the views of another in their field. You could try asking them to have a look at this website from Mark Horowitz a psychiatrist from the Maudsley in the UK. Lots of articles and press. He suffered himself from over-prescribing and both his parents were doctors (crazy bunch of pill-popping so-called professionals ! ) He has suffered a lot but is currently getting himself off all drugs. Plus he has a manual coming out in Spring written specifically for doctors and psychiatrists on how to deprescribe effectively.

https://markhorowitz.org/

 

[[At...]]

4 hours ago, [[W...] said:

If your parents are both in the medical profession they will probably only listen and respect the views of another in their field. You could try asking them to have a look at this website from Mark Horowitz a psychiatrist from the Maudsley in the UK. Lots of articles and press. He suffered himself from over-prescribing and both his parents were doctors (crazy bunch of pill-popping so-called professionals ! ) He has suffered a lot but is currently getting himself off all drugs. Plus he has a manual coming out in Spring written specifically for doctors and psychiatrists on how to deprescribe effectively.

https://markhorowitz.org/

Oh I can just imagine how stressing it must be for you to not have your parent's support and encouragement.  SO many ppl, it seems ( my former Psychiatrist being one), don't seem to understand that withdrawal from a benzodiazapine can make us quite ill for a long time with symptoms that can be quite bizarre at times. 

I believe we all have a kind of intuition, if you lije, that nudges us when someone is telling us something that isn't quite right. We often ignore it, as we are taught to do as children. "Listen to your parents"  isn't always correct. They may be medical ppl but they are human too and can be wrong.  

For me, the question, at times, is not  "are your symptoms distressing you?" as it is " are your symptoms distressing those around you?" My 30 yr marriage ended 2 yrs ago and one of the causes brought up was " things went bad when she cut down on her clonazepam". So I stopped cutting back for 1.5 yrs. It is still extremely difficult but my frustration level is way less because I no longer feel like I'm swimming upstream. 

No one, even your parents, has the right to push you off  your proven track, even if their intentions are the best". My ex wanted me on the psych ward.  So I have found that I need this group, ppl who have walked and are walking this road plus the unconditional support of at least one person, often not a family member.  I would rather read the suggestions and experience of ppl who are in the same boat as me. 

You are the expert on your symptoms. I'm not sure how old you are but be true to yourself. Your parents are who they are. You are better off to get knowledgeable support that that of those who simply don't know. Reach out here a lot! Keep on the track you have been on. If you are reducing, you are winning. 

 

I hope we hear from you lots!

[[ns...]]

Willhealsoon,  oh my I'm so sorry your going thru this. I got thus at Christmas from my son and it shook me into severe withdrawal. Try to remember,  they don't understand what your going through.  Firstly,  forgive them, then put them out of your. Mind fir now and focus healing. I had to dig deep for this but had to pit it on the shelf so I could focus on taking care of me! 

Isn't there someone who could help with the baby when your husband isn't there? 

You could write your mother a letter,  explaining how withdrawal works and what benzos and other drugs have done to u and why it's important to stay off so u can heal your brain. Your brain needs time to heal without stress from anyone. Is there a sitter you could pay to assist you with the baby so your mum has no control over you this way.

My son has lyme disease, it is similar to withdrawal symptoms,  so I can understand why your dad would go there. Tell him you'll take a test, get u the test and you'll taje it.i took it, it was negative. You don't take antibiotics for lyme u less u have it!

Im so sorry your going thru this I wish there was something I could do!

Do everything you can do to focus on healing ok, ask your dad to set you up with a lyme test, tell your mom on writing that you are healing and cannot take any more meds as your brain is healing.

Most important, keep your.main focus on healing,  get into a positive attitude and dint let anything or anyone distract u, yep that's hard bit you have to do this. 

If you need to talk I'm here, maybe all of us together can help u on some way. 

I'm praying for you and your family 

 

Ns

 

[[dj...]]

