Help me!!

[[hl...]]

There is no reason that I should be experiencing INTENSE akathisia at 13 months out. My brain is STUCK in overstimulation mode!!!

I can’t watch TV, I can’t sit down! I can barely lay down with my eyes closed in a dark room without feeling overstimulated still! I’m on the verge of going to the ER. I don’t even know what they will do for me… my brain is fried and stuck in fight or flight + overstimulation + intense akathisia. 

I need to end myself or something to escape this! I cannot tolerate it any longer. I’m tired of being fucking lied to that “everyone heals” CLEARLY NOT.

im at my breaking point

I need fucking help! Im I’m so much PAIN!!!!!!

 

 

 

[[hl...]]

Anyone?????

[[Ho...]]

Hi HIlaya, I know! It sucks!

Are you on something? Seroquel? Anything else?

[[Ma...]]

Please contact Chris Paige tomorrow. He had it terribly, healed and has started an AKA Institute. He’s AC Lao a benzo coach.

[[PG...]]

If you're experiencing these types of thoughts, you need to contact someone who can support you or go to the ER. Don't spend a night like this alone. Make it through the night and use tomorrow to make a new plan, be that Chris Paige as @[Ma...] suggested, or some other form of treatment or support.

[[hl...]]

48 minutes ago, [[H...] said:

Hi HIlaya, I know! It sucks!

Are you on something? Seroquel? Anything else?

Nothing 

[[Gl...]]

I agree with @[PG...], you shouldn't be alone.  If you go to the ER, maybe you should tell them not to give you any benzos, otherwise they might. 

I'll pray for you.  Please hang in there. 

[[hl...]]

7 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

If you're experiencing these types of thoughts, you need to contact someone who can support you or go to the ER. Don't spend a night like this alone. Make it through the night and use tomorrow to make a new plan, be that Chris Paige as @[Ma...] suggested, or some other form of treatment or support.

I’ve tried so many things! Advil, Tylenol, propranolol, Benadryl, taking showers, laying in a dark room, taking baths, using a massage machine. NOTHING HELPS!! Infact I’m getting worse. My akathisia used to be a slight tickling in my brain, now it’s full on SENSORY OVERLOAD. I want to punch a fucking hole in my wall and scream as loud as possible. Everything is burning! I feel like my brain is on fire I don’t know what to do!

[[Ho...]]

I have some clonidine. It's blood pressure medicine. I was given it to get off of Tylenol with codeine but I didn't need anything.

One day when my clonazepam recovery symptoms were beyond horrid I took a pill. Just once. I was a zombie. But it kicked all the most obnoxious symptoms to the curb, and that's what I wanted. It gave me enough to keep going. 

You're severe enough to warrant measures, don't you think? Whatever measures work. Whether it's microdosing mushrooms, CBD or a pharmaceutical, it's possible that some outside agent will help your CNS stop reverberating. 

 

[[Ho...]]

I'm 11 months out Hilaya, I just hit a wall today and I know how you feel. 

It's not right. It's just not right.

[[hl...]]

3 minutes ago, [[H...] said:

I have some clonidine. It's blood pressure medicine. I was given it to get off of Tylenol with codeine but I didn't need anything.

One day when my clonazepam recovery symptoms were beyond horrid I took a pill. Just once. I was a zombie. But it kicked all the most obnoxious symptoms to the curb, and that's what I wanted. It gave me enough to keep going. 

You're severe enough to warrant measures, don't you think? Whatever measures work. Whether it's microdosing mushrooms, CBD or a pharmaceutical, it's possible that some outside agent will help your CNS stop reverberating. 

I don’t know. I’m scared of making myself worse. One thing I’ve learned from this is it can always get worse

I’m really scared of trying new medication. I had a panic attack taking propanolol because I had no idea how it would make me feel 

[[PG...]]

3 hours ago, [[h...] said:

I’ve tried so many things! Advil, Tylenol, propranolol, Benadryl, taking showers, laying in a dark room, taking baths, using a massage machine. NOTHING HELPS!! Infact I’m getting worse. My akathisia used to be a slight tickling in my brain, now it’s full on SENSORY OVERLOAD. I want to punch a fucking hole in my wall and scream as loud as possible. Everything is burning! I feel like my brain is on fire I don’t know what to do!

