Worst wave ever!

[[ns...]]

I'm really having the worst day ever during this process. 

Idk if it's from the weather or taper but it's been building for 3 days. Trying not to focus on these symptoms but it's getting to me! My mouths been numb for over a week bim having trouble swallowing, the stinging like bees is all over me and in my brain! My body is in Involuntary body jerking movements and I'm stiff so I hit myself at times and it's painful. Vocal outbursts, my belly is in spasms and tightness all around my core, it feels like my ribs are going to break! I lost it the other night symptoms were bad but this is worse.  Can hardly swallow, haven't slept in 3 nights, normally I get at least 2 hours so I'm so exhausted I feel like I can't stand this anymore!

Need a shower going to new doc tomorrow, it's so hard to take a shower, I hit the walls, hit myself, hard to stand because of my belly nerves in spasms. I hate to say anything, I try so hard to be strong and know this will pass eventually but I'm so tired,  I'm just so tired of being the trooper! 

This will pass, it always does, just need to stay focused on the finish line. 

Any encouragement I'd appreciate it

Ns

Looks like my intense symptoms are due to the weather.  Pressure holding at 29.79, humidity at 78. I now have a serious headache and Pressure in my head and face. Sinus drain, I knew it had to something like that. Always makes my symptoms worse. Really odd but I know many if u responded on the topic of barometric pressure. 

I'm still miserable but understanding why helps so much. That shower will help for a bit if I can stand that long.

Ns

Edited January 22 by [ns...]
Additions and corrections

[[ns...]]

Anna, how are u?

[[Br...]]

@[ns...] Sorry you're in a rough wave.  It jumped out at me when you wrote that you hate to say anything.  I hope you'll give your self full permission to reach out for the support you need.  You give so much support to others, but that doesn't have to mean you can't ask for support for yourself.  We don't always have to be strong for others.  In fact, I think it hurts us to deny ourselves the ability to receive comfort.  So, going forward, please don't hesitate to vent when you're hurting, and let others know you need support.

[Guest [...]]

I’m sorry to hear you’re in such a rough wave @[ns...]

Yeah… weather certainly can affect symptoms. 

How are you going with your taper? 

I see in your history you were on 1mg lorazepam split into 4 and “need to taper fast, but not too fast.”

Where are you with it now, and how are you making/measuring your reductions? … tablet and scales, or liquid? 

I haven’t been online for a while, so forgive me if you’ve already been through all this in previous posts and have it all sorted… 

 

[[ns...]]

42 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

@[ns...] Sorry you're in a rough wave.  It jumped out at me when you wrote that you hate to say anything.  I hope you'll give your self full permission to reach out for the support you need.  You give so much support to others, but that doesn't have to mean you can't ask for support for yourself.  We don't always have to be strong for others.  In fact, I think it hurts us to deny ourselves the ability to receive comfort.  So, going forward, please don't hesitate to vent when you're hurting, and let others know you need support.

Brighterday, thank u for your kind words. It is difficult for me to ask for help unless it's my husband, poor guy gets the brunt of my complaints  he has strong shoulders and I am so blessed to have him. I love helping others, and it helps me to pass my day as well while going through wd. I am having such a hard time lately, and each day is getting harder. I've already been thru a protracted withdrawal 3 yrs ago and was still in it when I went back on lorazapam, but I didn't know I was even in withdrawal. So it's a steady stream of symptoms for so long. I felt some relief when I went back in lorazapam for about 4 months, but it didn't last of course. I seem to have an allergy to everything.  When I take my dose, tiny as it is now, I get allergy and feel terrible. The same with so many foods now. So it's been along difficult road, not as long as some I know. 

I will reach out, but I'll still do my best to offer comfort to those suffering. I do cry to a couple here but for the most part I try to distract from the symptoms and turn my attention to others.

Thank u Brighterday for making feel better, I really needed that!

Ns

[[ns...]]

36 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

I’m sorry to hear you’re in such a rough wave @[ns...]

Yeah… weather certainly can affect symptoms. 

How are you going with your taper? 

I see in your history you were on 1mg lorazepam split into 4 and “need to taper fast, but not too fast.”

Where are you with it now, and how are you making/measuring your reductions? … tablet and scales, or liquid? 

