Please help

[[Wi...]]

Im male, 33, have been a daily drinker since I was 22. In April 2022 I found out how to illegally acquire benzodiazepines (illegally but the stuff is 100% legit ). I was intending to reduce or stop my drinking but I ended up drinking daily on top of them. 

 

I used both Clonazepam, Diazepam and alcohol everyday from April 2022 to early January 2023 (let go of the alcohol on January 4). In this period of time I used, on average, I believe, 0,5 to 1 mg of Clonazepam, 10mg to 15mg of Diazepam a day plus about 12 to 14 standard drinks.

On January 2023 I let go of the alcohol by increasing the dosage of Clonazepam to 3mg a day. I started a taper based on Ashton Manual, including a crossover to Diazepam, had some setbacks, but was mostly successful, without too much suffering, until I hit the 10mg of daily Diazepam mark. By the way I've been keeping a stressful job and I have a family to take care of all this time 

 

In mid June I started drinking again and I've been drinking since, on average 5 or 6 standard drinks a day.

I don't have access to Diazepam tablets that are less than 10mg. In late July and early August I've been trying to go from 10mg to 7,5mg Diazepam.

 

Last week I decided to try to jump from 7,5mg or at least take every other day. I managed my first 48 hours without benzo on Wednesday and Thursday. Took 5mg on Saturday and started feeling bad. Took another 5mg on Sunday felt worse. Took 5mg on Monday morning.

 

Yesterday I felt like I was on a bad psychedelic trip or something. Extreme DP/DR, restlessness, jerking, panic attacks, racing bad thoughts, racing heart. Zero sleep last night (first time ever).  All night pacing around the house or searching the internet. In fact by early morning today I felt like was going to have a seizure or something. I drank a few shots of vodka but it didn't help. I decided to updose to 10mg of Diazepam and I instantly felt immense relief and I went to work.

 

Much to my surprise, only 4 hours later, the 10mg Diazepam seem to have wearer off and I'm beginning to get quite agitated at my lunchtime at work.

 

Does anyone have advice? The doctors in my country are a joke. I have a big stash of benzos and I just managed to acquire 5mg tablets online. I'm desperate, I have a family to support, I need to stay functional.

[[va...]]

hi wilson, first time in the forum, read these and i felt so bad for you. Im vicente 28yr old from Chile (sry for bad english), your story its heartbroken, i just started the taper 3 days ago (2-4mg of rivotril per day for 4 years apart from daily weed user, severly depressed) i really can't give you an accurate advice cause i didn't succesfully took off but i think i don't lose anything telling you a little of my story. The weekend i ran off benzo cause i didn't find them in any drugstore, everytime i tried to cut off in the past the withdrawals were so phisically and mentaly strong that i couldnt, for sure u can tell. I just was starting new therapy with cbd oil (prescribed and pharmaceutical recipe from lab, not bought on internet or so), i started only for one week with the cbd and this weekend without benzo i kinda clean off or detox and felt lucid like i was never in the past year... i did realize that i was so doped and high 24/7 for years and that kind open my eyes, i felt like i wasn't me all these years. I know that cuttin completely its dangerous, so it never was my plan, but the day passed and i felt kinda normal, took like 72 hours to the symphoms of withdrawal appeared, shaky, weak, tremors?, slowly, stupid, and the classic other things. Now at this moment i just took a quarter in the morning and im gonna try with another quart in the night (drastically decrease, i know), but for experience, I've never felt that the withdrawals desappeared SO MUCH, im talking seriously, never believed in panaceas or anything (minus natural things like cbd), but this is something that feels different, it seems to works like a dream.. (crossing my fingers that it'll stay like this). At this moment im only on 0.5mg (after taking 3-4 for several weeks with distress atacks and crying desesperately every single day, just wanted to die or someone save me magically, beging for help to god or the universe, for real), normally 0.5 doesnt make nothing to me, im trying to use it only for not die of the withdrawals and man, im only having a littlebit of thacycardia, thirsty, and nothing else, feeling normal like i was never in my life, my head is working so nice. I know that im gonna tell with the pass of the days, but i can tell u one thing, ive experienced the withdrawals with only 24hrs without them and this feels crazy, im feeling good, 3 days completely off marihuana (can't remember when were the last time didn't smoke in years) and the cravings from any drug are inexistant, i worked in my thesis for the first time in 8 months or so. Don't wanna make anny expectations, but cbd oil may help. I send u a big hug from Chile and im sure u can get over this, sry for bad english again.