Severe help

[[Bo...]]

Oh how I wish the last few months has gone differently. Please someone give me hope I can make it from this. I still can’t believe after doing my slow taper and how things spiraled so badly and knowing what all not to take ever and it all written out how that was used against me. 
 is Mirtazapine now adverse reacting is that I’m trying to gauge…. Impossible I know after reading this but I’m scared beyond what can say and horrified on what to do.

My body is on fire internally 30min-2hes after taking 7.5mg Mirtazapine at 9-10pm. Body starts jolting and extreme RLS, eyeballs start shaking and try to roll back in head. Chest pain and heart pain, intense mental akathisia. Stomach rolling.

Please  help. Very insane situation and still can’t believe this happened bc I took my K taper so carefully and knew all what to stay away from, persevered thru hell and was get myself back spring 2023 and functionality, love feeling and joy towards end of it. Had sleep come back to 5-6hrs taking .5mg gummy kid melatonin only after last few yrs at 0-3hrs. 
Jumped at .005mg end August’s and severe acute akathisia and in dark closet for 8 wks bc eyes severe and light caused aka worse. Had intense tons of symptoms no sleep etc. all beta blockers once and caused worse, spec clonidine and severe reaction.

4 mos off Klonopin 3 ye taper, 2 months of psych hospital hell bc severe SI and action on one , all the med changes, 3 days into now Covid positive and all the neuro symptoms ramped up that day. Not sure if it also is Mirtazapine neurotoxicity bc I’m reacting badly after taking now…. Didn’t in psych hospital. The severe psychological torture every second at every hospital I’m not sure how I’m here. That with the physical hell I’m just do so beat up.blockers trialed

I'm beyond freaking out as intense panic in gut twisting and turning having jolts in gut. This is all so so so hard.
I’ve had 120+ symptoms they K taper so I’m used to persevering through hell, but had been recovering pretty well towards lower doses with anbout 10 20 symptoms per day varying but predictable ….all hell broke loose at .018mg. 

Severe body clenching and eye pain and now Mirtazapine is very drying and can cause eye problems and so freaking out. Had to come off 1 wk Elavil in 2021 bc of eye color changes and 6 wks of hell followed but was still on K at that point. 

the akathusua is my biggest hardest thing and how it affects so much. I know I made mistakes here recently and went against everything I knew not to take but I was forced to. 

Laying still now body extreme vibration buzzing internally clenching involuntarily jolting involuntarily, 
This can happen with covid remeron and Klonopin but I've not had it had this severe before. I am unable to lay really. It’s like my brain is screaming inside and I want to scream running…. Again had this to a degree during K taper but not constant. Want to scrape face off, yank eyes out. During acute K I was pulling hair literally out bc aka was so so bad and pulling skin and scraping face. All stuff I couldn’t control. So heartbreaking bc I didn’t want to be doing it. I repeat same things over and over fast all day long. Rock at times, just disaster.

Can't close eyes during day bc they burn and hurt so badly, pressure and akathisia behind them. Just dart open and so much burning pain and I've tried 3 eye drops types today. 

Please help with any encouragement and what might think about the Mirtazapine. I’m so angry I’m on this bc it’s not helping and here I persevered thru K taper whole time saying I’d never get back on anything after.

12/3- start mirtazpne 7.5mg, 12/12-12/15 forced 15mg, 12/16 cut in half back to 7.5mg

12/18- change brand bc came home from hospital,

12/23- tested positive for covid, negative 12/30

Lord please please guide me and I appreciate all thoughts.

Edited January 5 by [Bo...]

[[Fa...]]

Hello my friend,

You have been through a horrendous ordeal, and you have my utmost compassion.  I have been thinking of you always.

I had this happen to me just over a year ago…hospitalized with severe AKA.  I had drugs thrown at me while there and no one listened to me.  The APs thrown at me only made the AKA worse along with other psych drugs.  I ended up at home having to deal with the fall out of what had been done to me while admitted.

Thankfully, no benzos were administered during your in patient stays.

My situation was different in that I was still on the benzo.  You have some months behind you with that now.  It took my body time to recover from the drugs that were given to me during my stay.  I was discharged due to non-compliance as I would not take what they were giving me anymore.  They exacerbated my symptoms terribly.  Their ignorance was incomprehensible.

All I could do was let time pass.  At that time, I did not know the impact it would have on me as I did not know what I do now.

The Mirt is the only drug you have continued with?  With all that has been in and out of you, your body would be so sensitized and adjusting to the other drug removals.  I don’t doubt that these symptoms start after you have taken the dose…I guess the question is why?  Is it due to a highly sensitized NS that cannot handle anymore interference as it is trying to deal with the multiple drugs that were started and stopped in conjunction with benzo WD?  The question is also whether to discontinue the Mirt as well if you are not getting relief from it.  Many questions…and, you know that there are no easy answers.  Your body has been through a lot…not including being in the early stages of your benzo discontinuation.

You may receive a lot of ‘if it were me, I would…’, but only you can make these decisions.  I know how terrifying it is…and, we have to make these decisions while in a place we are least confident in doing so.

If you decide to stay on the Mert, I know it can help with appetite and sleep.  Your dose is low.  When I read your account of what happened, you were not having this reaction with it while in hospital.  You also were not dealing with withdrawal from multiple drugs, either, during that time.  It is a judgment call.  It sounds as though your body has reached its limit and your reaction has come from that.

You have been through so much in these last six months.  The strength it has taken…I know the minute by minute.  My question is what do you want to do?  I do hope others will join in here with experience…more than just my own.  I have no experience with Mirt…and, I think it’s important to hear from others.

Don’t give up…there is always a way through.  

Much Love,

F

 

Edited December 26, 2023 by [Fa...]

[[Ho...]]

