Am I in tolerance?

[Guest [...]]

@[Wi...]

Hello there. It’s been a while since I’ve posted. A lot has been going on. 
 

I ended the relationship with my boyfriend. A girlfriend of mine lost her husband on Thanksgiving. He just dropped dead of a heart attack. My roommate moved out on Dec 1. There is much sadness to that as she was like a mother figure to me. Two days ago I got into a big argument w my sister that left me in tears. It was over my tapering. 
Work has been going well ( I work regardless of how I feel) 

I got my blood work back 6 weeks ago and my vitamin D is 15! So, I had to push past the fear of adding a supplement and address my deficiency. I started w drops at first. Slowly increased to 1k iu over a month using drops. Now I’m taking 1k iu capsules. I understand that it will take a while to build up my levels but I consider this a big win! 6 months ago I couldn’t tolerate the D at all. 
 

WS, it’s so hard to say whether my symptoms feel more intense or not. I’ve had a lot going on and I’m sure that doesn’t help trying to identify if my benzo is causing the issues. 
 

You should know that I do get partial windows during the day. I’m able to work. I keep up w my responsibilities at home. 
 

What I FEEL is like I have this constant undercurrent of anxiety. There are times it’s very intense. I cry often. I get a burning sensation on my arms. Sometimes it’s very hard for me to concentrate at work. I have no motivation to walk or exercise. My weight is going up.  I have not dropped my dose for the Lexapro in 60 plus days to allow my body to adjust to the vitamin D. I won’t be able to drop for another 2 weeks. I have a dental appointment for a crown next week. So I need to wait until that is over. 
 

Ws, I wish I knew for sure how to move forward. I wish I knew what drug was causing the most problems and taper off of that one. Not knowing what is making me feel so awful is torture. Could it possibly just be that lex and Cymb don’t mix and that’s what it is? Can we ever really know? 
 

I would be so happy coming off of Klonopin first but then if it’s not the Klonopin, it leaves me wide open for a world of hurt tapering the lex then the Cymb? 
 

Am I screwed? I want to believe that there is a way to the end of this that doesn’t leave me unable to function. 
 

Any words of wisdom are appreciated. I just feel like I’m running out of hope. Been doing this for two years now. 
 

 

[[Pa...]]

Hi @[Ni...], what you describe sure sound like benzodiazepine symptoms but I’m not familiar with antidepressant withdrawal symptoms so I understand why you’re not sure.  

I haven’t read through all of your posts, but are you a member of Surviving Antidepressants, is seems like they would be able to help you pinpoint what you’re feeling. 

[Guest [...]]

15 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

Hi @[Ni...], what you describe sure sound like benzodiazepine symptoms but I’m not familiar with antidepressant withdrawal symptoms so I understand why you’re not sure.  

I haven’t read through all of your posts, but are you a member of Surviving Antidepressants, is seems like they would be able to help you pinpoint what you’re feeling. 

@[Pa...] I am a member of SA. The mods say I’m not in Benzo tolerance because I can function, work, sleep. They say it’s antidepressant WD. 

[Guest [...]]

Just now, [[N...] said:

@[Pa...] I am a member of SA. The mods say I’m not in Benzo tolerance because I can function, work, sleep. They say it’s antidepressant WD. 

@[Pa...] if I’m in tolerance will the symptoms get worse to the point of not being able to function? I’m on .75mg of Klonopin. 

[Guest [...]]

11 minutes ago, [[N...] said:

@[Pa...] if I’m in tolerance will the symptoms get worse to the point of not being able to function? I’m on .75mg of Klonopin. 

I’m just getting scared at this point. I don’t know which way to turn. I don’t know if I should taper the Klonopin now and put the Lexapro on hold ( I still need to get off of the Cymbalta) 

Im trying not to panic. I’m a pretty level headed person.  
 

I should let you know that I do get brief and sometimes a few hours of a window during the day from time to time. Would that happen in tolerance? 

[[Pa...]]

Hi @[Ni...], I’m sorry I didn’t see your posts, I hope you’re still interested in discussing your situation.

I’m a level headed person too, but not when I was feeling like you are, we hardly even recognize ourselves while going through this.

