Get up, get in the shower! U can do this!

[[ns...]]

I did it, I'm got in the shower today, put my clean bloomers on and dried my hair.

😂

You know, I allowed myself to go there. I've been preaching to everyone else to stop symptom focusing and I've been doing it myself! I've been sitting here complaining, feeling every symptom, finding thus and that's wrong, what the heck! I'm a hypersensitive person in hypersensitivity mode lately and I didn't even recognize it til today.

After reading a post earlier I told this person to do what I always do, don't be symptoms focused, keep busy bla bla bla! As I'm commenting I'm thinking wait, wait your doing it too. 

Our mind is genius at creating precieved danger if we let it. It can convince us that we feel, see, taste smell something thats really not as bad as it seems or maybe its not there at all. Maybe its there but one symptom turns into many now. Our subconscious gets scared and everything gets distorted. I know this, and I've allowed it to spiral out of control. 

I read that post and said, you know this one,  you've been here before, yes your belly is in spasms, your leg is numb, your mouth is numb, you throat is closing and your body is so tense it feels like your going to break! As I was thinking this, it got worse! I started shaking, dry mouth, and got really focused on it and felt myself give me more symptoms! More intense symptoms. 

So I told myself, that's enough, you get up, get in the shower, you've been here before, you can do this! 

Got my clean clothes, kind of prepared myself aittle bit, sat down, took a few breaths and went and got in! Telling myself the whole way thru, your doing this, look at you, your in the shower and your not falling down, you have anxiety, your in withdrawal. That's what it is! But it won't hurt u, Good job, I'm proud of you! going to the doctor tomorrow. Then going to go to the store even if my symptoms are put of control, they'll calm down. Time to do some exposure!

So put your bloomers on and get up!!! Time to rewire your brain! 

Hey I can do it, I'm 65 yrs old, I have lots of health issues, so if I can do it, so can u. U have to push as hard as u can.  Maybe your not up to it right now but when u get that first bit of I'm tired of sitting, laying around, whatever keeps u down. Get up, tell yourself it's time to fight for your life! It's time to live! 

Time to rewire you're brain,  rewrite your story.

Some of us are in a really bad way, it may not be possible for you right now but you will get there eventually I promise, but don't let it go on too long. Please dint take this post the wrong way, I know what it's like to suffer, trust me, I'm sorry your suffering. Please fight!

Im sore, I'm jerking in the shower, hitting the wall but it's ok, I still made it, so can u

 

 

Edited January 30 by [ns...]
Additions and corrections

[[Bu...]]

Congratulations, @[ns...]!  I know how hard this is; you should be very, very proud of yourself! 

[[ns...]]

Just now, [[B...] said:

Congratulations, @[ns...]!  I know how hard this is; you should be very, very proud of yourself! 

Thank u BurnTheShips, lol, I'm trying to keep it together lol, gotta find something to keep me going right. I really did convince myself I could not get in the shower, I can't stand up long enough. So much anxiety with withdrawl and the worst kind of anxiety. Numbness In my leg gets really bad and hard to walk but I can. It's my belly that's strange.  Idk if it's esophagus, nerves causing esophagus issues or what but it's causing some real issues. Going to see doc tomorrow hopefully he will shed some light. Gonna go in jerking and all! 

How are u doing, haven't asked you?

[[Bu...]]

@[ns...], Maybe it's good for the doctor to see what's actually happening to you.  It seems like so often the really strange and awful things we feel are dismissed because we look fairly normal.  But I am sorry for all your pain, hopefully the doctor will be helpful.

I am having a rougher week.  Back to some worse insomnia due to family issues, which always intensifies the physical stuff and then it becomes a nasty cycle. I have also been sleeping on a memory foam bed wedge which is awesome for the acid reflux.  It is also super comfy and supportive for my aching back and hips, until it starts to break down, which it did this week, too, so that's not helping the insomnia either.  I am waiting for a new one to arrive tomorrow.  So, hopefully just one more really crappy night.

[[ns...]]

4 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

@[ns...], Maybe it's good for the doctor to see what's actually happening to you.  It seems like so often the really strange and awful things we feel are dismissed because we look fairly normal.  But I am sorry for all your pain, hopefully the doctor will be helpful.

I am having a rougher week.  Back to some worse insomnia due to family issues, which always intensifies the physical stuff and then it becomes a nasty cycle. I have also been sleeping on a memory foam bed wedge which is awesome for the acid reflux.  It is also super comfy and supportive for my aching back and hips, until it starts to break down, which it did this week, too, so that's not helping the insomnia either.  I am waiting for a new one to arrive tomorrow.  So, hopefully just one more really crappy night.