Hi @[Bo...], 

I'm so so sorry for all you've gone through! I too was told stay away from psych wards because they just don't know about this and do more harm than good. We've all become so sensitized!

I think of your CNS as a stringed instrument that needs to come to a standstill. The psych ward and all the incidents that took place during that time are like someone wildly fooling around with your strings and they're still thrumming and uneasy, ugh. It will take time for them to calm down and get quiet again, but they will! Slowly, slowly, they will.

I was put on mirtazepine too. I started at 15 mg and couldn't go higher. They tried a drawerful of ADs but I couldn't tolerate any of them. I really trusted the medical industry. I still, to this day, know they want to help. They just don't know any better.

I stayed on 15 mg for about 10 months and started tapering down. I went from 15 mg to 7.5 mg easily, and then went slower. I'm now on less than 1 mg but it's murder getting off of mirt. The reactions are so icky. But I think it helped me eat and it helped me sleep, so I'm not mad that I took it, though it's no fun tapering it. 

I don't know if that helps, I hope it does in a tiny way!!

Warmly,

HCHC

[[Bo...]]

Thanks. I’m just so much worse and lost. 

[[Bo...]]

Who has compounded Mirtazapine and for they use pure mirt powder? I was compounding K and it was pure powder and not tablets.

 

[[Si...]]

@[Bo...] I think you are saying you were stable and functioning on a low dose of k. Sleeping 5-6 hours. Is that right?  What happened...was it the next drop in dose that set this off? What dose was keeping you stable?  Sending you much love and hugs; I can feel your pain.

[[Li...]]

9 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Who has compounded Mirtazapine and for they use pure mirt powder? I was compounding K and it was pure powder and not tablets.

Hello @[Bo...].  I’m so sorry to learn of your troubles.  The members I’ve read about are using liquids made with regular tablets as the source of the active pharmaceutical ingredient.  However, formulations for liquids using bulk powder are available. For example, Mirtazapine 15 mg/ml Oral Solution from Rosemont Pharmaceuticals in the UK. Have you asked your compounding pharmacist about options?

 

 

 

 

[[Bo...]]

 

@[Li...] it’s devastating. Beyond what i can really understand how after all this. Mom is checking with pharm.

@[Si...]i just have no idea when to start, bc don’t want to expose self to more mirt but my body and brain are fried and covid still maybe day 5/6. So have no choice but to stay on at 7.5mg and then I guess see where I’m at once negative for covid. Just living minute to minute which is so so hard and can’t ever end up in hospital again, I’ll never make it out with them trying to torture me. My stories I can’t even say what all hapiened it’s so bad. 

i was very stable and then crap started happening at .02mg but I thought it was acute instead of slowing down. Who knows if slowing would have haped but hell of time since.

Now so so so scared and intense hell and I’m stuck on mirt for a month at this point have Covid do couldn’t try coming down any again. I’ll see how I am once I can kick Covid. 
 

I tried so hard to do the right thing they long taper and not sure how I hit so so slammed with the severe akathisia and so debilitated on eeeks after. I was so hopeful given I improved so much at lower doses. I was so much of my old self but just sick feeling which I could deal with fine.

now I need all the  support I can bc severe eye issues with never ending rocking and twisting body severe chemical terror etc…. It’s so much. I don’t know if staging on mirt and keeling body exposed to it to do a long slow taper is right just to have sane thing values like K, long slow taper but insane jumping off - I could t have gone quicker though bc i was non functional and aka was threatening. 
to  think all bc one panic attack during early covid times at hospital bc of antibiotic it’s sickening .

hugs to everyone and thank you 

[[Bo...]]

Please see update I’m freaking Out most of this is Mirtazapine related And withdrawal of dropping back to 7.5mg from a few days of 15mg the second week in treatment center and maybe interpose withdrawal (gene testing this is in red category and says. Might need more if serum level low), or changing brands once home.

been on mirt 11/26/23 til now. 

 

I have the extreme chemical anxiety feeling abd panic from waking up if fall back asleep that I neverrrr ever had before starting Mirtazapine. Was fortunate that I fell asleep in mornings for tiny bit with Klonopin taper and after that I didn’t wake to to terror feel like people talk about bc my cortisol was extremely low in mornings and had evened out in spring.

My hard mornings during k taper were the yucky very weak and benzo flu nausea etc.  couldn’t move til 1pm stuff.

I didn’t have the face grimacing ever with K taper and off and the hypnic jolts I had only a few times with K when I had tapered too fast and at beginning starting med(dr didn’t know what was) but not once off.

I’m freaking out I stared something that now has caused all that stuff I didn’t have and the migraines and eye sinus pain (had some dry eye during k taker but drops helped and then was ok), and I’m gonna have severe issues brought on and stop have akathisia and worse with the arching back etc.

Right going into 11/26/23 I had the extreme akathisia and no sleep with brain issues neuro problems amplified from first treatment center in nov, but this is all different.

12/25/23

Took 7.5 mg mirtazapine at 9:30 PM

Up at 3 AM onwards scared out of mine on how I’m going to do this all try to close eyes and they’re dying around under my eyelids and flashing lights with various colors. 

Less intense morning than the night before, but over the morning got more ramped up and more ramped up all the rocking, and just having to like bounce leg, even when standing, and just feeling extremely ramped up all morning, went to do bloodwork, and that was very difficult because I was just rocking back-and-forth and just feeling intense intrusive thoughts very physically, sick just weak and nauseous and All the symptoms

12pm- lunch carrots, baked potato and boiled chicken unsweetened applesauce always very hungry and eat all my food, but have so much stomach pressure all the time like extreme stomach pressure which I had this during my Klonopin taper but then it got a lot better towards the end, but then was back once I got off, and then more intense here in the past month

1pm- crying to family parents on and off the phone with a benzo coach talked tiny bit for five minutes with her. Face, grimacing, and eyes closing and clenching and voluntarily is new stuff for me worried about it not sure if this is some thing from Covid because it wasn’t happening initially on mirtazapine or if this is an adverse reaction or combination of everything 

Just very scared very panicked about my situation and just overall terrified. Family is so burn out and just so frustrated with the whole situation because they can’t fix anything but also just drained emotionally. I call so many times a day because I’m terrified now of any back like every second in a psych hospital.

