Horrible wave

[[Wi...]]

 

I am so tired. So very tired.  And terrified. I was in more of a window for 2 months - I mean at least half of my days per month were acceptable or even good. Little waves in between but saw improvement in general. Around Xmas I got into a stretch of worse days but wasn’t too terrible. But the New Year came with a horrific wave and I have no idea how to push through. I have many things as always but I think it’s aka that is flaring as I have deep buzzing in my CNS or in my bones, skin prickling, weird burning, hot flashes. Plus pressure in my back, arms, head, it travels but when it hits my arms it’s the worst for some reason. The pressure itself I know and hate but combined with the rest it’s all awful. Yesterday and today have been terrible. I am crying my eyes out in front of my 7,5 month old baby. I feel like I am on the verge of being forced to move by aka or whatever that is. I feel like I have taken some drug and I haven’t taken a thing since my c-section (non psych meds anyway). I feel this will never improve again. I haven’t felt this bad for months. 

 

Edited January 10 by [Wi...]

[[Br...]]

Hello @[Wi...],

I'm so sorry you're suffering like this with intense akathisia and other symptoms   Often we can point to an increase in stress when symptoms rev up like this.  For example, the holidays may have been a source of stress for you on top of caring for a 7.5 month old baby. On the other hand sometimes there's no identifiable source of a wave; instead it's just the exasperating nonlinear course of healing.   I know when you're slammed with a wave like this you can feel despair that you'll ever feel good again.  But withdrawal symptoms are temporary.  We can't say how long it will take for the symptoms to resolve - it's longer for some individuals than others but the symptoms will lift and fade away over time.

Here are a some tips for coping with akathisia:

https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/coping/withdrawal-induced-akathisia-quick-tips

[[dj...]]

Willhealsoon, I am right there with you.  15 months out and have never had a window, just bad and worse.  But, since the day after Christmas, I have been getting completely hammered by symptoms - easily the worst two week stretch I’ve had.  And, like you, I am so fatigued and tired.  I’ve had tons of muscle pain and some of that chemical anxiety and depression I haven’t had bad in 6+ months came roaring back.  I had one pretty positive day last Tuesday and that’s the only break.  Other than a quick trip to grocery, feeding myself or giving my kids a ride somewhere, I have barely left the couch.  Even sitting up wears me out.  
 

This stuff is crazy.  Maybe this means we’re due for something good.  At 15 months out, I feel I’m due. 

[[Wi...]]

 

50 minutes ago, [[d...] said:

Willhealsoon, I am right there with you.  15 months out and have never had a window, just bad and worse.  But, since the day after Christmas, I have been getting completely hammered by symptoms - easily the worst two week stretch I’ve had.  And, like you, I am so fatigued and tired.  I’ve had tons of muscle pain and some of that chemical anxiety and depression I haven’t had bad in 6+ months came roaring back.  I had one pretty positive day last Tuesday and that’s the only break.  Other than a quick trip to grocery, feeding myself or giving my kids a ride somewhere, I have barely left the couch.  Even sitting up wears me out.  
 

This stuff is crazy.  Maybe this means we’re due for something good.  At 15 months out, I feel I’m due. 

So sorry! It’s so hard. I don’t know why we get slammed so far out. So sad it’s happening to you too. 

I do have breaks but only to be hit again. Today it’s mostly the back of my head and the back of my neck that have this horrible pressure that makes me feel like it’s inflated or something. Like it’s just going to pop. I also feel like my bones are rattling a bit. Yesterday I had pressure and burning is my arms and it was also terrible. I have been vibrating for a few days which is not how I usually am. I usually have some buzzing here and there and it’s not a big deal on a daily basis. I am exhausted. I had to deal with my baby almost all day and she is really fussy today. Yuck!

[[dj...]]

I can relate to that post a lot.  Yes, I get all the vibrating and buzzing too.  Can also relate to the inflated thing as well - I have called it “full body bloating” or “air bubbles throughout my body.”  I get just so many weird sensations, pressures, etc on a daily basis.  They have all been raging the past week too.  

[[wi...]]

6 minutes ago, [[d...] said:

I can relate to that post a lot.  Yes, I get all the vibrating and buzzing too.  Can also relate to the inflated thing as well - I have called it “full body bloating” or “air bubbles throughout my body.”  I get just so many weird sensations, pressures, etc on a daily basis.  They have all been raging the past week too.  

Same. 

[[Wi...]]

