Lost In Denver

[[De...]]

I also should mention that the place I am headed to is one of the highest rated luxury treatment centers in the world where they allow access to SGB, CBT, a personal therapist and group sessions at a 5 start resort. I don’t think the luxury aspect will help a ton, but I’m hoping it helps a little. Have not yet started the real work but I have hope now. 

[[Pa...]]

Hello @[De...], I'm relieved you're off of the Ambien, you're right, its a terrible drug, the dark thoughts it gave me were pretty scary so I'm with you, never again.

You sound good, I see hope and I'm glad.  Its good they're going to lower your Clonazepam dose now, I hope it will go smoothly.  And, I hope you can take full advantage of the luxury aspect of your 30 day stay, at the very least, it will be nice to be waited on. 

[[De...]]

Thanks Pamster. I initially panicked in taking the higher dose, but there had to be a way of detoxing me off ambien and this might be the only way. Regardless of the K taper, every minute now my brain is recovering from the ambien and confident I’ve successfully gotten off my first major drug. I’m also really really hoping that the root of my troubles has been largely on my dual usage. I am expecting a very tough 30 days, but can go into it with the knowledge I’ve already moved off a very problematic drug. Regardless of what happens, it’s just one monster now. So maybe this is my first real tangible win (albeit small).

[[De...]]

Hi all, wanted to update you that I’m officially 5 days ambien free. The cravings have stopped and I’m now starting my K taper. It’s a rapid taper over 21 days but I’m really really hopeful that the removal of ambien will make the process smoother. I’m far from home and family and its lonely but there are a lot of really great people here.

[[Pa...]]

I hope it goes smoothly for you @[De...], you're sacrificing a lot.  It would have been very difficult for me to be away from home while I was recovering, I needed the safety it provided, you know how our fear can get the best of us while we're going through this.

I'm happy you're updating us, so many people ask about detox facilities and we've mostly heard negative experiences so this is very helpful.

[[je...]]

I hope it works out for you @[De...]. It's not an easy decision to make and you're very strong in doing so. Like @[Pa...] said it would be good to have a positive outcome from detox, because most experiences are not. I do think there will be challenging times because that's just the nature of withdrawal. But I know you are going to be okay. 

[[De...]]

I’m officially on Day 2 of my rehab facility. They’ve decreased my dosage from 1.5 to 1mg today. I am 6 days ambien free. Gabapentin has helped ENORMOUSLY. I was able to fight through my first panic attack today.

One thing I will say that has been the key reasons why I’ve stayed: Is the interdose withdrawals and horrible feelings come up, but I’m actively talking to people who are in the same boat. Just being totally vulnerable when I’m in full panic mode. The difference between here and home is I’ve leaned so heavily on the people around me to just talk. I’ve also able to help a few people and talk them out of their downward spirals and it takes away my own demons for a second. I don’t feel alone, even though I’m so sad to be away from my family. 

Again, this is day 2, but thought I’d share since this community is so helpful. 

[[wi...]]

Gabapentin is super helpful. Just think how great it's going to be seeing your family again when the time comes. Always sending you good vibes, Denver!

[[De...]]

I like to think of every moment and every day that I work on this is a step towards coming home as myself. Every moment and workout and meal is a step towards me seeing my kids and family and being whole. I’m crying as I type this by the way. I so sincerely appreciate all the love in this community.

Dont battle this thing alone. 

[[wi...]]

So many are forced to deal with this alone. Its heartbreaking.

Crying is good, let it out.

[[Pa...]]

I'm heartened to hear that helping others is helping you, any way we can distract ourselves from focusing on our symptoms is helpful.  I'm glad there are others going through the same thing, you have your own community there.  

[[De...]]

Hi all,

wanted to update the group on my progress. 

Im about 10 days into in-patient residential treatment and 12 days sober off Ambien. I’ve also reduced my dosage on K from 1.5, to 1, to .5 and feeling stable thus far. It’s a 21 day taper and on day 10. The facility has been very helpful for me to rapid taper and quickly adjust meds. I’ve substituted in Gaberpentin and updosed my SSRI. The days are very heavy and long with intensive therapy and group work, which have been very helpful for me to withstand the withdrawals on each taper down. 

im feeling brave, optimistic and scared but every day has been a step forward.

