Scared

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Woke up full of fear can’t sit still multiple symptoms. Feels like ants crawling in body. Mouth feels like it was burned from drinking hot coffee metallic taste. Warm sensation in feet. Buzzing tinnitus.

Mom doesn’t think I’m withdrawing Dr said you “cant have permanent symptoms or long term withdrawal” when I told him I was scared I wouldn’t ever get better 

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Want to go to hospital but they can’t do anything. God please forgive me.

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Don’t know what to do about meds Dr said to do his plan or seek out another Dr 

 

he wants me back on Xanax and Zoloft after 20 day cold turkey im stupid what have I done?!

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Stressing my mom out she’s having problems bc of me I’m a bad person 

[[pi...]]

Hello @[sc...]

I'm so sorry things are tough right now but do remember that you went cold turkey off 2 medications.  I had to stop clonazepam for a medical test as suggested by my doctor. He said due to the low dose that I would be OK. I was not OK, it was brutal!  I couldn't walk without holding onto the walls, couldn't sleep and had a plethora of other symptoms. Sadly this is normal for withdrawal, especially a cold turkey.

You are very new of benzos and still in the acute phase, where the symptoms are the strongest. You aren't going to die, but it can be rough for a while.

It's clear that your family, and even your doctor does not understand. Truly, only those who have been through the process understand. We understand.

The best suggestion and one I used sometimes day and night is to distract. Anything to take your mind off the symptoms. I had a 'bag of tricks' I would use. Books, movies, puzzles, white noise were just a few.

Each person will have their own withdrawal experience. There is no way to know how long the recovery process will take. It takes as long as it takes. Acceptance and patience are needed.

This is not easy I know, but we'll be here to support you as you recover.

pianogirl 

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4 minutes ago, [[p...] said:

Hello @[sc...]

I'm so sorry things are tough right now but do remember that you went cold turkey off 2 medications.  I had to stop clonazepam for a medical test as suggested by my doctor. He said due to the low dose that I would be OK. I was not OK, it was brutal!  I couldn't walk without holding onto the walls, couldn't sleep and had a plethora of other symptoms. Sadly this is normal for withdrawal, especially a cold turkey.

You are very new of benzos and still in the acute phase, where the symptoms are the strongest. You aren't going to die, but it can be rough for a while.

It's clear that your family, and even your doctor does not understand. Truly, only those who have been through the process understand. We understand.

The best suggestion and one I used sometimes day and night is to distract. Anything to take your mind off the symptoms. I had a 'bag of tricks' I would use. Books, movies, puzzles, white noise were just a few.

Each person will have their own withdrawal experience. There is no way to know how long the recovery process will take. It takes as long as it takes. Acceptance and patience are needed.

This is not easy I know, but we'll be here to support you as you recover.

pianogirl 

I messed up bad no getting out of this right? It’s over isn’t it? 

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Tw mental health/“s”

 

God please take me home if it’s Your will please help us God please have Merton us 

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*mercy on 

[[or...]]

Everyone is different with the reinstating as well Sarah, I reinstated and never had any  major issues, I just felt better, but knew somewhere in the future I needed to find a proper cut/taper method so I could get off the safest way possible.  Not everyone here agrees on things but I for one respect others experiences. 

You are the one who has to decide, but I was like a zombie, scared to death, trying to escape a Walmart is the one vivid memory of that time.

Wait to hear more input, and if you can, keep writing here on BB as to your symptoms etc.  I think it @[Pa...] knows the length of time you can be off of a benzo, and still be reinstated.  You said you've been of 20 days, so lets hope for more input so you can make as wise decision as possible, Denise

[[pi...]]

Just now, [[s...] said:

I messed up bad no getting out of this right? It’s over isn’t it? 

You did what you did, don't beat yourself up about it.  Take your mind away from withdrawal, practice distraction.  @[Pa...], one of our admins went cold turkey off a pretty large dose of klonopin. She healed completely.  You have to believe and hunker down during this rough period. It will get better. 

[[pi...]]

Just now, [[o...] said:

Everyone is different with the reinstating as well Sarah, I reinstated and never had any  major issues, I just felt better, but knew somewhere in the future I needed to find a proper cut/taper method so I could get off the safest way possible.  Not everyone here agrees on things but I for one respect others experiences. 

You are the one who has to decide, but I was like a zombie, scared to death, trying to escape a Walmart is the one vivid memory of that time.

Wait to hear more input, and if you can, keep writing here on BB as to your symptoms etc.  I think it @[Pa...] knows the length of time you can be off of a benzo, and still be reinstated.  You said you've been of 20 days, so lets hope for more input so you can make as wise decision as possible, Denise

In general, reinstatement is possible within 2-3 weeks of stopping the drug.  That said, reinstatement may or may not work. It does for some people and not others. If you choose to go that route we can offer suggestions to you. 

[[or...]]

I don't know too many that haven't tried or completed a Cold Turkey, you're not alone, you're in the right place with all of us.  Don't listen to those lies about it being the end and can't be fixed.  That's the drugs messin with your brain.

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Thank you all should have gotten back on and gone to Dr sooner mom says symptoms are anxiety she doesn’t understand could have done something with my life 

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Driving her crazy keep calling her she doesn’t deserve this I need to go away be eliminated I’m a disease that needs to be eradicated 

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Sorry for drama it’s unnecessary 

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 I was doing good on meds ruined it

[[pi...]]

@[sc...]

Fear is a huge element of this process. We experience so many odd and strange symptoms during withdrawal.  

I'm sorry, but you mom doesn't really understand. I'm sure she cares, but she doesn't understand just how impactful stopping the drugs cold turkey can be.

Don't be sorry for the drama, we've all been there.  