I haven’t been online for a while, so forgive me if you’ve already been through all this in previous posts and have it all sorted… 

Hi winter sun. Thank u for asking. I started my taper with 4mg, 1 4x per day. I used valium to.taper 2mg and it was terrible. I have allergies to many meds and it seems benzos are now included. After thar I slowly cut the pills using a cutter and eye balls. I think I went too fast the first 2mg but was desperate to get off of them because there making me so sick. I'm down to 3/4 mg split into 4doses. I am holding until I can stabilize which never seems to happen. I do get a day or to of a little break but I always have constant symptoms. Most would I'm sure be in bed. But I am in the fight of my life so i push myself. But I'm exhausted, I need sleep. I split 1mg into 4 as accurately as I could, it wasn't too bad. Then I take the smallest half of each pill and cut into 2. So I use 2 pills to cut. This makes about 3/4 of a mg. They are tiny pieces cut into a pie shape. They are so close in sz I can't tell them apart. It's ok, I know when it's too soon and too much of a cut, I couldn't get liquid nor figure out the scale so this is what I decided. Now that I've seen many posts about how to calculate the scale I could have used their numbers but it's too late for that now. Yes I need to go fast but had to slow down! This last tiny cut was too much, so I've decided to take my time as long as I can stand it.

It's tough taking something that makes u sick! That was why I needed to taper fast. I still can't believe that under 1mg split so small could make me feel so sick. I was going to jump, but I don't think I can, I'll wait for a window, scale down and the next window after that I will be done! That will be a half mg per day, split into 4. I'll take the last doses at night and finish from there. That's my plan anyway.

Nothing technical but it's working ok. 

Sorry for such a long answer.

You are a very special person, I've read your writing and I can clearly feel your heart. I'm so glad you're back! 

Thank u for your concern 

Tske care

Ns

[Guest [...]]

@[ns...] Do you think it might be helpful if you purchased a jewellers scale to keep each of your daily doses even and calculate your reduction percentages? 

[[ns...]]

5 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

@[ns...] Do you think it might be helpful if you purchased a jewellers scale to keep each of your daily doses even and calculate your reduction percentages? 

Well.we thought about it,  actually we bought one and sent it back before I understood how to calculate it. Brighterday did a great job of explaining it but we just couldn't understand it. Being so low a dose, Idk if it would be worth the frustration of teaching myself how to use it.my husband is in pain so I don't want him to have to add more to his plate, I'm not clear in my head so I just don't know. I thought about it recently. I'll talk to him and see what he thinks. 

I appreciate you thinking of that, I know it would probably be better. 

I'll let u know, cause if I do bill need help ok

Thank u winter sun!

[[ns...]]

5 minutes ago, [[n...] said:

Well.we thought about it,  actually we bought one and sent it back before I understood how to calculate it. Brighterday did a great job of explaining it but we just couldn't understand it. Being so low a dose, Idk if it would be worth the frustration of teaching myself how to use it.my husband is in pain so I don't want him to have to add more to his plate, I'm not clear in my head so I just don't know. I thought about it recently. I'll talk to him and see what he thinks. 

I appreciate you thinking of that, I know it would probably be better. 

I'll let u know, cause if I do bill need help ok

Thank u winter sun!

Actually, we purchased a different one, sent it back and the one Brighterday recommended we didn't order but thought we did. So couod you please add a link of the right scale again so we can look into it again 

[[ns...]]

2 hours ago, [[B...] said:

@[ns...] Sorry you're in a rough wave.  It jumped out at me when you wrote that you hate to say anything.  I hope you'll give your self full permission to reach out for the support you need.  You give so much support to others, but that doesn't have to mean you can't ask for support for yourself.  We don't always have to be strong for others.  In fact, I think it hurts us to deny ourselves the ability to receive comfort.  So, going forward, please don't hesitate to vent when you're hurting, and let others know you need support.

Hi Brighterday, can u send me the link for the scale you sent me a few months ago. Thinking about getting it.

Thank u

[Guest [...]]

This is the one jelly baby and I used.

https://www.amazon.com.au/Precision-Milligram-Tweezers-Calibration-Weighing/dp/B011J88S8M/ref=asc_df_B011J88S8M/?tag=googleshopdsk-22&linkCode=df0&hvadid=341774158480&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16415294295656930150&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9072351&hvtargid=pla-310643494494&psc=1&mcid=b041b04359ec3d728090eb3e1e09be2a
 

If you need help with anything, please ask. 👍

[[ns...]]

