Really destabilized

[[Bu...]]

@[je...] more updosing but I don’t think I’m willing to go higher. I just cannot risk going super high and being stuck there feeling like this. It’s just too scary. I just don’t know what other options there are for me as I have to get back to work and parenting. I would even try other meds at this point, it’s that bad 

[Guest [...]]

@[Bu...]

I can tell you that I don’t experience any effect after dosing at all, other than knowing that taking the dose I’m avoiding intensifying symptoms.

If you are destabilised, you won’t experience any improvement after your dose. Any improvement will be very gradual over a period of time. Sometimes over a long period of time, depending on how destabilised you are and for how long. 

Do you think there’s a chance that this long mental/emotional ordeal is the reason you feel like you’re getting worse?

Do you experience an increase in symptoms directly after dosing, or would you say you just feel worse overall without experiencing an intense spike in symptoms after each dose? 

How long ago did you updose to 4mg? 
 

 

 

[Guest [...]]

6 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

Do you think there’s a chance that this long mental/emotional ordeal is the reason you feel like you’re getting worse?

What I meant by this, is that being destabilised for so long will no doubt increase panic and fear which hit the nervous system and intensify symptoms. 

I think there is still a chance that the up-dose to 4mg could eventually stabilise you, it’s just that it can take time when you’ve been so destabilised for so long. I think I would still give it some time @[Bu...]

[[je...]]

51 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

@[je...] more updosing but I don’t think I’m willing to go higher. I just cannot risk going super high and being stuck there feeling like this. It’s just too scary. I just don’t know what other options there are for me as I have to get back to work and parenting. I would even try other meds at this point, it’s that bad 

I know you are looking for an immediate fix, but other than attempting an updose or holding, I don't think rehab is going to get you back to your work and parenting. I also don't think other meds will accomplish that goal. I can see you are desperate and I don't want you to make decisions out of desperation that will make your situation worse. Because it honestly can get worse. I hate to say it, but what you're experiencing now might be your reality for the immediate future until your CNS has calmed down. I agree with @[Wi...] that holding is probably your best option.

I remember with @[Wi...] he was struggling immensely and I didn't know how to help him and he decided to hold his dose for a couple of months and then he got better. 

[[Bu...]]

@[je...] @[Wi...] I am so bad there is no way to go on like this. I feel like I am loosing touch with reality and I went to the hospital and they did not help me at all. I need help so badly and there is none. 

[Guest [...]]

It’s a really difficult situation, @[Bu...]

What date did you updose to the 4mg? 

[[Bu...]]

@[Wi...] I was one week ago today. I cannot be like around kids I have to go somewhere and get off 

[Guest [...]]

@[Bu...]

When you say you need to go somewhere and get off… are you referring to a detox?

Edited January 31 by Guest

[[Bu...]]

@[Wi...] yes. I have to try and save my life here 

[Guest [...]]

@[Bu...]

My concern would be that they would detox you over a couple of weeks and then send you home before you even enter acute withdrawal. You would return home only to go into a worse state around your kids than you’re in right now.

If you feel you really are getting worse and have no chance of stabilising, maybe it would be a better option to begin tapering off faster, rather than basically c/t’ing.

I wouldn’t like you to find yourself in a more unbearable state. 

I think a medical detox is a very last resort, as many members here have found it unbearable and had to reinstate almost immediately.

I would really hope that holding on that 4mg will eventually ease your symptoms to a point where you can eventually taper off more comfortably. 
 

Have symptoms become much more intense over this last week… since updosing to 4mg? 

Edited January 31 by Guest

[[Bu...]]

@[Wi...] yes they have become unbearable. I am having scary symptoms and am worried about psychosis. I need real help but the hospital turned me away. 

[Guest [...]]

@[Bu...]

Just so you know…  fear of psychosis is so much more common than actually experiencing psychosis.

Fear is so very powerful, and is a symptom in itself. 

Please don’t think I’m playing down your symptoms. I know you are terribly afraid and suffering considerably. 

I just wanted you to know fearing psychosis is common in an acute type state. 

Have you made an appointment to see your prescribing doctor to find a way through this? 

Believe me, there really are other members here stuck in a similar acute state who are choosing to taper off rather than entering a hospital detox. That’s not to say that detox isn’t an option for you, it is, but I just wouldn’t want you to end up being sent home only to go into an even worse acute state.

 

Edited January 31 by Guest

[[Bu...]]

@[Wi...] I am so scared. Everything is very scary for me right now. I am not sleeping or eating. I have talked to my doctor and they recommended in patient treatment as I have been like this for so long. I need real on the ground help. 

[Guest [...]]

@[Bu...]

I think only you are in the position to know what is best for you right now. 

The most important thing is your safety, so if you feel inpatient treatment is the right decision, then we are right behind you.

Just know that we will be here to help you through recovery, so please reach out whenever you need the support and encouragement of the community. 
 

‘We’re with you all the way @[Bu...] 🫂❤️

 

Edited January 31 by Guest

[[Bu...]]

