Really destabilized

[[Bu...]]

@[je...] I do not want to further updose, I just cannot do it. There is no way I can bring myself to take more, I would literally rather not be here. I simply just can’t as every dose makes me feel horrific. 

[[ns...]]

Just now, [[B...] said:

@[je...] I do not want to further updose, I just cannot do it. There is no way I can bring myself to take more, I would literally rather not be here. I simply just can’t as every dose makes me feel horrific. 

Bunny, im.so sorry, you were feeling better right. What happened that made u feel better? I know the dose made u feel worse but what did u do this morning, last night? Think about this and let me know ok

[[Bu...]]

@[ns...] I had therapy yesterday and that did help a little. I will do it again tomorrow. 

[[je...]]

2 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

@[je...] I do not want to further updose, I just cannot do it. There is no way I can bring myself to take more, I would literally rather not be here. I simply just can’t as every dose makes me feel horrific. 

I understand. You know your situation best and need to do what you feel is the right course of action and we will be here to support you. 

[[ns...]]

Just now, [[B...] said:

@[ns...] I had therapy yesterday and that did help a little. I will do it again tomorrow. 

That's good, now can you see whats working? I think your therapist must be helping u more than u realize. That's awesome! 

I'll be here later if u need to just chat ok

[[Bu...]]

@[je...] is it possible to taper from a place so destabilized? That is what am scares me. I feel trapped like I cannot go up or down. 

[[je...]]

14 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

@[je...] is it possible to taper from a place so destabilized? That is what am scares me. I feel trapped like I cannot go up or down. 

I don't know because I haven't been in such a situation. I generally try and suggest people get stable first by either updosing or holding but if those suggestions are not an option then all you can do is try I guess. I know of two people who felt it was too excruciating to keep tapering and they would rather jump and then it got much worse. They reinstated and never stabilized. I do know of one member hereforhelp who had a tough taper and he just powered through regardless. He didn't get worse. But he was functional, he was working but really struggling. So yeah, I can basically just offer experiences of what I can remember. 

[[Bu...]]

@[je...] thank you. I am just shot at this point, it’s become unimaginable. I need to go and be taken care of. I know people heal from CT’s and I’ve gotta try it. I am suffering beyond any limit 

[[je...]]

Just now, [[B...] said:

@[je...] thank you. I am just shot at this point, it’s become unimaginable. I need to go and be taken care of. I know people heal from CT’s and I’ve gotta try it. I am suffering beyond any limit 

I understand. I was also considering a CT at some stage and I wasn't even suffering to your extent. Like I said we will be 100% here for you whatever you decide to do. You are not alone. 

[[Bu...]]

@[je...] thank you ❤️‍🩹

[[je...]]

Please let us know how you're doing. We care about you and don't want you to go through this alone. I really hope it works.

[[ns...]]

8 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

@[je...] thank you. I am just shot at this point, it’s become unimaginable. I need to go and be taken care of. I know people heal from CT’s and I’ve gotta try it. I am suffering beyond any limit 

Bunnie I'm so sorry. I know what your going through, I'm in the same boat as you. I do have hep here though so I at least don't have to worry about anything nut healing. It's so hard to take a pill that makes us so miserable. Took mine a couple hours ago and I'm suffering like never before.  But everyday and night I go thru this reaction and it's getting harder everyday. Last night I had electrical storm in my brain r8ght zfter taking my dose, and I almost lost it, no i didose it! I told myself breath, your safe, your uncomfortable but your safe. I've had this before during the day after my dose but in bed it was so hard. 

Every dose causes usually the same symptoms, my hearing gets distorted, i hear a frequency type squeal and it begins, these are the worst. But I distract myself as much as possible and keep busy.

I do understand your pain but I don't have children at home. If you decide to tough it out, we can cry to each other,  help each other thru it. Your welcome to connect with me thru pm and we can chat.

If u decide to go to rehab, I pray your stay will be successful and as painless as possible 

 

Take care my friend

Ns

[[Si...]]