It looks to me like indecision is really ramping up your stress levels which makes us feel worse so lets figure out what you need to do and put a plan into action.  Will it be the absolute right one, we don’t know but taking action can be empowering so if you’re willing, lets keep talking, okay?

[Guest [...]]

Hi @[Ni...]

I’m glad you’ve been able to gradually increase your D vitamins (15 is extremely low) over time. I had to do the same… as I was at 30. 

I had to start at a very low daily dose and build up. I’m up at 5000iu daily now, and told to hold that for about 6 months. 

Commonly, Low D will significantly lower your mood (depression). 

Im very sorry to hear about your recent relationship changes and losses, and yes… clearly this will impact your nervous system and increase that feeling of underlying anxiety. That anxiety is normal. It never leaves me. I’m constantly vulnerable to internal and external triggers and have to take protective measures to avoid spiralling down, although some events (triggers) are clearly unavoidable. 

It’s very encouraging to know you’re experiencing windows and are still managing to work where needed, and although it may not seem like it at times, I think you and I are lucky to not be experiencing the depth of suffering that many others here are experiencing, because I’ve been there in acute withdrawal a few times, and it’s not pretty. 

Personally, I would first gently taper the Klonopin and then deal with the Lexapro (which I am also on whilst tapering) and Cymbalta. 

Have you tried starting a thread asking if others have had any issues with taking Cymbalta and Lexapro together? 

It’s only my personal opinion… but, just because you are able to work and function to a degree doesn’t mean that it isn’t the klonopin causing your symptoms… tolerance or no tolerance. I’d say you are like me… you simply don’t experience what it’s like to ‘feel good’ anymore. You have many symptoms, both mental and physical, all of which contribute to low mood and emotional instability. The happy chemicals in your brain are also all out of balance. This is all very normal through this process. Remember… there isn’t a part of your body that cannot potentially be affected by benzodiazepines. 

I’m not saying the other medications aren’t potentially playing a part in your symptoms, just that in my experience here… there are different levels of benzo tolerance symptoms. However, if you are tapering the other medications and not the Klonopin, it’s possible that some symptoms are related to that taper, although, it sounds like you’ve been holding your doses for some time now. 

I know how this sounds, so please forgive me if it comes across as though I’m dismissing the severity of your symptoms, I promise I’m not, I’m just simply trying to paint a realistic approach to this process…

You are functional to a degree… able to work… but this doesn’t mean you will feel good at all. To a degree, you will have to come to terms with the possibility of not feeling well for a considerable amount of time longer through this process, and you will (to a degree) come to terms with that. You may still have days where you feel completely overwhelmed, but they will pass and you will slip back into that state of acceptance of your current circumstances and just keep moving forward to the light at the end of the tunnel. Even if you can’t see it, you know from others on this site that you will recover and return to a normal enjoyable life on the other side of this process. 

I agree with @[Pa...]…

Weigh up everything you have learned about your medications and make a decision to move forward (at your own pace) once you’ve got the dental visit out of the way. You need to get some forward moving traction… 

 

Sorry I took so long to reply, @[Ni...], I’ve just been taking a break.
 

For personal reasons, I’m going to be deleting my account here for a while, so if you reach out to me and don’t receive a reply, you’ll know why. 
 

I will definitely be back at some point in the future, and it may not even too long. 

In the meantime, please reach out to the other moderators, admin and members, as there is a wealth of knowledge across the forum. 

Keep your mind and emotional body as calm as possible through this process, @[Ni...]

You will come out the other side… ❤️🫂

 

[[An...]]

@[Wi...], why deletion? Can accounts be suspended instead until you are ready to return?

[[wi...]]

@[Wi...]

Please know you have been such a healing and healthy presence for me in this form.

Sending you love and light always.

[Guest [...]]

@[An...]

Am currently holding options open… I realise I’m in the middle of reduction withdrawal right now and always have difficulty making decisions at that time, let alone make the right ones. 👍

@[wi...]

Thank you so much for the kind words… they really do mean a lot. 
 

I do hope you’ve now begun to see some improvement in your recovery, and if not, I trust you will experience some recognisable improvement soon. ❤️

 

[[wi...]]

@[Wi...]

short lived windows but I’ll take it!

❤️