Very concerned - is this normal?

[[Ki...]]

I am currently 18 months off and I’m still getting worse?? I’m worse than I was at month 16, which was worse than month 14, which was worse than month 12 and so on etc. I go through a wave and my brain feels like it’s being fried from any stimulation and each time it feels as though it’s doing more damage and my baseline is worse after every wave. Why is this happening?? I understand that there are periods of times where things can feel worse and recovery isn’t linear and all the other one liners that people keep saying to me but the fact is it is linear, but in the complete opposite direction! I feel as though I am still getting further away from normal after a year and a half? How is this possible?? 6 months ago I was struggling but I was up and doing things in spite of withdrawal - I am completely bed ridden now and able to do less and less as time passes. The burning brain is worse, the pressure is worse, the depression is way worse, the fatigue is worse, the visual and auditory distortion is worse, the cognition is worse, the insomnia is worse, the memory is worse, the SD is worse + more. They all seem to slowly get worse over such a long period and after each wave it’s so noticeable. The windows of being able to feel the old positive emotions that I hadn’t been able to feel since before the meds were getting less and less until they stopped at month 14.

I can’t do anything strenuous now, anything that engages my brain, anything that stimulates me without the brain burning, distortion of all my senses, head pressure, insomnia etc all getting worse and putting me into another wave.

Can someone please tell me that this is how they’ve seen some people recover because I genuinely can’t see how it’s possible. I am at an all time low.

Thank you

[[ns...]]

Kiall, sooo sorry to hear this. Do u eat sugar, caffeine, any foods that stimulate you,  smoking? Did you change alot of things in your diet when you were getting better 6 months ago? I'm sure you probably already experienced the extremes of stimulants but just had to ask. I did this, i began to feel better, had a few donuts, drinking boost for nutrition and weight gain, it wasnt long and i was back in it! Ive heard of others doing the same thing. Just something to ask yourself ok. What meds did you taper off of?

I'm sure your exhausted,  i went through a long withdrawal period 3 yrs ago and ended up back on benzos for 8 months. Big mistake! Now I'm tapering a benzo that's making me sick!  But I did everything I could to live as normal a life as possible,  which was almost impossible! Going to the store, visiting with family but only a few times which was very difficult. I was seeing improvement afain but then went to er with low sodium, anxiety etc, they gave me 1mg lorazapam every 4 hours, big mistske! Now i was hooked and went back on them. Now my husband keeps me going but it's still tough. Im on my last 1 mg a day, its getting rough, I watch therapy in a nutshell on YouTube, Emma is really good with anxiety, trauma, ptsd etc. It seems to help me some but it doesn't touch on withdrawal symptoms,  however, Because withdrawal is similar to trauma, and enhances anxiety, it does help if you allow yourself to apply it to your life. It's difficult to focus I know. We get in our head. Try to use gratitude, I know you've heard people say that but it really does help, it takes your focus away from the symptoms. You are healing, time is what it takes but you have to keep using your brain, feed it with goodness and educate and help yourself by growing. Healing our brain takes feeding it, Emma helps with this. 

I hope this helps, I know you are suffering and at times we just feel like it will never end, but it's time isn't it? Tell yourself you are safe! I am healing, I am recovering, be compassionate with yourself. Do something good for yourself tomorrow, a shower, get dressed, just do something for you! Things like this help our brain to heal with the kind of stuff it needs.

(I also have a serious case of tinnitus,  i have an acoustic neuroma,  a tiny tumor that affects my right ear but now with withdrawl, both my ears are shot, like they are screaming and its difficult to hear anything, but i am desensitizing, ear plugs out as much as possible.) Youtube has cc tv so you can watch emma without volume.just a note.

Normalcy Remember,  you are the captain of this ship! Turn it around, little by little, have faith!

I hope I've helped, talking to others helps me, it's good that u are reaching out! 

Your in my prayers

 

Edited January 7 by [ns...]
Add