-hard conversations make all my movement worse. Try it like to look close my eyes and it’s like my brain is just exploding and agitation behind them body arches back and up and down when I’m laying and I’m just terrified as what happened to me.

4pm-dizziness is a new symptom that I haven’t had at all in terms of the room spinning. I’ve had vertigo through my K taper, but never liked the room spinning and this started a bit as I laid down this afternoon and again just terrified. Just it’s so much on top of the eye, pain and acathisia and the movements and stomach issues and just overwhelms me

5:30pm- all day so eating again the same stuff chicken green beans baked potato gluten-free piece of toast a couple bites of cereal. I always can eat my food but it’s not pleasant. It’s like my stomach is just gnawing but also just the pressure in pain is there

7:30pm-eat dinner, same stuff try to sit up after eating settling down tired emotionally, drained, all arching back and movement and just pulling hair and rubbing face and squeezing eyes in voluntarily jolting is around completely miserable. Scared.

Never had the body clenching involuntarily until Mirtazapine.

Symptoms get a little better later in the evening and then at 9:30 take medicatioN

12/26/23

Took 7.5 mg mirtazapine at 9:30 PM. 

-RLS started within 30 minutes eye pain decrease some acathisia and twisting and stomach issues. Decrease some buzzing all over continued

Fell asleep at not sure what time dreams, hard to sleep on the side because of neck stiffness and pain, never had this before, except it started once I started mirtazapine.

-woke up close to 4 o’clock late awake trying to fall asleep and had racing thoughts, chemical anxiety, severe started around 5 AM extreme chemical, anxiety and burning in chest and stomach. Flipping around and rolling legs hurting really bad, intense panic, feeling, pressure, all body feeling like someone’s blowing me up like a balloon, but really a lot more intensely felt like someone is carving my stomach and carving my brain out shortness of breath toss and lots of heart skipped beats fell asleep for a few minutes here and there, and would have chemical terror waking up hypnic jolts all over which make it so uncomfortable then leads to hypnic jolts in my legs, but then also that feeling all over body clench

10am- Took 30 mg of armor thyroid medicine at breakfast, which is the same every morning scrambled eggs boiled chicken and frozen wild blueberries.

 anxiety and symptoms less tense. 

11am-put laundry in trying to just pick up a few things in my room quite difficult just with dizziness and ice started hurting and burning sinuses started burning really badly buzzing feet nauseated, and crummy flu feeling neck tendon pain that’s all back more intensely lay down did a few things on my phone again very difficult. I have to have sunglasses on and in the dark room, 

12pm-1pmenter irritable, very off-balance, scared weak, stomach pressure is always an issue all the time every day got lunch together from brother, green beans, chicken, and sweet potatoes, which is the same every day sometimes unsweetened applesauce sometimes just a regular baked potato and carrots with chicken

3pm- bloodwoek appt- severe neck tension, pain stiffness migraine sinuses are burning and hurts so bad eye pain is really severe. 4pm- home, really sick feeling really nauseous laying down and severe migraines, severe sinus pain for eye pain have to be incomplete darkness

5pm on ward- really building in intensity thru evening. Muscle and bone pain increasing, stiff neck and stomach pain, chest pain really bad and hurting chemical anxiety but hurting chest feeling. Stomach burning body intensely buzzing and nerves . Migraine and seveee head are and sinus 

Intense pressure in bottom area. bones and muscle aches quite a bit feel really poorly

6pm- bath helped tiny bit but so weak. 

7pm- barely move in my bed to eat dinner. Feel horrendous finished all food

8pm- severe muscle aches and weakness, sinus pain and headaches all over head

Shaky and just frustrated

9pm- finish saline rinse didn’t really work, pain in eyes and head very bad, 

Z945pm- take 7.5mh Mirtazapine

10pm- migraine head pain reduced, 

1015- eyes still sore  Severe Throbbing head in the back of head, face pain trying to use new humidifier with cool mist to see if it helps dry eyes Heart palpitations, skipped beats more

1030- dry throat causing spasms, severe RLS in calves causing feet to flex and jolt . Eye pain head pains n severe, chest pain severe

4am- wake up, vivid dreams maybe fell asleep around 11? Slept thru night 

Bathroom, no pain anywhere I had  yesterday and last night now freaked it’s mirt when I thought was more Covid related as I’m day 5 and stilll line shows up in two seconds on test and dark.

5am tried stomach sleep and stuff nick pain- this only started with Mirtazapine in terms of stiff pain trying stomach sleeping a week on it (started mirt 11/26/23).

Top of abdomen tender, has been thru starting Mirtazapine and was a bit in K after

Eyes burning and maybe bc typing in phone . Didn’t have sinus pain and this severe eye type aching until after starting Mirtazapine. 

Chest pain burning starting a bit. Jolts starting twitching some buzzing feet abs legs continue. Least of worries buzzing. Mouth burning new.

 

 

[[ve...]]

Mirtazapine does cause vivid dreams (which I enjoy) and also mild closed-eyed visuals at doses higher than 15mg.  I avoid drowsiness with some coffee in the morning.

Edited December 28, 2023 by [ve...]

[[Bo...]]

I can’t tell what’s causing wgat…. What’s adverse and what’s not etc . Please anyone with thoughts of this complex situation .
12/28/23

4am-wake up and go to the bathroom for the remainder of the morning no symptoms right now which makes me worried that this is mirtazapine related because it was Covid stuff I would still have symptoms.