@[Wi...] thank you so much, I am just in terror all day hiding in bed updosing is not working, and I held before that for nearly 11 weeks. I am at a loss 

[Guest [...]]

I know what you are experiencing must be horrid, and my heart goes out to you. 

You will get through this, @[Bu...], please know that!

It’s very scary to experience the kind of symptoms you are experiencing , but as I said… you will definitely get through this and recover. 

Reach out whenever you need us! ❤️

Edited January 31 by Guest

[Guest [...]]

Below is a theory sent to me from a team member.

I wonder if @[Bu...] actually downdosed or even did a cold turkey for the week she switched from using her compounded liquid to using pill pieces?

If the pieces were from 2018 as she claimed, it’s entirely possible that the active drug substance in the pieces degraded over that time, especially if they were exposed to heat or light. Even if the drug didn’t degrade, it’s likely that the pill pieces absorbed moisture from the air so when she weighed them again in 2023 the weight would be higher (leading her to believe she had updosed).

 

[[Bu...]]

@[Wi...] they were very old pills. 5 years old to be exact and had been stored in the bathroom - something about that pill threw me into this 14 days later. I was totally stable prior, exactly 14 days after it was like acute WD 

[Guest [...]]

@[Bu...]

I didn’t go into acute withdrawal until about 11 or 12 days after cold turkey from clonazepam. Was pretty much normal for the first 10 days. Valium has a longer half life, so 14 days sounds about right. Your pills had probably degraded and lost much potency over that 5 years. It does add up. 

Edited January 31 by Guest

[[Bu...]]

@[Wi...] this makes sense. I will say I was talking with my husband today and we noticed that my physical symptoms have dissipated since going up to 4mg. It’s the mental that I cannot seem to overcome. I think this is in part due to anxiety and what has happened. It’s very wild to go from fully functional to bed bound in one day. 
 

I am assuming this is what happened with the pills, they were old. I wonder if it’s possible to right this ship at all. I am wondering if I can hold here. I am just so scared. I am not sleeping at all and this of course magnifies our symptoms. 

[Guest [...]]

@[Bu...]

If I were in your position, I would hold on the 4mg dose. 

It can take a considerable amount of time to stabilise and you only up-dosed to 4mg a week ago. 

We think that’s exactly what happened… the tablets had degraded and it was almost like a cold turkey or at least a very large reduction because of the loss of potency.

Possibly you needed a significantly larger up-dose in order to help you stabilise that that initial up-dose of 0.5 -1mg.

I think it’s possible that the fear around not stabilising could have been increasing your symptoms.

It’s good that you and your husband agree that your physical symptoms may be decreasing. It’s a good sign. It’s how stabilisation occurs. It’s very gradual. 

Try and think of last weeks updose to 4mg as the beginning of your attempt to stabilise. You could very well experience slow but continued improvement from here on out. 

At one stage, it took me 14 weeks to stabilise enough to begin tapering again. 

Keep us posted over the coming days and weeks. 🫂

 

 

 

Edited January 31 by Guest

[[Bu...]]

@[Wi...] yes the 0.5 increases did nothing at all. I had been so stable and had pretty much had a symptom free  taper. My god it was scary when I woke in the middle of the night when horror symptoms. 
 

Would it be advisable to updose more? I am having some relief today which is insane because this morning I was ready to be committed 

[[ns...]]

52 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

@[Wi...] yes the 0.5 increases did nothing at all. I had been so stable and had pretty much had a symptom free  taper. My god it was scary when I woke in the middle of the night when horror symptoms. 
 

Would it be advisable to updose more? I am having some relief today which is insane because this morning I was ready to be committed 

Bunnie, so happy to hear your having a good day! 

Ns

 

Edited January 31 by [ns...]
Additions and corrections

[[Bu...]]

I spoke too soon as soon as I took my morning dose I am plunged into hell. I have little kids, what have I done? I am in so so deep. This is a brutally hard place to find yourself in, my god if I could turn back time 

[[je...]]

I'm so sorry this is happening @[Bu...], but it sounds like @[Wi...] has found a possible explanation for what happened. If it were me, I would much rather attempt another updose than detox. The fact that your taper has been smooth smailing is a very positive sign, which tells me you just need to get stable again and then you can taper regardless of how long it takes. 

With tapering at least you have some level of control over the symptoms because you control the reductions, the percentages the time when you cut. If you go to detox and you're off, then you suffer and you have no control whatsoever. There is a very real possibility that you could feel all your current symptoms or worse for the next year. I had an uneventful jump, my symptoms remained the same after jumping and it's only now a year later that I'm feeling I'm starting to make progress in terms of recovery. And I have been functional throughout. 

If you're really desperate in this moment then I suggest try another 0.5mg. Otherwise you can put a time limit on it for example you can say, if I'm not better in x weeks I'm going to updose. That way you have something to work towards, you're not living in limbo.

That's what my suggestion would be.