Worst wave ever!

[[ns...]]

Just now, [[n...] said:

Yeah I suppose to go to an appointment tomorrow,  don't think I'm gonna make it. Didn't get my shower, feel terrible so I doubt it. I really needed to go. We'll see, maybe it'll be a miracle in the morning.  God will let me know

Does your skin ever feel like paper?Ike really thin and dry but my husband says, it doesn't feel dry to me. My skin is so thin literally like it could tear, do u feel that way?

[[Da...]]

7 minutes ago, [[n...] said:

Lol, hey, I guess you saw my meltdown.  Still going through it but it's calming down some.i don't really get psychiatric symptoms except I get a little depressed because I feel so miserable and I cry uncontrollably! But then I feel better and move along usually. Idk what anhedonia is, please explain to me.i think it just all caught up to me, the other night when Iost it I think had alot to do with it. I saw pictures of my Granddaughter and 3 great gran kids last night and I regret ever asking for pics. Sge looks so bad, drugs? Idk, stress for sure, probably needing food. Not at all like her. My 1st grand child, sge looks sickly, pale and thin, she's only 8, and her little outfit was too big. We would always take up the slack and help her but we also made her dependent on us so even if we could help her right now, we can't do it anymore.  She needs to do it on her own. It broke my heart to see this, we were so close. When this benzo thing started and my family got weird about it, even she stopped calling so it was a shock after 6 months to see her like this.

I think it really affected me deeper than I realized so there's thar. But i think it's just everything,  the weather got me good today, the pressure is low. It really affects my symptoms. Then I ordered something for dinner I was going to try to eat, and it was so disgusting I couldn't eat it, undercooked pasta and cold Parma cheese, really??? Just one of those days.

If it could go bad. It did lol, o didn't handle it well.  I think God is testing me, how will she respond to this lol. Oh I failed!

Anyway I appreciate you Darlene, and your prayers, I can use those.

I'm so glad your doing so great, I'll have one if those days soon I know it 

Anhedonia is losing all pleasure in things you used to enjoy - just no feelings with it.  I am starting to see that some people suffer more with physical pain and some with, like me with Psychiatric Pain......I am struggling more with the psychiatric side effects.  I am completely off Benzos for 2 days not but not experiencing any more of the body jerking or headaches....but the Intrusive thoughts, fear, and inability to do anything, focus, or leave the house has me in the depths of despair.  I am sorry about your daughter and grandkids....I look at pictures too and I cry because it seems I will never be able to enjoy them (Anhedonia) and I think about all that I am missing.  Go ahead cry....I am sure so many of us are.  Hugs to you   Yes we certainly are being tested.  Not sure yet how I am coming out of this.  Psychologically it is sooooooo scary!  The symptoms are like I am living in a world that doesn't exist.  It is so hard to explain....my personality is GONE and that is the scariest thing for me.  Watching YouTube videos on this it seems people are having more physical symptoms as well so now I have no idea what is going on with me.  I cannot get myself to even go for a walk.  Maybe I'll make a post to see if anyone is experiencing the same and how they are handing it.    Good Night

[[ns...]]

2 minutes ago, [[D...] said:

Anhedonia is losing all pleasure in things you used to enjoy - just no feelings with it.  I am starting to see that some people suffer more with physical pain and some with, like me with Psychiatric Pain......I am struggling more with the psychiatric side effects.  I am completely off Benzos for 2 days not but not experiencing any more of the body jerking or headaches....but the Intrusive thoughts, fear, and inability to do anything, focus, or leave the house has me in the depths of despair.  I am sorry about your daughter and grandkids....I look at pictures too and I cry because it seems I will never be able to enjoy them (Anhedonia) and I think about all that I am missing.  Go ahead cry....I am sure so many of us are.  Hugs to you   Yes we certainly are being tested.  Not sure yet how I am coming out of this.  Psychologically it is sooooooo scary!  The symptoms are like I am living in a world that doesn't exist.  It is so hard to explain....my personality is GONE and that is the scariest thing for me.  Watching YouTube videos on this it seems people are having more physical symptoms as well so now I have no idea what is going on with me.  I cannot get myself to even go for a walk.  Maybe I'll make a post to see if anyone is experiencing the same and how they are handing it.    Good Night