5 AM – still up stressed out. Symptoms are rising pain in the neck, migraine eye, pain, chemical anxiety, chest pain all building.

6 AM to 8 AM – in an out of sleep yet my I’m dreaming but I’m awake it’s so so scary chemical, anxiety and panic feeling as I fully wake up and then go back into another quick dream for a few minutes and then the same. It just feels horrendous and scary and hate it.

8:10 AM – so so so exhausted just laying in bed trained yet activated so scared and just upset what this is all done and how the symptoms are my poor body. I’m just so tired yet. Can’t get some good sleep crazy neurological stuff happening. Eating breakfast same eat all of it.

12-2pm really stressed out with attack of so exhausted that I could barely breathe move. My fingertips couldn’t even eat my lunch. Stressful conversation with family body is so over taxed and feeling just extreme extreme extreme exhaustion and inability to do nothing laying in bed dark room, barely able to breathe.

3 PM – need to go to urgent care to get the finger. Bacteria addressed very overstimulated from all of the discussions with Brandon and distressed, and so sick

4 PM Dash finish at the urgent care for the finger draining went OK but was pretty agitated and saying same thing over and over rocking back-and-forth feeling pretty crummy overstimulated but glad to be done

5 PM – feeling pretty terrible, rocking back-and-forth toes curled under stressed out, laying in bed dark room, eating some food, very agitated, body buzzing

6 PM – eating some food, talking to parents stressed out, feeling terrible laying in bed dark room.

7 PM – buzzing laying in bed was on phone probably too long looking at tapering options stressed out 

8 PM – laying in bed dark room, eating dinner chicken potatoes and sweet potatoes geeen beans and carrots. FOOD STUCK ON BACK OF TONGUE MULTIOLE TIMES. Swallow issues a few times, scaryyyy and new.

crying because so stressed out feels so terrible and just everything that has gone on. It’s just looping in my head I’m exhausted every which way.

9pm- arching back legs moving running hand three hair for hour to calm. just lots of involuntary movements and jolting. I hate it is so scared I’m in. Closed and it’s brain moving so fast and I feel like I’m screaming at myself in my brain like it’s just a picture of me just screaming out loud, wanting to pull my hair out, wanting to carve every inch of my body. It’s just so terrible to have these kind of thoughts cause never ever have. I had them prior to all these medication’s.

9:45 PM – take 7.5mg Mirtazapine

Buzzing legs all day, tummy a bit upset. Aching, shoulders and neck. Completely exhausted but closed. It’s just chaos in the brain.

1030- rls agitation frustration scared

11:30pm 1230- am- legs severelt jolting, eyes, feel like worms, crawling in them, and also burning like something in them

130 – legs jolting high in air RLS tickle nerve causes the jolt in legs really badl. Have jolting eyes, really messed up chest hypnic jolts internal akathisia really really really bad. All the internal brain urges and like going 9000mph.

White light flashes with hypnic jolts in closed eyes. Screaming in head and like a rolling tape in front of face of scrolling down a phone or the wheel from protects right but happening behind closed eyes with nothing thre (I guess neurologically the feeling but not any actual thing looking at or picturing with eyes ). Hate the urges of wanting to scream and run and my body just flipping around like a fish in my head again the feeling of seeing it in my head. 

230-same, who knows when fell asleep 

8- dreams are always I’m healthy. Wake up to despair and unbelievable . 

 

Edited December 29, 2023 by [Bo...]

[[Ta...]]

On 28/12/2023 at 03:55, [[B...] said:

Please see update I’m freaking Out most of this is Mirtazapine related And withdrawal of dropping back to 7.5mg from a few days of 15mg the second week in treatment center and maybe interpose withdrawal (gene testing this is in red category and says. Might need more if serum level low), or changing brands once home.

been on mirt 11/26/23 til now. 

I have the extreme chemical anxiety feeling abd panic from waking up if fall back asleep that I neverrrr ever had before starting Mirtazapine. Was fortunate that I fell asleep in mornings for tiny bit with Klonopin taper and after that I didn’t wake to to terror feel like people talk about bc my cortisol was extremely low in mornings and had evened out in spring.

My hard mornings during k taper were the yucky very weak and benzo flu nausea etc.  couldn’t move til 1pm stuff.

I didn’t have the face grimacing ever with K taper and off and the hypnic jolts I had only a few times with K when I had tapered too fast and at beginning starting med(dr didn’t know what was) but not once off.

I’m freaking out I stared something that now has caused all that stuff I didn’t have and the migraines and eye sinus pain (had some dry eye during k taker but drops helped and then was ok), and I’m gonna have severe issues brought on and stop have akathisia and worse with the arching back etc.

Right going into 11/26/23 I had the extreme akathisia and no sleep with brain issues neuro problems amplified from first treatment center in nov, but this is all different.

12/25/23

Took 7.5 mg mirtazapine at 9:30 PM

Up at 3 AM onwards scared out of mine on how I’m going to do this all try to close eyes and they’re dying around under my eyelids and flashing lights with various colors. 

Less intense morning than the night before, but over the morning got more ramped up and more ramped up all the rocking, and just having to like bounce leg, even when standing, and just feeling extremely ramped up all morning, went to do bloodwork, and that was very difficult because I was just rocking back-and-forth and just feeling intense intrusive thoughts very physically, sick just weak and nauseous and All the symptoms

12pm- lunch carrots, baked potato and boiled chicken unsweetened applesauce always very hungry and eat all my food, but have so much stomach pressure all the time like extreme stomach pressure which I had this during my Klonopin taper but then it got a lot better towards the end, but then was back once I got off, and then more intense here in the past month

1pm- crying to family parents on and off the phone with a benzo coach talked tiny bit for five minutes with her. Face, grimacing, and eyes closing and clenching and voluntarily is new stuff for me worried about it not sure if this is some thing from Covid because it wasn’t happening initially on mirtazapine or if this is an adverse reaction or combination of everything 

Just very scared very panicked about my situation and just overall terrified. Family is so burn out and just so frustrated with the whole situation because they can’t fix anything but also just drained emotionally. I call so many times a day because I’m terrified now of any back like every second in a psych hospital.

