From Alcohol Abuse to Benzo use for about 2 months. Confused on the severity of my symptoms. Need help if anyone can give.

[[st...]]

Starting in late 2021 I picked up a bad alcohol habit. Started innocent enough but up until last June I started drinking heavily almost every night. was 23-24 during these two rough years. I was living in Los angeles last march and I started to experience alcohol withdrawals, so I checked myself into a detox and did a rapid taper with Ativan for 4 days. Went back home and relapsed again. I went on two similar journeys like this until early june, I met a psychiatrist who at first, put me on a at-home detox with I believe was Ativan at the time. Sometime around Late June, she just decided to throw all logic out the window and she gave me a 30 day bottle of Klonopin, 1mg before bed. At the time I should've realized how dangerous this was, but I just didn't want to feel terrible so I took the klonopin for about 2 weeks. once in a while drinking on top of that. 

I move back home to get sober that same month. Became very suicidal , was constantly in pain and fearing for my health so that's when I really started to get the picture and do whatever it took to get and stay sober. I lost my twin brother the next week, he contracted hepatitis last year and we believe that's what made him not wake up one morning, but we're still not sure. Those details arent important I suppose, just trying to paint somewhat of a comprehensive story here. 

Last benzo I took was librium at a rapid detox 3 and a half months ago. Last time I drank was about the same time. Been really fighting here. The ammount of chemical torture I experience on a daily basis is indescribable. Pain I never knew that could exist. Ofcourse thrown in with psychological terror, feelings of guilt shame, and scared for my life, detatched from reality and who i was years ago, when life made more sense. 

Went to the ER 5 times this year, every time all my scans looked normal. This doesn't make any sense to me. I had a CT scan done 3 months ago, everything looks fine. Had a EMG done last week, detected no neuropathy. 

I guess the main reason why I'm reaching out is because some of these symptoms genuinely feel like Im dying! so terrifying. and no-one around me understands it. Does anybody here relate to my story from alcohol abuse that shifted to benzo use. The benzo use although it was a dangerous time, It didnt exceed probably about 2 months, and within those 2 months it wasn't always consistent. I don't know if it could also be Fibromyalgia or undetected MS but here are my symptoms to whoever can help me. It would mean the world the me. My doctor can care less.

- Widespread pain / burning / pulling pressure. Starting from top of head to feet.

- Dizziness / Vertigo that comes and goes.

- Feeling like my blood sugar is low, or that I need to eat when I am full

- Itchy / Tender Scalp

- Intense Upper back , neck pain

- Feelings of electricty and terror surge through body when trying to fall asleep. (wakes me up, read my last post.)

- One hand will turn red and will be throbbing for seemilingly no reason. sweats aswell. 

- Legs are weak / feeling like they could give out when I walk or stand up. 

- Strange sensations like my hands aren't attached to my body. (comes and goes.

- Nerve pain / ice cubes and electric shocks all over body, (comes and goes. 

- Muscle Spasms, not terrible but come and go

- Feelings of impending doom , disconnection from people / places/ things

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I believe I have experienced small windows the last 3 months, but when they happen its not like complete recovery its just more like I can live and bear with it. However the last 2 weeks have really been difficult, been screwing with my social life, my music. etc. 

I am open to any advice and suggestions to how I can heal from this. I will do whatever it takes. Should I stop smoking cigarettes? I take gabapentin. first and foremost I am asking if anyone has any experience like mine where they were only drinking, then got onto benzos for a month or so and thats where the damage started, point of no return.  please any suggestions would be incredibly appreciated. thank you for reading and I hope all of you find healing aswell. take care.

 

 

 

 

Edited January 3 by [st...]
less info

[[je...]]

Hi @[st...]

You should be so proud of yourself for getting out of this vicious cycle. I am sorry you are struggling with these intense symptoms but just know it's completely normal. And it's also very normal to feel like you're dying, you're having permanent brain damage and it's never going to end. We have all been through it. You can go through The Ashton Manual and check the symptoms listed for withdrawal, to get more reassurance.

When it comes to alcohol, you might've noticed that we call alcohol 'liquid benzo's'. That's because alcohol works on the same brain receptors as benzo's. Drinking and benzo's just aggrevate the symptoms. Then there's also a condition called kindling that applies to both alcohol and benzo cessation (every time you stop and start again, withdrawal symptoms become more intense). It might explain the severity of your symptoms. 

I don't have experience with alcohol, but I'm hoping these resources might give you some reassurance. Hopefully somebody else who has personal experience with alcohol will stop by to share their knowledge.

[[st...]]

Thank you JB, it sure has been a hard year for alot of us but I appreciate the reply and the support. I have continued to abstain alcohol for a while now. I just hear stories about people with protracted withdrawal and its always from people who were on it for months to years, do you hear often people like myself who got the unfortunate hand of protracted despite the minimal duration? thank you. 

[[je...]]

I know protracted is a very real fear, but in the 3 years I've been here, and all the stories I've read, the overwhelming majority recovers within 1-2 years, regardless of their background and severity of symptoms. I would not be concerned about protracted if I were you. 

[[ve...]]

The last 2 weeks is when everyone drinks around you.  I'd wait a little bit.  I don't advise to quit smoking right now as it would add a lot of anxiety.