1 hour ago, [[d...] said:

I can relate to that post a lot.  Yes, I get all the vibrating and buzzing too.  Can also relate to the inflated thing as well - I have called it “full body bloating” or “air bubbles throughout my body.”  I get just so many weird sensations, pressures, etc on a daily basis.  They have all been raging the past week too.  

 

1 hour ago, [[w...] said:

Same. 

Guys, do your symptoms cycle rapidly too?
 

Half of the day was head pressure and now it left and I have a similar pressure in my upper arms. Plus buzzing in them. Hate this so much. Can’t wait for this wave to leave me the f alone but as always afraid it won’t and it just got worse for good. 

[[Da...]]

12 hours ago, [[W...] said:

I haven’t taken a thing since my c-section (non psych meds anyway).

It breaks my heart to read this, to hear what you are going through with a new baby.  Were you asleep for your C-Section....I have read that anesthesia , depending on what was used can cause a flare up of symptoms so you may be going through something like that and the wave will pass.  Congratulations on your new baby and for getting off Benzos.  I always say Benzos raised my daughter.  Kudos to you for getting off!  Try and remind yourself that your hormones are possibly still off too, that may take away some of the fear.

Smiles,

D

[[De...]]

That's imo, inflammation, neuroinflammation and auto-immunity issues that are of course, not able to properly diagnose, neuropathy and nerve related issues, the perfect crime for psychiatrist as you're not able to get diagnosed and get help, what helped me since the beggining, pioglitazone, but not enough by itself,

 

Some People on the pssd subereddit get Lucky of being diagnosed, SFN and such from the auto immune issue, having Luck with ivg, since aside from the auto-antibodies causing damage into their sexual organs, nerves and brain, IVG also affects nerve excitability restoring intracellular inonic homeostasis 

Edited January 11 by [De...]

[[Wi...]]

7 hours ago, [[D...] said:

It breaks my heart to read this, to hear what you are going through with a new baby.  Were you asleep for your C-Section....I have read that anesthesia , depending on what was used can cause a flare up of symptoms so you may be going through something like that and the wave will pass.  Congratulations on your new baby and for getting off Benzos.  I always say Benzos raised my daughter.  Kudos to you for getting off!  Try and remind yourself that your hormones are possibly still off too, that may take away some of the fear.

Smiles,

D

Yeah I was put down but I also got a ton of different meds. I refused antibiotics and other unnecessary things but had to take something. I felt like I was hit by a wave after labour rather quickly after it. Right now it feels like I have maybe eaten something that retriggered it during Xmas or something because really I feel like I have just ingested something toxic again. I am beyond terrified. Today again it hit my biceps and upper chest and I am now buzzing and vibrating there and terrified. These symptoms are so much stronger than they used to be. 

[[Da...]]

6 hours ago, [[W...] said:

These symptoms are so much stronger than they used to be. 

I can feel your fear.....am hoping you feel better soon

[[Wi...]]

Omg you guys it’s one of the worst waves ever. The pressure in my CNS is terrible it’s like I am pumped with something. My arms have been killing me today. It’s either pressure or pain or burning in my biceps. I looked into my symptom diary and I had 26 good/acceptable days in November and December together. And now I am in a stretch of my worst symptoms way stronger than usual. For example when I had a flare of bicep sensations before for the most part it was some weird tension. Right now it’s like extreme pressure, burning, pain and I cannot focus on anything. Head pressure would feel pretty bad every time it hit but now it’s even worse, a lot worse for that matter. Like my brain is trying to electrocute me. It hit me an hour ago I just won’t get up from the couch. It’s head pressure, weird feelings in my brain, nerve pains from the tension. Awesome. My CNS is so revved up! Why would I get such a wave out of the blue… I am terrified it’s my new “normal”.

Edited January 11 by [Wi...]

[[Da...]]

@[Wi...]  I thought about something as this happened to me when I gave birth, some of your symptoms are the VERY reason I was prescribed benzos to begin with.  I am not a doctor, obviously, but have you had your iron and ferritin checked?  I was severely anemic in the years prior to getting pregnant, didn't get treatment and forgot about.  It was found when I tried to donate blood, so routine blood work. often misses it. My daughter has been anemic since she was a child...lately I made the connection between her and I.  There is lots of research on iron deficiency and its impact on motor and cognitive skills (neuropathy symptoms.).  I had the neuropathy symptoms pre Benzos but nothing like I am experiencing now - all of your symptoms plus some.    That is why I am questioning if my symptoms are so severe, because of an underlying condition.  You can google to do a quick test of your eyelids as a guide as well.   If this is contributing it will be an easy fix.  I have been researching it a lot because of my daughter.  Our doctor and OBGYN never caught it while I was pregnant nor while she was a child, though now I can see it clearly.  It wasn't until we got a new doctor when she was 17 that it was caught and she got iron infusions.  I am convinced it is contributing to the severity of my issues.  Given, the food options today, doctors should screen for this, among other things before prescribing Psych medication.  I have always been adamant that depression and anxiety are merely symptoms, not disorders or conditions.  Hope you are feeling better.  I will find out at the end of the month if I am anemic.  I am asking specifically for an iron panel to be done.   Thinking about you  I can't believe I am actually hoping I am anaemic!!!!  At least there is treatment. 

