Still confused

[[Fa...]]

First I apologize for asking naive and obvious questions, but I can’t help it. If you are able to get a life time supply of .5mg Xanax daily legally and proven you are more caring and loving and uplift better life quality, why is it not recommended still? The only negative side of Xanax is when I was forced to get off of it. And that was unbearably dark. Why isn’t there’s a book on how to take Xanax but many how to quit Xanax articles? Alcohol guns and tabacco are known to cause death more than Xanax. Apologize in advance for my ignorance. I won’t simply quit because I was told, i will definitely quit however if risks outweigh benefits. Which isn’t the case for me.

[[Pa...]]

Hello @[Fa...], welcome to BenzoBuddies,

You ask some interesting questions and I can see they come from a place of pain and frustration so I’ll do my best to provide my perspective, this may not be how others will see your questions.

First, I’m sorry you were denied choice in this matter, starting or stopped a prescribed medication should in my opinion, be something you have a say in because the impact to your life can be severe.

For most of us here, the drug turned on us and started creating the conditions we went on them to address, only worse.  This is accompanied by other severe symptoms which made it impossible to stay on the drug.  It’s not a case of taking it responsibility and enjoying quality of life, the drug is now making our life miserable and this is the only option we have.  

I’m sure many wish they could be in your situation, their lives being better because of the drug, but the drug is now the reason for the pain.

There aren’t books on how to stay on the drug because it’s easy to take a pill and the pharmacutical companies, the doctors, the media and the entertainment industry pretty much glorify how beneficial the drug is, how it will fix whatever ails you.  

What they don’t say is how life altering it can be once you try to end the relationship or what happens when you reach tolerance to the dose and have to keep increasing it until you can no longer have it legally prescribed.

I’m sure others will stop by to give you feedback.

Pamster

[[Je...]]

8 hours ago, [[F...] said:

First I apologize for asking naive and obvious questions, but I can’t help it. If you are able to get a life time supply of .5mg Xanax daily legally and proven you are more caring and loving and uplift better life quality, why is it not recommended still? The only negative side of Xanax is when I was forced to get off of it. And that was unbearably dark. Why isn’t there’s a book on how to take Xanax but many how to quit Xanax articles? Alcohol guns and tabacco are known to cause death more than Xanax. Apologize in advance for my ignorance. I won’t simply quit because I was told, i will definitely quit however if risks outweigh benefits. Which isn’t the case for me.

@[Fa...] I don't think any questions are naive or obvious. I'm glad you're asking, really. It's a valid question.

I think pretty much everyone on this forum is here because for one reason or another they want - or need - to get off of the benzo. That being said, it wouldn't surprise me if there are quite a few people just like you who are taking the medications without problems, seeing the benefits of the drugs - because, yes, there are some - but those people are not going to show up here. Neither are the people who have a painless taper. 

There are some documented risks with benzos, which you can easily find by looking at reputable medical sources on-line, so I won't go into it here. For myself, I was taking Clonazepam and Xanax for Panic Disorder and Generalized Anxiety for YEARS and they worked great for that. I was also taking an SSRI and Bupropion (Wellbutrin). I doubt I would have stopped taking any of the medications, but a cancer diagnosis made me question the potential side effects of everything I was putting into my body and THAT is why I decided initially to stop. This was back in 2015. When I went into treatment in 2019, I started taking Clonazepam again so I could cope with the cancer treatment, which included a stem cell transplant. Now, though, I want to get off it again because it CAN affect my blood cell counts, cause some cognitive issues, and issues with balance. The side effects from the chemo can rather suck, so I'm at a point where, for me, less is more. 

With all that rambling, if the Xanax is working for you and you don't feel like it's causing you problems and the benefits outweigh the risks (which is exactly what I figure out with the chemo: the side effects suck, but, well, death kinda sucks more), if it was me, I'd stay on it. And if you decide down the road that you want to stop, BB will be here for you. They are a wonderful resource.

Jess

[[Fa...]]

@[Pa...] I am sorry about how this drug made it worse for you. In fact I shouldn’t be here justifying the drug, where people came here trying to quit. That’s very selfish and immature of me.

you are right that I am frustrated and my pain and fear is growing each day until I finally run out. I’m scared and frightened because I have gone through withdrawal before and I promised myself and family never get back on. Here I am, an irresponsible cry baby trying to deny risks of this drug, only trying to lie to myself and public so I can get away with my actions. 
 

my life with Xanax glorifies who I am, but the pain is severe if I run out. Life without Xanax still introduces pain in daily life, the anxiety, the feeling of doom, cannot concentrate and not enjoying life to the fullest. My problem is no where near as severe as people suffer here I believe, but once the medication runs out you may find my next post full of bitterness, and that is what I am trying to prevent.

perhaps my biggest fear of them all of days without Xanax is I am less likely to express how I feel and less vocal. Hence people misunderstand me and pick on me. I become too soft and indecisive.

[[Fa...]]

Hi @[Je...] thank you for tolerating my ignorance attempting to justify Xanax while people like you suffer from it. Compared to what you have been through my pain is relatively nothing. You are brave and I am pretty sure people look at you as a role model.

in fact you are absolutely right, people who has no problem with Xanax are less likely to show up here. Of course I do have a tremendous struggle with Xanax that’s why I am here. I have never blogged in my entire life until today, because I am scared and frightened. The only way I can get comfort is knowing I am not alone. 
 

I have severe ADD along with anxiety. I am currently taking Adderall, gabapentine for anxiety, Vilazadone, Wellbutrin and Xanax. But soon Xanax will end. Believe it or not, I have noticed I am different from general public in a negative way since teenage. I am indecisive, soft, weak, can’t concentrate, anxious, less likable. I realized I won’t able to survive in this society this way. Hence I started experimenting with many legally prescribed drugs. I was so desperate I even talked doctors into prescribing what I believe will help me the most. After many failed trials I finally got medication that helped me the most. I was able to go back finish my master and got a job in defense contractor. A huge difference from sitting at home with no job.

but without a key formula of Xanax ending soon, the fear develops daily and I estimate it will run out in 2 days. I have been through this dark cycles many times so I know what I will be dealing with. I hope I can get some relief here during ordeal and also help others like me to my best. I am very positive at the moment but ironically I won’t be the same in a few days. Why does our mind betray our soul?

i really thank you guys for being a good listener. This really helps me a lot.

[[Pa...]]

@[Fa...], thank you for providing more of your story, I’m so very sorry for your pain and what you must soon face.  Can you find another provider, is there any hope in that regard?

We’ll be here for you, we are the only ones who understand what this process does to us, no one who has not been through it can know the mental, physical and emotional devastation we endure.

Please keep reaching out.

 

[[...]]

9 hours ago, [[F...] said:

you are right that I am frustrated and my pain and fear is growing each day until I finally run out. I’m scared and frightened because I have gone through withdrawal before and I promised myself and family never get back on. Here I am, an irresponsible cry baby trying to deny risks of this drug, only trying to lie to myself and public so I can get away with my actions. 

Don't beat yourself up like this, it really doesn't help anything. I'm on my 4th withdrawal in the last 10 years. If you told me after the first one that I'd be going through this again (let alone 3 more times) I would have said you were insane, I'll never get back on. Life doesn't always end up the way we plan or think it should.

[[Fa...]]

Thanks for sharing your experience. I know the struggle you going through. I am about to completely run out in a minute. I will do my best to get regular exercise and not to push myself too hard at work. Have a great weekend!