Help me!!

[[hl...]]

Update:

I ended up taking 50mg of Benadryl last night and it helped a bit. Went to sleep and woke up feeling groggy. This is normal for me the morning after, and I don’t feel as bad as I did.

I still have a bit of light sensitivity and my brain still feels kinda weird but I don’t think I’d call it akathisia. I don’t even know how to describe it, my brain just feels sore and overstimulated.

thanks everyone for your responses, it really helped to know that I’m not alone in this 

[[ji...]]

I am praying for you @[hl...].    Others are going through this awfulness now too.   Many people have recovered from Akathisia.   I had it for a while a couple of times in my life and got through it.    It is terrible but it will end.   

[[ji...]]

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[[ji...]]

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[[hl...]]

1 hour ago, [[j...] said:

I am praying for you @[hl...].    Others are going through this awfulness now too.   Many people have recovered from Akathisia.   I had it for a while a couple of times in my life and got through it.    It is terrible but it will end.   

How long did it take for yours to go away?

[[ji...]]

I had it for a few months

[[Bo...]]

On 15/08/2023 at 15:52, [[F...] said:

@[hl...]  Pdoc is your prescribing doctor.

I’m so sorry you are going through this suffering.  The reality, and I know it is just terrible, is that we just don’t know what will happen after discontinuation…whether we taper slowly or not.  Whether we do things ‘perfectly’ or not.  Our body does what it needs to in order to repair itself, and what that will look like, we never know until we move through it.

Many of us question the reasons for what we experience going through this.  We wonder if we could have done things differently…the ‘what if’s, ‘could’ves’ and ‘should’ves’ can drive us crazy.  Many have tapered slowly and have followed all the recommendations and still find themselves recovering for quite some time with symptoms showing up well after the fact.  We just don’t get any guarantees.

I have the same symptoms as you, and it is terribly, terribly difficult…hellish.  But, you can get through it.  It can subside at anytime…please keep that in mind.  Time is the only healer at this point.  Many have gone through this, many are going through this now, and you can do it.  You just never know when it will shift for you.  Please keep the faith.

Warmly,

F

 

On 15/08/2023 at 16:22, [[F...] said:

@[hl...]  Oh yes.  I have exactly what you are going through, and I have been going through it since the beginning of my taper because I was already injured.  It’s been 16 months of this, and I have a ways to go on my taper.  Mistakes were made…many.  That is how I became injured before even beginning a taper.

I wake up to terror every morning.  It lasts all day.  I get some relief after my evening dose just before bed.  The world is distorted to me.  I call it being in the upside down…like the show Stranger Things.  I have AKA…pacing and internal/mental.  I understand your suffering completely.  I am overstimulated to the point where talking can send me into a wave/panic.  So, I write.  I can’t watch TV or listen to music.  Haven’t been able to for over a year.  I have lesser symptom days where talking is easier, or chunks of time where it is.  I have had times where I can listen to music, but they are very few and far between.  But, have never had a time where I can watch TV yet.  It’s too emotionally stimulating for me.

And, I have agoraphobia.

You are going to be just fine.  You have 13 months of healing behind you, and this is a blip…a wave…and, it is disheartening.  But, when it passes, you will be that much more healed again.  Anecdotally, it seems to work that way.   So, hold on!  You’re so close.  Give yourself the credit you deserve, and don’t quit before he miracle happens!

I hate hearing all this pain. I am in the exact same place. Begging god to end it. So is there no solution for this much pain? We don’t trust we will come out of this wave. Seriously? Is this life or death pain just hope for the best? I’m not being insensitive, I’m also just close to giving up. I’m on Ativan and not tapering and in this same hell. Last night was so severe I took 3 times my normal dose and oxycodone left over from shoulder injury. The agony was unbearable. I didn’t care as long as I was knocked out if even for a couple hours. So if I went to a hospital, they have no answers? There has to be a place that gets this type of suffering. It’s even harder hearing people feel this years and years. I know I’m ranting, but when I saw this post I just broke. I wish I could take everyone’s pain away. I have never known more pain than people on benzos!

[[Pa...]]

10 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

I hate hearing all this pain. I am in the exact same place. Begging god to end it. So is there no solution for this much pain? We don’t trust we will come out of this wave. Seriously? Is this life or death pain just hope for the best? I’m not being insensitive, I’m also just close to giving up. I’m on Ativan and not tapering and in this same hell. Last night was so severe I took 3 times my normal dose and oxycodone left over from shoulder injury. The agony was unbearable. I didn’t care as long as I was knocked out if even for a couple hours. So if I went to a hospital, they have no answers? There has to be a place that gets this type of suffering. It’s even harder hearing people feel this years and years. I know I’m ranting, but when I saw this post I just broke. I wish I could take everyone’s pain away. I have never known more pain than people on benzos!

Hello Boowaggers, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

I'm so sorry you're suffering this intensely, it sounds like you've grown tolerant to your normal dose, has your doctor indicated they'd be willing to raise it enough to help you stabilize?

We can help you figure out a plan to taper from the drug if you have enough supply to accomplish it slowly, it would help if you started a thread of your own so we can help you.

Pamster

[[hl...]]

