I've been on 4mg-6mg of Clonazepam since July of 2022, and I want to taper off desperately.

[[ok...]]

Well, this isn't a story I really want to tell, but I desperately want to be benzo free.

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety a decade ago and was prescribed .5mg of Clonazepam by a psychiatrist.  

I knew it was extremely habit forming and that the rebound anxiety could not only be hell, but if daily doses were high enough I could die.  

But I was literally running into emergency rooms feeling like my heart was going to explode or that I was suffocating to death.  I had intrusive thoughts, compulsive hair pulling...extreme anxiety.

That was a decade ago, and I only stayed on for about a month and just continued living with anxiety afterward.

Fast forward to 2017 I was attacked, robbed and nearly died in a latin american country.  The head doctor of a hospital gave me a big bottle of liquid Clonazepam.  I took it sublingually for a few months, ran out of it in a different country and just quit again.

Fast forward again to 2019 I came off a hard binge drinking incident, was prescribed a small bottle of diazepam.  This was in yet another country.  For almost a year I stayed off of alcohol, but I was taking 5-20mg of diazepam daily, along with caffeine and nicotine (yes both stimulants, and being highly neurotic a terrible choice.)

It was after this almost year long period of being off of alcohol, but on my 5-20mg diazepam dose that I felt I was in too deep.  

I lived in eastern europe for over a year after this and started taking gidazepam (a soviet benzo almost no one knows about).  I could never find an equivalency chart but I took enough to keep the panic away and the constant feeling of breathlessness, while still being able to function.  

I came back to america and ran out of my benzo supply again.  I went to the ER, they gave me 5mg of diazepam and pretty much told me we won't help you.  

I'm from a rural area, and the quickest I could even get a phone consultation with a psychiatrist was around 1.5 months.

I panicked. 

I already hadn't slept longer than 90 straight minutes for weeks and was deep in terrible withdrawal.

I took a flight to another country, within 4 hours of landing an actual doctor prescribed me two boxes of 2mg Clonazepam pills, one to be taken early the other later.  

This was an insane increase in my dosage no matter how the equivalence/strength of diazepam is compared to Clonazepam.  Some equivalancy charts say 4mg of clonazepam is anywhere from 40-80mg of diazepam.  

I stayed on that dose for over a year now.

I don't know what to do, or if any doctor will even work with me, particularly if I'm honest about having used alcohol.  

I've run out a few times and been on the edge of seizures but I just drink heavy amount of alcohol, to the point of incontinence and near blackout 24/7 just to hit my gaba a receptors.  

I can chug an entire bottle of liquid valerian, kava, lemon balm, l-theanine...if I'm in deeper than 4 days of a clonazepam withdrawal it's either booze or mini-seizures at bare minimum.  

I wish a doctor would listen to me.  I wish someone at an ER could help.  I think they'd rather just let me die than take the risk of helping someone.  Perhaps if I just allowed myself to have a full on seizure they'd hook me up to an IV drip but I'm not going to do that. 

I want to be off of these pills so badly.  I really want the guidance of a trained doctor who can work with me and just help me taper off, no matter how long it takes.  

I'm willing to go through pain to get off, but I'm not willing to have a seizure for no reason.  

 

[[Co...]]

7 hours ago, [[o...] said:

Well, this isn't a story I really want to tell, but I desperately want to be benzo free.

I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety a decade ago and was prescribed .5mg of Clonazepam by a psychiatrist.  

I knew it was extremely habit forming and that the rebound anxiety could not only be hell, but if daily doses were high enough I could die.  

But I was literally running into emergency rooms feeling like my heart was going to explode or that I was suffocating to death.  I had intrusive thoughts, compulsive hair pulling...extreme anxiety.

That was a decade ago, and I only stayed on for about a month and just continued living with anxiety afterward.

Fast forward to 2017 I was attacked, robbed and nearly died in a latin american country.  The head doctor of a hospital gave me a big bottle of liquid Clonazepam.  I took it sublingually for a few months, ran out of it in a different country and just quit again.

Fast forward again to 2019 I came off a hard binge drinking incident, was prescribed a small bottle of diazepam.  This was in yet another country.  For almost a year I stayed off of alcohol, but I was taking 5-20mg of diazepam daily, along with caffeine and nicotine (yes both stimulants, and being highly neurotic a terrible choice.)

It was after this almost year long period of being off of alcohol, but on my 5-20mg diazepam dose that I felt I was in too deep.  

I lived in eastern europe for over a year after this and started taking gidazepam (a soviet benzo almost no one knows about).  I could never find an equivalency chart but I took enough to keep the panic away and the constant feeling of breathlessness, while still being able to function.  

I came back to america and ran out of my benzo supply again.  I went to the ER, they gave me 5mg of diazepam and pretty much told me we won't help you.  

I'm from a rural area, and the quickest I could even get a phone consultation with a psychiatrist was around 1.5 months.

I panicked. 

I already hadn't slept longer than 90 straight minutes for weeks and was deep in terrible withdrawal.

