Recently jumped. Im scared

[[La...]]

Im male 33 year old, weigh about 130 pounds now. Almost no story of other meds besides benzo (only Lexapro for 2 months back in 2018). Work at a administrative job, live with girlfriend and her son. I have a story of drinking alcohol daily from 22 to 33 to alleviate social anxiety.

I began taking benzos in April 2022 for social anxiety. At first only about 5 mg  diazepam a day. That escalated very soon to 10mg or maybe 15mg. In September 2022 I started taking Klonopin as well, 0,5mg doses, every other day or so. On top of that I was drinking about 10 units of alcohol a day.

In January 2023 I quit alcohol and upped my benzo consumption to 3mg of Klonopin a day. I began to taper off, roughly following Ashton, an by June 2023 I was on a combination of diazepam and Klonopin roughly equal to 35mg of diazepam a day (according to Ashton Manual), with little problem.

I decided to speed up my taper and by mid July 2023 was on about 12,5mg diazepam. I began to experience weight loss, lack of appetite, intense depression, started sleeping less. I decresed to around 5mg to 7,5mg in August. I tried to quickly reduce to 5mg and then 2.5mg and was hit by an incredible strong wave of withdrawals and updosed to 12,5mg, and stabilized.

I tapered from 12,5mg diazepam in August to 0,650mg in late Dezember and on January 3, I stopped taking it. I also should say that I started drinking again in September 2023.

I thougth that the taper would be enough to avoid serious withdrawals but its been three weeks now and things keep getting worse. Im having a lot of insomnia. Slept only an hour last night (it was morning alredy). Now Im extremely sleepy and its almost 3 AM and Im panicked. Im afraid of sleep deprivation. Im afraid of going insane and dying. Im restless. I cant stop reading Benzobuddies and other sites with benzo withdrawal stories. I hate going to bed because I keep moving and I keep falling asleep but jerking awake even though Im extremely exhausted.

Im also experiencing weight loss, bouts of extreme dysphoria and depression, feeling like Im gonna go into psychosis. A lot of fear.

When is this going to keep getting worse? Im also afraid this is not only benzo withdrawal and Im going crazy.  Im giving up drinking as alcohol doesnt even help. I also have an addiction to stay the night on the internet wasting time and seeing unhealthy things and its getting worse, as is a way to avoid the terror of closing my eyes and trying to sleep.

 

 

 

[[Co...]]

Hello @[La...]. Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

It seems that you are having a rough time of it, but we will help you.

I do not have time to respond properly now, but will return later with another reply if no one else has done so in the interim.

You can now post to the forums without any restrictions.

Try not to worry.

Colin.

[Guest [...]]

Hi @[La...]

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

Im sorry to hear you’re going through a very rough time right now. 

That was a very fast taper, so it’s quite understandable that you are experiencing intense symptoms. 

I think one of the most important issues I should point out here is about your consumption of alcohol whilst in the recovery phases.

You are certainly not expected to know this, but in these circles, alcohol is referred to as ‘liquid benzo’s’ because of the way it acts on the same gabba receptors as the benzodiazepine medications. 

Consuming alcohol whilst in recovery actually impairs healing and throws you into waves of symptoms. Each time you consume alcohol, those receptors gain a hit of “liquid benzo” and then you go through withdrawal as it leaves your system. It inhibits your gabba receptors from repairing (up-regulating) because they are under the impression you are still on the medication and they are not needed. 

Healing does take a considerable amount of time, especially for those who have been on the medications for long periods. Most long term users take anywhere from 6 to 18 months to heal, and a smaller percentage sometimes longer. 

Your best way forward from here is no doubt to avoid alcohol altogether. This will allow you to move through the initial ‘acute withdrawal phase’ which the alcohol potentially has you trapped within. Your body knows how to heal, but you must avoid confusing it with the alcohol.

This community is here to support, comfort, and encourage you through this healing process, so please reach out whenever you need that support and encouragement.

We are all here to help each other!

If you have any other questions or concerns @[La...], please feel free to ask! 

WS