Update: 

the burning internal painful agitation is back with a vengeance. It kicked up again last night while watching TV. Nothing makes it better, nothing helps.

tomorrow I have an appointment with a neurologist so hopefully I can get some answers. Probably won’t be very helpful because this doctor is a shill. She recommends I take benzos again right after telling her I’m in recovery.

I don’t really know what to do anymore. I have no more tricks up my sleeve to help me get through this. 
 

this doesn’t really feel like akathisia it’s like a strange internal tickle that is so deep in my nervous system. It hurts so bad, nothing makes it go away

[[Ma...]]

@[hl...] Why don’t you call Emma Saunders (Google her). She had terrible aka + and reinstated. You can talk with her for free as long as you need. Maybe YouTube her too. It might be helpful.

[[Bo...]]

38 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

Hello Boowaggers, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

I'm so sorry you're suffering this intensely, it sounds like you've grown tolerant to your normal dose, has your doctor indicated they'd be willing to raise it enough to help you stabilize?

We can help you figure out a plan to taper from the drug if you have enough supply to accomplish it slowly, it would help if you started a thread of your own so we can help you.

Pamster

I have tried for 5 years. I was on here a few years ago. Never able to get off. I was stabalized taking very small amount of 0.5mg at night. Still issues, but manageable, then something happened a few months ago and I can’t figure it out. Feeling like I’m in full blown withdrawal and intense agitated anxiety and terror insomnia into mornings that are a real nightmare. The agitation in my head is the worst. There is no way to survive that for much longer. It’s so intense that you beg to die. I have no idea where it came from. Tripling the amount of Ativan did nothing except ramped it up even more the next day. I can’t ride this out. Impossible. As much as I hate the thought, there has to be a medication to ease this.  Time and patience is not an option. One minute seems like a day. The fear is wondering if it will stop or ease at all. This is not survivable without relief. But also can’t ho in circles. That’s a horrible existence of pain. I see the recovery stories. But some of us need immediate relief and uprising has not help. I am terrified I won’t survive this, and am not even on a taper! Thank you for caring

[[Pa...]]

1 hour ago, [[B...] said:

I have tried for 5 years. I was on here a few years ago. Never able to get off. I was stabalized taking very small amount of 0.5mg at night. Still issues, but manageable, then something happened a few months ago and I can’t figure it out. Feeling like I’m in full blown withdrawal and intense agitated anxiety and terror insomnia into mornings that are a real nightmare. The agitation in my head is the worst. There is no way to survive that for much longer. It’s so intense that you beg to die. I have no idea where it came from. Tripling the amount of Ativan did nothing except ramped it up even more the next day. I can’t ride this out. Impossible. As much as I hate the thought, there has to be a medication to ease this.  Time and patience is not an option. One minute seems like a day. The fear is wondering if it will stop or ease at all. This is not survivable without relief. But also can’t ho in circles. That’s a horrible existence of pain. I see the recovery stories. But some of us need immediate relief and uprising has not help. I am terrified I won’t survive this, and am not even on a taper! Thank you for caring

Hi again Boowaggers, 

Oh dear, it looks like you've been dealing with this for a long time and now this.  We'd really like to talk with you but it would be better if you started your own thread so we don't hijack this one.  Just click on this link so we can support you, okay? Withdrawal & Recovery Support - BenzoBuddies Community Forum

[[Gl...]]

@[Bo...]I feel terrible about what you're going through, both of you.  I'm so very sorry.  Please don't give up.  I'm going to be praying for you.  Hang in there.

[[or...]]

On 15/08/2023 at 10:22, [[H...] said:

There is something to this! 

https://blog.nwf.org/2011/03/its-in-the-dirt-bacteria-in-soil-may-make-us-happier-smarter/

hey, thank you, it's funny but I think of growing up my little bro and I really played out all day weather permitting, and we did it Summer and Winter.  We had to take a lot of baths but we were pretty darn healthy.  Maybe that's why people that dig in the dirt of their gardens seem so happy!  Therapeutic!! Denise 💗 PS I'm getting out a lot this Summer, not gardening but lots of fresh air at least.  Last Winter was a drag so now just this a.m. I am thinking ahead for a good Winter hobby

[[Wi...]]

On 17/08/2023 at 00:54, [[h...] said:

Update: 

the burning internal painful agitation is back with a vengeance. It kicked up again last night while watching TV. Nothing makes it better, nothing helps.

tomorrow I have an appointment with a neurologist so hopefully I can get some answers. Probably won’t be very helpful because this doctor is a shill. She recommends I take benzos again right after telling her I’m in recovery.

I don’t really know what to do anymore. I have no more tricks up my sleeve to help me get through this. 
 

this doesn’t really feel like akathisia it’s like a strange internal tickle that is so deep in my nervous system. It hurts so bad, nothing makes it go away

I have the tickle too. It feels like electricity that is not turned up to the Max but just a bit up. For me it ranges between an electric almost itchy tickle and actual burning deep inside. It paralyses me and I can barely move when it hits because moving often makes it worse, especially when burning hits.

No idea what it is, but while it makes me really uncomfortable I don’t think it’s really aka, just another fucked up and severe symptom of neurotoxicity. For me it doesn’t come with adrenaline for example, I „just” feel the electricity, like something keeps on electrocuting me slightly, enough to hurt me. I also sometimes get overstimulated. I am terrified of these symptoms, it feels so sick, it’s an unnatural feeling.