Feel so foolish

[[Te...]]

I have been on benzos for eight years. I was initially taking it for insomnia/anxiety after I got retrenched. I moved to the UK two years ago and local GPS will not prescribe benzos.

I thought they were being paranoid and I thought I was being clever when I found an online supplier.

Never did it cross my mind I was addicted. Duh! I have been able to get a regular supply for the past two years. But over Christmas there was a delay in postage and I experienced the horror of going cold turkey.

I am ashamed. I felt that anything prescribed by a doctor must be safe. How wrong I was. 

I see now how I was in denial about my addiction when they refused to issue a new prescription. But I also was given no real reason and no support to withdraw.

I guess I have a strange mistrust towards medicine and big pharma but have happily taken pills when it suited me. Not doing a lot of homework on them.

I am now terrified of going back on benzos for the sake of tapering off gradually. I cannot bear to get hooked again.

Mostly I feel foolish. It is now clear to me that benzos masked many issues and changed over time from being a godsend to becoming a monster.

I was taking .50mg for eight years. Does anyone know how long it will take to recover. 

Edited January 12 by [Te...]
Adding a question

[[Co...]]

Hello @[Te...]. Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

Which benzodiazepine do you take? For how long have you been off?

I'll need the answers to those questions before I can attempt to answer your questions.

How do you feel now? What withdrawal symptoms are you experiencing?

[[Kh...]]

3 hours ago, [[T...] said:

I have been on benzos for eight years. I was initially taking it for insomnia/anxiety after I got retrenched. I moved to the UK two years ago and local GPS will not prescribe benzos.

I thought they were being paranoid and I thought I was being clever when I found an online supplier.

Never did it cross my mind I was addicted. Duh! I have been able to get a regular supply for the past two years. But over Christmas there was a delay in postage and I experienced the horror of going cold turkey.

I am ashamed. I felt that anything prescribed by a doctor must be safe. How wrong I was. 

I see now how I was in denial about my addiction when they refused to issue a new prescription. But I also was given no real reason and no support to withdraw.

I guess I have a strange mistrust towards medicine and big pharma but have happily taken pills when it suited me. Not doing a lot of homework on them.

I am now terrified of going back on benzos for the sake of tapering off gradually. I cannot bear to get hooked again.

Mostly I feel foolish. It is now clear to me that benzos masked many issues and changed over time from being a godsend to becoming a monster.

I was taking .50mg for eight years. Does anyone know how long it will take to recover. 

I can so relate.  Same with me on .5 mg Xanax.  Hard to imaging such a low dose over the years can do so much damage.  Hang in there.  🙏

[[Te...]]

I was on alprazolam a generic of Xanax I believe. It's the short acting one. 

I have had two weeks of sweating, chronic nausea, diahrea, 3 hours sleep at night. My muscles feel so tight and painful.

I battle to focus on anything - reading or TV. It's like being suspended in limbo.

I have ordered some supplements to see if they will help.

I appreciate this forum, it is so lonely to go through this.

19 hours ago, [[C...] said:

Hello @[Te...]. Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

Which benzodiazepine do you take? For how long have you been off?

I'll need the answers to those questions before I can attempt to answer your questions.

How do you feel now? What withdrawal symptoms are you experiencing?

 

[[Co...]]

Hi @[Te...]

So, have you been off Xanax for two weeks (the time you state that you have been experiencing withdrawal symptoms) or have you been off longer? (Not that it probably makes much difference to what i will suggest).

First of all, as a matter of course, you should discuss your symptoms with your doctor. There is nothing there which does not fall within the experience of others going through benzodiazepine withdrawal, but at the same time, all those symptoms can have other causes too.

Since it has been two weeks or more since you quit, and from a moderate dose, in your shoes, I think I would tough it out if possible. Of course, you will know best what is manageable according your symptoms and your situation. Although you might feel pretty rotten, your brain has already partially adapted to the absence of Xanax. Reinstatement is a backwards step, but, alas, a sometimes necessary step.

