Aging issues around benzos

[[im...]]

I have been on benzos now for more than half my life.  I have been tapering for three years now, down to a small amount.  But I still have an Z-Drug to contend with.  Often times I feel that I don't have the grit to pull of a benzo free life.  I feel the intensity of the symptoms and the loss of a community due to the ravages of withdrawal symptoms.  I didn't start getting miserable until I tapered, originally too fast.  But, wow...i'm am worn down.

[[pi...]]

Hello @[im...],

I was in my 60’s when I started tapering and while I was on benzos far shorter than you, it was still a good decision for me. The drug was making me very ill, due to tolerance. I knew that I order to live my life the way I wanted, benzos needed to out of the picture. For me, it was well worth the effort.

[[ia...]]

16 hours ago, [[i...] said:

I have been on benzos now for more than half my life.  I have been tapering for three years now, down to a small amount.  But I still have an Z-Drug to contend with.  Often times I feel that I don't have the grit to pull of a benzo free life.  I feel the intensity of the symptoms and the loss of a community due to the ravages of withdrawal symptoms.  I didn't start getting miserable until I tapered, originally too fast.  But, wow...i'm am worn down.

Hi Love. @[im...] Your post really resonated with me. When I read your handle / user name... for some reason this really made me tear up... but in a good way. Like... 'We're here now... we're doing what we can NOW... today." < That's how I interpreted it anyway. 

What you said... I understand deeply. I have been chemically dependent my entire adult life. I am 39. I became addicted to opioids when I was 19. I used opioids, benzos and alcohol until I was 27 - checked myself into treatment. Used on and off after treatment. Got on Buprenorphine (kind of like suboxone) in 2016 and I've been clean from Opioids since 2017. But then three years ago I got on two benzos. Took me a year to taper. I'm SO tired...my SPIRIT is tired. Do you ever feel this way?

I really see you. I hear you and understand... how MUCH a person may want and DEEPLY DESIRE to be benzo free but the BODY's pangs and WD 'screams' are too much sometimes. I don't know your full story and I won't claim to... and... I want you to know that, 

You can do it. You can find the WILL... and dig deeper than you ever have. I know that you can. (And I'm not minimizing how hard it is.)

Sending you so much love and healing energy... you can do this. 

[[im...]]

Dearest Original;  I am so glad you can feel what I am saying.  Benzos impact the brain/body so much that I do worry about damage.  I was on ativan/zoloft for no good reason.  Originally it was for post partum depression which of course, is temporary.  One year I understand, even two.  But over the decades I was led to believe it was a poor decision to want off of them. You know the line; "why would you want to rock the boat; it's a chemical imbalance, yada yada....". So here I am now, trying to stop taking them.  I never hit tolerance that I am aware of; but I had realized since 2015 I wanted to stop taking them, because it's just a weird thing to take meds for no real reason.   I don't want to spend the next several years suffering from withdrawal.  On the other hand, I realize I am short on patience right now and I am tired of being ruled by waves/windows.     And yes, Original, my spirit is tired.    I want to go live in a cool retreat for a year with other recovering spirits.  We will just swim, do art, dance, sleep and do nothing but heal.  /Fantasy!   Sending you hugs and love from one warrior to another.  

[Guest [...]]

Hi @[im...]

I just want to touch on the aging aspect of benzodiazepine withdrawal…

I think it’s important for those who look in the mirror and see themselves as aged, to understand that withdrawal has stripped them of all radiance and vibrancy. A light has gone out and no longer beams through the eyes. What we see as physically aged when we look in the mirror is actually mostly a visual reflection of how worn down we have become on an energetic level, as opposed to being the result of a simple process of aging. When we recover, that radiance, vibrancy, and inner light will return, flooding through the eyes and out into the world once again, which in turn will change the way you experience your reflection in a mirror. 

On a particularly bad day, I do look much older than when I’m less symptomatic, however, I’m acutely aware there’s an enormous amount of my youthful life force being blanketed by the withdrawal even on my ‘less symptomatic’ days, which on the other side of recovery, will flood through into the world again, not just energetically, but, also visually, in terms of physical appearance. 

Edited November 15, 2023 by Guest

[[ia...]]

I love your words so much. Thank you for sharing all this with me. I've never been pregnant but know many women who have suffered through post partum... Are you still on zoloft? 

I really want to do a retreat with other recovering spirits too. I feel I'm meant to be by water/on the ocean. I often think to myself...'If I could just have one year... to focus on health, recovery and spend a lot of time in the sun (where my mind and body always seem to flourish) I could get well...." I pray we both make that happen... 

[[ia...]]

5 minutes ago, [[W...] said:

Hi @[im...]

I just want to touch on the aging aspect of benzodiazepine withdrawal…

I think it’s important for those who look in the mirror and see themselves as aged, to understand that withdrawal has stripped them of all radiance and vibrancy. A light has gone out and no longer beams through the eyes. What we see as physically aged when we look in the mirror is actually mostly a visual reflection of how worn down we have become on an energetic level, as opposed to being the result of a simple process of aging. When we recover, that radiance, vibrancy, and inner light will return, flooding through the eyes and out into the world once again, which in turn will change the way you experience your reflection in a mirror. 

