Terror aka

[[Bo...]]

Im in complete aka terror all night abd day. Was ok yesterday abd hell day before. Im 16 days off very slow k taper and terrified I’m going crazy like throwing things and screaming and wanting to throw myself against wall non stop

Talked to Angela and she says gotta just stay alive…. I feel I’m on edge of insane and that is something I was so far from before.

Don’t want to risk reinstating bc last 2 wks have been beyond words. How do I keep myself from not losing it lack of sleep legs lock up so can’t walk and now I’m so scared of my situation tgat I can’t eat 

[[de...]]

So sorry you are struggling.  The first couple of months after you jump can be so difficult.   Yes, your job is to get through this acute phase.    Try to do things that might soothe you......meditation, deep breathing exercises, etc.  Are you able to do anything that is calming?  

Sometimes this journey is so tough we have to just survive minute by minute.  It will get easier.   

 

 

[[Bo...]]

Can’t stop screaming and moving on my bed, tried tub that normally helps but I seem to be getting worse bc it doesn’t soothe like it did. I am screaming at my family and that’s not ok, so I get more freaked it by what’s I’m doing and then spiral further. 
Can’t close eyes and people telling me theirs lasted years has ne about undone . Im exhausted so exhausted trying 

[[Ma...]]

For me the only thing that helped was the decision NOT to die. Do Whatever it takes to stay alive and it will get beter 

[[Sw...]]

Do not let other people’s horror stories be YOUR story. Your brain is so powerful. It might be hard but you need to find a way to soothe yourself and turn down that stress response. 
what was your taper like?

[[be...]]

@[Bo...] I agree with all the posters here and their advice, just want you to know that you are not alone. Stay Strong and may this resolve soon. 💖Peace and Healing.

[[Bo...]]

Slow microtaper from .625mg match 2021 to .18mg Feb ‘22 crashed with aka no sleep held for 6wjs better, switched to liquid tapered .01mg a month since last summer. 
beg of this fiasco put on for sleep supposed panic disorder/gad after one panic attack in hospital fir Covid like symptoms march 2020. Wanted to taper after 7wks on and dr spiraled me coming down to .625mg in a week- put on various other meds for sleep for few weeks to couple months and tapered each back to back in 2020. 
was doing much better this year bc was more functional after being bedbound a lot last year due to pots stuff glucose issues adrenals. This spring sleep came back was eating more things going to stores walking around and then crashed in July around .02ish. 
Kept tapering down to .005mg jumped and hell since then getting worse and terrified 

Edited September 14, 2023 by [Bo...]

[[...]]

Don't give up. I did once after a slow taper just to have to do it again. Second time just jumped from 1/16 mil.  Keep your eye on the ball and distract distract distract. Klonopin sucks.

You can do it

[[gr...]]

Stay strong. You can do this. I was K addicted for 12 years. CT 14 months ago and am really coming alive again. Sad and Bad moments, yes. Lately, more good moments. Do this for you.

[[Bo...]]

Thank y’all so much…. I am just so so scared bc I don’t know how to sleep again and the no sleep starts driving the akathisia which then starts it all screaming and crying.

I have been strong and stayed away from any meds since 2020 that were given to me to help me sleep when first spiraled and told myself you can manage and make it work. 
I just have never been this unable to calm myself and psychotic feeling, and so depleted strength wise.

I will need lots of reassurance moving thru this and I thank y’all for the love and being there. 

[[Be...]]

@[Bo...] Conazepam has a half-life of around 40 hours and it takes 5 half-lives to exit your system. On top of that your receptors are adjusting and upgrading.  If you reinstate, you will have to go through this all over again, and you've come so far already.

There is a lot going on physiologically in your brain that is causing you to have such awful sensations and perceptions. Remember, that these sensations are not a disease: there is nothing wrong w/ you that time will not heal. You will not go insane from w/drawal unless you talk yourself into it. So, remember to only think positive and helpful thoughts.

Are you able to go out for a walk, a short walk to start. Like a half of a block? Moving around and getting outdoors will help change your perspective, give you a sense of control and distract you. Have someone go with you, hold your hand or put their arm around you- is that something you think you can try?

[[...]]

Oh see you did jump...

Hang in there. You can do it. I took a little piece at 11 months off. It's sucked. The mind stuff was disgusting. 

 

[[Bo...]]

@[Be...] does that mean 8 days it’s out? Used to be an engineer and now my mind is like a 3yr old.  Im around 16 days ish out. 
I wish I could go for a walk . My legs are either jello and locked up just getting to toilet is a chore abd my senses are so overstimulated so noise outside ramps up everything. I wear sunglasses and ease plugs and open balcony door but live in the city so it’s not quiet. I wish I wasn’t so physically debilitated bc I used to be a runner and always outdoors. Had s walker I used last year that I didn’t need much this year and then bam can’t even use that right now.

used to be the one trying to support everyone else… never could have imagined this.

it’s the delirium combined with the aka and rage that gets so hard to get a grip on. Im trying . 

