Loss Of Emotion and Motivation: Experiences and Advice

[[Da...]]

Hi All,

 

I am suffering with debilitating psychosocial Sypmtoms and am wondering if you have any experiences, advice:

Apathy Extreme - Lack of emotions - I cannot express or often feel any emotion other than fear and self-hatred - I cannot engage in any activities, cannot clean, make the bed or even take a shower.

Anhedonia - absolutely no desire or pleasure in anything - avoid phone calls, social interaction, leaving the house etc.  Christmas was bad as I couldn't even set up the tree or wrap gifts (something I used to LOVE).  It was so hard having my daughter see me this way.

Depesonalization?Derealization - It is like I am stuck in time....haven't been out in public in almost a year now.  everything is tunnel vision almost like I don't even exist, except in the confines of my own mind.  I have only ruminating thoughts on regrets, mistakes and shame.

Cannot get to dentists, eye doctor, or even in the car at this point.

These sypmtoms are so debilitating, deeper than any pain I have felt.  It is agony all day everyday?  Just looking for any shared experiences.  Nothing feels worth it anymore.  No one understands and I feel like a burden even trying to talk anymore.  feel so guilty for my husband for having to go through this and my daughter who doesn't turn to me because she knows I am going through "something".  Listening to her talk about planning a trip as a family etc., is excruciating because it feels like that is something I will never be able to do.  I crumble to the floor with memories of all that I missed, all that I am missing and feel so much hatred at myself for the impact I know it had to have on her.  Does this end?  

Thank You all so much

 

Edited January 23 by [Da...]

[[dj...]]

1 hour ago, [[D...] said:

Hi All,

I am suffering with debilitating psychosocial Sypmtoms and am wondering if you have any experiences, advice:

Apathy Extreme - Lack of emotions - I cannot express or often feel any emotion other than fear and self-hatred - I cannot engage in any activities, cannot clean, make the bed or even take a shower.

Anhedonia - absolutely no desire or pleasure in anything - avoid phone calls, social interaction, leaving the house etc.  Christmas was bad as I couldn't even set up the tree or wrap gifts (something I used to LOVE).  It was so hard having my daughter see me this way.

Depesonalization?Derealization - It is like I am stuck in time....haven't been out in public in almost a year now.  everything is tunnel vision almost like I don't even exist, except in the confines of my own mind.  I have only ruminating thoughts on regrets, mistakes and shame.

Cannot get to dentists, eye doctor, or even in the car at this point.

These sypmtoms are so debilitating, deeper than any pain I have felt.  It is agony all day everyday?  Just looking for any shared experiences.  Nothing feels worth it anymore.  No one understands and I feel like a burden even trying to talk anymore.  feel so guilty for my husband for having to go through this and my daughter who doesn't turn to me because she knows I am going through "something".  Listening to her talk about planning a trip as a family etc., is excruciating because it feels like that is something I will never be able to do.  I crumble to the floor with memories of all that I missed, all that I am missing and feel so much hatred at myself for the impact I know it had to have on her.  Does this end?  

Thank You all so much

I have lots of bad symptoms, but these are arguably my worst.  
 

There is a success story from a few years back of a guy who had all this (less DPDR) and really bad fear/anxiety.  No emotions, motivation, etc.  At 15 months out, he said he was sitting at work one day (“work,” he said he showed up to the office of his family’s business and would sit at his desk and play on the computer just to try and feel accomplishment for leaving the house) and out of the blue everything lifted.  It stayed that way too.  
 

So yeah basically the guy went 15 months going through this existential routine, was afraid to call his 20 something kids, had no desire to do anything, wasn’t planning anything for the future…and all of a sudden it all came back.  Or like 90% with the remaining 10% coming back in a couple months.  
 

So it does come back apparently.  I think the title of his thread is something like “15 months off and healed in an instant” if you want to go looking for it.   Dr Jenn Leigh also has a video on this.  Just how your world completely shrinks.  The brain goes into a “protect mode” after stopping the benzos and is constantly surveilling for threats.  As things improve and the anxiety lessens, you start moving into “connect mode” and start noticing things again, showing interest, planning stuff. 