One of the craziest things about this is intolerance to other medications.  It’s almost impossible to believe unless you’ve gone through it.  I have tried several medications, and even at very small doses would have extreme and almost dangerous reactions.  I tried 125mg of Depakote at bedtime once and woke up about an hour and a half later and wanted to jump off my balcony.  I’ve tried a few antidepressants and got so uncontrollably revved up, on fractions of a dose, and nearly had to go the hospital.  I think I definitely would have if I’d taken a normal dose. 
 

For whatever reason, the body just rejects them, as they do many supplements.  Not everyone here can be making this up.  
 

You could direct them to Jennifer Leigh’s website.  She’s not a licensed psychologist but she does have a doctorate in psychology and went through this herself.  She has some good videos and it might be worth your parents scheduling some time with her.  She can speak medical language somewhat. 
 

https://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/

[[Re...]]

15 minutes ago, [[d...] said:

One of the craziest things about this is intolerance to other medications.  It’s almost impossible to believe unless you’ve gone through it.  I have tried several medications, and even at very small doses would have extreme and almost dangerous reactions.  I tried 125mg of Depakote at bedtime once and woke up about an hour and a half later and wanted to jump off my balcony.  I’ve tried a few antidepressants and got so uncontrollably revved up, on fractions of a dose, and nearly had to go the hospital.  I think I definitely would have if I’d taken a normal dose. 
 

For whatever reason, the body just rejects them, as they do many supplements.  Not everyone here can be making this up.  
 

You could direct them to Jennifer Leigh’s website.  She’s not a licensed psychologist but she does have a doctorate in psychology and went through this herself.  She has some good videos and it might be worth your parents scheduling some time with her.  She can speak medical language somewhat. 
 

https://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/

@[Wi...] @[dj...]I can back this up, I react uncontrollably to nearly every medication. And I am experiencing symptoms I never had before.

It is difficult to accept for someone who has medical knowledge, as this entity is completely unknown to them. It is not their fault, though. 

[[ns...]]

2 minutes ago, [[R...] said:

@[Wi...] @[dj...]I can back this up, I react uncontrollably to nearly every medication. And I am experiencing symptoms I never had before.

It is difficult to accept for someone who has medical knowledge, as this entity is completely unknown to them. It is not their fault, though. 

ReubenRalph, I can also say I can't take anything! I have a bag full of meds, antibiotics, ssris, parkinsons meds, pain, nsaids, vaginsl yeast infection meds, you name it I've tried them all. I have adverse reaction to everything,  supplements,  vit and now most food! 

I have such severe reaction to medications, hopefully I won't need an antibiotic.

It's so true,  our bodies are going thru chemical  changes and will have to wait til we heal to slowly begin any meds afterwards.

Djej2010, great advice!

[[Re...]]

@[Wi...] @[dj...]

I think Dr. Leigh has quite a bit Info on her website, lot of information on YouTube. Good idea.

What I did is went to the DailyMed website, searched Xanax XR and cut out "Protracted withdrawal syndrome" from the patient leaflet. Also used the BIC website and the Ashton manual. Created a loose A4 page with 3 links and information. It was good as a start, too. 

(I got this idea from a Dr. Josef video originally.) 

Edited February 1 by [Re...]
Spelling

[[dj...]]

Honestly, if your parents spend $60 talking to Dr Leigh for a half hour session, they will learn a lot.  It’s worth out.  I wish I had found her before my wife filed for divorce.  Could have made a big difference.  She explains things very well. 
 

Here is a link to her video for friends and family.  She gets kind of kooky sometimes about her diet that she proposes, but I’ve talked to her, and she if you’re not interested in that, she’ll drop it.  
 

 

[[Wi...]]

Thanks for suggestions. I live in Europe and my parents didn’t speak English. I showed them some info on Cipro toxicity, because there were some papers on it in my language and while my dad said he believed me, I found a box of Cipro some time ago in his room. Knowing what happened to me he was taking it for some minor infection… Geez! My dad is a lost cause it seems but I might translate something for my mum. I am considering help from the outside because if this continues and I will not be able to take care of my girl properly (on a very bad day I could change her and feed her I guess but playing and attending to her emotional needs not so much…) I will have to get help because my mum is too old for this :/ 

[[ns...]]