[[Be...]]

@[Bo...] The drug's active metabolite should be out of your system about 10 days or so after you stop, but the receptors now have to upregulate, so the symptoms you are experiencing are from the receptors coming back to work. Benzo's are a CNS depressant, hence you will experience stimuli in a strong way. The drug dulled all of that, so now you feel that it's overwhelming. Your body is just adjusting to functioning again w/o the drug blocking it's normal functions.  

If you can't get outside now, at least walk around the inside of your apartment every hour, try to do some basic stretching/yoga to relieve tension, focus your mind and breath. You need to find and utilize every method of self-care and self-help that you can. Start small and keep adding tools to your tool box. 

This site has threads that list methods people use to cope.  I am a proponent of deep breathing, Yoga (gentle at first), positive self-talk, and reading self-help articles/books. 

 

[[Bo...]]

Im getting worse and thought symptoms peak. Stomach is so So Sick it is dry heaving and im puréed foods . Can’t sleep bc aka and stomach migraines spine annd tension in stomach makes hard to even breathe bc it’s so tight and painful… I’m sure laying and eating hasn’t helped but so hard to sit up at all and I don’t know how to go this. Constant urinating and trying to drink water annd oedialyte. Under 100lbs now bc so much energy having to keep moving back and forth on bed when I have zero to give. 
then the panic sets in bc I am so severe and no one can help

i juys don’t know if I’m too severe …..I had a very symptom taper so used to dealing with a lot managing but I’m not used to the constant dry heaving and aka being this intense .

can anyone give hope 

Edited September 18, 2023 by [Bo...]

[[gr...]]

My early withdrawal was riddled with sick stomach, no appetite, no sleep and bloating. It was awful. Forced myself to walk and stretch. For me, it has gotten a lot better. My appetite is back and no sick stomach. I believe we can get through this. Stay strong and keep writing.

[[Bo...]]

Thanks ya I’m so dizzy so weak that I fall over crawl but arms are so weak. And just can’t keep eyes open much bc of migraine . Screaming with nerve pain thu night and now juts squirming on bed bc in pain  

 

[[...]]

It's hard to get out of the state your in. It will pass. Now, and especially when it relieves learn some techniques. 

Learn to keep yourself lowww all day. When you realize your not low , you move back to low.  Even when you think you are healed and feel normal keep yourself low. Don't live life  in mania and in a hurry. Always move to low and slow. Things will get done.

 

For sleep I made  of recordings of a calming voice giving a lecture podcast type thing and listen over and over. When mind wondered I would let it design only one thing. If it would wonder you go back to the lecture. Don't let it go to you life problems. You can get back to them tomorrow.

If too manic Journal your day, play solitary on the phone, then try again.

Lower yourself. Lower your thinking. 

Picture your thoughts up high in your head ad lower them there too.

Figure out what works for you, then remember to force your self to go back to it whenever you go anxious and when you don't fall asleep. 

 

 

[[Bo...]]

Thanks im in the explosion aka buy moving body aka. Im either in bed or on floor rolling or mom and bro help me into tub. They gave to hole me up to sit bc I can’t hold my neck up. I wish I could do everythjng yiu say. Juts phone and yhay makes migraine worse and dry heaving every time I eat a few bites. 
thank uiu im in dark room all day bc can’t handle anything else with light and go from pain to extreme coma like state to the day and night of terror akathiisa and this is day 18/19/20 somehrinh I don’t know.

k I need to take besknfork phone but laying here juys stomach rolling sick 

been in very rough place since mid July and just worse and worse. I know acute but the aka just is the worst bc it doesn’t let you rest. How do people sleep?! I did the 0-2hr thing for first couple years of taper so I can be tough but at wits end needing body to rest bc muscles are so clenched and fatigued. Peppermint oil fam puts on for me and that helps pain and runs back and legs but this is so unrelenting.

Edited September 18, 2023 by [Bo...]

[[...]]

Yeah I remember, just hold on. When it lifts start practicing tools. You may forget or think it's silly but it's not. It'll be a tool when get blamoed again. Which you probably will. Just take minute by minute. I did it at age 60.  K sucks

Best to get off everything. Do whatever it takes. Look for tools and tricks as soon as you can. 

You'll be fine. In time.

[[An...]]

@[Bo...] I don't have any advice that you haven't already heard. But need you to know that I am praying for your relief and complete healing. Pray for you by name every day, as I know many others are, too. Sending love across the miles.🙏💜

[[...]]

Stomach was awful for months. In acute had a 3 day period just water and toilet. In bed couldnt move. Burning like a torch inside upper center left gut. Burning runs.

made through all. Now headache so severe I gave in and went for er help. But it all will pass. Get off the chemicals.

 

 

Edited September 18, 2023 by [...]
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