Leaving the website for a while.

[[mr...]]

My story isnt nearly as bad or tragic as some peoples here, I only did street benzos for 2 weeks (about 10 days in total as i only had 10 pills 1mg in the ALMEE-1 Alprazolam tablets some India brand)could of been anything tho seeing as the cartel and drug dealers can make fake packaging and dont care if you live or die, got told not to taper so i wouldnt expose myself to the "poison" any longer than needed. I can hardly imagine what some of you are going through seeing as I didnt even take them that long. also i just feel so irresponsible and regret taking street pills compared to you guys who taken real pills from a doctor.  I didnt do any research and this is all my fault. I was depressed at the time and suicidal i just lost my last friend from highschool and was left with zero real friends.

Withdrawals were pretty bad tho even, combined it with Titos vodka on the final dose, I was really naive about drugs and real withdrawals seeing as i had only done all natural drugs like weed and mushrooms. Wasnt even a heavy drinker yet either only started drinking that year.

Been suffering since , This combo happened around February 12th 2022 its almost 2024 now, was 27 now im 29 I think i am getting better but my head still hurts like crazy and i still feel "off' , kinda hard to walk straight, this head pressure and all the burning/melting sensations in my head suck so bad.

took a MRi last week, probably will come back normal.

 

But my point is I think im leaving the site for a while at least 6 months because i am slightly disturbed i will never be healed and caused minor BIND. And also because I feel like i over obsess about healing and fixing my brain First thing i do is check this site in the morning. Idk what for... Kind of a bad way to start the day.

Its sad everyone just wants to be normal again but I think checking this site so much is also counterproductive, or It starts my mind in a bad loop of negative thoughts were i think unaliving/hurting/harming myself will be my only way out of this. i just love my parents so much i would hate to do that.

 

Thank you all for everything Learned alot from you all. I will check back in 6 months. Wishing everyone healing and some sort of peace and normality

Edited January 30 by [mr...]
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[[Ka...]]

Hoping that mri comes back OK. I know you were apprehensive about the noisy machine & hope it was bearable. 

Wherever we obtain the benzos whether via street (which may not be pure) or prescribers is ultimately going to be the same kind of impact. 
I am so sorry for what you are going through.

Wishing you better times ahead and healing. 

 

Edited January 30 by [Ka...]

[[Ri...]]

You didn’t do any damage. What you’re are feeling is anxiety symptoms, OCD. I do the same thing. You’re ok. It’s just anxiety. Go get that treated. 

Edited January 30 by [Ri...]

[[ns...]]

Mrkushboyman, I hope u see this! Listen you sound like most of us we get depressed, overwhelmed but everyone's story is different. Your alive,  the street benzos u took obviously didn't kill u, so I'm sure they were just like the ones we get from the doctor ok. 

Life can be tough, it depends on your prospective. You love your parents, you can't be all that bad, they obviously did something right or u would feel.for them the way u do. You weren't on benzos that long, you will heal pretty fast if u stay away from everything else. No alcohol for example.  

Our brains need to heal,  they need time to heal. We need to replace the bad stuff with the good stuff. Education, music, good food, love, etc. I fill my brain with God and educate myself by reading abd watching positive things for Mt brain. I watch online therapy with Emma on YouTube with Therapy in a nutshell. If your ears are bad with tinnitus, there's cc on YouTube. 

You are depressed it sounds like and need family,  your psrents whom u love so much. Turn around,  change your mind, your prospective. Your in withdrawal,  that's what your feeling, but it will get easier. Bb is a great place to stay connected to those who are also going through stuff just like u. I try not to read negative messages, it's too hard for me. I internalize them and I go down a rabbit hole so I just don't go there. 

I hope you are listening to me S u read this. People here care. They can help u thru the tough stuff.

Please turn around ok, find Beauty in this, because there is. We are being changed everyday, we are growing with this experience,  we are hopeful, we are comforted, we comfort. For me I'm closer to God now. Everyone gets something out of this that adds goodness to our lives. I know you'll find it if u just allow yourself.

I'm praying for you!

We are all here for u

Ns