[[Pa...]]

14 minutes ago, [[s...] said:

I messed up bad no getting out of this right? It’s over isn’t it? 

I'm going to ask you to do something for me because you're causing yourself more intense pain by feeding the panic and fear.  You have some control here but it requires commitment to achieve it.  

We all develop tools to help us get through this, but what helped me the most was distraction.  I did anything I could find to distract myself from my symptoms.  To be honest, this was sometimes a futile effort but even a moment of relief can bring us hope.  I kept busy, I was miserable but I stayed in motion doing my best to accomplish tasks around the house.  Even if this distraction doesn't provide relief, it helps pass the time and time seems to be our best hope for recovery.

Don't give the drug anymore power than it already has over you, acceptance that this is a long process will help calm you, fighting against it does not.  Recovery happens, and you have just as much chance as anyone to achieve that.  It doesn't matter if no one else understands what you're going through, we do and that's what you need to hang on to now. 

 

[[PG...]]

 

Agreed with Pamster.

I'll add that if you're only 20 days out, you're still in the middle of the first phase of withdrawal. It sucks but you really can't trust your brain until you're at least a month out. Those first 30 days your brain is going to try to convince you over and over again that everything is wrong and nothing will ever feel right again. It's weird but you have to try to just ignore your brain for a couple more weeks, you can't trust it when it's going through benzo withdrawal.

Do as much distraction as you can, anything you can tolerate. And if that doesn't work, just keep repeating "it's just the withdrawal, I can't trust my brain when it says something bad".

Also - I had to move back in with my parents for 3 weeks when I went though my first 30 days. They did not understand what was happening, thought I made it all up. I felt like a huge burden and most days just sat on the floor in my room and waited for time to pass. But I got through it, that first month feels like it lasts a year, but one day in the next couple weeks you'll wake up and things won't feel so bad for a couple hours. The waiting sucks though.

Also congrats on making it to 20 days, that's an accomplishment in and of itself.

 

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3 hours ago, [[P...] said:

Agreed with Pamster.

I'll add that if you're only 20 days out, you're still in the middle of the first phase of withdrawal. It sucks but you really can't trust your brain until you're at least a month out. Those first 30 days your brain is going to try to convince you over and over again that everything is wrong and nothing will ever feel right again. It's weird but you have to try to just ignore your brain for a couple more weeks, you can't trust it when it's going through benzo withdrawal.

Do as much distraction as you can, anything you can tolerate. And if that doesn't work, just keep repeating "it's just the withdrawal, I can't trust my brain when it says something bad".

Also - I had to move back in with my parents for 3 weeks when I went though my first 30 days. They did not understand what was happening, thought I made it all up. I felt like a huge burden and most days just sat on the floor in my room and waited for time to pass. But I got through it, that first month feels like it lasts a year, but one day in the next couple weeks you'll wake up and things won't feel so bad for a couple hours. The waiting sucks though.

Also congrats on making it to 20 days, that's an accomplishment in and of itself.

Thank you so much, and I hope you’re feeling better. I talked to the medical team at psychiatrist office - she said I am not in withdrawal and my symptoms are anxiety?? I’ve had anxiety forever and I’ve never experienced this. They will not discuss tapering at all. I have been naive - had no idea doctors responded to benzos like this. Granted o have a bad track record with not following treatment so I don’t blame them for being firm. But to say it’s not withdrawal?! I was shocked. My mom feels the same way as Dr - it’s anxiety.

I’m not sure what to do regarding meds at this point. Do I get back on like he said? Some people say yes, some say no. My mom is extremely upset that I’m not reinstating. If I don’t take them I’ll have to find another Dr & it might take weeks or longer to get in.

I really appreciate yours and everyone’s support. My poor mom. 

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Thank you @Pamster. I really appreciate your help and support. In your opinion, is it a bad idea to get back on Xanax & Zoloft? My Dr is firm on his plan and will not discuss other options like tapering or staying off completely. From the sound of it, opinions vary. 
 

Thanks again, it mean a lot. 

4 hours ago, [[P...] said:

I'm going to ask you to do something for me because you're causing yourself more intense pain by feeding the panic and fear.  You have some control here but it requires commitment to achieve it.  

We all develop tools to help us get through this, but what helped me the most was distraction.  I did anything I could find to distract myself from my symptoms.  To be honest, this was sometimes a futile effort but even a moment of relief can bring us hope.  I kept busy, I was miserable but I stayed in motion doing my best to accomplish tasks around the house.  Even if this distraction doesn't provide relief, it helps pass the time and time seems to be our best hope for recovery.

Don't give the drug anymore power than it already has over you, acceptance that this is a long process will help calm you, fighting against it does not.  Recovery happens, and you have just as much chance as anyone to achieve that.  It doesn't matter if no one else understands what you're going through, we do and that's what you need to hang on to now. 

 

[[sc...]]

4 hours ago, [[o...] said:

Everyone is different with the reinstating as well Sarah, I reinstated and never had any  major issues, I just felt better, but knew somewhere in the future I needed to find a proper cut/taper method so I could get off the safest way possible.  Not everyone here agrees on things but I for one respect others experiences. 

You are the one who has to decide, but I was like a zombie, scared to death, trying to escape a Walmart is the one vivid memory of that time.

Wait to hear more input, and if you can, keep writing here on BB as to your symptoms etc.  I think it @[Pa...] knows the length of time you can be off of a benzo, and still be reinstated.  You said you've been of 20 days, so lets hope for more input so you can make as wise decision as possible, Denise

Was your doctor on board with tapering? 
 

Also dumb question - What are the benefits/risks of tapering vs. staying on? Is tapering to rid the body of the med for good? 
 

Thanks again