Anyone Have Anticipatory Anxiety???

[[Da...]]

Hi...extreme feelings of anticipatory anxiety about both things immediate, months and possibly years away.  Also anxiety about phone calls, someone dropping by, even talking to my own family.  I usually have my phone off!  

[[Ka...]]

Yes! Is this new? Since being on medication?

 

[[Go...]]

Yes anticipatory anxiety about everything.  I’m at 11.5 months, and it’s been this way the entire time.

[[WU...]]

Yes I had it really bad when expecting the Grocery delivery every week. Pacing around the house, heart racing, checking out the windows to see if I could see his vehicle. I would go online and check where his vehicle was on the map constantly updating.  Then I would go to the front gate and keep looking up and down the street, even though its one-way !  Absolute madness and quite exhausting.

But this week I only checked online once, accepted the time shown and didn't think any more of it.  So finally in my 11 month there is progress! And no doubt there will be for you too.

[[Ka...]]

@[Da...]@[Go...]@[WU...] is this because of benzo? Is this a thing? Did you have this b4 benzo? I recognise this fretting/damn awful anticipation in myself 

[[Da...]]

2 hours ago, [[K...] said:

Yes! Is this new? Since being on medication?

It is recent....especially the last year!  I am freaking out over my daughter's grad In May....trying to find reasons why I may not be there...it's horrible...I am exhausted with it....family weddings..everything!  Christmas was horrible....I get extreme anxiety when I know I am going to see my daughter...maybe because I fear judgement or fear rejection or guilt.  Anhedonia is horrible as well and that is definitely new. Christmas was always my favourite time of year and this year I could do nothing.  

[[Da...]]

15 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

Yes anticipatory anxiety about everything.  I’m at 11.5 months, and it’s been this way the entire time.

Do your family members and friends understand?  I don't know how to explain it

 

[[WU...]]

Absolutely down to benzos, no other reason.  The further away we are from these drugs the better we will feel

[[Da...]]

9 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

Yes I had it really bad when expecting the Grocery delivery every week. Pacing around the house, heart racing, checking out the windows to see if I could see his vehicle. I would go online and check where his vehicle was on the map constantly updating.  Then I would go to the front gate and keep looking up and down the street, even though its one-way !  Absolute madness and quite exhausting.

But this week I only checked online once, accepted the time shown and didn't think any more of it.  So finally in my 11 month there is progress! And no doubt there will be for you too.

TY!  I wonder if it is related to fear of judgement or if it a response to be around people who you would not ordinarily choose to be around in some cases?  ( with the exception of my daughter....I think with my daughter it is because of guilt with how I raised her and not being totally present because of Benzos...and seeing a lot that I did wrong!). Although she is doing great!  It seems I have gotten myself into looking small, and sick as that is how I am seen by Hubby's family so I avoid everything.

[[WU...]]

@[Da...]  "I don't know how to explain it"

Just tell them your GABA receptors are playing up which makes even normal things turn into a big drama for your nervous system which is the truth! They will never understand fully but at least they will have something to go on.

"I think with my daughter it is because of guilt with how I raised her"

Yes I have that in spades with my son, even though he is doing great! Crazy. All this focussing on the past seems to be part of the process of recovery. Making peace with ourselves over what we perceived to be mistakes when in reality we could only have done what we did at the time, couldn't have done anything else. The pills seem to take away our confidence and make us feel weak. When we have recovered we will feel strong again, I'm sure of it.

[[Pi...]]

No one understands so forget trying. They're not worried about your or my problems. Most people have very little depth to them these days. Did you see the show on Netflix? Thats about as far as their thinking goes. Take a screw it self preservation attitude and you'll get through it better. At least they may understand you are having issues and back off a little. Trying to make others happy will make you crazy. Just don't discuss it and do what you have to do. If you loose them as a friend they were not much of a friend anyway.

[[Go...]]

44 minutes ago, [[K...] said:

@[Da...]@[Go...]@[WU...] is this because of benzo? Is this a thing? Did you have this b4 benzo? I recognise this fretting/damn awful anticipation in myself 

I dont know if it is b/c of Benzos??  I have had fear and anxiety my entire life, which is probably why I started Klonopin in the first place 21 years ago.  I have not been working the past few years, and have had bad life events happen.  Im sure sitting around all day is not helping me, but I dont know how to get out of the mess I have created. 

[[ns...]]

All the time! lol, i feel.like this lol

[[Ka...]]

21 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

I dont know if it is b/c of Benzos??  I have had fear and anxiety my entire life, which is probably why I started Klonopin in the first place 21 years ago.  I have not been working the past few years, and have had bad life events happen.  Im sure sitting around all day is not helping me, but I dont know how to get out of the mess I have created. 