2 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

This is the one jelly baby and I used.

https://www.amazon.com.au/Precision-Milligram-Tweezers-Calibration-Weighing/dp/B011J88S8M/ref=asc_df_B011J88S8M/?tag=googleshopdsk-22&linkCode=df0&hvadid=341774158480&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16415294295656930150&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9072351&hvtargid=pla-310643494494&psc=1&mcid=b041b04359ec3d728090eb3e1e09be2a
 

If you need help with anything, please ask. 👍

Winter sun. I clicked on the link and it asked if I wanted to change country, I said no and took.me back to this page. I Had an issue before when this happened and took me hours to fix it. Can u give me the name of the scale,  model number etc. I'll find it on Amazon that way ok, thank u

[[ns...]]

3 minutes ago, [[n...] said:

Winter sun. I clicked on the link and it asked if I wanted to change country, I said no and took.me back to this page. I Had an issue before when this happened and took me hours to fix it. Can u give me the name of the scale,  model number etc. I'll find it on Amazon that way ok, thank u

Hi again. Ok I looked it up on Amazon in usa, it doesn't come up. So not surehow to find it

[Guest [...]]

There are so many jewellers scales available. I know it’s available in the UK and Australia through Amazon. 
 

Maybe if you just type in Smart Weigh Jewellers Scale and scour through the various pages, possibly you will find it. 
 

If not, many members use the Gemini jewellers scale

[[ns...]]

1 minute ago, [[W...] said:

There are so many jewellers scales available. I know it’s available in the UK and Australia through Amazon. 
 

Maybe if you just type in Smart Weigh Jewellers Scale and scour through the various pages, possibly you will find it. 
 

If not, many members use the Gemini jewellers scale

Ok then, thank u so much!

[Guest [...]]

Here’s another one that members use. 

https://www.amazon.com.au/Smart-Weigh-GEM20-Precision-Milligram/dp/B00ESHDGOI/ref=pd_rhf_ee_s_pd_crcd_d_sccl_1_5/355-4753597-3543621?pd_rd_w=sAQOI&content-id=amzn1.sym.3773418f-973d-4eab-a18e-142337dd5ace&pf_rd_p=3773418f-973d-4eab-a18e-142337dd5ace&pf_rd_r=70MM9ZKXX0SZQ9E8QQGC&pd_rd_wg=dZYEo&pd_rd_r=bfca00a4-47fe-4d07-b243-53445b6996a5&pd_rd_i=B00ESHDGOI&psc=1
 

But, if you can find the other one… I can guide you through its use exactly. 

[[ns...]]

11 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

There are so many jewellers scales available. I know it’s available in the UK and Australia through Amazon. 
 

Maybe if you just type in Smart Weigh Jewellers Scale and scour through the various pages, possibly you will find it. 
 

If not, many members use the Gemini jewellers scale

Ok. Bought it,  it'll be here on Wednesday. So I'll be needing help I'm sure. I'll let u and anyone else know so we can get started.  Thank u for suggesting it. I'm brain is pretty fried right now so I hope It's not to complicated for me. Talk to u soon winter sun, thank you so much!

[Guest [...]]

You’re very welcome, @[ns...]

Just having to go through that probably overstimulated your CNS, so just rest yourself and know that we will work through it when it arrives. I’ll guide you through it as simply as possible. And it is simple. 

we’ll also go through how to calculate your reduction percentages if you also need help with that. Also simple. 👍

[[ns...]]

6 minutes ago, [[n...] said:

Ok. Bought it,  it'll be here on Wednesday. So I'll be needing help I'm sure. I'll let u and anyone else know so we can get started.  Thank u for suggesting it. I'm brain is pretty fried right now so I hope It's not to complicated for me. Talk to u soon winter sun, thank you so much!

Purchased the smart weigh scale, hopefully it'll be ok

[Guest [...]]

Should be fine! 

[[ns...]]

1 minute ago, [[W...] said:

You’re very welcome, @[ns...]

Just having to go through that probably overstimulated your CNS, so just rest yourself and know that we will work through it when it arrives. I’ll guide you through it as simply as possible. And it is simple. 

we’ll also go through how to calculate your reduction percentages if you also need help with that. Also simple. 👍

Thank you winter sun, yes I'm sure i will and I appreciate you so much for taking the time to help me with this. 

 

 

[[Da...]]

5 hours ago, [[n...] said:

My body is in Involuntary body jerking movements and I'm stiff so I hit myself at times and it's painful

I hate that you are going through this...you remind me of me, though I am not as bad...I can imagine being with you, then there would be 2 Elaine's from Seinfeld Dancing :)...Hope that got a smile   Do you remember that I was crying to you that that is how I felt!  I am super impressed at your strength!  I am in awe that you can get out the door......my level of apathy is through the roof and I am not sure how I am going to make it to my appointment in a week.  Just curious if you experience any Psychiatric Symptoms of Apathy, Anhedonia, Depersonalizion and Derealization....?  I am not seeing many posts about that?  Just wondering.  You know I am praying for you and sending hugs across the smiles.  Maybe not hugs lol you'll Jerk me back to Canada :).  You got this girl

 

[[ns...]]

