The past keeps coming back. Help!!!

[[Bu...]]

Hello. I've had ( for the most part) a very difficult life but i pushed through with flying colours. Now, since withdrawal began, every bad thing is coming back. I'm easily triggered. My life is very, very monitored. I'm so resentful because everyone seems to have had a much bet5er life than me ( many HAVE). How do I feel good? Everyday is awful. Thanks.

[[Ho...]]

Hi Bulldog14,

I know, the past is such a hard taskmaster. It's as if everything seems all wrong and nothing good has come of anything, but that is the benzo brain, lying again. I've been in those weeds for far to long and here is what I've found.

First, I've learned to put my mind in neutral. There's probably a better word for it, but instead of ruminating over all my failings and things I didn't have that others did, I just put my mind into a simple place. I don't have to have all the answers. I don't even have to ask the right questions. I'm here, there's a reason for it and all I have to do is whatever is in front of me right now.

It's also great if you can think of things to be grateful for. Food. Housing. Family (because most of them have some redeeming qualities, even if it's just that they love me!) 

Getting into nature can be very soothing. I've also found that in my negativity, I sort of glossed over things that gave me a nanosecond of enjoyment. No sooner did I just begin to enjoy than I started picking it apart. Instead, if you find some moment of enjoyment, however fleeting, try to sit in it for a bit. It's a good habit; you can collect more and more of these moments.

Since you know you're easily triggered, you probably have an idea of the triggers and can try to avoid them. Peace and quiet are great for healing, that's for sure!

I hope your CNS calms soon, and that you get moments of enjoyment here and there!

Warmly ,

HCHC

[[Bu...]]

Thanks, hchc. I'm trying to be grateful and it's hard. I wish I had family but, besides a partner, there's none. Hard to keep going.

[[Ho...]]

1 hour ago, [[B...] said:

Thanks, hchc. I'm trying to be grateful and it's hard. I wish I had family but, besides a partner, there's none. Hard to keep going.

I do know. I have days where I too see no one but my partner. When it stretches into a week or more, I'm just about cooked! I hope you're able to get out even just a little bit. A smile to or from a stranger can be a little piece of magic in the soul. Even a chat with a cashier; I seriously relish these small moments in my day, especially days when I am pretty much alone and in my benzo mind-jail.

I've heard it said that all we have to do is outlast the healing. Just get there. Let's do this thing. Wishing you windows and if not windows, then a pile of good moments that add up!

[[Bu...]]

Fear is a huge problem. I don't know what to do.

[Guest [...]]

I 100% get it. These thoughts reappear without warning for me and its scary as hell. It's extremely hard to "ground" yourself back to reality and be more positive and mindful of the current moment. Sometimes I think this is the real me, the new me. It feels like my brain is literally shaking.

[[Bu...]]

Yep, and the things that absolutely infuriates me is that the drug- pushing Dr. told me I can take these drugs the rest of my! The reason why I took the pills was healed years ago!!!! So, she wanted me to keep taking pills for nothing!!

[[no...]]

Yes I have this big time also it's very depressing also insane jealousy of people that can get on with their lives and enjoy it both drive me nuts! I know they're common withdrawal symptoms, but there's F.A You can do about it, I was never like this before at all, I end up telling it to F-O or shut up!!  Then pray it stops

[Guest [...]]

Sadly for me alot is situational so at times I think it's just my luck and how things are, real life for me. I'm losing more hair again. I have cherry angiomas all over my body. The last few weeks my bowels have been emptying out morning and night ( tmi sorry) and it's all due to anxiety. I had a bad stomach ache and was up off and on at 3am this then had diarrhea. My brain doesn't stop.

[[Bu...]]

I'm really sorry you both are feeling bad, too. I don't know what to say. I can't even help myself.

[Guest [...]]

You don't have to say anything, no worries