Similar. I don’t quite live in the moment. Stress about the past & pre-existing tendency to worry about the future! So this anticipation anxiety is another challenging thing to contend with. At least it has a name. Thought I was alone/going mad until this topic. 

Edited January 18 by [Ka...]

[[Mu...]]

Yes , and thank you for the word anticipatory. During year two of my withdrawal I took 6 months to purchase a set of tires. My anxiety was so bad I found fault or potential problems with every store I went to. When I finally made the purchase drove away all is well. My daughter asked what was I afraid of? Answer everything. I'm 4 years 4 months free now and while things have gotten better wave still come go. The anxiety goes through the roof before doctor appointments. Not one single doctor believe me when I told them about my withdrawal symptoms. Early morning fear and anxiety, swollen hands, 3 months of eye pain where I could not drive or read and no one with exception to my wife believe me. Not even the part where during month 6 my wife dressed me a tie my shoes due to excruciating back pain. God bless music 60

[[Si...]]

I used to worry about what others thought all the time.  I had extreme social anxiety but I didn't take pills for it.  I've lost all my social anxiety now.  I am in such torture that it is all I care about and I have no room to think of anything else.  I've doubled over in the supermarket calling out with the horrible chemical bodily anxiety feelings which occur for no reason at all.  I've fallen on the pavement outside at my worst.  People have come to see me and I have no social anxiety.  I can now chat easily if the physical feelings aren't too bad and I've noticed people like me more now I'm not such an awkward self conscious woman.  I also am terrified of being alone.  before this ordeal I had cut off toxic narcissistic people from my life.  Now, I trade the abuse just for being with someone.  I am too ill to argue.  If they say something hurtful I just say absolutely nothing. If I ever get better I know I will never be anxious again.  

[[Da...]]

3 hours ago, [[W...] said:

The pills seem to take away our confidence and make us feel weak. When we have recovered we will feel strong again, I'm sure of it.

There has to be some reason we are going through this!  In the end there just has to be a reason for it. 

[[Da...]]

3 hours ago, [[P...] said:

Most people have very little depth to them these days.

Very true and my issues is that I am very deep lol.....My brain is understimulated and I am in a place where I have let people make me look small!  I gave my own power away but trying to get away when I feel like this seems undoable.

[[Da...]]

3 hours ago, [[K...] said:

At least it has a name. Thought I was alone/going mad until this topic. 

You are not alone....lol I have a CBT workbook but when I went through the assessments and checked off every box for every condition, I just gave up!  That was where I found the name to what I am experiencing!  CBT does't touch this!

[[Da...]]

3 hours ago, [[G...] said:

I dont know how to get out of the mess I have created. 

Exactly....I was back home with family over a year ago and felt pretty good....it seems I got worse coming back here!  And not working or contributing to society certainly plays a number on me as there is nothing to do but focus on everything that went wrong in my life.  I too have suffered from anxiety my who life but I somehow managed.....I am still feeling so much guilt and shame for what these meds to me and how I wasn't there for my daughter emotionally.....I was so focused on keeping her safe.....they certainly stole my life and hers!  But there has to be some reason behind all of this.  Praying for us all!

[[Da...]]

2 hours ago, [[M...] said:

My anxiety was so bad I found fault or potential problems with every store I went to.

Good for you tho that you can get to a store!  I pray this will happen for me!  I am sure it will.  I think trauma has caught up with me and I had to go through every negative emotion to eventually come out the other side.  I have to keep faith I am just so scared that my brain is permanently damaged and the fear will never go away.

[[Da...]]

2 hours ago, [[S...] said:

If I ever get better I know I will never be anxious again.  

A beautiful thought and something to work towards....it's a process!  Benzos did work for some stuff...and I guess those issues have to come to surface and I think that is what is happening.  The benzos allowed us to mask so much...just shows there's no way around..just through.  

[[Da...]]

3 hours ago, [[M...] said:

Early morning fear and anxiety,

The absolute worse!!!

[[wi...]]

Sugar not bothered me lately. I wonder why?

[[Pi...]]

My dad was a guy who survived a depression and made it through WW2 after seeing half of his friends die. I was a worrier by nature. Took after my mom. He preached to me my whole life. Stop worrying because it's never what you worry about that gets you. Evil is everywhere and it hides in places where you least expect it. Well the devil got us on this one. He got the doctors also for like we all know most of them are clueless. I'm an old guy and I remember this record by the Rolling Stones and loved the tune as a kid. They were laughing at the older generation condemning all the kids in the mid 60's about drug use. In the 1960's valium was the most popular Benzo and many referred to it as "mothers little helper". It was literally prescribed like candy to unsuspecting people mostly women going through change of life with catastrophic results. But the medical community still doesn't see an issue??? Check out the link if you don't know the tune.