The Fires of Xanax Hell are COOLING!...

[[Lo...]]

Hello, BB...

     I want to tell everyone to hang in there.  I've been to hell and back, and to hell and back, and YEP, to hell and back...but today I've had a few hours completely unsymptomatic. Yay!  The fact sort of crept up on me...and so I'm celebrating!!   I think it means that I will have more and more symptomless times now.  As I've said, the more I ignore any symptoms and just redirect to some other task, the more my brain calms down.  It's like my brain knows that all its wild carrying on is being totally disregarded and so therefore the wild carrying on seems like big waste of brain energy...and so my brain is just taking a big, deep breath and...settling. 

     I do believe that any undo daily stress is really detrimental to us getting well.  I think we need to allow ourselves some very easy space to heal in. No matter what it takes to create that space. I've worried and fretted over "other people" and what they might think about me--my behaviors, and so on...but not any more.  Now, I just don't make any commitments that might upend my progress.  It's only temporary.  I know I'll be back and I'll do whatever I want to do once I'm 100%. (I'm so close.)  And, I do all of that non-commiting, etc. with no mean self talk.  I am very loving to me...for the first time in my life.  I feel like I am able to trust myself.  I don't have to ruminate over anything...because I know I can trust myself to take care and to handle just fine any situation that I find myself in. It's wonderful to feel self assured that (brand new) way.

     My history:  Xanax .5mg X 6 per day.  Two years and 7 months tapering and then a quick stint in detox (4 days) to get rid of the last bit (.5 X 2 per day). Left detox May, 2023. It's been SO HARD, but I'm getting through this people! And, I just want to reach out and say to you, hang in there!!  There are rewards that you can't even dream of yet.  

Best to All, LollyDoodle 

     

    

[[Br...]]

So glad you've had a wonderful window @[Lo...]!  It's totally worth celebrating! "The Fires of Xanax Hell are COOLING!" Love this - such a good description. Looks like you've developed some strong, effective coping strategies.  Redirecting to another task (distraction), trying to minimize stress, taking good care of yourself, positive self talk, self compassion - all of these are excellent coping techniques. So is doing what you've done here, which is giving encouragement to others on the same path.   

[[Je...]]

@[Lo...] Oh, what a GREAT post! You have such a GREAT attitude and I am so glad you are having some asymptomatic free time! The fire of Xanax Hell are Cooling, indeed!! I love all your coping strategies, too! Woot!

[[Es...]]

@[Lo...]

Lovely post, very inspirational. I did three BZD tapers over the years and I'm back in the grips of diazepam. I think focusing on our symptoms just makes them worse. I find all sorts of work very rewarding... But I'm also quite a lazy person.

During household chores, I put on Air Pods with a self-help audiobook. Sometimes with music, then I'm in awe of beautiful guitar solos and how much practice and talent it takes to play like this. I will never play like this, but I can continually improve in other areas, baby steps.

I have a hard time loving myself and taking care of myself. I grew up without parental love and nothing can compensate for it. I channelled all my love and care into my 12 yrs old Kitty and I know she loves me unconditionally. So I'm doing everything in my power to create a loving household, where her imperfect Ma is relatively sober.

When I was reading your post, this quote came to my mind: "All of life is the study of attention; where your attention goes, your life follows." It's by Jiddu Krishnamurti and I love it.

The more we focus on BZD WD sxs the bigger they grow. The more power we give to the little pill, the more of it we relinquish ourselves. I don't care much about what other people think and I don't like to follow the herd. Although I did a few times in my life. It always proved a disaster.

Well, just a few random thoughts. Wishing you luck. Wishing myself to start loving myself despite all my flaws... Unconditional Self-Acceptance, as my dear Albert Ellis used to call it.