No I still look forward to pleasure, just can't enjoy it right now. Im.so sorry Darlene,  I know your going thru it. It's hard to talk about these things, that's why we need to focus on goid stuff ok, your having a goid week, your off benzo, I'm impressed ! How did u do that? I'm proud of u. Let's not talk about the negatives ok, unless we really need a shoulder. Sending hugs to u sweetie, good night!

[[ns...]]

[[Br...]]

Hi @[ns...] - Here's the link I sent you https://www.amazon.com/AWS-Portable-Precision-Digital-Milligram/dp/B0012TDNAM?th=1 

[[ns...]]

5 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Hi @[ns...] - Here's the link I sent you https://www.amazon.com/AWS-Portable-Precision-Digital-Milligram/dp/B0012TDNAM?th=1 

Thanks Brighterday got one. It'll be here Wed. 

Thank u

[[Br...]]

@nsindy - there's a learning curve - at least I found there was in the midst of my cognitive fog.  The scale can be sensitive - so It may take a while to get the hang of it.  Also, I found I had to check and recheck my calculations multiple times!

[[ns...]]

1 minute ago, [[B...] said:

@nsindy - there's a learning curve - at least I found there was in the midst of my cognitive fog.  The scale can be sensitive - so It may take a while to get the hang of it.  Also, I found I had to check and recheck my calculations multiple times!

Oh OK, not sure I can deal with that right now. I guess we'll see when it gets here tomorrow. I'll be asking for help I'm sure. Thanks for the heads up Brighterday 

Ns

[[Br...]]

I didn't mean to scare or discourage you!  It's totally doable - you'll get the hang of it!  I just wanted to encourage you to be patient with the scale and with yourself.  I think it's a great little tool.  I didn't use it for getting off benzos because my doctor rushed me off too fast.  But I've used the scale for another taper off an AD since and using it currently for another taper.

[[ns...]]

36 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

I didn't mean to scare or discourage you!  It's totally doable - you'll get the hang of it!  I just wanted to encourage you to be patient with the scale and with yourself.  I think it's a great little tool.  I didn't use it for getting off benzos because my doctor rushed me off too fast.  But I've used the scale for another taper off an AD since and using it currently for another taper.

It's ok, I expected it to be aittle intimidating. Especially right now.  Hopefully we'll get the hang of it. I think I really do need to use one, not using a scale is probably why I'm in the shape I'm in. Bit I sure thought I was close. Guess we'll know soon enough. 

Talk to u soon after I get the scale.

Thanks Brighterday 

Ns

[[Ty...]]

On 22/01/2024 at 21:03, [[n...] said:

Hi winter sun. Thank u for asking. I started my taper with 4mg, 1 4x per day. I used valium to.taper 2mg and it was terrible. I have allergies to many meds and it seems benzos are now included. After thar I slowly cut the pills using a cutter and eye balls. I think I went too fast the first 2mg but was desperate to get off of them because there making me so sick. I'm down to 3/4 mg split into 4doses. I am holding until I can stabilize which never seems to happen. I do get a day or to of a little break but I always have constant symptoms. Most would I'm sure be in bed. But I am in the fight of my life so i push myself. But I'm exhausted, I need sleep. I split 1mg into 4 as accurately as I could, it wasn't too bad. Then I take the smallest half of each pill and cut into 2. So I use 2 pills to cut. This makes about 3/4 of a mg. They are tiny pieces cut into a pie shape. They are so close in sz I can't tell them apart. It's ok, I know when it's too soon and too much of a cut, I couldn't get liquid nor figure out the scale so this is what I decided. Now that I've seen many posts about how to calculate the scale I could have used their numbers but it's too late for that now. Yes I need to go fast but had to slow down! This last tiny cut was too much, so I've decided to take my time as long as I can stand it.