I took a flight to another country, within 4 hours of landing an actual doctor prescribed me two boxes of 2mg Clonazepam pills, one to be taken early the other later.  

This was an insane increase in my dosage no matter how the equivalence/strength of diazepam is compared to Clonazepam.  Some equivalancy charts say 4mg of clonazepam is anywhere from 40-80mg of diazepam.  

I stayed on that dose for over a year now.

I don't know what to do, or if any doctor will even work with me, particularly if I'm honest about having used alcohol.  

I've run out a few times and been on the edge of seizures but I just drink heavy amount of alcohol, to the point of incontinence and near blackout 24/7 just to hit my gaba a receptors.  

I can chug an entire bottle of liquid valerian, kava, lemon balm, l-theanine...if I'm in deeper than 4 days of a clonazepam withdrawal it's either booze or mini-seizures at bare minimum.  

I wish a doctor would listen to me.  I wish someone at an ER could help.  I think they'd rather just let me die than take the risk of helping someone.  Perhaps if I just allowed myself to have a full on seizure they'd hook me up to an IV drip but I'm not going to do that. 

I want to be off of these pills so badly.  I really want the guidance of a trained doctor who can work with me and just help me taper off, no matter how long it takes.  

I'm willing to go through pain to get off, but I'm not willing to have a seizure for no reason.  

Hello @[ok...]. Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

It seems that you have had a tough time of it over the past few years. I am glad to read that you are looking to change your situation and to do this safely.

Yes, suddenly quitting a high dose of Clonazepam (4mg) is potentially very dangerous. It is not just the risk of seizure, but a status epilepticus seizure, and those are life threatening.

I am uncertain of what you mean by 'mini-seizures'. It is quite common to experience myoclonic jerks from benzodiazepine withdrawal, particularly when done rapidly and from higher doses. These are not epileptic seizures, but the risk of suffering tonic-clonic seizures or even status epilepticus seizures is real.

I generally advocate for being honest with doctors. But I accept this sometimes can be problematic when discussing benzodiazepines - some doctors (too many) simply do not wish to deal with patients experiencing problems with these medications. In your shoes, I think I would be basically honest with doctor, but I might chose to volunteer some (irrelevant) facts. But the doctor needs to know the level of your dependency (your true dose and length of use) and any difficulties you have experienced with withdrawal. If you were to explain that you were prescribed clonazepam in x-country and did not appreciate that your were taking such a high dose, and now wish to taper off safely, perhaps you will receive a more sympathetic ear.

Drinking alcohol to offset the risk of seizure during withdrawal might work, I guess. But it is surely beset with great risks too. I think this is something you really need to avoid. The combination of alcohol and benzodiazepines - particularly in high amounts/doses - is very dangerous (resultant respiratory arrest being a very common cause of drug-related deaths).

Your doctor might not be willing to prescribe 4mg clonazepam per day. The reality is, though, that you can probably afford a dramatic reduction in your dose in one go without a significant risk of seizure. So if a doctor prescribes, for example, only 2mg per day, this might be considered 'medically safe', but you might well experience significant withdrawal symptoms and feel rather unwell. But in your situation, as you have acknowledged, you are probably going to experience significant difficulties. But if you are determined, of course you can succeed.

Aim for as long a taper and from a dose as close to your present dose as the doctor is willing to support. You can always speed up the taper if goes well, but the doctor might be unwilling to slow down the taper once initiated.

Once you have a doctor on board, we can help you manage your taper and provide you with moral/emotional support.

[[ok...]]

Thankyou for the response. 

I realize drinking alcohol when going through an unintentional cold turkey period is a miserable experience, it was just the only option I had at the time, particularly after around the one week mark with a longer lasting benzo and the withdrawals kick in to the point of absurdity.

I once went about a month without alcohol, but I was bed ridden, and was essentially a non functional person. 

Sometimes when walking down a few steps my legs would seize up and my whole body would start shaking...this was back before my dose moved up to 4mg of clonazepam.  

As for overdosing...it would be difficult for me to overdose on benzodiazepines.  There have been a few times where I've taken so many and not even been able to sleep, let alone fall unconscious or suffer respiratory failure.  My tolerance is so high. Of course, I'm not trying to do that. 

[[ok...]]

Well, I've made a few calls so far today to see if there is any hope or sanity possible in the american medical community as it pertains to benzo withdrawal...

I talked to a representative for detox clinics.  She told me not to google anything, they do a 7-10 day withdrawal.  I had to chuckle to myself how insane this is, and not just that but irresponsible to an unbelievable extent.  

I then looked at the reviews for one of the clinics....hundreds of one star review horror stories that resonate with my experiences in similar situations.  

[[or...]]

Hi and welcome @oketo, I wonder if you are on keto, which I've been for 3 years and it's helped me more than I can say

Anyway, I am so glad you are seeking knowledge about tapering before starting.  I finally have an NP that totally understands the need for a slow taper, and allowing the patient to do their taper according to their own wd sxs, which I've done, thanks the this forum, and The Ashton Manual.  I was on C for 35 years.

You are so in the right place, imo, and you don't need to end up one of those horror stories, oregonlady