[[Da...]]

39 minutes ago, [[d...] said:

I have lots of bad symptoms, but these are arguably my worst.  
 

There is a success story from a few years back of a guy who had all this (less DPDR) and really bad fear/anxiety.  No emotions, motivation, etc.  At 15 months out, he said he was sitting at work one day (“work,” he said he showed up to the office of his family’s business and would sit at his desk and play on the computer just to try and feel accomplishment for leaving the house) and out of the blue everything lifted.  It stayed that way too.  
 

So yeah basically the guy went 15 months going through this existential routine, was afraid to call his 20 something kids, had no desire to do anything, wasn’t planning anything for the future…and all of a sudden it all came back.  Or like 90% with the remaining 10% coming back in a couple months.  
 

So it does come back apparently.  I think the title of his thread is something like “15 months off and healed in an instant” if you want to go looking for it.   Dr Jenn Leigh also has a video on this.  Just how your world completely shrinks.  The brain goes into a “protect mode” after stopping the benzos and is constantly surveilling for threats.  As things improve and the anxiety lessens, you start moving into “connect mode” and start noticing things again, showing interest, planning stuff. 

Ty...I really needed to hear this...I try hard to motivate people but the agony is real.  Not sure if I can take 15 more minutes of this let alone days.    Thank you for being always being so piste and supportive

Given the severity and intensity of these symptoms....I am thinking of paying for membership to get a coach who I can video with and talk to instead of driving my one family member and husband (until I am stable enough to leave) nuts.  I am still trying to protect other family and friends from my turmoil.  

[[ns...]]

11 minutes ago, [[D...] said:

Ty...I really needed to hear this...I try hard to motivate people but the agony is real.  Not sure if I can take 15 more minutes of this let alone days.    Thank you for being always being so piste and supportive

Given the severity and intensity of these symptoms....I am thinking of paying for membership to get a coach who I can video with and talk to instead of driving my one family member and husband (until I am stable enough to leave) nuts.  I am still trying to protect other family and friends from my turmoil.  

Hey what's going on? You don't sound so good today. I just messaged u. I'm right there with ya my friend, it's getting real but we can do it! Missed my appointment today, darn it! Got one on the 31st so it'll be ok.

I'm going to get my shower today if I gave to lay in the bathtub lol. 

Listen, I'll be here all day if u want to talk, I need to talk too. It's beautiful here today, I should be feeling better, I guess I am a little. More rain tomorrow, hoping the pressure doesn't fall to far, it really affects me.

OK, I'll be waiting to hear from u. You don't sound too good today so get back with me k

Ns

[[ns...]]

Hey hey now Darlene.  Your focusing too much on the negative. I know it's hard but listen. You have all the terminology if your symptoms, why? Because you are trying to figure out what's wrong with u right. We know it's withdrawal,  I do this too. We have that personality that must try to figure everything out instead of excepting what's right in front of us. 

I drive my husband nuts trying to do this, we're in withdrawal,  we have other health problems but what we're experiencing is really difficult withdrawal symptoms. You can't get to the car, you can't go to the dentist,  you can't, I know I feel it too. But listen, get dressed! Go to the car, sit in it! Do whatever you can to turn this around. Your way to symptoms focused right now, it's all negative. Please Darlene sweetie, pick yourself up, turn around, change your mindset, this will pass I promise it will. Once u change your mind, you'll begin to see the change in how u feel. I'm taking a shower, I'm getting dressed, I'm going to the car. If we don't leave the house that's ok, I'm  changing my mind and the direction of my day. Please try to do this ok. Don't think I don't care,  I'm telling you this because I do!

Message me back ok

Praying for u now!

Ns

 

[[je...]]

I had/have some of these on/off during and after my taper. For me they would come and go. The most difficult one would be lethargy. Just no energy or motivation to do anything. 