It's tough taking something that makes u sick! That was why I needed to taper fast. I still can't believe that under 1mg split so small could make me feel so sick. I was going to jump, but I don't think I can, I'll wait for a window, scale down and the next window after that I will be done! That will be a half mg per day, split into 4. I'll take the last doses at night and finish from there. That's my plan anyway.

Nothing technical but it's working ok. 

Sorry for such a long answer.

You are a very special person, I've read your writing and I can clearly feel your heart. I'm so glad you're back! 

Thank u for your concern 

Tske care

Ns

How are you doing where are you now? I'm in the same boat, makes me sick with and sick without. I was on 2 mg Klonopin 8 months ago now down to today only took 1 mg Valium. I want to be done so bad. Please update and good luck 

[[ns...]]

22 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

How are you doing where are you now? I'm in the same boat, makes me sick with and sick without. I was on 2 mg Klonopin 8 months ago now down to today only took 1 mg Valium. I want to be done so bad. Please update and good luck 

This is Tyler correct? I'm kind of confused about this post from last week. 

[[ns...]]

Just now, [[n...] said:

This is Tyler correct? I'm kind of confused about this post from last week. 

Hi Tyler,  I guess your asking about the scale a d weighing pills? Not sure. Having issues right now weighing new prescription, just posted new thread need help weighing new prescription. 

Might not be much help to you today. Having symptoms 

Can I get back to you afterwhile?

 

[[ns...]]

Just now, [[n...] said:

Hi Tyler,  I guess your asking about the scale a d weighing pills? Not sure. Having issues right now weighing new prescription, just posted new thread need help weighing new prescription. 

Might not be much help to you today. Having symptoms 

Can I get back to you afterwhile?

Oh, worst wave ever!  Im so sorry now I understand!

Still having a bad wave. Been weighing my.pills wrong, each one was different so it's made me a mess! Didn't use the tare button so different weights for every dose, not so good. 

Thank u for asking! 

It's rough going thru this om sure u know. I'm sorry your going through it. I'll ck back again when I'm calmed down a little ok

Take care

Ns

[[Ty...]]

5 minutes ago, [[n...] said:

Hi Tyler,  I guess your asking about the scale a d weighing pills? Not sure. Having issues right now weighing new prescription, just posted new thread need help weighing new prescription. 

Might not be much help to you today. Having symptoms 

Can I get back to you afterwhile?

Sure sorry I didn't mean to confuse you. I believe you had said you "feel like benzos had become an allergy" to you as well where it made you sick to take it. You said you cut so fast because they were making you so sick, I'm in the same boat is what I meant to say, I've Ben on benzos for 14 months, I was prescribed 2 mg Klonopin for 6 months  have been tapering for 8 months now.  I've kindled between Klonopin and Xanax and Valium. The last month month and a half I've stayed strict on my taper of just valium and down to one average 2mg for the last two weeks. Today however was the first day I took 1mg. It's as if they make me sick ( more derealized and dp) when I dose is what I was saying. Wasn't sure if that paralleled your previous comment of the paradoxical effect the meds give. I was just wondering how you were doing on your taper that's all being down to such a low dose. I'm going to try to stick to 1mg at this point I have glimpses and bits of who i used to be when I take less but it's hard. Sorry to confuse you

[[ns...]]

1 minute ago, [[T...] said:

Sure sorry I didn't mean to confuse you. I believe you had said you "feel like benzos had become an allergy" to you as well where it made you sick to take it. You said you cut so fast because they were making you so sick, I'm in the same boat is what I meant to say, I've Ben on benzos for 14 months, I was prescribed 2 mg Klonopin for 6 months  have been tapering for 8 months now.  I've kindled between Klonopin and Xanax and Valium. The last month month and a half I've stayed strict on my taper of just valium and down to one average 2mg for the last two weeks. Today however was the first day I took 1mg. It's as if they make me sick ( more derealized and dp) when I dose is what I was saying. Wasn't sure if that paralleled your previous comment of the paradoxical effect the meds give. I was just wondering how you were doing on your taper that's all being down to such a low dose. I'm going to try to stick to 1mg at this point I have glimpses and bits of who i used to be when I take less but it's hard. Sorry to confuse you