-hard conversations make all my movement worse. Try it like to look close my eyes and it’s like my brain is just exploding and agitation behind them body arches back and up and down when I’m laying and I’m just terrified as what happened to me.

4pm-dizziness is a new symptom that I haven’t had at all in terms of the room spinning. I’ve had vertigo through my K taper, but never liked the room spinning and this started a bit as I laid down this afternoon and again just terrified. Just it’s so much on top of the eye, pain and acathisia and the movements and stomach issues and just overwhelms me

5:30pm- all day so eating again the same stuff chicken green beans baked potato gluten-free piece of toast a couple bites of cereal. I always can eat my food but it’s not pleasant. It’s like my stomach is just gnawing but also just the pressure in pain is there

7:30pm-eat dinner, same stuff try to sit up after eating settling down tired emotionally, drained, all arching back and movement and just pulling hair and rubbing face and squeezing eyes in voluntarily jolting is around completely miserable. Scared.

Never had the body clenching involuntarily until Mirtazapine.

Symptoms get a little better later in the evening and then at 9:30 take medicatioN

12/26/23

Took 7.5 mg mirtazapine at 9:30 PM. 

-RLS started within 30 minutes eye pain decrease some acathisia and twisting and stomach issues. Decrease some buzzing all over continued

Fell asleep at not sure what time dreams, hard to sleep on the side because of neck stiffness and pain, never had this before, except it started once I started mirtazapine.

-woke up close to 4 o’clock late awake trying to fall asleep and had racing thoughts, chemical anxiety, severe started around 5 AM extreme chemical, anxiety and burning in chest and stomach. Flipping around and rolling legs hurting really bad, intense panic, feeling, pressure, all body feeling like someone’s blowing me up like a balloon, but really a lot more intensely felt like someone is carving my stomach and carving my brain out shortness of breath toss and lots of heart skipped beats fell asleep for a few minutes here and there, and would have chemical terror waking up hypnic jolts all over which make it so uncomfortable then leads to hypnic jolts in my legs, but then also that feeling all over body clench

10am- Took 30 mg of armor thyroid medicine at breakfast, which is the same every morning scrambled eggs boiled chicken and frozen wild blueberries.

 anxiety and symptoms less tense. 

11am-put laundry in trying to just pick up a few things in my room quite difficult just with dizziness and ice started hurting and burning sinuses started burning really badly buzzing feet nauseated, and crummy flu feeling neck tendon pain that’s all back more intensely lay down did a few things on my phone again very difficult. I have to have sunglasses on and in the dark room, 

12pm-1pmenter irritable, very off-balance, scared weak, stomach pressure is always an issue all the time every day got lunch together from brother, green beans, chicken, and sweet potatoes, which is the same every day sometimes unsweetened applesauce sometimes just a regular baked potato and carrots with chicken

3pm- bloodwoek appt- severe neck tension, pain stiffness migraine sinuses are burning and hurts so bad eye pain is really severe. 4pm- home, really sick feeling really nauseous laying down and severe migraines, severe sinus pain for eye pain have to be incomplete darkness

5pm on ward- really building in intensity thru evening. Muscle and bone pain increasing, stiff neck and stomach pain, chest pain really bad and hurting chemical anxiety but hurting chest feeling. Stomach burning body intensely buzzing and nerves . Migraine and seveee head are and sinus 

Intense pressure in bottom area. bones and muscle aches quite a bit feel really poorly

6pm- bath helped tiny bit but so weak. 

7pm- barely move in my bed to eat dinner. Feel horrendous finished all food

8pm- severe muscle aches and weakness, sinus pain and headaches all over head

Shaky and just frustrated

9pm- finish saline rinse didn’t really work, pain in eyes and head very bad, 

Z945pm- take 7.5mh Mirtazapine

10pm- migraine head pain reduced, 

1015- eyes still sore  Severe Throbbing head in the back of head, face pain trying to use new humidifier with cool mist to see if it helps dry eyes Heart palpitations, skipped beats more

1030- dry throat causing spasms, severe RLS in calves causing feet to flex and jolt . Eye pain head pains n severe, chest pain severe

4am- wake up, vivid dreams maybe fell asleep around 11? Slept thru night 

Bathroom, no pain anywhere I had  yesterday and last night now freaked it’s mirt when I thought was more Covid related as I’m day 5 and stilll line shows up in two seconds on test and dark.

5am tried stomach sleep and stuff nick pain- this only started with Mirtazapine in terms of stiff pain trying stomach sleeping a week on it (started mirt 11/26/23).

Top of abdomen tender, has been thru starting Mirtazapine and was a bit in K after

Eyes burning and maybe bc typing in phone . Didn’t have sinus pain and this severe eye type aching until after starting Mirtazapine. 

Chest pain burning starting a bit. Jolts starting twitching some buzzing feet abs legs continue. Least of worries buzzing. Mouth burning new.

Mirt did many of the same things to me. I jumped off at 7.5 mg, and it took about a month to stabilize. I realized that mirtazepine was doing absolutely no good for me. It was unbelievable hell - beyond all words to describe, beyond anything that Hollywood could contrive!!!! So, I had to get it out of my life forever! So I did. No regrets. Sending great love and prayers to you.

[[Bo...]]