I know you know, but I also wish to add that obtaining your medications from online suppliers is problematic. And, as you found out, unreliable. You cannot be certain of what you will receive - it even might be dangerous. I recall one member reporting a few weeks ago that when he had his online supply analised, it contained other drugs too.

[[PE...]]

5 hours ago, [[T...] said:

I was on alprazolam a generic of Xanax I believe. It's the short acting one. 

I have had two weeks of sweating, chronic nausea, diahrea, 3 hours sleep at night. My muscles feel so tight and painful.

I battle to focus on anything - reading or TV. It's like being suspended in limbo.

I have ordered some supplements to see if they will help.

I appreciate this forum, it is so lonely to go through this.

I had exactly those symptoms. Also violent vomiting. You are in a bad place right now but the good thing I that you wil get better.

You need to taper it out in a slowly manner. And maybe switch to a longer acting benzo.

Many here are good in the taper details and you have come to the right place.

 

[[Co...]]

2 hours ago, [[n...] said:

I had exactly those symptoms. Also violent vomiting. You are in a bad place right now but the good thing I that you wil get better.

You need to taper it out in a slowly manner. And maybe switch to a longer acting benzo.

Many here are good in the taper details and you have come to the right place.

If I understand correctly, @[Te...] quit 0.5mg Xanax two weeks ago or more.

[[dj...]]

On 12/01/2024 at 03:34, [[T...] said:

I have been on benzos for eight years. I was initially taking it for insomnia/anxiety after I got retrenched. I moved to the UK two years ago and local GPS will not prescribe benzos.

I thought they were being paranoid and I thought I was being clever when I found an online supplier.

Never did it cross my mind I was addicted. Duh! I have been able to get a regular supply for the past two years. But over Christmas there was a delay in postage and I experienced the horror of going cold turkey.

I am ashamed. I felt that anything prescribed by a doctor must be safe. How wrong I was. 

I see now how I was in denial about my addiction when they refused to issue a new prescription. But I also was given no real reason and no support to withdraw.

I guess I have a strange mistrust towards medicine and big pharma but have happily taken pills when it suited me. Not doing a lot of homework on them.

I am now terrified of going back on benzos for the sake of tapering off gradually. I cannot bear to get hooked again.

Mostly I feel foolish. It is now clear to me that benzos masked many issues and changed over time from being a godsend to becoming a monster.

I was taking .50mg for eight years. Does anyone know how long it will take to recover. 

I would not feel foolish.  What’s done is done and there is no point beating yourself up over it.  I’m not sure how you used benzos but if you were only using .5mg/day and not abusing them, I’m not sure it’s fair to you to think of yourself as an addict.  Everyone who takes these long-term grows very dependent on them and few people can just stop them without consequences.  Doctors don’t provide proper guidance on how to get off of them.  I’m not saying addicts are less than, and the semantics don’t really matter, but sometimes that can help take the guilt off people. 

[[or...]]

Hi @[Te...], I'm so glad you found BB, I found it 9 months ago.  I was on Clonazepam for 35 years, so I get the thoughts you are having about yourself, I've had them too.  I learned it's about starting to understand the drug I willingly took, and for the same reasons you did, I had other things to do and figured the doctors knew what they were doing.

What I've learned here, is so much, especially from folks like @[Co...], the way to taper off a benzo.  It's working for me.  The best thing to start is give the most complete info Colin is asking for.  Preferably make a "History" of your benzo use with as much detail as you can muster, on your Profile page.  You can see other's History's as well by clicking on their Avatar

I have never trusted anyone more than others that are my peers, they know what I'm going through because they've either gone through it, or still going through it.  You are in the best place imo, and so many will be reaching out to help you all along the way, oregonlady

[[Co...]]

1 hour ago, [[o...] said:

Hi @[Te...], I'm so glad you found BB, I found it 9 months ago.

Nearly nine years, I think, @[or...]. For me, it has been nearly 20 years!

[[Te...]]

Thanks for the support - much appreciated 

[[Co...]]

3 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Thanks for the support - much appreciated 

You are very welcome, @[Te...]