 

Edited January 11 by [Da...]

[[Wi...]]

Thanks, I was anemic when pregnant but now I am okay. I supplemented iron when pregnant.
 

Btw now I am buzzing again, fun times. It’s changing so quickly but the overall intensity is at least 5x as strong as waves in my last months. 

[[Da...]]

19 hours ago, [[D...] said:

the perfect crime for psychiatrist

An awesome description!!!!

[[wi...]]

On 10/01/2024 at 16:22, [[W...] said:

Guys, do your symptoms cycle
 

Half of the day was head pressure and now it left and I have a similar pressure in my upper arms. Plus buzzing in them. Hate this so much. Can’t wait for this wave to leave me the f alone but as always afraid it won’t and it just got worse for good. 

On 10/01/2024 at 14:25, [[d...] said:

[[wi...]]

Something is wacky when I hit reply. It quotes a post even when I don’t tap quote.

So annoying.

[[wi...]]

Everything is annoying today! 😵‍💫

[[dj...]]

On 10/01/2024 at 15:22, [[W...] said:

Guys, do your symptoms cycle rapidly too?
 

Half of the day was head pressure and now it left and I have a similar pressure in my upper arms. Plus buzzing in them. Hate this so much. Can’t wait for this wave to leave me the f alone but as always afraid it won’t and it just got worse for good. 

Yes, I’ve had crazy rapid cycling the past 3 weeks.  I made a post about it some 10 days ago.  It’s like every symptom I’ve ever had has come back as strong as ever.  A certain set of symptoms moves out and the next day a new set moves in.  
 

The last week I got a couple intense symptoms I haven’t had in 8+ months probably.  So that’s recycling of symptoms too. 

[[Wi...]]

4 hours ago, [[d...] said:

Yes, I’ve had crazy rapid cycling the past 3 weeks.  I made a post about it some 10 days ago.  It’s like every symptom I’ve ever had has come back as strong as ever.  A certain set of symptoms moves out and the next day a new set moves in.  
 

The last week I got a couple intense symptoms I haven’t had in 8+ months probably.  So that’s recycling of symptoms too. 

Sorry! It sucks so bad. My symptoms sit in my stomach now. And that’s so scary, it rarely happens to that extent. Yesterday I had a full array of symptoms in upper body. Began as vibrations and anxiety centred in my arms, then it got more painful and annoying but less vibrations, then more electric in a way, then burning arms, then it moved to my stomach in the evening with deep buzzing, then head pressure, now stomach again. I have no idea why this wave is so bad. The last few months on an average day it was honestly not so bad and now the last few days it’s like feel my CNS all the time like it’s tense. And my arms in general are terrible and the bother me every day some times all day long whereas before they would sometimes be fine for a week and if a flare happened it was unpleasant but not as much as now. Let it pass, please.

[[wi...]]

Do you notice mental confusion/irritation that coincides with the onset of the darn buzzing/painful vibrations?

 I certainly do. This is all so freaking weird and makes me feel crazy, even though I know it’s a chemical storm happening, my brain can’t produce linear, rational thought. Its producing terror, anger, despair, doom from the amygdala being hijacked.

even though I know this, it’s still such hell.

Like the complete opposite of who I am and my normal beliefs.

Unfortunately, this is why a person can be easily misdiagnosed as truly mentally ill while going through this traumatic experience.

Having been polydrugged makes things much more intense.  You’re not alone!!

💕

[[Wi...]]

2 hours ago, [[w...] said:

Do you notice mental confusion/irritation that coincides with the onset of the darn buzzing/painful vibrations?

 I certainly do. This is all so freaking weird and makes me feel crazy, even though I know it’s a chemical storm happening, my brain can’t produce linear, rational thought. Its producing terror, anger, despair, doom from the amygdala being hijacked.

even though I know this, it’s still such hell.