Thank you….. I am so unstable after the last couple months and like 20 meds that I fear making any change right now but I’m sure it’s making me worse and I don’t know how people know when to do what when super destabilized and bedbound, severe SI and akathisia 24/7. I would live for someone to chime in that’s had the 24/7 akathisia and give me any guidance on how to taper with that and severe wanting to just scream and run and I don’t want to end up back in a psych hospital and tortured again . I’ll never make it out 

[[Bo...]]

@[Br...] any tips for how your survived? I’m in a terrible place and I know you’re endured some of the same hell . Thank you 🙏 

My signature 

 

Prior to March 2020 - no meds in 37yr life., no anxiety or depression.

mar’20- hospital with Covid like sym- panic attack- scared by reaction to ceftriaxone antibiotic - rash and tongue Never was covid, likely stomach bug

Apr ‘20- told to see psychiatrist after hospital(didn’t know one panic attack shouldn’t) .75mg K and 5mg Lexapro

May ‘20- switched to 25mg Sertrakine  mid June ‘20- .75-.625mg K by psych in weeek spiraled ended up in ER bc so sick; 10mg Trazodone for sleep, tapered 10mg over 2wks Jul ‘20

july’20- Sertrtrakine taper 25mg-18mh - aka terrible didnt know what was ;Dr said let’s change to 5mg Prozac

aug’20-tapered 5mg after taking for 2 weeks next 4 weeks, 1/4 pill a week.

Aug’20- Sept 5mg ambien tapered off over a month in Sept 2020. 12mg Seroquel given and immediately tapered over 3 weeks in Oct 20. Jan 21- 2 weeks 10mg  Elavil for sleep(didn’t know better), eye issues so CTd per Dr- 6wk Wd.

Mar’21- Started slow K taoer .635mg to .005mg-Aug’23 ;may’22-Aug 23-drop .01mg K liquid comp a month the last .16mg Jumped at .005mg-severe acute, akathisia and in dark closet for 8 wks bc eyes severe any light caused aka worse. all beta blockers once and caused worse, spec clonidine ,severe reaction. Severe SI and attempt - Psych hosoitaks invol Nov/Dec23- multiple meds one off, Lipitor for 3 wks- forced when refused, Depakote trial 10 days 250mg, ECt twice ugh with muscle relaxer ketamine and propofol- all meds what I didn’t want used against me and forced.

11/26/23- psych hosp 7.5mg Mirtazapine for severe aka but things worse
12/10- 15mg 5 days, 7.5 since 12/15/23 .home 12/18. Tested covid positive 12/22/23. nightmare situation and traumatized and now hell on mirt not knowing what’s adverse effects 

Severe neuro issues

100+ symptoms thru K taper and on

 

Edited December 30, 2023 by [Bo...]

[[ns...]]

You poor thing, I'm praying for u! Geez you've had your share of it. Lord God. Please hear our prayers, there is great need for your intervention lord. You are the God of the impossible,  anything is possible with you, please touch boges11, we ask for peace, healing and comfort. We pray lord that you will send your holy spirit to come into boges11 into the deepest parts of us and be in the midst of this with them. You said do not fear neither be afraid for I am with you, I'll never leave u nor forsake u, I'll will uphold you with my righteous right hand, please lord, many here need healing, we look to the author and finisher of our faith for peace in this mess were in, we didn't ask for this lord but we know we must keep going, give us the strength to follow thru, give us the faith to trust we will make it and grant us the faith to know that you will be with us in our time of need.

Lord we ask this in the mighty name of  Jesus,  thank u lord, amen

[[Bo...]]

Thank you ❤️❤️❤️ @[ns...]

prayers back to you . Lord please hear our prayers and give us strength to endure, heal our bodies and brain. In Your name Amen

[[Bo...]]

 

12/29/23

 

8- dreams are always I’m healthy. Wake up to despair and unbelievable . 

10am- exhausted like just body feels like it can barely move it all so so exhausted. Eat breakfast eggs, chicken and blueberries same as every day, take thyroid medicine also right before.

Struggling with acathisia and movements of body and agitation, and frustration, and feeling so crummy.

Had severe eye pain, waking up and ordering and burning, like an explosion into my head feeling of my nerves… Scheduled appointment with eye doctor

1245pm- Brandon take me to eye doctor appointment, feeling so crummy and rocking to the acathisia all my senses on her overload.

139pm- doctor appointment. Everything looks OK for a structural stand white no scratches or corneal abrasion or anything… Have severe dry eyes and they glands I don’t have all the way like normal eyes. she said about punctal plugs to be ordered.

She used before I can get out what I can’t have. She used a eye anesthetic, then be able to look at my eyes with the light and I freaked out. Not sure what it was but I made sure not to have it put in my other eye.

Was overload just having a back-and-forth difficult exam. Brian is so tired exhausted trying to remember everything and tell everybody everything and get all straight for doctors and just I am on overload it’s going 9000 miles an hour but I’m so tired.

3:30 pm- headed home and so severely agitated on the way home talking to Mom And Dad on the phone and just overwhelmed

Getting bathtub because of aching pain everywhere.

5pm- in dark room trying to just calm system so scared by all the internal external acathisia the back arching the fingers toes curled under. Just so want to feel OK and I’m just so sick. Stomach nauseated, but hungry so eating eating full plate of food, chicken and green beans, mashed potatoes, carrots.- severe bone, crushing fatigue after eating and laying down laying. Just a painful, crushing fatigue. Hard to describe to anyone.

5-8pm- brain just wants to scream and scream and scream and the urge to scream out loud and go running down the street is so strong. I’m so so scared I’m frustrated and just wish things were so so different. Just laying in dark room trying to keep myself calm talk to family a little bit…

Eat dinner, chicken, sweet potatoes, carrots, green beans, mashed potatoes- crushing fatigue 

Lay in bed and dark room rest of evening

9:30pm-take 7.5 mg of mirtazapine and lay down to try to go to sleep.

