7 months out and no windows

[[da...]]

I’ve been 7 months out from cold turkey Valium, I did not have even smallest window. Worst symptoms for me are anxiety and depression which make me just stay in bed and suffer. The anxiety is always in my gut area, this is so terrible and horrific. Does anyone experience their anxiety in the gut? I’m not having any windows, does it mean I’m not healing? 

[[Pa...]]

HI @[da...], I quit cold turkey too and I only had one window that lasted just a few seconds.  I’ve found quite a few members who quit the way we did don’t experience windows, so no, it doesn’t mean you’re not healing.  

What I wish I would have done is document my symptoms and their severity because my poor sick brain kept telling me I wasn’t improving.  Can you list any symptoms you’ve not felt in awhile?  That’s the thing, sometimes we don’t even realize when one of our symptoms has left us because we’re so miserable with our other ones. But, its important to recognize when they do leave us so we can appreciate the fact that it has. 

What are you doing for distraction, it was the only thing that got me through this mess.  I stayed as busy as I could, I couldn’t sit still, you know how anxious and antsy we are, so I just kept moving and it helped pass the time.

[[Nu...]]

Pamster gives great feedback here. I always found that my symptoms didn't fit in an all or none pattern, so I measured them by percentages. And that helped me get by. It helped me know that things are improving -- I could basically put a percentage on it. At least it's some type of positive feedback that healing is happening.

[[Ho...]]

@[da...]  I never had any windows either. I didn't cold turkey but I tapered pretty fast—I was on and then off clonazepam within 10 months. Didn't make the suffering any less. If I'd realized slower is better I'd have done that, but by the time I found BenzoBuddies I was not fit to make great decisions!

First, I have to say, kudos to you for making it to seven months! It's no mean feat, and shows a lot of courage.  It gets better and better. However, that means better than last week. And next week will be better than this week. And on and on, in tiny, almost imperceptible increments, you will heal. 

I never had a window. I did have about 30 minutes in a car, when I felt warm and good. That's it. The rest was just making it though the day. I'd cry at night because I'd know I had to get up the next morning. 

I have windows now, though! It took a long time. It means nothing, really. Except perhaps that that part of your journey actually is a bit linear. I have windows now, and I have waves, but the waves are not crashing and pulling me under. I'm not healed yet but having windows at long last has let me believe I actually am healing. 

My anxiety used to be head to toe. Then it would start in my center, branch out and quickly end in a huge sweat. I'd be drenched and have to change my clothes. But the wave didn't last that long.

Everyone is different. I hope you find someone who's had the same symptoms; it's so soothing to hear from someone else because it's an affirmation that you're normal. You are, you know. Normal! This is normal for you, and a part of your healing.

Hugs,

HCHC