Aww, I'm so sorry. I have trouble using the wedge myself. I'm sorry your having family issues, I know this kind of thing causes me distress and it also kicks up symptoms. I was always the mom, grandmother who fixed everything, or at least I tried. It's hard stating out of it when I know someone is in need or hurting,  but I think God had a way of keeping distracted from things he knows can hurt us or to prepare us for so something around the corner, At least I like to think he's in the midst somehow. So I was completely cut off from my family due to this benzo nightmare. My son wanted me to go to detox and I actually through about it but after learning more about it i said no thank u..it was Christmas time which made it extra hard to be pressured by family especially during withdrawal. I know they don't understand how difficult it is and I'd rather keep it thst way but I miss them just the same. Hopefully next Christmas will be better. First covid, then.my first forced benzo withdrawal which put me into kindling or paws, idk but I didn't know what was going on, didn't know I was in withdrawal. No one did. 

Anyway, family is so important and I hope you and yours are and continue to stay that way. We need each other in times of trouble snd sickness but sometimes it's best they aren't aware of what you're going through 

I hope your back and hips do get some relief and acid reflux is the worst! 

Sorry, I didn't mean to go on, just felt led. Ok 

Feel better sister, hopefully your new wedge will give you sine much needed rest and comfort!

[[Pi...]]

This whole thing is really unbelievable. I never gave showers a second thought 1 1/2 years CT. Since this started most days I take one at night and one in the morning. Really helps relax the muscles.  I was on the road all my life. My wife and I calculated that I have driven to the moon and half way back since I got my license at 16. Now the last 5 months there are days I can't drive because I feel too scared. Over all my symptoms have improved but new weird symptoms keep cropping up out of nowhere. The intensity over all has died down. Now it's more like a roller coaster ride. Bad days good days back and forth. No greats days yet but more manageable days. Easier to (fake it till you make it). No wonder no one gets it. I wouldn't either if it was someone else.

[[ns...]]

1 minute ago, [[P...] said:

This whole thing is really unbelievable. I never gave showers a second thought 1 1/2 years CT. Since this started most days I take one at night and one in the morning. Really helps relax the muscles.  I was on the road all my life. My wife and I calculated that I have driven to the moon and half way back since I got my license at 16. Now the last 5 months there are days I can't drive because I feel too scared. Over all my symptoms have improved but new weird symptoms keep cropping up out of nowhere. The intensity over all has died down. Now it's more like a roller coaster ride. Bad days good days back and forth. No greats days yet but more manageable days. Easier to (fake it till you make it). No wonder no one gets it. I wouldn't either if it was someone else.

Pintster, try not to focus on the negative. It's so important for healing.  I'm suffering but I know that I cannot allow myself to focus on the hard stuff. I'm 65 yrs old and I'm doing everything I can to keep pushing through. I hope you can too. Don't let fear control you ok, tell yourself theres nothing to fear, you are safe, I'm uncomfortable but it's OK. Eventually you will believe that.  Go to the store,  confront your fears, whatever u do don't give into them.

Change your perspective, change your mind.

Be well

Ns

[[Pi...]]

Hi: I'm 69 in march and maybe I gave you the wrong impression. I'm not giving into this monster and I have improved. It's just crazy what this drug does to your body and it's still prescribed more than ever and is legal??? I'm actually very healthy for my age. Don't take any meds (well almost) . My toenails had vertical splits, were discolored and would break in sections when I clipped them. I asked my dermatologist about it and he replied "thats just old age stuff". 1/12 years off the poison the splits are gone and one looks almost perfect. It messed up my toenails!?!? I read an article that said during the lockdowns prescriptions for Xanax went up 20%. The twilight Zone is real and its's in the GP's office. Don't worry about me I do believe the worst is behind me.

[[Nu...]]

@[ns...] -- celebrate the small wins!! This is great to hear. Keep the spirits and the efforts.

[[Pi...]]

Been a jokester all my life. My dad taught me that the world is nuts and if you take it too seriously you won't survive. He survived a depression and WW2. Still had a great sense of humor.

[[ma...]]

6 hours ago, [[B...] said:

@[ns...], Quizás sea bueno que el médico vea lo que realmente te está pasando. Parece que muy a menudo las cosas realmente extrañas y horribles que sentimos se ignoran porque parecemos bastante normales. Pero lamento todo tu dolor, espero que el médico te ayude.