 

12/30/23

10-2am- up through the night completely restless, agitated pain, screaming and brain intrusive thoughts racing thoughts and hypnic jolts. Fell asleep a little bit on and off, but in and out of dreams right away and not feeling rested, scared, and panic.

White flashing lights with eyes closed like a picture being taken.

Neck pain in tendons going up to brain.

7 AM arching back, just completely uncomfortable with all the having to move in sensations and hurting and all of the mental internal as well. Screaming in my head. 

1030am- take thyroid medicine and eat breakfast eggs, chicken and blueberries. Had half a cup of some keto type cereal with almond milk. Craving cereal but I’m so sensitive to any food so it’s very difficult to find something that I can eat.

11- Covid test and I am negative. That’s good.

11:30am- extreme fatigue again but rocking body sitting up back-and-forth arching back so frustrated, swinging legs beyond exhausted yet can’t stop moving. I’m so tired.

bad neck, pain, tendons, going up into my head.

Are some keto Cereal and almond milk 

1245om- severe akathisia and screaming scraping face urge to carve whole body, just intense intense moving back and and down, pulling face down, wanting to scream non stop, grinding jaw and neck back and forth 

1pm- hell continues, throw cereal out; don’t test new sfood tuff in this

Want to punch eyeballs out this is so so scary. Crush my whole body and teeth out feeling- this is not ok 

Scream talking 

1-5pm- horror show, screaming same thing over and over body bouncing up and down, extreme vocal tics and grunting.Horrific. ate some in between. 

6pm- exhausted, terrified drained. Eye drops not sure if making worse 

Whole body hurts. Chaos when close eyes .

 

 

Edited December 31, 2023 by [Bo...]

[[Pa...]]

1 hour ago, [[n...] said:

You poor thing, I'm praying for u! Geez you've had your share of it. Lord God. Please hear our prayers, there is great need for your intervention lord. You are the God of the impossible,  anything is possible with you, please touch boges11, we ask for peace, healing and comfort. We pray lord that you will send your holy spirit to come into boges11 into the deepest parts of us and be in the midst of this with them. You said do not fear neither be afraid for I am with you, I'll never leave u nor forsake u, I'll will uphold you with my righteous right hand, please lord, many here need healing, we look to the author and finisher of our faith for peace in this mess were in, we didn't ask for this lord but we know we must keep going, give us the strength to follow thru, give us the faith to trust we will make it and grant us the faith to know that you will be with us in our time of need.

Lord we ask this in the mighty name of  Jesus,  thank u lord, amen

Hello @[ns...], 

Please familiarize yourself with our policy concerning religious commentary. 

Do not use this community to promote or proselytize your religious beliefs.

Guidelines

Thank you.

Pamster

 

[[Bo...]]

I need some guidance please bc I am just unable to know how to gauge this.
I’m rapid metabolized of Mirtazapine. Am I. tolerant already and interdose and adverse/sude effects ? Bc in acute Klonopin symptoms plus the mirt symptoms . 20-30 symptoms rolling all day, severe akathisia and horrible manic brain screaming l . Only get 2-3hrs sleep handful of times in last few weeks with Mirtazapine(trailed for akathisia bc in psych hospital and had no choice after extreme SI).

Maybe 2/3 nights of 4-5hrs and then just barely anything most of the nights or 0. 
I’m in a horrible state and now I’m on something making things worse but I can’t just stop quick and I found out I was a week off and now just hit the 4 week mark on Mirtazapine. So was at 2 wks coming out of treatment center and could have started more rapid taker I guess. Ughhh I’m in a terrible place bc how severe unstable due to akathisia pulling hair and skin scream crying and talking, now I’m getting so physically sick stomach wise and I’m 97lbs even though I eat a lot during day bc mirt … it’s all healthy stuff same 6-7 things. Negative covid as if sat.  
 

update day

12/31/23

715- figured out I was a week off of being on this stuff so really could have tapered at two weeks on home from hospital 

Freaked out bc so upset another med to taper and I could have maybe avoided long taper bc was at 2 weeks and now this is 4wks right at one month mark for slow taper

8-12- convos with family, stressful trying to work thru and resolve how we can all be better

1pm lunch- exhausted

2pm laying down reading some stuff of how to help

230pm- shower exhausted and sit in shower

Itchy tired legs feel stiff, hurt barely can walk, eyes dry so out vizia drops and hurt 20mkn later who knows if drop or due to med issues

3pm- eat gluten free toast

3:30pm- exhaustion and eye pain and burning. So tired akathisia off and on, aching so bad, so tired I’m cranky bc can’t rest, senses are so extreme. Crying bc so tired yet can’t nap. Brain ticking inside. 

Not sure if I need to look at carbs bc I think they are causing me to be exhausted after eating too much. Green beans carrots sweet potatoes regular potatoes and chicken for every meal

3:45pm- so cranky and irritated and moving back and forth and tired;  nauseated pressure in stomach is so extreme 

Aura migraines- black and white waves at top and bottom of eyesite- been happening for 3 weeks

5pm- so tired and cranky, edge of bed rocking. Cryingbody feel like stretching akathisia feel

715- extreme akathisia biting arms moving non stop on bed and face grimacing, pulling hair out teeth grinding , scream talking 

Mania feel; close eyes and feeling of brain at 9000mph and wanting yo break every single thing and just an envisioning of myself just like screaming, but I’m not intentionally thinking of that. It’s just that’s my brain just feels it…. So severe .