But in my case at least it would come and go, it's not persistent. There are moments where I experience joy, or the depersonalisation lifts. I'm hoping it will be the same for you and not be continuous. 

26 minutes ago, [[D...] said:

Given the severity and intensity of these symptoms....I am thinking of paying for membership to get a coach who I can video with and talk to instead of driving my one family member and husband (until I am stable enough to leave) nuts.  I am still trying to protect other family and friends from my turmoil.

I had a psychologist for quite a while. She wasn't benzo trained and it didn't matter to me. I needed someone that was professionally trained to help manage complex emotions. This was really helpful. Instead of dumping all my withdrawal issues on my husband I talked to my psychologist. I wasn't necessarily able to use the tools she offered because in withdrawal you're not in control of your emotions. But it helped to speak to someone other than a loved one and get it out of my system. My psychologist also let me guide the sessions i.e. I would tell her what is helpful or not to me and what I needed from her.

[[ns...]]

35 minutes ago, [[D...] said:

Ty...I really needed to hear this...I try hard to motivate people but the agony is real.  Not sure if I can take 15 more minutes of this let alone days.    Thank you for being always being so piste and supportive

Given the severity and intensity of these symptoms....I am thinking of paying for membership to get a coach who I can video with and talk to instead of driving my one family member and husband (until I am stable enough to leave) nuts.  I am still trying to protect other family and friends from my turmoil.  

Not everyone has long term symptoms ok, yours aren't going to do that. You have to think positive hun. I stopped reading that stuff, watching it on YouTube whatever. It was depressing, I really started to associate with all thar negative stuff at one time but I just said, no, that's not me. I'm not going watch that stuff. Focus on the positive 

[[dj...]]

37 minutes ago, [[D...] said:

Ty...I really needed to hear this...I try hard to motivate people but the agony is real.  Not sure if I can take 15 more minutes of this let alone days.    Thank you for being always being so piste and supportive

Given the severity and intensity of these symptoms....I am thinking of paying for membership to get a coach who I can video with and talk to instead of driving my one family member and husband (until I am stable enough to leave) nuts.  I am still trying to protect other family and friends from my turmoil.  

I remember being 8 months out and thinking there was no way I’ll make it to 15 months if this keeps up at the current pace.  Alas, I am now 15 months out.  We find a way.  It’s hard.  
 

If you find a Baylissa or Dr Jennifer Leigh, it might be worth your husband having a session with them too.  I know my wife was just angry all the time because she couldn’t make sense of things.  And she wouldn’t listen to me because she was angry.  So having a so-called “authority” helps. 

[[Da...]]

7 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

I would tell her what is helpful or not to me and what I needed from her.

TY I have a psychologist, but it is not helpful anymore.  She doesn't believe in withdraw symptoms...I do text her at times...but I am not in a state to engage in deep therapy.  Gonna give some thought to the private coaches online as they can be available at anytime.  Ty so much for your reply, I am trying so hard to just hold on 

[[je...]]

Well a psychologist that doesn't believe in withdrawal is useless in my opinion. 

[[Da...]]

10 minutes ago, [[n...] said:

Focus on the positive 

I don't have much of that right now, with this and my home situation.  Today I am feeling lot of cycling of anger/sadness/regret/grief.  And I think shock and reality has set it.   It is what it is.  

 

[[Da...]]

2 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

Well a psychologist that doesn't believe in withdrawal is useless in my opinion. 

right?

[[ns...]]

21 minutes ago, [[D...] said:

I don't have much of that right now, with this and my home situation.  Today I am feeling lot of cycling of anger/sadness/regret/grief.  And I think shock and reality has set it.   It is what it is.  

I know that. Read the private message I sent u k

[[Pi...]]