It's totally normal to experience random inexplicable waves of symptoms. And it's totally justified to feel total rage about how intense and painful it is. When nothing helps, nothing helps. But if you're experiencing thoughts of self harm we have to advise you to seek help immediately.

That said, I know it can also be difficult to tell what you're feeling during an intense wave. That's why I would advise finding someone who can talk to about this tonight, immediately. You can't trust your brain to take are of your body when you're going through a wave like you described.

How long has it been this intense?

[[hl...]]

17 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

It's totally normal to experience random inexplicable waves of symptoms. And it's totally justified to feel total rage about how intense and painful it is. When nothing helps, nothing helps. But if you're experiencing thoughts of self harm we have to advise you to seek help immediately.

That said, I know it can also be difficult to tell what you're feeling during an intense wave. That's why I would advise finding someone who can talk to about this tonight, immediately. You can't trust your brain to take are of your body when you're going through a wave like you described.

How long has it been this intense?

Only a few days. I felt the akathisia come back 2 weeks ago in the form of a mild tickle in my head and then it transformed into overstimulation/sensory overload. I feel it all over my head and behind my eyes. I’ve never felt this before. I don’t even know if what I am experiencing is 2 different symptoms, or 1. All I know is when I feel overstimulated, my brain feels like it’s stuck in fight or flight and I can’t come down, and then the akathisia kicks up. 
 

I have zero tolerance to any sort of stimuli now and I don’t know why

[[Es...]]

@[hl...]

Maybe it’s time to see a pdoc. You didn’t taper the BZD to go through such unbearable suffering. If propanolol doesn’t help, then it’s serious enough. Propanolol has strong anti-anxiety properties.

You could try hydroxyzine, but I think your pdoc should decide. I remember propanolol and hydroxyzine combo helped me a lot after my first BZD taper. Also mood stabilizers, like Tegretol.

After second BZD taper, liquid phenergan used to calm me down. If you have a double dx, seeing a pdoc before trying anything on your own - would be the best idea.

You sound very desperate and it’s making me anxious. Maybe even a RI could be a good idea. I’m afraid you need professional help.

[[Es...]]

5 hours ago, [[H...] said:

I have some clonidine. It's blood pressure medicine. I was given it to get off of Tylenol with codeine but I didn't need anything.

One day when my clonazepam recovery symptoms were beyond horrid I took a pill. Just once. I was a zombie. But it kicked all the most obnoxious symptoms to the curb, and that's what I wanted. It gave me enough to keep going. 

You're severe enough to warrant measures, don't you think? Whatever measures work. Whether it's microdosing mushrooms, CBD or a pharmaceutical, it's possible that some outside agent will help your CNS stop reverberating. 

I took one pill of clonidine for my hot flushes, instead of propanolol. Felt like I was dying😆  Codeine is a bitch. Met a girl at therapy who took 60 pills a day. Plus alcohol. Tylenol... how innocent it sounds. They pulled her out of it with massive amounts of Zoloft.

[[dp...]]

9 hours ago, [[h...] said:

There is no reason that I should be experiencing INTENSE akathisia at 13 months out. My brain is STUCK in overstimulation mode!!!

I can’t watch TV, I can’t sit down! I can barely lay down with my eyes closed in a dark room without feeling overstimulated still! I’m on the verge of going to the ER. I don’t even know what they will do for me… my brain is fried and stuck in fight or flight + overstimulation + intense akathisia. 

I need to end myself or something to escape this! I cannot tolerate it any longer. I’m tired of being fucking lied to that “everyone heals” CLEARLY NOT.

im at my breaking point

I need fucking help! Im I’m so much PAIN!!!!!!

The only thing I've been able to do when akathisia hurts that bad is either a) sit in a hot shower and take a bit of the edge off or b) sit outside with my feet in the grass earthing.. barefooting in the grass/earthing for 15 min at a time has actually made somewhat of a difference in calming the cns down and calming a bit of the akathisia. Not easy to force yourself to do when you're all over the place bursting at the seams like that, but if you can force yourself to try, it does help me a bit.

[[or...]]

