Benzo Withdrawal and Work- please help

[[Ca...]]

Hi, I’m a 31 year old female, and I weened myself off of Clonazepam over a month. I was prescribed 2mg three times per day (a total of 6mg daily). I had been on it for roughly 7 years, and I took it as directed and prescribed. Ever since I stopped taking Clonazapam (last dose was 2 weeks ago), I’ve been experiencing extreme confusion, seizures, panic, fear, extreme anxiety, agoraphobia, suicidal thoughts and planning, headaches, heart palpitations, etc. It feels like my brain is buzzing, or like it’s been electrocuted. I’m also noticing speech impairments, including word finding and short-term memory problems.I have stuttered daily. My muscles tense up in this weird place at the base of my skull, and my jaw is constantly clenched. This is the scariest thing I’ve ever been through in my entire life. I feel that at this time, I need to step away from my career (which I adore) to focus on my well-being and desire to live a healthy, happy life again. I want to tackle this now, and not let it get worse. Here’s the thing- I’m alone in this, and I don’t know who to turn to for support. I’m trying to tackle justifying this to my place of employment-  How should I tell HR? How do I tell anyone, at that matter? To be quite honest, I’m terrified- I had no clue withdrawal from a prescription could be so dangerous. I’m scared of being judged. Currently, I am going through this on my own- and it’s really starting to become hard to bear. Any advice is much appreciated, as well as any encouraging words. Thank you all so, so much. ❤️

Edited January 31 by [Ca...]
Typo

[[Pa...]]

Hello @[Ca...], welcome to BenzoBuddies,

I’m so very sorry for what you’re going through, I understand it exactly because I quit a high dose of Clonazepam cold turkey, its brutal.  But what I didn’t know at the time is that I could have reinstated and done a slow taper to hopefully become stable enough to participate in my life while withdrawing from the drug.

The problem with this process is recovery can take months and sometimes years so getting off of the medication is only the first step.

I’m very concerned about your seizures, can you describe them and have you sought medical care?  You say you’re doing this alone, do you mean no family is around and no doctor?

If you decide that reinstatement is an option, will your doctor prescribe it for you?  A note of concern, sometimes reinstatement doesn’t work and intense symptoms are still present but if your life and symptoms are unmanageable, then it may be your best option.

We can help you with the verbiage of asking your company for help but there is little understanding of our plight out in the world.  Hopefully we can help you convince them with the right documentation. 

One last thought, I took the first three weeks off of work but was able to return after that.  I wasn’t at my best but I survived and it actually helped distract me from my symptoms, so please don’t consider leaving just yet. 

Let’s keep talking, we want to help. 

 

[[Ca...]]

You are so kind and knowledgeable on this issue! Thank you for listening and not judging me. You are correct- I am doing this alone. I just moved to Colorado from the Midwest. A year ago, I found my Mom’s corpse on her couch. I tried to do CPR and rescue breathing, but she had been gone for at least 8 hours. It was an accidental overdose. My mom was my best friend, and I’m not mad at her in any way, but I am incredibly lonely. My family doesn’t talk to me, and I don’t know why. I haven’t heard from anyone in almost 4 months now. It’s extremely hurtful and I feel like if I happen to pass next, no one would know, nor care too much. I have my cat, and he keeps me afloat I suppose! I’m making new friends, but I still feel shattered inside. The seizures are very, very violent and I typically bite my cheeks and tongue. I believe it’s been 9 days now without any seizures, but since I live alone, it’s a little hard to monitor that. My new psychiatrist here will not prescribe any benzo, and she is very stern on that. I don’t drink alcohol and I don’t use THC or CBD, no supplements, and I don’t drink coffee/caffeinated drinks. It’s been a bit difficult to eat lately, as I feel nauseous from the anxiety and emptiness from missing my family. I’m not suicidal as of today, but unfortunately, I guess it depends on the day- yesterday I had a pretty positive day, but today I feel so lost and hopeless. I find myself not unpacking yet, because if I do pass, at least my belongings  would be easy to get rid of if they’re still boxed up (this is an extremely concerning thought process to me, and it does scare me, so I try to get outside to walk or read). I’m so sorry this is so depressing. I’m just in an incredibly scary and lonely place right now, so I’m trying to make sense of it and bring it to light.

[[Ca...]]

9 hours ago, [[P...] said:

Hello @[Ca...], welcome to BenzoBuddies,

I’m so very sorry for what you’re going through, I understand it exactly because I quit a high dose of Clonazepam cold turkey, its brutal.  But what I didn’t know at the time is that I could have reinstated and done a slow taper to hopefully become stable enough to participate in my life while withdrawing from the drug.

The problem with this process is recovery can take months and sometimes years so getting off of the medication is only the first step.

I’m very concerned about your seizures, can you describe them and have you sought medical care?  You say you’re doing this alone, do you mean no family is around and no doctor?

If you decide that reinstatement is an option, will your doctor prescribe it for you?  A note of concern, sometimes reinstatement doesn’t work and intense symptoms are still present but if your life and symptoms are unmanageable, then it may be your best option.

We can help you with the verbiage of asking your company for help but there is little understanding of our plight out in the world.  Hopefully we can help you convince them with the right documentation. 

One last thought, I took the first three weeks off of work but was able to return after that.  I wasn’t at my best but I survived and it actually helped distract me from my symptoms, so please don’t consider leaving just yet. 

Let’s keep talking, we want to help. 

Hi @[Pa...]