8:30- eat dinner body feel like stretching akathisia feel

Pan. Ramping up and head, spinal pain haven’t had since Klonopin acute,irritated agitated, legs, moving nonstop, scared frustrated upset eyes hurting crying doesn’t help. Grinding teeth clenched, want to throw myself u yo walk, picking skin pulling face severe 

930pm- body seems calmer, spine pain, still there, neck and head pain still there 

Internal akathisia ramp down some

945pm- 7.5 mg mirtazapine. Body and brain are a lot calmer before taking. But the migraine pain is there the eye pressure and pain. Constant stomach pretty nauseous joints hurt

Thyroid tsh results, from 9 to 5.6 in span of 4 wks thyroid med never changed 

1015- nauseated, headache, eye colors behind closed eyes , internal aka low, no thrashing or pulling skin, pain better 

11-1:30? Or so- horrific jolts due to RLS pain. Migraine pain, eye lights, heart pain so uncomfortable, jolting stomach 

415- up for bathroom no symptoms from the evening(migraine etc);, and now awake, stomach isdues severe pain nausea gnawing…..    is all Mirtazapine abs then acute Klonopin again. Adverse reaction side effects from mirt and not high enough dose now, and back in acute k ? 

what does one do or contemplate given my body is so sensitized and in severe akathisia all day most of night state? I have such low impulse control which was neverrrr me, and want to crush everything urges and scream non stop. Yet I’m so so exhausted.

thank you 

Edited January 1 by [Bo...]

[[Bo...]]

Any thoughts on tapering completely unstable with akathisia? 

[[An...]]

This is such a tough question. I just listened to a podcast in which the doctor strongly recommended holding and trying for stabilization. But I wonder if that is helpful in the case for people who seem to be having adverse reactions. He didn't address that in the interview.

Have you had any advice from medical providers about this? Or benzo coaches?

[[ho...]]

@[Bo...] I don't have all the answers but though I'd offer some insight.

It seems like you have two different things going on here:

1. You have akathisia (the urge to run, inability to sit, internal terror)

2. But it sounds like you may also have tardive dyskinesia or EPS [extra pyramidal symptoms] going on as a lot of your symptoms line up with it (e.g. grunting, light revving you up, etc.)

You can read more about it here:
https://www.verywellhealth.com/tardive-dyskinesia-vs-eps-5200575
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/6125-tardive-dyskinesia

As far as the akathisia goes, unless the mirtazapine is worsening it, you may want to get off it slowly as mirtazapine can cause or worsen akathisia in some cases with longer or increased doses (not always but it does happen).

Just my two cents. I had akathisia from an SSRI and was put on Ativan to deal with it and am now just tapering. 

Feel free to send me any questions you have about akathisia etc 

Edited January 4 by [ho...]

[[Bo...]]

Thanks y’all… I am so scared. I’m an ultra rapid metabolizer of it also so taking once a day I think is also a problem, but I don’t know how to begin starting my dose changed to two doses. Also trying to figure out then how to change over your compound liquid so I can start making reductions. It’s been a little over four weeks at this point that I started it I wish I would’ve been trying to make these changes at two weeks when I first came home I know that’s hindsight but I just well I wish I would’ve never been on this, but I really didn’t have a choice  Because I was in the hospital and didn’t have a computer to see how horrific this could get in the. Told the doctor that I was ultra metabolize in my red column do not use and they said we dont care. 
So I feel stuck various ways. 
Not sure where to start first, what changed to make first. This is so overwhelming to make this decision, while just being a few months off Klonopin, and having bind . Medical doctors have no clue what to do.
I know this is all trial and error I feel like I can’t have much error because I don’t have room to get worse….sitying at 95 pounds and yet I eat my meals. Use olive oil to try to get some extra calories. I don’t know what else to do because I’m so intolerant of so many things.

thoughts by anybody that’s been an ultra rapid metabolizer how they’ve managed to structure their taper when having adverse reactions, but also so unstable and debilitated.? I definitely want to go slow, but I don’t know what changes to make at this point in terms of dosing schedule and then formulation. I just changed brands two weeks ago because Walgreens didn’t have the brand that was on for a couple weeks in the hospital. So that combine with everything that I did in the hospital Other meds given and then ECT under anesthesia twice like I’m sure everything’s just rocking me so bad and I don’t know how to gain a foot hold. 

Please stick with me I’m just crying and crying and crying… I don’t want to make the wrong decision again.

 

Edited January 4 by [Bo...]

[[Li...]]

Hello @[Bo...].  

Just checking …

Have you contacted the folks at Surviving Antidepressants (SA) about your situation? They have considerable experience with tapering antidepressants and polypharmacy. I’ve included links to SA’s tips on tapering mirtazapine as well as an insight-rich paper authored by Adele Framer, the founder of SA.  If you have not already done so, you might find it helpful to read through past posts by @[Re...].

Tips for tapering off mirtazapine (Remeron)
https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/23158-tips-for-tapering-off-mirtazapine-remeron/

What I have learnt from helping thousands of people taper off antidepressants and other psychotropic medications
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7970174/

 

[[Bo...]]

@[Li...]

yes, thank you I’ve also been posting on surviving and antidepressants… Hope to get maybe some more responses. And yes, I’ve read Adele‘s paper. I’ll try to get my parents to read it.

And I’ve read through Rebecca‘s post as well. Appreciate it.

The ultra rapid metabolizer part of things where I guess I should probably split to two doses? What are your thoughts on what you know about the ultra rabbit metabolizer stuff?  Also, what are your thoughts on how someone can determine if they’ve reached tolerance first if it’s introduced withdrawal, and when somethings adverse reactions. I know you’re well researched on it all so just curious your thoughts if you have any.

thank you

The post on that have been terrifying and so I just don’t know how to go about not rocking my body further given I’m so destabilized but I don’t want to drag this out because I’m having the reactions to it and I’ve only been on it four weeks .  I think I regardless have a very slow taper that I have to do given how serious of shape plus bind plus probably causing myself setbacks even though I wasn’t feeling better The last few months hasn’t helped my situation after getting off Klonopin.