Tyler, yes I understand.  Not advisable to go down so fast. They recommend only a 5%cut or 10%. Even though these make me sick I have to go slow, it's to difficult to go a y faster then 5% as my symptoms Rev up either way, I need to be sure I don't hurt my cns anymore than it already is. I was in a protracted withdrawal from over 3 yrs ago from a forces taper, that continues today. Went back on lorazapam last april and which helped some, by August o knew something was off started tapering in September October I believe.  The pills are doing the reverse of they're intended use so instead of relaxation I get extreme anxiety and panic attacks with every dose, no matter how small the dose. But if I miss a dose it's a nightmare. We are chemically addicted. This is typical with benzos. Different than normal addiction. 

Om sorry your having such a rough time too. Do u think your in a paradoxical way or another scenario?

[[ns...]]

14 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

Sure sorry I didn't mean to confuse you. I believe you had said you "feel like benzos had become an allergy" to you as well where it made you sick to take it. You said you cut so fast because they were making you so sick, I'm in the same boat is what I meant to say, I've Ben on benzos for 14 months, I was prescribed 2 mg Klonopin for 6 months  have been tapering for 8 months now.  I've kindled between Klonopin and Xanax and Valium. The last month month and a half I've stayed strict on my taper of just valium and down to one average 2mg for the last two weeks. Today however was the first day I took 1mg. It's as if they make me sick ( more derealized and dp) when I dose is what I was saying. Wasn't sure if that paralleled your previous comment of the paradoxical effect the meds give. I was just wondering how you were doing on your taper that's all being down to such a low dose. I'm going to try to stick to 1mg at this point I have glimpses and bits of who i used to be when I take less but it's hard. Sorry to confuse you

Tyler you took a 50% cut, are u sure thars a good idea? That will.probably hot pretty hard. You can always go back it's early. 

So do the pills make you sick?.do you have the reverse reaction, or allergies. O do have an allergic reaction to them.as well, im.not really sure what it is as tomwhy I can't takenthem anymore but either way i.need to get them gone. O used valuim for the first 2mg, it was terrible as I cannot take Valium either..

Please think about going a little slower ok, the cuts hit pretty hard when u least expect it 

Ns

[[Ty...]]

9 minutes ago, [[n...] said:

Tyler, yes I understand.  Not advisable to go down so fast. They recommend only a 5%cut or 10%. Even though these make me sick I have to go slow, it's to difficult to go a y faster then 5% as my symptoms Rev up either way, I need to be sure I don't hurt my cns anymore than it already is. I was in a protracted withdrawal from over 3 yrs ago from a forces taper, that continues today. Went back on lorazapam last april and which helped some, by August o knew something was off started tapering in September October I believe.  The pills are doing the reverse of they're intended use so instead of relaxation I get extreme anxiety and panic attacks with every dose, no matter how small the dose. But if I miss a dose it's a nightmare. We are chemically addicted. This is typical with benzos. Different than normal addiction. 

Om sorry your having such a rough time too. Do u think your in a paradoxical way or another scenario?