8 hours ago, [[h...] said:

I don’t know. I’m scared of making myself worse. One thing I’ve learned from this is it can always get worse

I’m really scared of trying new medication. I had a panic attack taking propanolol because I had no idea how it would make me feel 

I've started to explore natural things, no pill, or supplements, just coping tools like taking a walk, calling someone on the phone, of course coming to BB.  Also I am big on nutrition, anti-inflammatory foods, I do a ketogenic diet, mainly because I was diagnosed with T2 diabetes 2.6 years ago and was NOT going to take a prescription for it after suffering on Clonazepam.  I've had reactions from plain old vitamins so I'm with you on being scared of especially medications, otc.

I'm not about to take a chance on prolonging this wd.  I was on 1 mg of C for 35 years, found out here on BB I was in Tolerance wd, must have been for 34 years and didn't know it.  I don't know, maybe it's how long I was messed up, thought it was just the way I was, but after discovering what benzos are doing to people, I realized most of my issues since 1988 were because of a drug they gave me to supposedly help me from having anxiety, tremors, and way worse depression.

[[or...]]

46 minutes ago, [[d...] said:

The only thing I've been able to do when akathisia hurts that bad is either a) sit in a hot shower and take a bit of the edge off or b) sit outside with my feet in the grass earthing.. barefooting in the grass/earthing for 15 min at a time has actually made somewhat of a difference in calming the cns down and calming a bit of the akathisia. Not easy to force yourself to do when you're all over the place bursting at the seams like that, but if you can force yourself to try, it does help me a bit.

Excellent, I was on the other thread with you this a.m. but wanted to mention that I am not too afraid of topical Magnesium oil.  I have aching in my left leg since yesterday at around 3 o'clock.  At first I didn't know what the heck it was, felt like aches I got when I had flu as a little girl.  Then it came to me, the list of symptoms of wd from benzos!  So I just rode it out through the night, didn't take anything for it, but I put some Mag oil mixed in my moisturizing lotion, didn't do much so I only slept I think 4 hours, not very long.

While I've been on here I just was getting agitated from the aching so I just at 6:00 a.m. rubbed in a palm full of straight Mag oil, I don't know if it will help, but I'll let folks know.  I bought a 64 oz jug of it, plus I have Epsom Salt for occasional use as I work out at a gym, but zero injuries, and no other issues that would cause the weird ache.  It's nothing like a sour muscle after my work outs, but I know folks might think so, but I know this is wd sxs.

Ok, 17 minutes after massaging that mag oil into my leg I am pretty sure it's better, maybe the massaging helped a lot.  I'll be back later and let you know. I need to lie down, we've had a thunder lightning storm which are pretty unusual where I live.  Wishing everyone healing and quality of life, denise ❤️🙏

[[Ho...]]

4 hours ago, [[d...] said:

The only thing I've been able to do when akathisia hurts that bad is either a) sit in a hot shower and take a bit of the edge off or b) sit outside with my feet in the grass earthing.. barefooting in the grass/earthing for 15 min at a time has actually made somewhat of a difference in calming the cns down and calming a bit of the akathisia. Not easy to force yourself to do when you're all over the place bursting at the seams like that, but if you can force yourself to try, it does help me a bit.

There is something to this! 

https://blog.nwf.org/2011/03/its-in-the-dirt-bacteria-in-soil-may-make-us-happier-smarter/

[[hl...]]

9 hours ago, [[E...] said:

@[hl...]

Maybe it’s time to see a pdoc. You didn’t taper the BZD to go through such unbearable suffering. If propanolol doesn’t help, then it’s serious enough. Propanolol has strong anti-anxiety properties.

You could try hydroxyzine, but I think your pdoc should decide. I remember propanolol and hydroxyzine combo helped me a lot after my first BZD taper. Also mood stabilizers, like Tegretol.

After second BZD taper, liquid phenergan used to calm me down. If you have a double dx, seeing a pdoc before trying anything on your own - would be the best idea.

You sound very desperate and it’s making me anxious. Maybe even a RI could be a good idea. I’m afraid you need professional help.