3 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

Thanks for suggestions. I live in Europe and my parents didn’t speak English. I showed them some info on Cipro toxicity, because there were some papers on it in my language and while my dad said he believed me, I found a box of Cipro some time ago in his room. Knowing what happened to me he was taking it for some minor infection… Geez! My dad is a lost cause it seems but I might translate something for my mum. I am considering help from the outside because if this continues and I will not be able to take care of my girl properly (on a very bad day I could change her and feed her I guess but playing and attending to her emotional needs not so much…) I will have to get help because my mum is too old for this :/ 

Oh that would be grateful if u could get some outside help. Dies your husband help u with the baby? 

I'm sorry about your parents, they really don't understand I'm sure. I'm sure they love u and think they are doing what's best but I don't agree with them. I understood my son was in fear for me so I just forgave him and stayed focused on me and healing. Cipro is a strong antibiotic, it was the only one I could take so e yrs back.  Idk if I can still take it now, I can't take anything so I'm sure we'll find out if I need to take an antibiotic. Hopefully not! 

I hope u will stay focused, get well that's the main focus right. I hope u find a helper for your baby,  and be careful with whom u choose ok

Carefully write to your parents, share the video on this feed with them to help the. Understand what your dealing with. I think education is key and it sounds like they need to be educated.  Ask your dad for a lyme test, if it's negative, he will stop!

I'll keep an eye on your posts ok

I'm here if u need to talk

Take care

Ns

[[Wi...]]

17 minutes ago, [[n...] said:

Oh that would be grateful if u could get some outside help. Dies your husband help u with the baby? 

I'm sorry about your parents, they really don't understand I'm sure. I'm sure they love u and think they are doing what's best but I don't agree with them. I understood my son was in fear for me so I just forgave him and stayed focused on me and healing. Cipro is a strong antibiotic, it was the only one I could take so e yrs back.  Idk if I can still take it now, I can't take anything so I'm sure we'll find out if I need to take an antibiotic. Hopefully not! 

I hope u will stay focused, get well that's the main focus right. I hope u find a helper for your baby,  and be careful with whom u choose ok

Carefully write to your parents, share the video on this feed with them to help the. Understand what your dealing with. I think education is key and it sounds like they need to be educated.  Ask your dad for a lyme test, if it's negative, he will stop!

I'll keep an eye on your posts ok

I'm here if u need to talk

Take care

Ns

For me it was Cipro that started this mess. I was medicated with psych meds after a reaction to it because everyone was telling me it was anxiety symptoms… it wasn’t. 
 

Yes, my husband mostly takes over when he is at home and now during weekends. 

[[ns...]]

15 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

For me it was Cipro that started this mess. I was medicated with psych meds after a reaction to it because everyone was telling me it was anxiety symptoms… it wasn’t. 
 

Yes, my husband mostly takes over when he is at home and now during weekends. 

Oh I'm glad to hear your husband is helpful. Mine too!

Cipro, I had bern on celexa for many yrs and went to the er, they gave me clindamycin, 2 bags of it in iv. I told him prior I was allergic to all mycin drugs, he said,  ph no this isn't the same thing you'll be ok. We'll, I went home had inner trembling, my belly was a mess I got sick, on the toilet@ all terrible. I lost my gut flora, it was difficult and I was on lorazapam! So it sounds like ssris snd benzo can't be mixed with these. I did a search 6 yrs ago and found you dont mix clindamycin with celexa, the er should have known this! So now here we are, sick. But we can't go back right, so we just focus on what works, healing, being positive,  not focusing on our symptoms right? So find a sitter to watch the baby, focus on healing, get a lyme test and write your mother. Don't tell her you looking for a sitter for the baby just send a link to the video and explain it to her.

I hope you do this and everything works out for u and baby and hubby too!

 

Take care

Ns

 

 

[[ba...]]

I got floxed with 3 different fluoroquinilones, and I wentout of my mind. I was on xanax, but it stopped working. I did the best i could, but I was in constant distress, tapering was impossible. I would go up, I found it so hard to keep a stable dose of xanx, but it was all over the place. It took 2 years to heal from that.

SO I GET IT

Since then, I taper at a snails pace. I had a bad UTI last month, and took a sulpha drug,it worked. But I am struggling post antibiotic. Today is what I call a bomb, the sxs are unbearable. I get about one of these once a week.

