Valium and Xanax for 1 year plz help

[[Ty...]]

I'm a 32 yr old male from America with a wife two kids and one on the way. I was prescribed benzos when almost one year ago to the date I thought I was having a heart attack at the gym and following that I kept having unexplainable episodes which I returned to the hospital 3 times in 1 month. I'm currerntly prescribed Valium and Xanax now and have taken Benzos everyday for one year now. For the first six months I was prescribed 2mg kpin. I stopped cold turkey and make it 11 days and reinstated because I felt I was entering physcosis. Finally got my doctor 2 months ago to switch to valium to follow Ashton.  Ever since the abrupt cessation of Klonopin its as if I feel awful with them and awful without them like I've never been the same, that was may 26th of this year. I wake up everyday in what seems like withdrawal ( derealization, and depersonalization) seem to be my biggest symptoms, just in a lifeless daze. I stay in that feeling all day even when I take the meds. I've even tried over medicating under medicating, nothing seems to assist really. I feel like I'm in a mental debilitating prison...The only  time I feel somewhat " normal" or in a state of non-suffering is at night around 8:30 until I go to sleep, then the process starts over again when I wake up. Does anyone know why this might be, looking for some relief I can't go on like this forever all I want it my old self back, I have lifeless eyes and it's so heartbreaking being so stuck. Thank you so much to anyone who may answer! Bless your heart 

[[Pa...]]

Hello @[Ty...], welcome to BenzoBuddies,

You sound so miserable, we understand exactly what you’re going through and know how much you’re suffering.

First some questions, when you crossed to Valium, what was the process and what dose did you end up on?  Have you acclimated well to it, are you dealing with any of the more common side effects of Valium such as depression and sedation? 

Have you methodically reduced your dose as suggested by Professor Ashton, it would help if you described your efforts thus far.

I know we can help you taper from this medication and reclaim your life, we have thousands of success stories from people who have done just that and I have no doubt you will too.

Pamster

[[pi...]]

Hello @[Ty...] and welcome from me as well,

@[Pa...] asked some important questions. Once you reply we can better offer advice to you.

Klonopin is a very strong benzo and stopping cold turkey at 2mg was a huge shock to your system. I had to stop a low dose of Ativan for a medical test and it was brutal. 

What dose of Valium are you now taking? Valium can be very sedating and for some people can cause depression, it did for me. This eased up once I was tapering.

This won’t go on forever but it may take time. Benzos make significant changes to the central nervous system, the reset once stopping is not immediate. 

[[Ty...]]

Thanks for getting back to me I didn't realize these came through. So when I switched from Klonopin I was taking 1 mg per day and my doc switched me to 10 mg Valium that was 2 months ago. It was great for 2 weeks despite the equivalent dose apparently being half of the Klonopin I was taking but I'd never taken valium before at this point. At two weeks in things began to make a turn, the derealization, the zombie brain, like a vail separating me from reality. Then I kindled for about 2 weeks taking 10mg Valium and up to 1 mg Xanax because my mom is prescribed Xanax. Then about 3 weeks ago I cut the Xanax and decided to get serious despite the side effects. I've now been taking 5 mg of Valium per day and I have good or decent days and bad days, today was a bad day, derealization seems to be my biggest fear and inability to be sharp, recall names, recall memories, terminologies. I used to be a very extroverted person, bubbly and kind, now I have to try to hard to have a conversation. I've really been leaning into God to get me through this but for the last three weeks I have stuck at 5 mg Valium no more. Next week my doc is taking me to 4 mg Valium then one month after that 2 mg and so on hopefully to 2mg x 15 pills so I can take 1 mg per day. It's almost like sometimes when I take less I feel better in the moment but then the next day is a rebound from that, it's like there no way to track or put my finger on the changes and swings, peaks and valleys. I've had cmp testing blood work and even intensive hormone testing, echocardiogram, stress test, brain MRI the whole 9 because I thought it was a physical ailness and to no avail, besides minor hypertrophy to my left ventricle which the doc said would not effect my mental state. I just feel lost to who I once was but I have hope! I believe if I'm correct I'm only taking 1/8 the klonopin I was taking 7 months ago by taking 5mg valium? Thanks y'all for hearing me out everyone else is tired of hearing it it's a very lonely process. I have my first baby on the way I just want my old self back so badly and I'm trusting it will happen! 

Edited January 18 by [Ty...]

[[Pa...]]

Congratulations on the upcoming birth of your child, I can see why you’re so determined to be free of the benzodiazepines.  

The symptoms you’re experiencing are all a normal part of this process, including the social issues, we hardly recognize ourselves while going through this so it’s tough to relate to others.  You’ll return to yourself when you recover.

You’re tapering very rapidly, but you need to know that when the drug has been eliminated, you’ll most likely still feel symptoms, it can take awhile for our brain and central nervous system to get back to normal.  I just don’t want you to be disappointed when you get to zero and still dealing with symptoms.

When is your baby due?