What is a pdoc? I don’t understand why I am this bad, I tapered slowly over the course of 8 months and I’m still doing terribly 13 months off. Horrible overstimulation, akathisia, and agoraphobia that hasn’t improved at all. I’m beginning to wonder why I even tapered, I probably should’ve CT’d

[[Fa...]]

@[hl...]  Pdoc is your prescribing doctor.

I’m so sorry you are going through this suffering.  The reality, and I know it is just terrible, is that we just don’t know what will happen after discontinuation…whether we taper slowly or not.  Whether we do things ‘perfectly’ or not.  Our body does what it needs to in order to repair itself, and what that will look like, we never know until we move through it.

Many of us question the reasons for what we experience going through this.  We wonder if we could have done things differently…the ‘what if’s, ‘could’ves’ and ‘should’ves’ can drive us crazy.  Many have tapered slowly and have followed all the recommendations and still find themselves recovering for quite some time with symptoms showing up well after the fact.  We just don’t get any guarantees.

I have the same symptoms as you, and it is terribly, terribly difficult…hellish.  But, you can get through it.  It can subside at anytime…please keep that in mind.  Time is the only healer at this point.  Many have gone through this, many are going through this now, and you can do it.  You just never know when it will shift for you.  Please keep the faith.

Warmly,

F

[[hl...]]

11 minutes ago, [[F...] said:

@[hl...]  Pdoc is your prescribing doctor.

I’m so sorry you are going through this suffering.  The reality, and I know it is just terrible, is that we just don’t know what will happen after discontinuation…whether we taper slowly or not.  Whether we do things ‘perfectly’ or not.  Our body does what it needs to in order to repair itself, and what that will look like, we never know until we move through it.

Many of us question the reasons for what we experience going through this.  We wonder if we could have done things differently…the ‘what if’s, ‘could’ves’ and ‘should’ves’ can drive us crazy.  Many have tapered slowly and have followed all the recommendations and still find themselves recovering for quite some time with symptoms showing up well after the fact.  We just don’t get any guarantees.

I have the same symptoms as you, and it is terribly, terribly difficult…hellish.  But, you can get through it.  It can subside at anytime…please keep that in mind.  Time is the only healer at this point.  Many have gone through this, many are going through this now, and you can do it.  You just never know when it will shift for you.  Please keep the faith.

Warmly,

F

Thanks Faith. It’s comforting to know that n not entirely alone with the the symptoms I’m experiencing. This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with in my whole life. It’s so hard to wake up everyday feeling terrible.

You mentioned that you have similar symptoms, do you also have a strange overstimulation feeling? How long has it been for you?

[[Fa...]]

@[hl...]  Oh yes.  I have exactly what you are going through, and I have been going through it since the beginning of my taper because I was already injured.  It’s been 16 months of this, and I have a ways to go on my taper.  Mistakes were made…many.  That is how I became injured before even beginning a taper.

I wake up to terror every morning.  It lasts all day.  I get some relief after my evening dose just before bed.  The world is distorted to me.  I call it being in the upside down…like the show Stranger Things.  I have AKA…pacing and internal/mental.  I understand your suffering completely.  I am overstimulated to the point where talking can send me into a wave/panic.  So, I write.  I can’t watch TV or listen to music.  Haven’t been able to for over a year.  I have lesser symptom days where talking is easier, or chunks of time where it is.  I have had times where I can listen to music, but they are very few and far between.  But, have never had a time where I can watch TV yet.  It’s too emotionally stimulating for me.

And, I have agoraphobia.

You are going to be just fine.  You have 13 months of healing behind you, and this is a blip…a wave…and, it is disheartening.  But, when it passes, you will be that much more healed again.  Anecdotally, it seems to work that way.   So, hold on!  You’re so close.  Give yourself the credit you deserve, and don’t quit before he miracle happens!

[[de...]]

Several people have already mentioned this, but I think talking to Chris Paige would be very helpful.   His email is:  chrispaigelcsw@gmail.com.   He went through a horrific time and is on the other side.  

 

[[al...]]

I had aka for 8 months the first time I came of 20 years of using Klonopin at up to 8mg/day. It was basically a cold turkey.  After 8 months It got real dark and I reinstated.  Took a couple days for the AKA to go away but it  did. I tapered 2mg over 2 years and that saved my life.  Sorry you are going through this