On a particularly bad day, I do look much older than when I’m less symptomatic, however, I’m acutely aware there’s an enormous amount of my youthful life force being blanketed by the withdrawal even on my ‘less symptomatic’ days, which on the other side of recovery, will flood through into the world again, not just energetically, but, also visually, in terms of physical appearance. 

So well said.... This resonates so deeply Thank you Winters Sun..

I just pondered your username for the first time ever. As we approach winter here in MN, I'm dreading it, but praying for lots of sun this winter. Sun always helps my mental health so much... anyway I digress!

[[Da...]]

On 14/11/2023 at 04:23, [[i...] said:

I have been on benzos now for more than half my life.  I have been tapering for three years now, down to a small amount.  But I still have an Z-Drug to contend with.  Often times I feel that I don't have the grit to pull of a benzo free life.  I feel the intensity of the symptoms and the loss of a community due to the ravages of withdrawal symptoms.  I didn't start getting miserable until I tapered, originally too fast.  But, wow...i'm am worn down.

Oh for sure I feel this way. 27 years on benzos and AD!!!  I'm super depressed now and I wasn't on them I just decided I'd have enough of taking them. Idk if it was the right decision for me tbh. Whilst I wasn't depressed when I was put on them (put on for pain) I certainly am now and I personally think my chemicals have changed so much and maybe I'm too old now to stop. Every day I think like this but still I push on hoping 

[[im...]]

13 hours ago, [[i...] said:

I love your words so much. Thank you for sharing all this with me. I've never been pregnant but know many women who have suffered through post partum... Are you still on zoloft? 

I really want to do a retreat with other recovering spirits too. I feel I'm meant to be by water/on the ocean. I often think to myself...'If I could just have one year... to focus on health, recovery and spend a lot of time in the sun (where my mind and body always seem to flourish) I could get well...." I pray we both make that happen... 

Hi OriginalGirl;  Yes, I am on zoloft for 30 years, Lorazapam for 30 years, and a zdrug for 1 year.

[[ia...]]

2 minutes ago, [[i...] said:

Hi OriginalGirl;  Yes, I am on zoloft for 30 years, Lorazapam for 30 years, and a zdrug for 1 year.

Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry if I  missed this - was there a point in taking the Lorazopam where you reached tolerance and started going into WD? Also would you be willing to share your dosage of Loraz? 

 

[[im...]]

5 hours ago, [[D...] said:

Oh for sure I feel this way. 27 years on benzos and AD!!!  I'm super depressed now and I wasn't on them I just decided I'd have enough of taking them. Idk if it was the right decision for me tbh. Whilst I wasn't depressed when I was put on them (put on for pain) I certainly am now and I personally think my chemicals have changed so much and maybe I'm too old now to stop. Every day I think like this but still I push on hoping 

 

Hi Dancing, I have heard this from many older folks.  Some parts of the "getting off psych drugs" has become a bit dogmatic.  In my support group, there is a gasp of concern, if I take a "rescue dose".   It seems the belief is going in the direction that if you updose a bit, you are at square one, you will be kindled, and it will get worse.  This way of thinking is a bit like AA, where if you relapse, you start over with day 1 .  

Edited November 15, 2023 by [im...]

[[im...]]

4 minutes ago, [[i...] said:

Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry if I  missed this - was there a point in taking the Lorazopam where you reached tolerance and started going into WD? Also would you be willing to share your dosage of Loraz? 

My dose for the SSRI zoloft was between 50 and 125 depending on the decade.  Loraz was always 1.5 to 2.0 at night for insomnia.  I never took them during the day, they were used as a sleeping pill.  Post partum depression destroyed my sleep, that is why I took Loraz.  I believe very strongly, that since I really didn't know what I was taking and of course didn't know it was a benzo, was addictive, and was short acting, that my often intermittent use of them caused  interdose w/d, i.e. anxiety attacks.  THAT is what messed me up and made me think I had an anxiety disorder.

[[An...]]

@[im...]

I don't think it is ever too late. You have to be motivated to get off these drugs, however. The people who have been on these drugs for decades and are happy being on them often don't do well if they are forced to come off.

Like you, I have been on these drugs about half of my adult life also. The drug itself made the choice for me to detox. My plan was to just try to stay on valium for the rest of my life bc I could never envision a way to get off w/o intolerable suffering for the remainder of my life.

I say Valium made the choice for me bc eventually, I started to become tolerant and sick while still taking the drug. When this happens, the decision to attempt detox is an easy one. The drug is making you sick and sicker. The only choice you then have to to try to taper off and hope you can recover and feel better without the drug.

I have taken Z drugs but never long-term. Ppl say detoxing from them is a lot easier than benzo detoxification but I can't speak on this from firsthand experience.