I am also chemically sensitive to everything. I beleive the floxing did more damage than the xanax.

As to your mom and  dad, they dont understand. And they think that psych meds are the answer. You can either distance yourself and take a break from the negativity, or give them the information. 

I know your hurt, but it sounds like they are making you more upset, which is not good.

You need serenity and quiet. I think taking a break from your parents could help. I also believe , as hard as it feels, that you could handle taking care of your baby. That oxytocin hit we get with littleones is very good for us.

A day at a time. You will recover, hang on to that hope. Its hell getting there, but its coming. In bits and pieces, and some days are just bombs.

Best, keep in touch.

 

 

[[Wi...]]

8 hours ago, [[b...] said:

I got floxed with 3 different fluoroquinilones, and I wentout of my mind. I was on xanax, but it stopped working. I did the best i could, but I was in constant distress, tapering was impossible. I would go up, I found it so hard to keep a stable dose of xanx, but it was all over the place. It took 2 years to heal from that.

SO I GET IT

Since then, I taper at a snails pace. I had a bad UTI last month, and took a sulpha drug,it worked. But I am struggling post antibiotic. Today is what I call a bomb, the sxs are unbearable. I get about one of these once a week.

I am also chemically sensitive to everything. I beleive the floxing did more damage than the xanax.

As to your mom and  dad, they dont understand. And they think that psych meds are the answer. You can either distance yourself and take a break from the negativity, or give them the information. 

I know your hurt, but it sounds like they are making you more upset, which is not good.

You need serenity and quiet. I think taking a break from your parents could help. I also believe , as hard as it feels, that you could handle taking care of your baby. That oxytocin hit we get with littleones is very good for us.

A day at a time. You will recover, hang on to that hope. Its hell getting there, but its coming. In bits and pieces, and some days are just bombs.

Best, keep in touch.

Sorry it happened to you as well. I didn’t get very bad until I reacted to a hormonal med 1,5 years ago and floxing was almost 4 years ago. Before the hormonal med I had been healing and saw the light. I have no idea what happened but the hormonal drug and then antibiotic all when pregnant and followed by a medicated labour just ruined me and not sure I can recover. It’s been 8,5 months since my baby was born and I am worse than ever…

[[Pi...]]

I took a beet root gummy yesterday and had heart palpations!!!!!  I mean come on.

[[ns...]]

11 hours ago, [[W...] said:

Sorry it happened to you as well. I didn’t get very bad until I reacted to a hormonal med 1,5 years ago and floxing was almost 4 years ago. Before the hormonal med I had been healing and saw the light. I have no idea what happened but the hormonal drug and then antibiotic all when pregnant and followed by a medicated labour just ruined me and not sure I can recover. It’s been 8,5 months since my baby was born and I am worse than ever…

Wow me too! I was in the process of healing,  eating more foods, even ate donuts here and there. Started taking a low dose hormone and in 2 weeks it was on! Everything  came back and I'm worse now more than ever before. I stopped the hormone pills, I knew it was that.

I think our hormones play a big role in the reactions our body is going thru with withdrawl, who knows but I've heard this before as well as antibiotics. 

Ns

[[Wi...]]

Nice. So my mother came in today and saw me on the couch again. She freaking said I should try harder, told me to get dressed and go out. I started crying and hid under my blanket and she told me that it cannot be like this. And I just exploded with rage and told her it’s not my fault and it’s exactly like this and what does she even mean by cannot be like this. Ffs, if I had cancer she would also come to tell me the same thing? She told me I need medications. I just stormed out. My husband went to her and politely kicked her out. She was shocked lol. I cannot calm down now. Honestly, fighting my parents in this is too much. I am looking for a nanny for my baby. I already live in fear but I cannot live with the stress of my parents trying to “help”. 

[[Ka...]]

So sorry @[Wi...] I have no wisdom other than agree that what you are going thru is real & hard so misunderstanding the extent of this by others (family) is not helping at all.

If you can find a suitable nanny then that’s a positive step. You may then hopefully be able to focus. 