Estoy teniendo una semana más dura. Volvemos a un insomnio peor debido a problemas familiares, que siempre intensifica lo físico y luego se convierte en un ciclo desagradable. También he estado durmiendo en una cama con cuña de espuma viscoelástica, que es fantástica para el reflujo ácido. También es súper cómodo y me brinda apoyo para el dolor de espalda y caderas, hasta que comienza a fallar, lo cual también sucedió esta semana, por lo que tampoco ayuda con el insomnio. Estoy esperando que llegue uno nuevo mañana. Así que, con suerte, será sólo una noche más de mierda.

Hello, how sorry I am, I read you and I can't help but cry.I understand your suffering because it is mine too, I had some pretty good nights and I thought it was that the nightmare of insomnia would finally end.But no, he's still there, tormenting my nights. Right now I'm more nervous Normally, I was recently diagnosed with osteoporosis, I already have three crushed vertebrae.I am 56 years old and they have told me that it is too early to be like this, they prescribed me medication After reading the pros and cons, I have decided not to take them.I had started doing exercises with weights, but it becomes really difficult when Most nights I barely manage to sleep 2 or 3 hours.And I must exercise because it is the only way to regain some bone mass, insomnia doesn't help either.On February 9th it will be 23 months since my last piece of pill and there is no great progress.It's true that I no longer have spasms or hypnotic jerks, I also recently had about three "good" nights. But the insomnia always returns.This nightmare started 3 years ago. I'm really tired and although I'm usually stubborn, today I'm quite depressed.They poisoned us and no one has paid for all these crimes They have stolen so much health, so much time, so much happiness from us.That there is nothing they could do to return everything they have stolen from us.I'm sorry I'm sick today.

[[Bu...]]

@[ma...],

I am so very sorry.  Insomnia is so horrible.  It's about 7 in the morning here and I've had about 3 hours again.  Everything is so much harder and looks so much worse when we are this tired.  I am glad, though, that the spams and hypnic jerks are gone for you.  I'll be praying we both get some relief soon. ❤

[[ma...]]

29 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

@[ma...],

Lo siento muchisimo. El insomnio es tan horrible. Aquí son alrededor de las 7 de la mañana y ya he vuelto a tener unas 3 horas. Todo es mucho más difícil y se ve mucho peor cuando estamos así de cansados. Me alegro, sin embargo, de que los spams y los idiotas hipnóticos hayan desaparecido para ti. Rezaré para que ambos obtengamos algún alivio pronto. ❤

Thank you for your encouragement, it really is like that, how long have you been without consuming?I always look for something to hold on to in success stories, I hope that soon we can write our own.Although today is not a good day for me, and at 23 months I still have more bad days than "good" ones.

[[ns...]]

5 hours ago, [[m...] said:

Thank you for your encouragement, it really is like that, how long have you been without consuming?I always look for something to hold on to in success stories, I hope that soon we can write our own.Although today is not a good day for me, and at 23 months I still have more bad days than "good" ones.

Marisa, I know it's hard,  I also don't get much sleep. Only 1hr last night. I have osteoporosis as well. It's great that u are pushing thru to excercise, your doing better than many in that regard. Keep going! You know I don't think about the pharma companies anymore, it only brings me down. Vengeance isnt mine to repay. Try to focus on the good,  practice gratitude and thankfulness even during the hard times. Find whst you are thankful for, be grateful for food, family, your bed, blankets etc, I tell everyone here not to focus on symptoms even when it's hard not to. The more we focus on them the more they dig in and become stringer. We get hypersensitive to them, get stressed out and our nervous system lites up and causes a cycle of continued distress. So I do my best to keep busy, my hands and mind busy all day, I'm tired, exhausted but I know it will be harder on me if I don't.

Distraction is important right now. I try to help others during this time even when it's hard. I keep busy, help someone else hopefully and in between its hard but I tell myself you can do this, your scared but it's only uncomfortable it won't hurt me so you are safe! Remember that, tell yourself you are safe, I'm uncomfortable but I'm safe! 

Change your mind Marisa, change your focus ok

 

Take care

Ns

[[Ta...]]

You describe so well the anguish of this process. But also, your description of facing challenges is very encouraging. I remember so well having to force myself one step at a time to get into the shower. The temperature had to be "just right." Variations in temperature were so irritating (almost painful!) I would tell myself, "Just get in there and turn around...that's ALL!" It seemed so monumental just doing that seemingly minor act. But, I learned that "self-talk" was my new friend, and step by step I coached myself to take on more and more challenges. Like SOAP!!! 🤣

[[ns...]]