You are so kind and knowledgeable on this issue! Thank you for listening and not judging me. You are correct- I am doing this alone. I just moved to Colorado from the Midwest. A year ago, I found my Mom’s corpse on her couch. I tried to do CPR and rescue breathing, but she had been gone for at least 8 hours. It was an accidental overdose. My mom was my best friend, and I’m not mad at her in any way, but I am incredibly lonely. My family doesn’t talk to me, and I don’t know why. I haven’t heard from anyone in almost 4 months now. It’s extremely hurtful and I feel like if I happen to pass next, no one would know, nor care too much. I have my cat, and he keeps me afloat I suppose! I’m making new friends, but I still feel shattered inside. The seizures are very, very violent and I typically bite my cheeks and tongue. I believe it’s been 9 days now without any seizures, but since I live alone, it’s a little hard to monitor that. My new psychiatrist here will not prescribe any benzo, and she is very stern on that. I don’t drink alcohol and I don’t use THC or CBD, no supplements, and I don’t drink coffee/caffeinated drinks. It’s been a bit difficult to eat lately, as I feel nauseous from the anxiety and emptiness from missing my family. I’m not suicidal as of today, but unfortunately, I guess it depends on the day- yesterday I had a pretty positive day, but today I feel so lost and hopeless. I find myself not unpacking yet, because if I do pass, at least my belongings  would be easy to get rid of if they’re still boxed up (this is an extremely concerning thought process to me, and it does scare me, so I try to get outside to walk or read). I’m so sorry this is so depressing. I’m just in an incredibly scary and lonely place right now, so I’m trying to make sense of it and bring it to light.

[[Pa...]]

@[Ca...], I’m so sorry to hear about your mom, you sound devastated.  One thing you need to understand is this process brings up so many negative feelings and emotions, we suffer with intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, agoraphobia and depression plus all of the other emotional, mental and physical symptoms, the list is long. I got to a point where I had to keep telling myself these thoughts and feelings weren’t real, they weren’t me and wouldn’t be me when I recovered.  Please educate yourself on the lies the drug tells us so you can know you have value and you can recover.

It sounds like the seizure danger has passed, I hope so, I’m so sorry this has been happening.  I had some phenobarbital when I quit cold turkey and it kept me from seizing.

If your doctor is unwilling to prescribe then that makes your decision easy, you’ll have to see this through and you can.  I recovered and you can too so I hope you’ll try to find positive ways to get through this.

Keeping busy is your friend if you’re physically able, distraction, breathing, puzzles, walking, anything to pass the time.

There really aren’t any supplements that help, what helps one will hurt another and it’s good you don’t drink caffeine, and while THC and CBD can help some members, there are others it hurts.

I believe time is the best healer, your brain and central nervous system are overwhelmed right now so keeping things simple is best.  

Keep reaching out and we’ll try to help you understand the only way out is through.  The good thing is you’re benzo free, now you just have to wait while your body does it’s thing, repairs the damage done by the drug. 

[[je...]]

Gosh, I'm so sorry for all the heart ache and difficulty you've been through. Benzo withdrawal is a very lonely journey in itself and to feel you don't have anyone else to reach out to that cares about you, is really tough. 

11 hours ago, [[C...] said:

Here’s the thing- I’m alone in this, and I don’t know who to turn to for support. I’m trying to tackle justifying this to my place of employment-  How should I tell HR? How do I tell anyone, at that matter? To be quite honest, I’m terrified- I had no clue withdrawal from a prescription could be so dangerous. I’m scared of being judged.

I am in Australia, so I can't talk about your system. I can just share with you what worked for me emotionally. I worked for the first year during my taper. I was in a very toxic work environment, so yes, that didn't help at all. But we were under a lot of financial pressure and I needed to work. Then I got Long Covid and I was forced to quit my job. It was a really good thing for me not to work anymore and struggle with health issues. I know for some people working helps their withdrawal, but for me (maybe due to the toxic work environment and stress) it wasn't. You'll have to weigh it up and decide which is going to be best for you. I never told anyone about my withdrawal. I only have one friend that knows, and she's really supportive and good about it. Nobody else knows (other than my husband and kids, but they are sworn to secrecy). And the reason is what you mentioned, I don't think people understand withdrawal - they think of it as addiction. And I honestly don't have the energy to deal with people's judgement. I'm dealing with enough. I just never told people.  There is no shame in what we're going through, but we cannot control how other people react to withdrawal. Maybe people would've been kind to me if I told them, who knows? But you need to decide what you are comfortable in dealing with when it comes to telling people (I'm not talking about HR here). 

You probably first need to decide what do you want from your job i.e. do you want to take extended leave, sick leave, sabbatical (I don't know what options are available in your country) and then see what your company's policy is about it. That would then determine how you approach HR and what type of information they need.

[[Nu...]]

Hi @[Ca...]. I'm so sorry to hear of what you're going through. This is such a difficult journey. 8mg of clonazepam is quite a high dose...

How long have you been at your current job? Are you eligible for FMLA? Does your doctor believe that benzo withdrawals exist and may support you going on FMLA so you can protect your job?

[[Bu...]]

Hi @[Ca...],

I am sorry for everything that you're dealing with right now.  And I am so sorry about your mom.  I'm really glad you're here though.  This is a wonderful place to find support, be educated about this journey and connect with people who really understand what you're going through.  ❤

[[wi...]]

@[Ca...]Im glad you’re here. My heart goes out to you. May you find only love and strength here. ❤️🫂