Will keep you updated 🙂

[[Pa...]]

This is so helpful @[De...], thank you again for documenting.  This facility, does it cater strictly to benzodiazepine clients or are you with those who have addiction issues? 

 

It sounds like its working for you, is Gabapentin the only adjunct medication you're getting besides the SSRI?

[[De...]]

No it’s an all encompassing treatment facility.

ive only added on Gabepentin.

a couple things I’ve found to be very very helpful.

CBT and DBT. It’s honestly been an absolute game changer. It’s very hard to explain why, but we do very very deep dives during our working groups on both and I’ve been actively practicing both during panic waves. 

[[De...]]

The facility is largely addiction, but they work to get to the root of why you started taking the medication in the first place. For me, it was heavily linked to past trauma and PTSD, which I didn’t really understand until I got here. So I’m in a parallel working group, one for addiction, and another for trauma/PTSD. The latter has been the most helpful for me. I think we chalk up our physical dependence to just the power of the drug, but for me it’s been equally important to address the trauma I went through while I taper down. If that makes sense.

[[Pa...]]

Wow, you're really doing the work, this is so good to hear @[De...].  I'm so happy to know they offer more than the 12 steps, this sounds really helpful and something you can continue to seek out when you're back home. 

[[De...]]

Hi all, I wanted to share that I’m now 15 days sober from Ambien after a year of use. Sleep very fragmented but very proud to have made it this far =)

still working on the klonopin =(

[[je...]]

1 minute ago, [[D...] said:

I’d also add one more thing. In treatment is very very hard. I miss my kids tremendously and every taper down feels like I’m being attacked, even though it’s what I came here to do. I use this forum as a major support for me so I feel terrible to have detracted or distracted from the main goal of getting us all free from this horrible drug. 

I am going to continue the discussion here as I don't want to further hi-jack the other thread. You have not detracted/distracted us. You voiced your opinion which you are allowed to do. I just had a different opinion to yours, which I'm also allowed to have.  And I appreciate your apology, but I do want to say, you don't HAVE to agree with me, to be on this forum. I am glad that we can either agree/disagree in a respectful way because I was scared you'll be very offended with me.

I have an idea what it feels like going down rapidly. I went from 2mg to 0.5mg and I progressively got worse. After 2 weeks I hit rockbottom, was completely disabled. I needed to updose to become functional again and be able to work. I know the pain. I do want you to know if the pain becomes unbearable like it did in my situation, it really is okay to go back on. 

[[De...]]

Yea I’ve gone from 10mg Ambien to cold turkey and down from 1.5mg of K down to .5 now. It’s been uncomfortable to say the least. 

[[Pa...]]

I know its tough being away from your family but when you return home, you'll hopefully have the worst behind you and can make up for lost time. 

[[De...]]

Today was so incredibly hard. Feeling the taper downs massively. Trying so hard to fight through.

[[Pa...]]

What are you feeling @[De...], I'm wondering if your symptoms mirror my cold turkey, I would imagine they do. 

[[je...]]

1 hour ago, [[D...] said:

Today was so incredibly hard. Feeling the taper downs massively. Trying so hard to fight through.

I know how difficult your symptoms must be. I was there too. I don't know if this is what you want to hear, so if it's not, then please forgive me, I just know when I was in so much pain from my big reductions, it was what I needed from this group and they gave me the reassurance. If you need to stop this and you have to go back up it's okay. You are not a failure. There is a less painful way to do this. I'm only saying this because I doubt anyone at the facility will give you the support to quit. 

If you do want to stick it out, that is perfectly fine too. Keep checking in with us. 

[[De...]]

Thank you so much for the love and kind words. They mean so much, it feels really dark right now. 

[[Pa...]]

I'm so sorry @[De...], we know how much it hurts, no one gets this unless they've lived it like we have.  We're here, keep talking to us, and @[je...] is right, there is no shame in making a course correction but no matter what you decide, we're in your corner.