13 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

You describe so well the anguish of this process. But also, your description of facing challenges is very encouraging. I remember so well having to force myself one step at a time to get into the shower. The temperature had to be "just right." Variations in temperature were so irritating (almost painful!) I would tell myself, "Just get in there and turn around...that's ALL!" It seemed so monumental just doing that seemingly minor act. But, I learned that "self-talk" was my new friend, and step by step I coached myself to take on more and more challenges. Like SOAP!!! 🤣

Lol Tall that's great stuff. Yep we just have to keep pushing. Sometimes like today I don't think I can't go another minute, my ears are screaming! Tension is unbearable but I have to go to.the doctor in 2 hrs. Lord give me strength! 

Gotta smile thru it, encourage ourselves and others while we can!

Thank u Tall Girl!

Ns

[[ma...]]

8 hours ago, [[n...] said:

Marisa, sé que es duro, además duermo poco. Sólo 1 hora anoche. Yo también tengo osteoporosis. Es fantástico que te esfuerces por hacer ejercicio, lo estás haciendo mejor que muchos en ese sentido. ¡Sigue adelante! Sabes que ya no pienso en las compañías farmacéuticas, eso sólo me deprime. La venganza no es mía para pagarla. Intenta concentrarte en lo bueno, practica la gratitud y el agradecimiento incluso en los momentos difíciles. Encuentra aquello por lo que estás agradecido, agradece la comida, la familia, tu cama, tus mantas, etc. Les digo a todos aquí que no se concentren en los síntomas, incluso cuando sea difícil no hacerlo. Cuanto más nos centramos en ellos, más se profundizan y se vuelven más fuertes. Nos volvemos hipersensibles a ellos, nos estresamos y nuestro sistema nervioso se ilumina y provoca un ciclo de angustia continua. Así que hago lo mejor que puedo para mantenerme ocupada, mis manos y mi mente ocupadas todo el día. Estoy cansada, agotada pero sé que será más difícil para mí si no lo hago.

La distracción es importante en este momento. Intento ayudar a los demás durante este tiempo incluso cuando es difícil. Me mantengo ocupado, ayudo a alguien más con suerte y en el medio es difícil, pero me digo a mí mismo que puedes hacer esto, estás asustado, pero es incómodo, no me hará daño, ¡así que estás a salvo! Recuerda eso, dite a ti mismo que estás a salvo, ¡me siento incómodo pero estoy a salvo! 

Cambia de opinión Marisa, cambia de enfoque, ok.

Cuidarse

Ns

Thank you for all your encouragement, but I really just want to cry and cry.My life has changed so much and instead of getting better, it's getting worse.I don't know if my normal sleep will return, I'm clinging to the fact that my other symptoms are gone.Not insomnia. But someday it will.But days, months and years go by and it's still there.So right now I can't thank you for anything.I feel so unhappy.

[[ns...]]

1 hour ago, [[m...] said:

Thank you for all your encouragement, but I really just want to cry and cry.My life has changed so much and instead of getting better, it's getting worse.I don't know if my normal sleep will return, I'm clinging to the fact that my other symptoms are gone.Not insomnia. But someday it will.But days, months and years go by and it's still there.So right now I can't thank you for anything.I feel so unhappy.

Hi Marisa, listen I'm not that happy, really.  I'm just trying to keep myself sane by telling myself I'm safe, I'm uncomfortable but I'm safe, I can do this. You know, building confidence in yourself, talking to myself to encourage myself to.kerp going. If I dont,bi will surely crash and burn. If we don't encourage ourselves who else will right. Please try not to dwell on what you don't have, think about what you do have, be grateful for food, a bed, a roof over your head.  Things like that because if we didn't have those things where would we be? Om so thankful, I'm suffering but I just can't allow myself to dwell on how i.feel, my symptoms.  They are terrible trust me, I'm in misery,  but I have to keep a positive attitude as much ad I can. Do u understand? I'm trying to keep going. I chsnge my focus, I change my mind,  I'm tired, I can't sleep hardly ever. But I will when my brain and body are ready.  I got under 2 hours last night, the night before I got 4. That's the first in months that I got to sleep that long. I'm burned out but, I'm not going to alow this withdrawal to control me, it gets enough of me already.  I decide not my withdrawal. Yes I fall down sometimes but I pick myself up and push harder. You can do this top Marisa, you can. Change your mind, change your focus. Get that attitude, I'm in charge attitude not my symptoms. Ask God for strength, watch positive programs, change your mind ok hun. Please don't let this time in your life take you down a rabbit hole you can't climb put of ok

Your in charge!

Ns

[[ns...]]

On 30/01/2024 at 18:10, [[B...] said:

@[ns...], Maybe it's good for the doctor to see what's actually happening to you.  It seems like so often the really strange and awful things we feel are dismissed because we look fairly normal.  But I am sorry for all your pain, hopefully the doctor will be helpful.