Right there with you Darlene71. I could have written your post. Talking to a shrink is pointless in my view to have any long term solution. They're totally brainwashed and have no clue about your problem. And it stands to reason they don't accept withdrawal because you are rocking their boat. It's called normalcy bias. It's much easier to believe in what you were taught by the Pfizer rep (you know that for profit business) than it is to do your own research. Then realize that maybe you prescribed someone something that wasn't in your patients best interest. And also charging for your bad advice.  Who wants to deal with that?? Talk to your benzo buddies. This whole experience as I see it goes like this. Everyday our old self is buried deep inside our brain fighting to get out. We all know these experiences and fears make no sense. It's almost like some form of demonic possession. The fact that you know these feelings are ridiculous and extremely upsetting is because we (our old self) is still there. The goal is to tough it out, try to ignore the bad thoughts and draw strength from a higher power. The demon will weaken the longer your off the drugs and finally go away. I spoke to one psychiatrist about 5 months into this nightmare because my wife wanted me to. First words out of his mouth were I'll get you some Zoloft. That ended a $150 dollar conversation right there. He wanted to know why I cold turkeyed and said that was wrong which it probably was. I answered why would I keep taking what poisoned me?? He just stared at me.   

[[je...]]

18 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

I spoke to one psychiatrist about 5 months into this nightmare because my wife wanted me to.

There's a difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist. Psychiatrists are authorised to prescribe meds, psychologists are not. Psychologists deal with the underlying cause, they don't treat the symptoms with meds.

20 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

Talking to a shrink is pointless in my view to have any long term solution. They're totally brainwashed and have no clue about your problem.

I have to disagree with you. It helped me immensely and it probably saved my marriage. It was getting too much for my husband to deal with all the withdrawal issues and I needed someone to talk to. I looked for a psychologist that specialised in alcohol addiction because she would be familiar with withdrawal symptoms. My doctor wrote a referral letter explaining I'm not addicted, but dependent. My psychologist was lovely, supporting and affirming of everything I was going through. If you have the right person that's the right fit, it can make a world of difference. 

[[Pi...]]

I'm glad it worked out for you and I do mean that. Unfortunately my experiences with the medical community in general haven't always been completely positive. 

[[ro...]]

On 23/01/2024 at 11:48, [[D...] said:

Hi All,

I am suffering with debilitating psychosocial Sypmtoms and am wondering if you have any experiences, advice:

Apathy Extreme - Lack of emotions - I cannot express or often feel any emotion other than fear and self-hatred - I cannot engage in any activities, cannot clean, make the bed or even take a shower.

Anhedonia - absolutely no desire or pleasure in anything - avoid phone calls, social interaction, leaving the house etc.  Christmas was bad as I couldn't even set up the tree or wrap gifts (something I used to LOVE).  It was so hard having my daughter see me this way.

Depesonalization?Derealization - It is like I am stuck in time....haven't been out in public in almost a year now.  everything is tunnel vision almost like I don't even exist, except in the confines of my own mind.  I have only ruminating thoughts on regrets, mistakes and shame.

Cannot get to dentists, eye doctor, or even in the car at this point.

These sypmtoms are so debilitating, deeper than any pain I have felt.  It is agony all day everyday?  Just looking for any shared experiences.  Nothing feels worth it anymore.  No one understands and I feel like a burden even trying to talk anymore.  feel so guilty for my husband for having to go through this and my daughter who doesn't turn to me because she knows I am going through "something".  Listening to her talk about planning a trip as a family etc., is excruciating because it feels like that is something I will never be able to do.  I crumble to the floor with memories of all that I missed, all that I am missing and feel so much hatred at myself for the impact I know it had to have on her.  Does this end?  

Thank You all so much

I have this. Something in me just seems to have been disintegrated or taken from me. Some vital element of life essential for calm, peace, and success. It’s all I feel every second of every day. 

[[Pi...]]

Entered a wave about 3 weeks ago. Thought I was improving after 19  months CT. Now fear is just overwhelming. Work up last night at 4:00AM with a mega panic attack and major heart palpitations.  All this because a relative wants to get together. Soon to be 69 years old I'm getting worn down mentally and physically and so is my wife.