Like the complete opposite of who I am and my normal beliefs.

Unfortunately, this is why a person can be easily misdiagnosed as truly mentally ill while going through this traumatic experience.

Having been polydrugged makes things much more intense.  You’re not alone!!

💕

Oh sorry you are struggling too. Polydrugging is scary. I am shocked to this day that it was probably some hormonal drug that sent me back to hell after being almost healed and that 1,5 years later I am sooo bad still and even worse. This makes me think I won’t heal

To some extent yes. I am annoyed when somebody wants something from me. It’s weird for my family because they see me up and about in these better periods where I live normally even with some symptoms and then when it hits me again it’s like they are confided what happened that all of a sudden I am barely hanging on.

Wish me luck because today I have to stay with the baby all day alone. Normally in the past few months it was not a big deal because I felt a lot better and capable but today I am scared. My mum has to go help my brother with his children and she is pissed he kind of got her into that without asking and she feels sorry she won’t be there to help me. And my husband overslept so he will be later from work than usual. I will cope if it isn’t too bad today but it’s not going to be easy. The night wasn’t too bad (when I am in a better period my nights are usually fine with maybe one night per week when my brain does weird stuff but that’s usually it) but my baby woke up at 4 and wouldn’t fall back asleep for an hour so that tough and she woke up at 7.30 for good. Falling back to sleep is problematic when I am a bit revved so that’s why it was tough. 
 

Geez, I am thinking how just a few weeks ago I had been living way better for 2 months already, enjoying time with my girl, going out for groceries, taking long walks, meeting people. Chilling on the couch, watching TV. It wasn’t perfect but so much better, any symptoms I had felt so much less intense. It’s so so scary how that can flip at any moment. During that period even worse days were easier to handle because I saw improvement and windows. And symptoms were not as intense even in waves. I don’t know understand why their volume has been turned all the way up. But again it’s not a new symptoms or places affected but the intensity of this is so much worse. I know all the symptoms I keep experiencing these days but they are just so much stronger. 

I got up and feel the buzz and pressure at the back of my head, in my neck and down my back. So again different place than yesterday is affected.
 

Do any of you sometimes almost hear the CNS buzzing/revving? I have that when it’s at the back of my head. It’s not tinnitus but it’s as I can almost hear the buzz in my head. 

Edited January 12 by [Wi...]

[[dj...]]

12 hours ago, [[w...] said:

Do you notice mental confusion/irritation that coincides with the onset of the darn buzzing/painful vibrations?

 I certainly do. This is all so freaking weird and makes me feel crazy, even though I know it’s a chemical storm happening, my brain can’t produce linear, rational thought. Its producing terror, anger, despair, doom from the amygdala being hijacked.

even though I know this, it’s still such hell.

Like the complete opposite of who I am and my normal beliefs.

Unfortunately, this is why a person can be easily misdiagnosed as truly mentally ill while going through this traumatic experience.

Having been polydrugged makes things much more intense.  You’re not alone!!

💕

Yes I can get easily agitated and confused.  
 

I’m having major problems because my ex-wife just can’t be friendly for the life of her, and I react with a lot of anger that just sends me into an orbit of buzzing, agitation and confusion.  I hate how sensitive I am to the slightest bit of frustration.  I used to shake this off so easily.  Now I don’t come back down for like 4 hours. 

[[wi...]]

@[dj...]Thank you so very much for sharing. I often think I’m alone in the mental symptoms because so much that’s shared here is just about physical symptoms.

it’s scary and vulnerable to share the more uncomfortable mental and emotional symptoms.

it always helps me when people are honest, which I know is a lot to as on social media 

 

I appreciate your honesty, man!
message me anytime.

[[dj...]]

4 minutes ago, [[w...] said:

@[dj...]Thank you so very much for sharing. I often think I’m alone in the mental symptoms because so much that’s shared here is just about physical symptoms.

it’s scary and vulnerable to share the more uncomfortable mental and emotional symptoms.

it always helps me when people are honest, which I know is a lot to as on social media 

 

I appreciate your honesty, man!
message me anytime.

I’m a total loose cannon right now.  I have never been an angry person, and especially wasn’t on Klonopin.  But now, once it starts, I can’t calm down for hours.  And after that my body is buzzing and humming for hours.  It’s no different than how it take my muscles two days to relax after revving them up with too much activity or whatever.  Nothing in my mind and body can quickly find its way back to normal like it used to.  It’s like a car without coolant.