I am having a rougher week.  Back to some worse insomnia due to family issues, which always intensifies the physical stuff and then it becomes a nasty cycle. I have also been sleeping on a memory foam bed wedge which is awesome for the acid reflux.  It is also super comfy and supportive for my aching back and hips, until it starts to break down, which it did this week, too, so that's not helping the insomnia either.  I am waiting for a new one to arrive tomorrow.  So, hopefully just one more really crappy night.

Ho BurnTheShips,  great news! We hit the jackpot i think with my new doctor.  I'm so incredibly blessed to have found him.

He spent at least an hour and a half taking notes, carefully asking questions and getting referrals telling me. We're going to figure this out! I typer up a 5 pg document of my past and current medical history,  Surgeries, symptoms over the past 25 yrs.i detailed what led me to Lorazapam,  the tests I've had, my allergies to foods and medications and a list of those. I thought they would probably just file them in my file nut he had them, put it all in the computer asking me questions, very methodically well thought as if it were planned. We were shocked really at how this went and he set me up with 6 months if appointments with him, labs, and referrals to 6 different specialists. 

On our way out he said, thank you for coming, we're going to help u and going to figure this out!

Wow! My husband said, you better thank God that you have this guy, I Said,  I already did!

Im.so happy to have finally found a doctor who actually listens and seems to love a challenge. 

Thought I'd let you know!

[[Bu...]]

Oh, I am so happy for you!  What great news!  Let me know how it goes from here and what he recommends.

[[ns...]]

2 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

Oh, I am so happy for you!  What great news!  Let me know how it goes from here and what he recommends.

I will, have lots of tests to do. He recommended a psychiatrist because I was tapering, it's up to me he Said but I won't take any other meds so probably not. Thank u for your encouragement,  I'm pretty happy about this. We'll see how it goes! I'll let u know

Ns

[[ma...]]

7 hours ago, [[n...] said:

Hola Marisa, escucha, no estoy tan feliz, la verdad. Sólo estoy tratando de mantenerme cuerdo diciéndome a mí mismo que estoy a salvo, que me siento incómodo pero que estoy a salvo, que puedo hacer esto. Ya sabes, desarrollar la confianza en uno mismo, hablar conmigo mismo para animarme a seguir adelante. Si no lo hago, bi seguramente se estrellará y arderá. Si no nos animamos quién más hará lo correcto. Por favor, trata de no pensar en lo que no tienes, piensa en lo que sí tienes, agradece la comida, una cama, un techo sobre tu cabeza. Cosas así porque si no tuviéramos esas cosas ¿dónde estaríamos? Estoy muy agradecido, estoy sufriendo pero no puedo permitirme pensar en cómo me siento, en mis síntomas. Son terribles, créanme, estoy en la miseria, pero tengo que mantener una actitud positiva tanto como pueda. ¿Entiendes? Estoy tratando de seguir adelante. Cambio de enfoque, cambio de opinión, estoy cansado, casi nunca puedo dormir. Pero lo haré cuando mi cerebro y mi cuerpo estén listos. Anoche dormí menos de 2 horas, la noche anterior dormí 4. Es la primera vez en meses que duermo tanto tiempo. Estoy agotado, pero no voy a permitir que esta abstinencia me controle, ya me harta. No decido mi retirada. Sí, a veces me caigo pero me levanto y empujo más fuerte. Puedes hacer esto arriba Marisa, puedes. Cambia de opinión, cambia de enfoque. Toma esa actitud, yo estoy a cargo de la actitud, no de mis síntomas. Pídele fuerza a Dios, mira programas positivos, cambia de opinión, ok cariño. Por favor, no dejes que este momento de tu vida te lleve a una madriguera de conejo de la que no puedes salir.

¡Estás a cargo!

Ns

Hello Nsindy, I very much appreciate your words of support. Tonight I barely slept 2 hours, I know that you also have a hard time and you still manage to lift the spirits of other colleagues.I never had depression or anxiety, it seems like something is hitting me now, even so I don't think I have depression, because I really If I could sleep for a week, I know my mood would change like overnight.Still, even though I'm in shit right now, I hold on to the fact that my other symptoms are already gone, and in the same way the insomnia will also go away.The question is when? I have had this nightmare for 23 months. Many managed to overcome insomnia much earlier. Is it because of my age?I think age is a determining factor, I am 56 years old, how old are the people who recovered much earlier?I consumed clonazepam for only 7 months. 0.5 mg and only during the last month before reducing increase to 1 mg.These pills really harmed us and in what way.I hope that you also hold on to things that happened to you and that are now gone.We have no choice but to resist and hope that God has mercy on us.Thank you.❤️