help

[[Id...]]

I'm not even able to understand anymore. could someone contact me please? please

[[Co...]]

Hello @[Id...]. Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

What do you not understand? How can we help you?

[[Id...]]

I took a dose few seconds ago. So I won’t be able to write for long. 
I know this site. I have been reading for so long. Withdrawal is making me unable to understand simple things and I ‘m afraid to be open. 
Is it possible to write with someone in privacy till I’m able to be exposed again. I never write on the internet. Now  I can’t even understand anymore doses equivalence. Nor much makes sense. No doctors understand. Last one said “sometimes it happens” then hung up
I am not physiologically dependent. Never got hight. Only took prescripeted doses till I was close to die during pandemic. It’s my forth year. I I followed specialistic tossicologic doctors indications CRAZY prescribed doses. Every time worse. and almost dyed many times. . Last one in an hospital.
I was able to write this because I took that dose. 
I’m otherwise sane I was a professional athlete. No psychiatric problems before this 
thank you so much for your reply even if not possible. 
It’s almost impossible to talk most of times too much trauma. 
sorry for my English last close call left me with speech and understanding delay. My mind is still here more than ever

[[Id...]]

I have no support 

[[Co...]]

Hi @[Id...]

We have a policy of not providing withdrawal support privately or via the PM system. Why don't you just post to the forums here? So long as you do not reveal your name or other personally identifying information, what does it matter if it public or not?

[[Pa...]]

Hello @[Id...], I hope you’ll feel comfortable sharing your story, as @[Co...] mentioned, your anonymity is protected here, we understand these discussions are sensitive, we will respect your privacy. 

When you can, I hope you’ll share what benzodiazepine you’re currently taking, the dose and how long you’ve taken it.  We want to help.

[[Id...]]

Thanks @colin, thanks @[Pa...]. A lot. I’m not able to write too much together. 
I have taken for decades  Lormetazepam when needed to sleep as my doctor always prescribed. Without warnings. Without giving other solutions when I asked. 
I became sick, unrelated, before the pandemic and, understandably they weren’t able to help with my pain or a sure diagnosis. What follows is a blur of 4 year of multiple, crazy, prescription that left me unable to live with pain and crazy withdrawals alternate to huge prescription (they wanted to prescribe opiates, I refused. I knew the risks, I didn’t with benzo). In my life there’s a violent and the original health problem problem I can’t face without sleep.

Now I take 0.8 clonazepam during day and 4 of lormetazepam at night. 

I know I should switch to clonazepam to taper. I did it twice, under a doctor guide, and I ended up in hospital for months. Last time they gave me antipsychotic and I almost died. 
I’m in such withdrawal that I can’t read  conversion tables anymore. I know those aren’t perfect. How much clonazepam should I take to eliminate lormetazepam ? If this even works 

I’m sorry I write so bad. Penultimate doctor said just what I am experiencing sometimes it happens and gave up. Last one didn’t see or know any problem with was going on and told me to continue. You know what I am experiencing and I want to taper after 4 years of pure hell tapering.

with current dose I barely barely manage to function without leaving home. Windows are so short if that is what I experience and unfortunately I am totally alone (this means I have to be able to go to doctor, eat, and retrieve food at least at a bare minimum). I can’t work anymore. 
I am in EU and there aren’t any more specialist I can consult. 
 

I have not psychological dependence never had. Never abused to get height (in my country this concept didn’t arrive)

[[Pa...]]

Thank you for explaining your situation, I’m sorry to hear you’ve had to face this alone at a time when the drug leaves so ill prepared.  We’ll do our best to help you sort this out.

I’m hoping you’ll start another thread, but this time on the https://benzobuddies.org/forum/120-taper-strategies/ forum, this is where we can help find the right equivalences and hopefully help you figure out what steps to take next.

 

[[Id...]]

Thanks for answering: you know how much this means. It meant the world.

I’m so confused right now because the situation would be thought even without this “problem”. 

I’m sorry for jumping in like that, it’s not me; I freaked out when I was no more understanding things I know very well. My job was to never freak out. Literally: I was the last or first resource for worse emergencies. 

I hope I will be back following your indications when or if I will be able. 

On the bright side I walked 7 miles yesterday and I didn’t die (literally it was a risk)… I was used to climb mountains. It helped a lot but I’m not in a situation to repeat it often 

 

Thanks again for this site and for everything 

[[Id...]]

P.s. just a question out of many things I can’t mentally navigate no more I think I saw something about posting really messed up long situations elsewhere to not scare people in a, rightfully painful, but still more average experience. Maybe I imagined or misinterpreted that. Would it still be ok to use your link?

[[Pa...]]

@[Id...], you’re fine posting to this forum, we do have an area for those who have symptoms many years beyond stopping benzodiazepines but that isn’t your situation.

I’m glad you were able to get some exercise, keeping our body healthy while going through this is a challenge but its important. 

I really hope you’ll start a thread on the taper forum I gave you the link for so we can get down to the business of helping you figure this out.  We have many kind and helpful members who will give you the benefit of their experience and offer suggestions on how they’re making it through this awful time. 

[[Id...]]

@[Pa...] thank you so much