6 minutes ago, [[D...] said:

I hate that you are going through this...you remind me of me, though I am not as bad...I can imagine being with you, then there would be 2 Elaine's from Seinfeld Dancing :)...Hope that got a smile   Do you remember that I was crying to you that that is how I felt!  I am super impressed at your strength!  I am in awe that you can get out the door......my level of apathy is through the roof and I am not sure how I am going to make it to my appointment in a week.  Just curious if you experience any Psychiatric Symptoms of Apathy, Anhedonia, Depersonalizion and Derealization....?  I am not seeing many posts about that?  Just wondering.  You know I am praying for you and sending hugs across the smiles.  Maybe not hugs lol you'll Jerk me back to Canada :).  You got this girl

 

Lol, hey, I guess you saw my meltdown.  Still going through it but it's calming down some.i don't really get psychiatric symptoms except I get a little depressed because I feel so miserable and I cry uncontrollably! But then I feel better and move along usually. Idk what anhedonia is, please explain to me.i think it just all caught up to me, the other night when Iost it I think had alot to do with it. I saw pictures of my Granddaughter and 3 great gran kids last night and I regret ever asking for pics. Sge looks so bad, drugs? Idk, stress for sure, probably needing food. Not at all like her. My 1st grand child, sge looks sickly, pale and thin, she's only 8, and her little outfit was too big. We would always take up the slack and help her but we also made her dependent on us so even if we could help her right now, we can't do it anymore.  She needs to do it on her own. It broke my heart to see this, we were so close. When this benzo thing started and my family got weird about it, even she stopped calling so it was a shock after 6 months to see her like this.

I think it really affected me deeper than I realized so there's thar. But i think it's just everything,  the weather got me good today, the pressure is low. It really affects my symptoms. Then I ordered something for dinner I was going to try to eat, and it was so disgusting I couldn't eat it, undercooked pasta and cold Parma cheese, really??? Just one of those days.

If it could go bad. It did lol, o didn't handle it well.  I think God is testing me, how will she respond to this lol. Oh I failed!

Anyway I appreciate you Darlene, and your prayers, I can use those.

I'm so glad your doing so great, I'll have one if those days soon I know it 

 

[[ns...]]

Just now, [[n...] said:

Lol, hey, I guess you saw my meltdown.  Still going through it but it's calming down some.i don't really get psychiatric symptoms except I get a little depressed because I feel so miserable and I cry uncontrollably! But then I feel better and move along usually. Idk what anhedonia is, please explain to me.i think it just all caught up to me, the other night when Iost it I think had alot to do with it. I saw pictures of my Granddaughter and 3 great gran kids last night and I regret ever asking for pics. Sge looks so bad, drugs? Idk, stress for sure, probably needing food. Not at all like her. My 1st grand child, sge looks sickly, pale and thin, she's only 8, and her little outfit was too big. We would always take up the slack and help her but we also made her dependent on us so even if we could help her right now, we can't do it anymore.  She needs to do it on her own. It broke my heart to see this, we were so close. When this benzo thing started and my family got weird about it, even she stopped calling so it was a shock after 6 months to see her like this.

I think it really affected me deeper than I realized so there's thar. But i think it's just everything,  the weather got me good today, the pressure is low. It really affects my symptoms. Then I ordered something for dinner I was going to try to eat, and it was so disgusting I couldn't eat it, undercooked pasta and cold Parma cheese, really??? Just one of those days.

If it could go bad. It did lol, o didn't handle it well.  I think God is testing me, how will she respond to this lol. Oh I failed!

Anyway I appreciate you Darlene, and your prayers, I can use those.

I'm so glad your doing so great, I'll have one if those days soon I know it 

Apathy? Depends on what you mean. My.body is definitely in apathy, I need excercise lol, but endurance, I'm not doing so good either.

[[ns...]]

1 minute ago, [[n...] said:

Apathy? Depends on what you mean. My.body is definitely in apathy, I need excercise lol, but endurance, I'm not doing so good either.

Yeah I suppose to go to an appointment tomorrow,  don't think I'm gonna make it. Didn't get my shower, feel terrible so I doubt it. I really needed to go. We'll see, maybe it'll be a miracle in the morning.  God will let me know