Worse before you get better?

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Anyone know of people getting worse before getting better? I'm almost 2 years off and feeling worse then my first year. 2 weeks ago I was doordashing a few times a week and now I haven't been able to work in over a week and can barley leave the house. Everything is making my hyperaroused. My anxiety is worse then in the beginning. It just doesn't make sense

[[de...]]

Unfortunately, this is the nature of benzo recovery.   The process is very non-linear; and can even change from year to year as you have experienced.   It is really hard to feel as if you are going backwards, but that is not true.   You are always going forward!!!  

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8 minutes ago, [[d...] said:

Unfortunately, this is the nature of benzo recovery.   The process is very non-linear; and can even change from year to year as you have experienced.   It is really hard to feel as if you are going backwards, but that is not true.   You are always going forward!!!  

Thank you. I keep telling myself that I'm healing over and over. It's hard to believe when I feel like falling apart physically and mentally. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I don't recognize myself. I have to keep pushing forward

[[wi...]]

I can’t look at myself in the mirror either.

I do it sometimes for like a secret just to go against the damn fear so I don’t feel like a total victim to this craziness .

I look awful and it’s a very uncomfortable thing to see myself, but somehow I need to break the power my injury has over me if only for a second. 
I can’t say I love you to my image in the mirror yet, but I’ll get there.

right now, I can’t hold the space for that. Looking is good enough for now.

Edited November 13, 2023 by [wi...]

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16 minutes ago, [[w...] said:

I can’t look at myself in the mirror either.

I do it sometimes for like a secret just to go against the damn fear so I don’t feel like a total victim to this craziness .

I look awful and it’s a very uncomfortable thing to see myself, but somehow I need to break the power my injury has over me if only for a second. 
I can’t say I love you to my image in the mirror yet, but I’ll get there.

right now, I can’t hold the space for that. Looking is good enough for now.

I could of wrote this myself. I thought I might feel better today if I touched up my grey roots and put on some makup. Well I have to look In the mirror to do that. It was so painful the first 5 minutes but then it simmered down. I kept reminding myself that it's just my brain healing. I do feel a bit better after doing my hair and makup. Our brains are so wonky right now. You are not alone in this. 

[[wi...]]

Way to go! Proud of you 👍🏻