Horrible depression

[[ma...]]

Hello all,

I’m about 2 weeks off Diazepam. Once again forced to C/T. In reality I think I have been on and off withdrawal for 2 years as I would get 28 5mg tablets to take and go through them in a month…have a bad few weeks, then get another 28. GP doesn’t want to give me any more and I am really at the stage where I don’t want them as a lot of the symptoms just haven’t been resolved by reinstating.

weirdly, I can deal with a lot of the physical stuff…the muscle pain, teeth hurting, tinnitus, itching and burning, stomach issues, headaches, fatigue etc. But I have one thing I properly struggle with:

Depression.

I am finding that reinstating would at least ‘relieve’ that feeling a little but I suspect masked it more than anything else. I think I have been depressed for over a year with this rollercoaster.

I just don’t know how to deal with it positively when I feel so wretched. I am on 75mg Venlafaxine in the morning and 15mg Mirtazapine at night (which does help me sleep at least). The mornings are horrendous, just feel so unwell and unhappy. Sometimes the veil lifts slightly in the evening but every morning I wake around 6am feeling like I am in a dark pit.

I know c/t is a no-no, but regardless of that I think I just need some hope or to hear from others that they have felt this way and come out the other side. I have suffered depression in the past, but it has always been kept at bay with the 75mg Ven for many years (15). I am not sure I have ever felt as depressed as I do now and I have had a few very nasty experiences in life that did make me feel bad (but it always lifted).

Can anyone relate to this horrible depression when coming off these drugs?

Thanks,

Mark

[[pi...]]

@[ma...],

You are so very early off a cold turkey, this is the acute phase where the symptoms are the strongest. CT is tough, I experienced it myself. 

I actually never experienced depression until I was put on benzos, went into tolerance and subsequently withdrawal. Benzos do a great job of creating a myriad of symptoms. Additionally, if you experienced this before, withdrawal can amplify it.

I found the acute phase to be about survival. Getting through each minute, hour and day. Finding ways to distract was key for me. Withdrawal is a unique and challenging issue for many of us. I’ve seen people who had anxiety or depression find these problems were lessened or disappeared once healed.

I hope this helps.

pianogirl 

[[ma...]]

20 hours ago, [[p...] said:

@[ma...],

You are so very early off a cold turkey, this is the acute phase where the symptoms are the strongest. CT is tough, I experienced it myself. 

I actually never experienced depression until I was put on benzos, went into tolerance and subsequently withdrawal. Benzos do a great job of creating a myriad of symptoms. Additionally, if you experienced this before, withdrawal can amplify it.

I found the acute phase to be about survival. Getting through each minute, hour and day. Finding ways to distract was key for me. Withdrawal is a unique and challenging issue for many of us. I’ve seen people who had anxiety or depression find these problems were lessened or disappeared once healed.

I hope this helps.

pianogirl 

Thank you so much for the reply. Right now it is really grim and I feel so unwell physically and mentally and I am not sure what to do for the best really. Try and stick out another few weeks or reinstate then slow taper (which I think can be done if less than 30 days since last dose). I have to admit I would like to taper but cannot imagine a GP over here sorting that out even vaguely quickly…it’s all so horrible and I wish I could either go back in time and not take them at all or go forward quickly when this goes away and I begin to emerge.

you are right about pure survival…feels that way x