Similar story in a way about 8months ago after being on 2mg Klonopin for 5 months my wife and I dumped the pills down the toilet as we noticed they were having a negative effect on my personality. Well let me say she noticed it more than me during that stent in my mind I felt normal never felt any type of paradoxical effect I felt like they were working as they should be even though I don't know if I should have ever been on them. Day one through seven I would say more slightly okay I was having some emotions flood back to me I was sleeping day 7 through 11 became a disaster. Up until on day 11 I thought I was going to have a breakdown and either go to the hospital or to the doc the next day so I reinstated on 1.5 mg quickly down to 1 mg in a month or so. I never have felt the same since, I've had good days and bad but never 100 percent normal. Then I finally got with a psychiatrist instead of a Jack in the box doctor who officially started my taper. However I had to beg him to switch me to you Valium as the Ashton method recommended and when he did switch me he switched me from 1 mg Klonopin to 10 mg value which apparently is half the equivalent. I really struggled and kindled because my mother is prescribed 1mg Xanax and I took a few for a few weeks. Then I decided the only way to know for sure if there's some type of permanent damage is to completely get off and I started taking it more seriously in the last 2.5 months I've gone from 10 mg down to now one today. Technically I'm prescribed 4 mg on my taper right now but I want to be done so bad I can remember nothing My days are like a lifeless blur. I have a child on the way my first child I'm 32 and two step kids I'm the sole provider of our home. I'm just so scared I'll never return to who I once was but I try and keep the faith. 

[[ns...]]

2 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

Similar story in a way about 8months ago after being on 2mg Klonopin for 5 months my wife and I dumped the pills down the toilet as we noticed they were having a negative effect on my personality. Well let me say she noticed it more than me during that stent in my mind I felt normal never felt any type of paradoxical effect I felt like they were working as they should be even though I don't know if I should have ever been on them. Day one through seven I would say more slightly okay I was having some emotions flood back to me I was sleeping day 7 through 11 became a disaster. Up until on day 11 I thought I was going to have a breakdown and either go to the hospital or to the doc the next day so I reinstated on 1.5 mg quickly down to 1 mg in a month or so. I never have felt the same since, I've had good days and bad but never 100 percent normal. Then I finally got with a psychiatrist instead of a Jack in the box doctor who officially started my taper. However I had to beg him to switch me to you Valium as the Ashton method recommended and when he did switch me he switched me from 1 mg Klonopin to 10 mg value which apparently is half the equivalent. I really struggled and kindled because my mother is prescribed 1mg Xanax and I took a few for a few weeks. Then I decided the only way to know for sure if there's some type of permanent damage is to completely get off and I started taking it more seriously in the last 2.5 months I've gone from 10 mg down to now one today. Technically I'm prescribed 4 mg on my taper right now but I want to be done so bad I can remember nothing My days are like a lifeless blur. I have a child on the way my first child I'm 32 and two step kids I'm the sole provider of our home. I'm just so scared I'll never return to who I once was but I try and keep the faith. 

Tyler I understand your in a hurry abd u really want and need to be done, but you really need to think about how fast your going. Did u cut Valium to 1mg or clonazepam?

[[ns...]]

1 minute ago, [[n...] said:

Tyler I understand your in a hurry abd u really want and need to be done, but you really need to think about how fast your going. Did u cut Valium to 1mg or clonazepam?

OK so valuim is different.  Buy I don't know the ratio you should taper.  I hope someone chimes in here to offer you some strategies for tapering. 

I will see if I can get someone to look at this but we're all tapering and going thru about the same. 

Ashton should have showed u a proper ratio for valuim. I hope you found it helpful

[[Ty...]]

1 minute ago, [[n...] said:

Tyler I understand your in a hurry abd u really want and need to be done, but you really need to think about how fast your going. Did u cut Valium to 1mg or clonazepam?

Valuim I haven't taken Klonopin in over three months. When I made the switch to valium three months ago I went from 1 mg Klonopin to 10 mg Valium. Can I ask you like what type of withdrawal effects you feel the most. I have no withdrawal effects when it comes to my body it's like everything is in my brain. Derealization and depersonalization seems to be what is most prominent. Like I'm a zombie, inability to focus recall names, like cognitive impairment, a vail separating me from realitym No shakes, no ringing, no nausea, up until this point no insomnia either. Now I know I still have the medication in my system and that may be why but may I  ask what you experience? 

[[ns...]]

