Electric jolts

[[Wi...]]

I hate my life. I had a few better days - not great and symptomatic but way better than today. When days like today hit I feel like I am going to lose it. At first I get a background burning in all my nerve endings, I can barely move, it’s a very sick feeling, and on top of it pressure builds in my brain and I get jolts down my body of some weird energy that feel like a seizure or something. Like someone was trying to resuscitate me with a defibrillator. It might be one jolt or a few but it leaves me shaky like there is an earthquake in me and the brain feeling is terrible. Now I started getting waves of fire. It began fairly recently and I have been off all meds for so long. It usually passes and visits me again after a few days but it’s getting worse and worse in general. I am terrified I will be like this all the time. I am beyond repair. I have officially lost all hope. Have seen zero improvement since my polydrugging. Haven’t seen anyone get so much worse and then heal. 

My poor little sweet baby  

Edited September 29, 2023 by [Wi...]

[[Ti...]]

1 hour ago, [[W...] said:

I hate my life. I had a few better days - not great and symptomatic but way better than today. When days like today hit I feel like I am going to lose it. At first I get a background burning in all my nerve endings, I can barely move, it’s a very sick feeling, and on top of it pressure builds in my brain and I get jolts down my body of some weird energy that feel like a seizure or something. Like someone was trying to resuscitate me with a defibrillator. It might be one jolt or a few but it leaves me shaky like there is an earthquake in me and the brain feeling is terrible. Now I started getting waves of fire. It began fairly recently and I have been off all meds for so long. It usually passes and visits me again after a few days but it’s getting worse and worse in general. I am terrified I will be like this all the time. I am beyond repair. I have officially lost all hope. Have seen zero improvement since my polydrugging. Haven’t seen anyone get so much worse and then heal. 

My poor little sweet baby  

i'm holding on to hope for you today. You've been through a lot, tapering, poly-drugged, pregnancy and recently giving birth... These are all Major changes to the body. I get why you describe your situation as unique, as i'm sure not many here have experienced the dual challenges of withdrawal followed closely by the rigors of pregnancy and childbirth. 

I'm amazed at how Well you've done considering that since you tapered, you were then poly drugged, and then navigated pregnancy and birth all while still experiencing symptoms (in and out). Imagine it like this: if you had broken your arm, had a month to heal, and then participated in a weightlifting competition the following month, your body would undoubtedly ache more than usual due to the initial injury. In your case, while your body was still healing from the ordeal of tapering and poly-drugging, you embarked on the profound journey of pregnancy and childbirth. Pregnancy and childbirth on an uninjured body is already shocking and traumatic to the body in itself. Your base-line was injured upon embarking on another challenging journey, yet - you did it!!!   Now you can fully heal. No more drugs, no more trauma to the body. Take care of yourself, one day at a time (hate all the cliches, but they are true...) care for your baby, and one day the window will last. I am praying for you and holding on to the hope that complete healing is close by. 

Your strength and resilience are truly remarkable, and I'm confident that better days lie ahead as your body continues to find its balance.  

[[Ti...]]

also - your baby has a warrior for a mama. They are so blessed to have a mama who can teach them resilience and strength, and how to love deeply. I have found that with this ordeal, as a result of how deeply i've experienced suffering, it has led me to feel love and joy much more intensely than ever before (of course only in the windows lol) in the waves i forget about all this shit i'm saying haha.  BUT waves are lies and windows are the truth!!!!!!  

[[Wi...]]

I really hope it will be true for me, that one day I will get better but having experienced what has happened to me recently it’s hard to have hope. On days like today I feel terrible, at the end of my rope. I wish I would just hit rock bottom to be able to finally start feeling better. So far it’s just falling and falling.