Hi I felt like this during my taper and just rushed it.  It got even worse.  I really regret it now; I wish I could go back and do it slowly, properly.  Be careful...

[Guest [...]]

@[Bu...]

I explained to someone the other day how when I became very destabilised that my doses appeared paradoxical for a time. As soon as I dosed (within 20-30min) my anxiety would go through the roof and I would go into profuse sweats and violent convulsions. They would actually shake me clean out of the recliner. I could not find or maintain my feet. I would drag myself shaking across the floor and out of the house to lay on the pavement or lawn hoping the feel of a breeze on my face would bring me back to myself. I feared taking all my doses because of that paradoxical type effect, but gradually the doses became more and more therapeutic as my system slowly stabilised at that dose. 🫂
 

 

[Guest [...]]

I totally agree with @[je...]. You are the one best placed to make your decisions and we will support you whatever you decide. If you were to seek inpatient treatment (detox), I would just hope that it would only be after holding at 4mg long enough to be absolutely sure you cannot stabilise. 

I just want you to be absolutely sure that the potential improvement in physical symptoms that you discussed with your husband isn’t actually the beginning of you stabilising. 🫂❤️

[[Bu...]]

@[Wi...] thank you. I am just surviving moment by moment here. Terrified to up dose 

[Guest [...]]

Waiting to stabilise is the hardest, @[Bu...], but sometimes, as counterproductive as it seems, we just have to hold on, take it one moment, one day at a time, and wait for the tide to turn. Just keep an eye on those symptoms. Even write them all down and rate them out of 10 daily to track any potential improvement that otherwise may go unnoticed. 

Just give that 4mg dose time… 🫂

[[Bu...]]

Hi @[je...] - can’t seem to tag Winters Sun anymore  I started my taper yesterday and am down to 3.9mg. Slowly but surely. I don’t think I ever stabilized but I’m trying to just get through this and taper slowly. Thank you again for your help. Is Winters Sun under another name? 

[[Ta...]]

@[Bu...]

So you did improve before starting your taper? 

[[wi...]]

On 07/03/2024 at 12:22, [[B...] said:

Hi @[je...] - can’t seem to tag Winters Sun anymore  I started my taper yesterday and am down to 3.9mg. Slowly but surely. I don’t think I ever stabilized but I’m trying to just get through this and taper slowly. Thank you again for your help. Is Winters Sun under another name? 

Winter Sun is taking a hiatus form the site.

[[Bu...]]

@[Ta...] not really. I ended up in the hospital and they put me on 400mg of gabapentin. I have no clue what to think. Just tapering now as it’s a rock and hard place. 

[[Bu...]]

@[wi...] thank you! 

[[Ta...]]

3 hours ago, [[B...] said:

@[Ta...] not really. I ended up in the hospital and they put me on 400mg of gabapentin. I have no clue what to think. Just tapering now as it’s a rock and hard place. 

Just keep tapering at your own pace. I know it’s really difficult to deal with intense symptoms, and I can’t know just how intense those symptoms are, but you do sound coherent, which is good to see. 

Keep in mind that you are still coming to terms with dealing with your symptom profile… conditioning to them. Conditioning to your symptom profile won’t really make it much easier, but it will help you let go at times… avoid going into a mental emotional battle with the symptoms and the way they impact your life. 

1 day at a time, Bunnie.

Keep reaching out here for connection and support. If there’s anything specific you want to ask or talk about, please feel free! 🫂

[[Ta...]]

@[Bu...]

What date did you updose and what date did you end up in hospital? 

Also … what date did you start tapering again? 

[[Bu...]]

@[Ta...] thank you for lovely advice.  Yes learning to deal and cope with the symptoms is key, I’m still in learning mode, and in anger mode. I’m fighting it big time and deffo need to to move into acceptance. I’m angry at myself mostly. So many mistakes. This should have been over for me 5 years ago but I let fear rule. 
 

1. I up-dosed back to 4mg Jan 23 

2. hospital and gabapentin began Feb 3 

3 first taper from 4mg to 3.9mg was March 6 

 

Thank you for your kindness ❤️