2 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

Valuim I haven't taken Klonopin in over three months. When I made the switch to valium three months ago I went from 1 mg Klonopin to 10 mg Valium. Can I ask you like what type of withdrawal effects you feel the most. I have no withdrawal effects when it comes to my body it's like everything is in my brain. Derealization and depersonalization seems to be what is most prominent. Like I'm a zombie, inability to focus recall names, like cognitive impairment, a vail separating me from realitym No shakes, no ringing, no nausea, up until this point no insomnia either. Now I know I still have the medication in my system and that may be why but may I  ask what you experience? 

Tyler, 

I am full swing withdrawal. I have all over involuntary body jerking movements, stinging like bees all over including in my head, face etc.

My belly having some kind if nervy thing jumping around making it difficult to stsnd or walk. I have tachycardia when I stand and walk, not like pots,  but it's neurological.  There are a lot here having electricity type symptoms in their head,  my ears are in misery but I have an acoustic neuroma so this makes it more difficult.  

I do ok, because I've learned to change my mind, my focus and practice breathing techniques and some other tools to help me get thru it. When I finish my taper I'll still be miserable I sure. I have li Ed up many appointments for gi  neurological testing, brain therapy,  neuropath specialist and more to hopefully get help with retraining my brain so I can heal. 

Anxiety is worse than it ever was before I system these, that us what everyone says

Going to go eat, I'll be back later k

Take care 

Ns

[[Ty...]]

7 minutes ago, [[n...] said:

Tyler, 

I am full swing withdrawal. I have all over involuntary body jerking movements, stinging like bees all over including in my head, face etc.

My belly having some kind if nervy thing jumping around making it difficult to stsnd or walk. I have tachycardia when I stand and walk, not like pots,  but it's neurological.  There are a lot here having electricity type symptoms in their head,  my ears are in misery but I have an acoustic neuroma so this makes it more difficult.  

I do ok, because I've learned to change my mind, my focus and practice breathing techniques and some other tools to help me get thru it. When I finish my taper I'll still be miserable I sure. I have li Ed up many appointments for gi  neurological testing, brain therapy,  neuropath specialist and more to hopefully get help with retraining my brain so I can heal. 

Anxiety is worse than it ever was before I system these, that us what everyone says

Going to go eat, I'll be back later k

Take care 

Ns

Bless you🙏 I'll be praying for you and please do the same for me we WILL recover! 

[[ns...]]

50 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

Bless you🙏 I'll be praying for you and please do the same for me we WILL recover! 

Hi Tyler,  I found a thread here about tapering valium. Looks like the norm, 5 to 10%. Every 2 weeks or until your stable from last cut.

I hope this helps u

Take care 

[[Ca...]]

On 22/01/2024 at 20:33, [[D...] said:

Anhedonia is losing all pleasure in things you used to enjoy - just no feelings with it.  I am starting to see that some people suffer more with physical pain and some with, like me with Psychiatric Pain......I am struggling more with the psychiatric side effects.  I am completely off Benzos for 2 days not but not experiencing any more of the body jerking or headaches....but the Intrusive thoughts, fear, and inability to do anything, focus, or leave the house has me in the depths of despair.  I am sorry about your daughter and grandkids....I look at pictures too and I cry because it seems I will never be able to enjoy them (Anhedonia) and I think about all that I am missing.  Go ahead cry....I am sure so many of us are.  Hugs to you   Yes we certainly are being tested.  Not sure yet how I am coming out of this.  Psychologically it is sooooooo scary!  The symptoms are like I am living in a world that doesn't exist.  It is so hard to explain....my personality is GONE and that is the scariest thing for me.  Watching YouTube videos on this it seems people are having more physical symptoms as well so now I have no idea what is going on with me.  I cannot get myself to even go for a walk.  Maybe I'll make a post to see if anyone is experiencing the same and how they are handing it.    Good Night

Sounds so familiar, symptoms mental rather than physical. Lot of fear, depression, intrusive thoughts, cog impairment, loss of identity or connection to myself, to the world. Also have an apprehension about getting out of getting something done. It IS like being sick all the time, mental flu type of thing. Has been mental anguish. Not so uncommon at all.