Edited February 3 by [Ka...]

[[Wi...]]

On 01/02/2024 at 20:56, [[n...] said:

Willhealsoon,  oh my I'm so sorry your going thru this. I got thus at Christmas from my son and it shook me into severe withdrawal. Try to remember,  they don't understand what your going through.  Firstly,  forgive them, then put them out of your. Mind fir now and focus healing. I had to dig deep for this but had to pit it on the shelf so I could focus on taking care of me! 

Isn't there someone who could help with the baby when your husband isn't there? 

You could write your mother a letter,  explaining how withdrawal works and what benzos and other drugs have done to u and why it's important to stay off so u can heal your brain. Your brain needs time to heal without stress from anyone. Is there a sitter you could pay to assist you with the baby so your mum has no control over you this way.

My son has lyme disease, it is similar to withdrawal symptoms,  so I can understand why your dad would go there. Tell him you'll take a test, get u the test and you'll taje it.i took it, it was negative. You don't take antibiotics for lyme u less u have it!

Im so sorry your going thru this I wish there was something I could do!

Do everything you can do to focus on healing ok, ask your dad to set you up with a lyme test, tell your mom on writing that you are healing and cannot take any more meds as your brain is healing.

Most important, keep your.main focus on healing,  get into a positive attitude and dint let anything or anyone distract u, yep that's hard bit you have to do this. 

If you need to talk I'm here, maybe all of us together can help u on some way. 

I'm praying for you and your family 

Ns

Nsindy, I actually took your advice and wrote to my mum today after the unpleasant situation in the morning. I explained a lot to her how I am sensitive to meds and how there are more people like me and there is no med that will take this away and taking anything is just playing with fire… I guess there is no hard feelings but she is probably still angry with my husband for what he did. I am glad it kind of cleared the air, I really don’t want conflict. 

[[ns...]]

21 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

Nsindy, I actually took your advice and wrote to my mum today after the unpleasant situation in the morning. I explained a lot to her how I am sensitive to meds and how there are more people like me and there is no med that will take this away and taking anything is just playing with fire… I guess there is no hard feelings but she is probably still angry with my husband for what he did. I am glad it kind of cleared the air, I really don’t want conflict. 

Willhealsoon, that's great! You sound so much more confident! I'm glad you took the time to write her. Give her time hopefully she'll see your heart I'm your letter. I would still give her a copy of the video from Jennifer layeigh I think is her name in benzo withdrawal help.com. this might help your mom better understand what your going through and hopefully lead her to support in your situation. I see your husband decided to take charge. It must have been difficult for all concerned but there are times when we need to let our parents know we ate adults. It's so hard, it took me yrs to get that.  My children are my children and I know I can be over bearing at times. 

If it comes up again about the lyme disease, I would insist that I take a test for my dad, that's just me. But maybe then he will feel better knowing that it's not lyme if indeed it's not.

I sincerely hope the best for you and your family and hope for your entire family to find peace in this situation. 

Pray often, forgive and love always 

Ns

Edited February 3 by [ns...]
Misspelled word

[[Wi...]]

1 hour ago, [[n...] said:

Willhealsoon, that's great! You sound so much more confident! I'm glad you took the time to write her. Give her time hopefully she'll see your heart I'm your letter. I would still give her a copy of the video from Jennifer layeigh I think is her name in benzo withdrawal help.com. this might help your mom better understand what your going through and hopefully lead her to support in your situation. I see your husband decided to take charge. It must have been difficult for all concerned but there are times when we need to let our parents know we ate adults. It's so hard, it took me yrs to get that.  My children are my children and I know I can be over bearing at times. 

If it comes up again about the lyme disease, I would insist that I take a test for my dad, that's just me. But maybe then he will feel better knowing that it's not lyme if indeed it's not.

I sincerely hope the best for you and your family and hope for your entire family to find peace in this situation. 

Pray often, forgive and love always 

Ns

I had a test a while ago and it was negative but I guess my father is just baffled by these symptoms and tries to rationalise them. Thanks for support ♥️

[[Si...]]

Hi, I was wondering if you ever took benzos and if so for how long what dose etc?